Will guys mind if the girl has an ex bf?
-
I think this could very well be a reason why they mind...?Originally posted by Honeybunz:Insecured -- Does a guy also feel insecure during quarrels, thinking that the gf is comparing him with her ex?
I know of a handful of girls who do that to their bfs. "last time my ex do this and that for me. you never." -
Personally, I won't mind at all.. In fact, I believe most of the guys I know won't mind too...Originally posted by Honeybunz:I know this is a silly question for all guys and u will probably say No.
But many of my girlfriends have been telling me that guys will mind. They are different from girls. We accept the guys' past but not the other way round.
Many of them try to give the guy impression that the guy is the first bf. And they all tell me to do the same. I asked them how to. If I am a teenager, still can bluff. But not now. They still insist and say "Really lah. Guys are very petty one. They say don't mind. But in their heart, they will always think about it. One day if you quarrel with him, he's going to bring it out"
At first I ignored this kind of advice. This kind of thing, cannot bluff one what. But to date, so many of my girlfriends tell me the same thing which makes me think that they must have their reasons for saying that.
What do you think?
For those who would mind.. I guess it can be that they are really 'traditional' (only in this aspect?); have some inferiority complex issues; immature in thinking; living in their own world; etc..
My policy and personal advice would be... "If you can't handle it, don't ask..."
Well... Unless it's their gf who just can't help bringing up their ex in the 1st place..? Then that would be a different issue altogether...? -
If the girl is mindful of this , she doesn't have to lie about her past relationships
If the guy is so sure his girl will do it before she even does it for real, then he has very little regard for her .Originally posted by InnoHippo:perhaps, it is becos girls like to carry their ex-relationship concerns (such as distrust) into their new relationship and penalise their new bf
-
It's not about him being sure that she'll do just that...? Sometimes such things just happen... In fact can be rather common for some, depending on how a person would handle such relationship issues..?Originally posted by choco B:If the girl is mindful of this , she doesn't have to lie about her past relationships
If the guy is so sure his girl will do it before she even does it for real, then he has very little regard for her .
And... Not only girls do that.. Some guys tends to do that too.. Can say it's sort of 'human nature' for some...? -
My point is, if you know that you've got a bad habit of bringing up your ex, then try not to do it. Instead of lying that you have no ex.
Of course everything depends on how people handle their relationships.
I'd like to think that despite the bad experiences and horror stories, we'd be mature enough not to assume the worst of your partner, if he/she has not shown the negative trait yet. Especially at the beginning of a relationship, which is where this topic is at.Originally posted by Devil1976:It's not about him being sure that she'll do just that...? Sometimes such things just happen... In fact can be rather common for some, depending on how a person would handle such relationship issues..?
And... Not only girls do that.. Some guys tends to do that too.. Can say it's sort of 'human nature' for some...? -
I think it goes both ways..
Beoing honest from both sides and acceptance from the other..
Guys will probably mind if there is some extended relationship lurking in the background (ou duan si lian) kind and that if he is not convinced that the relationship is a secure one.. in that sense i guess there will be some form of insecurity. I do not think it is wrong that a guy should feel insecure cos at least it shows that he cares.. compared to one who can give you the "take it or leave it" attitude.. I dun think the girl will feel secure either.. but i digress..
I have a gf and she has an ex.. but i think she does convince me that it is dead... as in the relationship.. and there is really no contact between them.. so why should i want to bother about the past when all that matters is really the present and the future.. -
solution: Become a nun. -
Yeah... Just it's just secondary nature for some people to make some of such assumptions of their new relationship... Strategy, expectation, conditioned... Whatever you would like to call it.. It happens...Originally posted by choco B:My point is, if you know that you've got a bad habit of bringing up your ex, then try not to do it. Instead of lying that you have no ex.
Of course everything depends on how people handle their relationships.
I'd like to think that despite the bad experiences and horror stories, we'd be mature enough not to assume the worst of your partner, if he/she has not shown the negative trait yet. Especially at the beginning of a relationship, which is where this topic is at. -
Your friends must be very big hearted. Those women are so fortunate. Very hard to find men like that. Some of my guy friends don't even want to date divorcees. So narrow-minded, they all.Originally posted by windjammer:i got friends married women with kids...does that answer your query?
-
I know of this girl who has a lot of ex before.
Her most recent bf complain to me. He said that after a meal, he would offer her tissue, by pulling out one piece from the pack. She said "Last time my bf would fold it nicely before giving to me" He was sooooo hurt. -
i think.. a girl who is so insensitive
as to bring up her ex when her current bf give her a TISSUE
she's got ISSUEs thats non-tissue related.
some girls LIKE to tell people they have a lot of ex
cos it makes them sound 'desirable' like WA so many bfs but I dump them all
type of mentality.
But for the general matured enough person...
where previous relationships that didnt work out meant a failure, and a learning experience
having previous rships to learn from may save a lot of problems in the current relationship.
I dont talk much about my 'past' with the husband, but I do explain to him that whatever happened in the past, it made me who I am today - someone who will treasure him for who he is, and cherish the relationship that we both share and my value and priority system. I think as long as the guy is confident and secure enough, who cares. Ultimately it is he who lasts the longest (heheh) that matters. -
I am my girlfriend's sixth boyfriend. Does that answer your question?Originally posted by Honeybunz:I know this is a silly question for all guys and u will probably say No.
But many of my girlfriends have been telling me that guys will mind. They are different from girls. We accept the guys' past but not the other way round.
Many of them try to give the guy impression that the guy is the first bf. And they all tell me to do the same. I asked them how to. If I am a teenager, still can bluff. But not now. They still insist and say "Really lah. Guys are very petty one. They say don't mind. But in their heart, they will always think about it. One day if you quarrel with him, he's going to bring it out"
At first I ignored this kind of advice. This kind of thing, cannot bluff one what. But to date, so many of my girlfriends tell me the same thing which makes me think that they must have their reasons for saying that.
What do you think? -
Precise. Then who's fault is it?Originally posted by Honeybunz:I know of this girl who has a lot of ex before.
Her most recent bf complain to me. He said that after a meal, he would offer her tissue, by pulling out one piece from the pack. She said "Last time my bf would fold it nicely before giving to me" He was sooooo hurt.
That guy should go... "Last time my gf even have to wipe my mouth for now..."
Ask your gf to wake up lah. Today is 24/02/2005. DRILL THAT INTO HER HEAD. -
there is also danger of having too many ex-es
There was this person I know who was the number 11th BF for this girl.
She just could not decide what she wanted and she's always looking for the next better one. So eventually they just broke up. OK and I laff in his face! ha! -
For some people, 1 week go stead also count. I woundn't count those.Originally posted by mistyblue:there is also danger of having too many ex-es
There was this person I know who was the number 11th BF for this girl.
She just could not decide what she wanted and she's always looking for the next better one. So eventually they just broke up. OK and I laff in his face! ha! -
also know such people also... they are the drama-mama people... sigh... should sign up with TCS and replace all the ppl who cannot act ah..Originally posted by Qitai:For some people, 1 week go stead also count. I woundn't count those.
That one above was with the girl for 1 yr I think. But the girl of course chio and look so innocent and sweet, so all the boys fall for her looks lor but didn't know she more experienced than them ... hahaha! -
it also has to depend how the woman behave... if everytime bring up past relationship to compare then not even an angel will accept...Originally posted by Honeybunz:Your friends must be very big hearted. Those women are so fortunate. Very hard to find men like that. Some of my guy friends don't even want to date divorcees. So narrow-minded, they all.
-
Originally posted by windjammer:it also has to depend how the woman behave... if everytime bring up past relationship to compare then not even an angel will accept...
The problem is that some people make comments before reflecting on their own actions.
Seriously. No girl can stand a guy who keeps talking about his ex. Likewise, no guy can stand a girl saying how great her ex was. -
Experiences with my ex boyfriends with regards to past issues (generalization).
He- refers to my ex boyfriends, not just one.
1. Mentioning of number of ex boyfriends
The number of ex boyfriends doesn't really matter so much. In fact he feels that i have quite a few ex, showing that i am good and he feels victorious (so long i do not keep staring at other guys). He would not dump me certainly.
2. Mentioning of ex boyfriends' deeds
This seems to irritate him enough and he become angry or sad. Thereafter, he would also start telling me how good his ex girlfriend is. Guys are revengeful. Still he is with me.
3. Mentioning about my past experience
When I thought i could share my past in truth to him. On how I stri.. because I lose a bet, on how i slept with my ex sitting down in public (we did not do anything) ..etc. He become very sensitive yet more touchy. Still he think no one is perfect, i should be the one for him. Still together.
4. Found someone else
After i did the above three, he is still around but he also secretly spend time looking for others. He found one pretty girl (would not lose to me in terms of looks), he broke up with me saying we are not compatible or cannot accept my past. Nowadays, guys dump you when he got another tyre.
End of Story -
Just be honest, if the guy doesn't like it, then tell him to go fly kite. After all, he expects you to accept if he has ex-gfs before anyway.Originally posted by Honeybunz:I know this is a silly question for all guys and u will probably say No.
But many of my girlfriends have been telling me that guys will mind. They are different from girls. We accept the guys' past but not the other way round.
Many of them try to give the guy impression that the guy is the first bf. And they all tell me to do the same. I asked them how to. If I am a teenager, still can bluff. But not now. They still insist and say "Really lah. Guys are very petty one. They say don't mind. But in their heart, they will always think about it. One day if you quarrel with him, he's going to bring it out"
At first I ignored this kind of advice. This kind of thing, cannot bluff one what. But to date, so many of my girlfriends tell me the same thing which makes me think that they must have their reasons for saying that.
What do you think?
P.S. I'm a guy just in case you are wondering. -
Sorry forgot to conclude my story.
Be nice to your boyfriend, show him support and understanding and stop demanding too much.
Guys don't dump you because of your past.
He will only dump you when he lost interest in you (more likely when you have an affair with him already or when you are too demanding)
He will also dump you when he found a new girlfriend. -
Angel don't accept then Devil accept?Originally posted by windjammer:not even an angel will accept...
But then some people are blind that they don't see their own prejudices and behaviours and repeated project their narrow definition or reality for which the others has to follow.
Anyways, I know that mass stupidity exists. There are of course as many stupid b!tches as there are jerks. -
call me insecure or wat... but i do mind a little as i am sensitive... i will have the impression that sometimes she talks about her ex... and i dun like my gf to talk bout her ex la...
-
ya loh we guys will dump u oni if lose interest in u. not becoz of ur past. me tog with my gf. sad to say i m her 17th? feel so sad but i acept it. do so much for her yet when quarrel she always says she tired of being with me. used to always give in. now i m tired of her. its always abt how I can improve myself or act accordingly to ehr needs. but its never her. to hell with this type of women.Originally posted by Waterapple:Sorry forgot to conclude my story.
Be nice to your boyfriend, show him support and understanding and stop demanding too much.
Guys don't dump you because of your past.
He will only dump you when he lost interest in you (more likely when you have an affair with him already or when you are too demanding)
He will also dump you when he found a new girlfriend. -
You're not insecure lah... You're just a young boy boy, that's why...?? Can be EXCUSED....Originally posted by weidev:call me insecure or wat... but i do mind a little as i am sensitive... i will have the impression that sometimes she talks about her ex... and i dun like my gf to talk bout her ex la...