Commitment...
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Commitment or no commitment, it's still a relationship... Different people goes for different things in a relationship.. Some even (mainly?) for the sake of sex... Yeah... And as the rest would start to give comments as 'crude', 'cheap', or think of it as unethnical... It's a FACT that people DO go for such... INCLUDING some of those people giving the comments themselves...
And just to bring up to special note again. Like being mentioned by some of our fellow forumites in here, there're different levels to 'commitment'.. Often not just a 'yes' or 'no' thing... -
YIKES, I've Not mentioned to my nephew abt the sex part
I think I'll leave the motivations for a r'ship to himself. Only he'll noe why he wans to get involved...
FeowFeowOriginally posted by Devil1976:Commitment or no commitment, it's still a relationship... Different people goes for different things in a relationship.. Some even (mainly?) for the sake of sex... Yeah... And as the rest would start to give comments as 'crude', 'cheap', or think of it as unethnical... It's a FACT that people DO go for such... INCLUDING some of those people giving the comments themselves...
And just to bring up to special note again. Like being mentioned by some of our fellow forumites in here, there're different levels to 'commitment'.. Often not just a 'yes' or 'no' thing... -
Hmm.
Isn't love supposed to be very simple?
2 people enjoying each other's presence, and to think of each other while apart, reveiling in each other while together, being happy because they Are in love?
How has love evolved to the point of Commitment... and whether you're ready or not?
Somehow i think its something that society has come up with...
The truest type of love does not with terms like commitment, but rather a chance for you to open your heart, and to love in return ...~ -
It's not that simple afterall.Originally posted by _Aaron_:Hmm.
Isn't love supposed to be very simple?
2 people enjoying each other's presence, and to think of each other while apart, reveiling in each other while together, being happy because they Are in love?
How has love evolved to the point of Commitment... and whether you're ready or not?
Somehow i think its something that society has come up with...
The truest type of love does not with terms like commitment, but rather a chance for you to open your heart, and to love in return ...~
Paradox in life. -
Dearest I.c.y,Originally posted by icyprincess:What if he says right now he cannot be emotionally involved? Would you still go ahead and put your heart into it, only to get out a year later even more hurt than ever?
i.c.y
Listen to my advice. Don't let that statement he made revolve in your head all the time. It's time to put a stop to that. Let me explain why:
1) You're not him. You don't know what he meant by unable to 'commit emotionally.'
You may have taken it as a point blank answer to your question and interprete it with hurt. You thought he wants to play around or just have company, which he didn't think of it that way. It might have another meaning.....
He may be facing his own struggles.
(remember i once told you to dump him first before he gives you any answer?) I have my reasons for advising you so.
All these you can't see.
2) I'm still confused if he's offically your ex bf. What i understand was, you guys weren't offical in the first place, just extermely intimate...
In this sense, He may have led you on...but in another sense, You allowed it!
Am i finger pointing whose fault it was? NO. But we all got to be clear about where we are standing. We have got to learn to ask certain important questions and voice it out before you get hurt further.
3) You're talking about being clear about things in relationship.
Then why is it that this incident about your ex kept appearing in your post? Are you really clear of those mess now? Or you hope to be clear about r/s?
You seemed to me a cynic in BGR at this point, i think there's no wrong cos everyone has been thru it before. Just prevent self pity from overwhelming you ya?
4) You became defensive when people are telling you not to be so emotional.
There are reasons why people advised you that way. Self check and find out what exactly went wrong. Maybe you did and is typing a long rebuttal replying my post.
Well my friend. I just want you to know that i care. And i don't wish to hear that resounding story again. It was gone, let it go. Let go of those resenting statements in your post.
In Love there's aLways Uncertainty,
taking it too cautiously
You may not realise the essence of Love.
In breakups, if you think time and efforts is wasted.
Then....Love is wasted.
Grow out of it and start having hope again.
Cheers girl. -
Not many things can remain simple in a human's mind...Originally posted by M©+square:It's not that simple afterall.
Paradox in life.
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I still think you need to get your facts straight before you start to make assumptions. I dunno what you mean by official, but he did ask me to become his girlfren and I did agree to it. If only I didn't ask his reasons for wanting me to become his gf, maybe we will still be together now. But I asked him and he gave me those answers that then caused me to decided to break up with him shortly afterwards.Originally posted by M©+square:Dearest I.c.y,
Listen to my advice. Don't let that statement he made revolve in your head all the time. It's time to put a stop to that. Let me explain why:
1) You're not him. You don't know what he meant by unable to 'commit emotionally.'
You may have taken it as a point blank answer to your question and interprete it with hurt. You thought he wants to play around or just have company, which he didn't think of it that way. It might have another meaning.....
He may be facing his own struggles.
(remember i once told you to dump him first before he gives you any answer?) I have my reasons for advising you so.
All these you can't see.
2) I'm still confused if he's offically your ex bf. What i understand was, you guys weren't offical in the first place, just extermely intimate...
In this sense, He may have led you on...but in another sense, You allowed it!
Am i finger pointing whose fault it was? NO. But we all got to be clear about where we are standing. We have got to learn to ask certain important questions and voice it out before you get hurt further.
3) You're talking about being clear about things in relationship.
Then why is it that this incident about your ex kept appearing in your post? Are you really clear of those mess now? Or you hope to be clear about r/s?
You seemed to me a cynic in BGR at this point, i think there's no wrong cos everyone has been thru it before. Just prevent self pity from overwhelming you ya?
4) You became defensive when people are telling you not to be so emotional.
There are reasons why people advised you that way. Self check and find out what exactly went wrong. Maybe you did and is typing a long rebuttal replying my post.
Well my friend. I just want you to know that i care. And i don't wish to hear that resounding story again. It was gone, let it go. Let go of those resenting statements in your post.
In Love there's aLways Uncertainty,
taking it too cautiously
You may not realise the essence of Love.
In breakups, if you think time and efforts is wasted.
Then....Love is wasted.
Grow out of it and start having hope again.
Cheers girl.
You said I need to ask questions to avoid being led on. Didn't I do just that? If I didn't ask that question, do you think I will be in this situation now? I might still be in happy delusion. So please get your facts straight the next time. It is not that I dun wan to listen to you, but it is hard to when you misunderstand me.
Okie, fair enuff, now I am cynical towards relationship, but if you have been through this before, wouldn't you be until someone prove to you otherwise? So far, that hasn't happened yet.
Sorry, I really dun wan to rebut you and bring this up again, but I can't stand it when someone assumed something that is not right about me.
i.c.y -
Sorry Feow Feow, i'm going to hijack this thread for awhile.
22 December 2004 · 12:02 PM
haih..this guy is super dense one lor...last time I gave out so many hints but he din realize it until like a month later when I was already boiling mad...
but if i just tell him to call me when we are not even officially bf-gf yet, seems like I am being a control freak and being too demanding lor...
i.c.y
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=108387&page=4
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22 December 2004 · 03:10 PM
u forgot one thing...i m not officially his gf yet.
thanks for the early wishes
i.c.y
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=108387&page=6
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24 December 2004 · 11:28 AM
well, me and the current guy is not official yet, but he really does treat me way better. prolly cos he is naturally a very nice guy to begin with, and he really gives a lot to me and cares for me. He knows I am hurting (tho he doesn't know who hurt me) and told me that he will always wait until I heal before we really get into a relationship. I dun wan to be unfair to someone who has treated me so good all along. I have already told my ex crush that we are nothing but frens, and so far I have managed to do dat until these few days, I kept being reminded of the time I used to spend with him last time and it is making me feel guilty towards the guy I am seeing now...
i.c.y
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=108962
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22 January 2005 · 12:20 PM
Can you be frens with someone you just broke up wif?
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FRankly, i'm kinda disappointed. But who am i to be disappointed anyway. Since you don't even know it's offical or not. Let me present my point.
22Dec 2004 - He might be back in three weeks time.
12Jan 2005 - He's back. (presumingly)
So during the three weeks of his absence...you guys confirmed? Or from 12Jan to 22Jan you guys went offical.
If you understand what i'm trying to say. Gosh i wonder. All you do is to defend yourself and assumed that i accused you.
Your POST DONT MAKE SENSE.........
Trust me dear. I didn't misunderstand you. There are Somethings i understand more then you do.Originally posted by icyprincess:I still think you need to get your facts straight before you start to make assumptions. I dunno what you mean by official, but he did ask me to become his girlfren and I did agree to it. If only I didn't ask his reasons for wanting me to become his gf, maybe we will still be together now. But I asked him and he gave me those answers that then caused me to decided to break up with him shortly afterwards.
You said I need to ask questions to avoid being led on. Didn't I do just that? If I didn't ask that question, do you think I will be in this situation now? I might still be in happy delusion. So please get your facts straight the next time. It is not that I dun wan to listen to you, but it is hard to when you misunderstand me.
Okie, fair enuff, now I am cynical towards relationship, but if you have been through this before, wouldn't you be until someone prove to you otherwise? So far, that hasn't happened yet.
Being cynical is nothing wrong. But you don't have to have someone to prove it. Let your state of mind one day enlighten you. It hasn't happen because you refuse to rise above your circumstance. Even if you denied and said you did. I can tell you why you didn't but only when i meet you in person.
Sorry, I really dun wan to rebut you and bring this up again, but I can't stand it when someone assumed something that is not right about me.
i.c.y
I believe you are right about yourself. And i don't need to hear anymore that could make things more right.
I'm sick of this. I'll leave you alone and bless your life.
Enough.
Cheers -
MCSquare, I appreciate you spending time dissecting through all my previous posts to prove that my post doesn't make sense. We only went official for a very short while after he got back from his vacation, and it was for a short while because I decided to terminate it. After I asked him what he wanted out from the "relationship" and he told me the truth, I decided that I wasn't ready for the kinda relationship he was seeking, an "easy", light and short-term kinda relationship. I decided to break it off before things drag on further and it will only be harder for me to get out from it later. So is it so hard to believe that we went official for a short period of time? I would like it to be for a longer period, but sadly that was not the case.
Well, you may understand certain things more than me, that I am certain as I am still learning. However, please don't think everything that I have said is a lie because what I wrote really did happen to me. Thank you for taking the time to read through all my posts, and really appreciate all the advice you have given, but I guess at this point, like you said, there is nothing left to be done but to move on.
peace out.
i.c.y -
In Love there's aLways Uncertainty,
taking it too cautiously
You may not realise the essence of Love.
In breakups, if you think time and efforts is wasted.
Then....Love is wasted.
Well, M©Square cool down ba..
I like what I quoted above..posted by you..
especially the sentences in red.
How can one take every break up as time and effort wasted? Coz in every r/s, we learn something. And what makes you want to be together with a person? Rule that S or L word out..I will still prefer to say that it's 'like'. Being with someone you like, why is it a waste of time? I believe there is beautiful memories..perhaps things din turn out the way we want...but what's more important is the process, isn't it?
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Commitment - Big word; 10 letters; lots of time.
I agree with what Feow Feow has mentioned as everything I'm about to say has been pin-pointed out. Thus, there's no more use in saying it again.
Oh anyway, talking about searching for the One, trust me, it's a really REALLY tiring and troublesome job if one couldn't be bothered to BE the Right One.
Because in order to find the Right One, you ought to BE the Right One.
Still don't get it? Think about it again.
S.H.I.N. -
To the 2 arguing bao3 baos1, MC Square & Icy,
1 tok chicken, 1 tok duck, never the twain shall meet!
Both of u r nice pple, & usu sensible, dun let feathers be ruffled this easily due to breakdown of communication & misunderstanding when our purpose here is to help & to share wat we noe & learn with others.
Icy, let's put it this way. If the same thg MC Square sez'd was from me, & I put it in another gentler way, wldn't u accept it? His intentions r gd, & tt is, it's time to move on after a gd cry. No pt moping & becoming cynical, cosh in ur cynicism, u might actually overlook tt potentially special guy. Sometimes we dev. a protective wall, & shut even Mr Right out. Granted, perhaps MC Square may Not haf known the whole story, but u've clarified it.
MC Square, cool down. It's Not a golden rule tt Icy has to divulge ev. single detail of her r'ship wif the guy. Ur advice tho, had gd intentions.
Pls shake hands & make peace. We're all here to help 1 another.
FeowFeow -
*grinz* To a certain extent, I agree wif u. Sometimes tho, being the right 1 doesn't guarantee tt u'll find the right 1
I'm glad I started this thread, ev. body has thrown in wonderful ideas & views : ) Definitely gonna post more here when I come across somethg interesting to share.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by keuriseudo:Commitment - Big word; 10 letters; lots of time.
I agree with what Feow Feow has mentioned as everything I'm about to say has been pin-pointed out. Thus, there's no more use in saying it again.
Oh anyway, talking about searching for the One, trust me, it's a really REALLY tiring and troublesome job if one couldn't be bothered to BE the Right One.
Because in order to find the Right One, you ought to BE the Right One.
Still don't get it? Think about it again.
S.H.I.N. -
Don't worry, I have moved onOriginally posted by FeowFeow:To the 2 arguing bao3 baos1, MC Square & Icy,
1 tok chicken, 1 tok duck, never the twain shall meet!
Both of u r nice pple, & usu sensible, dun let feathers be ruffled this easily due to breakdown of communication & misunderstanding when our purpose here is to help & to share wat we noe & learn with others.
Icy, let's put it this way. If the same thg MC Square sez'd was from me, & I put it in another gentler way, wldn't u accept it? His intentions r gd, & tt is, it's time to move on after a gd cry. No pt moping & becoming cynical, cosh in ur cynicism, u might actually overlook tt potentially special guy. Sometimes we dev. a protective wall, & shut even Mr Right out. Granted, perhaps MC Square may Not haf known the whole story, but u've clarified it.
MC Square, cool down. It's Not a golden rule tt Icy has to divulge ev. single detail of her r'ship wif the guy. Ur advice tho, had gd intentions.
Pls shake hands & make peace. We're all here to help 1 another.
FeowFeow It is exactly a month today since we broke up and I am not sad anymore. I haven't cried for several days already, but am starting to laugh and listen to happy songs again. Some improvement eh?
I understand MCSquare has good intentions, and I honor that. You all have helped me a lot and I appreciate it. Without this forum, I might not have been able to smile again so fast.
i.c.y -
Hi Icy,
Gd to hear tt u've moved on & u're now starting to listen to happee songs again. It takes awhile to get over the pain of breaking up, but if we continue to wallow in self pity & turn into a love cynic, we might miss out on The One if he does cross our paths : )
I'm glad tt AA is of help to u, tt's wat the forum is abt. We're here to support each other, to learn, to share experiences, etc : )
I've oso learnt thru the sharing of opinions in this thread, & I hope to add watever knowledge to those stored in my heart & mind, & help others in future. That's my purpose for starting threads like these in AA : )
FeowFeowOriginally posted by icyprincess:Don't worry, I have moved on It is exactly a month today since we broke up and I am not sad anymore. I haven't cried for several days already, but am starting to laugh and listen to happy songs again. Some improvement eh?
I understand MCSquare has good intentions, and I honor that. You all have helped me a lot and I appreciate it. Without this forum, I might not have been able to smile again so fast.
i.c.y