Communication 101
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Sometimes those hurtful words are just overly expressed ones splurred out of moments of anger...?Originally posted by shinta:sometimes u can learn alot from misunderstandin.. like wat the other party really tink of u... -
Reminds me of this 'funny' incident about this EX of mine... I remember when I was trying to get out of the MRT station with both my hands full.. Took out the EZlink card and about to scan... Then the HP rang... She called.. I told her to wait a min as I'm scanning the card... (Both HP and EZlink card on my right hand...) Then I got back to her.... Her face turned black black... Insisted that I was talking to another girl and hiding things from her.... I explained the situation to her... She didn't believe me... I told her that's a fact of what happened if she doesn't believe I also can't do anything liao.. Besides.. Just less than 1 min can do what..? She was persistent and wanted me to EXPLAIN EVERYTHING about a girl who's with me then (I was alone)... Which of course I couldn't... Then no choice just hang up.. Then she kept calling back.. Picked up... Same thing... Insisted that I 'explain'... Repeated cycle a few times... Then started to rejected her call... Man... Gave me over 30+ missed calls until my HP battery went flat... Can't even use my HP.. Was I pissed or what...?Originally posted by gerrykoh:If she don't pickup, wait a while & continue to call. She will definately pick up cos the ringing will disturb others.
Talk nicely, don't raise voice or use vulgar language, if in the wrong, apologise first.
If she is at fault, tell her that u are not happy about her actions but u still love her. Listen to her side of the story. Settle amicably.
In a quarrel, don't have to win all the time. Agree to a fair compromise.
Alway talk it out, don't keep silent & bottled everything up. -
sometimes its just a misunderstanding.. but sometimes, they blurt out wat they really think while tryin to explain to u...Originally posted by Devil1976:Sometimes those hurtful words are just overly expressed ones splurred out of moments of anger...? -
this is very funnyOriginally posted by Devil1976:Reminds me of this 'funny' incident about this EX of mine... I remember when I was trying to get out of the MRT station with both my hands full.. Took out the EZlink card and about to scan... Then the HP rang... She called.. I told her to wait a min as I'm scanning the card... (Both HP and EZlink card on my right hand...) Then I got back to her.... Her face turned black black... Insisted that I was talking to another girl and hiding things from her.... I explained the situation to her... She didn't believe me... I told her that's a fact of what happened if she doesn't believe I also can't do anything liao.. Besides.. Just less than 1 min can do what..? She was persistent and wanted me to EXPLAIN EVERYTHING about a girl who's with me then (I was alone)... Which of course I couldn't... Then no choice just hang up.. Then she kept calling back.. Picked up... Same thing... Insisted that I 'explain'... Repeated cycle a few times... Then started to rejected her call... Man... Gave me over 30+ missed calls until my HP battery went flat... Can't even use my HP.. Was I pissed or what...?
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she is possessive and insecure.
devil1976, the incident happened during your very young days ya?! -
what if you meet a partner who is quiet by nature and kept everything to himself....????
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what if your partner is someone quiet by nature and kept everthing to himself???
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then you will have to be xin ku abit and be the one initiating all the conversation..like what devil said..communication is one of the most important thing in a r/s..no r/s can last long without it..
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Words can be blunt.... During those intense moments, words are just quickly delivered, often irregardless of their suitability to the context... Hence, misinterpretations of meanings and often 'overweighing' of the extreme meanings of words would be recorded by the receiver.. Snowballing the effects as both parties or a single party carries on....Originally posted by shinta:sometimes its just a misunderstanding.. but sometimes, they blurt out wat they really think while tryin to explain to u...
Humans are not made for mass information (especially of such information) interpretation and adsorption over such a short period span, especially under an unstable condition.... -
Not very young days lah...Originally posted by icepole:she is possessive and insecure.
devil1976, the incident happened during your very young days ya?!
She is sort of possessive by nature. I admit. The insecurity part was more of my fault.
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From what I've learnt...Originally posted by v gal:what if you meet a partner who is quiet by nature and kept everything to himself....????
There's no such thing as a 'quiet' person by exact definition... A person who's physically 'quiet' (don't talk much), can choose to express himself / herself through other means... It's always up to you to find out how the person prefers to communicate or express himself / herself, and ultimately to your method(s) of becoming one of his / her audience....
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Originally posted by Devil1976:
we were just havin the usual talks.. n he was tryin to convince me why we shouldn break up.. den he blurted out that he didn trust me.. yada yada
Words can be [b]blunt.... During those intense moments, words are just quickly delivered, often irregardless of their suitability to the context... Hence, misinterpretations of meanings and often 'overweighing' of the extreme meanings of words would be recorded by the receiver.. Snowballing the effects as both parties or a single party carries on....
Humans are not made for mass information (especially of such information) interpretation and adsorption over such a short period span, especially under an unstable condition....[/b]
and thats it! i didn do anything tat i feel can make him not trust me at all... n cos i was hurt very deeply by wat happened earlier, i said ciaoz~ -
Oh. My. Gawd.
*loses control of poise*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
FeowFeowOriginally posted by Devil1976:Reminds me of this 'funny' incident about this EX of mine... I remember when I was trying to get out of the MRT station with both my hands full.. Took out the EZlink card and about to scan... Then the HP rang... She called.. I told her to wait a min as I'm scanning the card... (Both HP and EZlink card on my right hand...) Then I got back to her.... Her face turned black black... Insisted that I was talking to another girl and hiding things from her.... I explained the situation to her... She didn't believe me... I told her that's a fact of what happened if she doesn't believe I also can't do anything liao.. Besides.. Just less than 1 min can do what..? She was persistent and wanted me to EXPLAIN EVERYTHING about a girl who's with me then (I was alone)... Which of course I couldn't... Then no choice just hang up.. Then she kept calling back.. Picked up... Same thing... Insisted that I 'explain'... Repeated cycle a few times... Then started to rejected her call... Man... Gave me over 30+ missed calls until my HP battery went flat... Can't even use my HP.. Was I pissed or what...? -
U did the right thing to ditch her. She don't own u.Originally posted by Devil1976:Reminds me of this 'funny' incident about this EX of mine... I remember when I was trying to get out of the MRT station with both my hands full.. Took out the EZlink card and about to scan... Then the HP rang... She called.. I told her to wait a min as I'm scanning the card... (Both HP and EZlink card on my right hand...) Then I got back to her.... Her face turned black black... Insisted that I was talking to another girl and hiding things from her.... I explained the situation to her... She didn't believe me... I told her that's a fact of what happened if she doesn't believe I also can't do anything liao.. Besides.. Just less than 1 min can do what..? She was persistent and wanted me to EXPLAIN EVERYTHING about a girl who's with me then (I was alone)... Which of course I couldn't... Then no choice just hang up.. Then she kept calling back.. Picked up... Same thing... Insisted that I 'explain'... Repeated cycle a few times... Then started to rejected her call... Man... Gave me over 30+ missed calls until my HP battery went flat... Can't even use my HP.. Was I pissed or what...? -
Yeah... Trust's the other important factor in a relationship besides 'communication'... Without that, many people would often just give up on things... Without trust, many things would just seems superficial...Originally posted by shinta:we were just havin the usual talks.. n he was tryin to convince me why we shouldn break up.. den he blurted out that he didn trust me.. yada yada
and thats it! i didn do anything tat i feel can make him not trust me at all... n cos i was hurt very deeply by wat happened earlier, i said ciaoz~ -
Nobody owns a Devil....Originally posted by gerrykoh:U did the right thing to ditch her. She don't own u. -
some said i was wrong.. to give up on the relationship w/o a 2nd chance.. am i?Originally posted by Devil1976:Yeah... Trust's the other important factor in a relationship besides 'communication'... Without that, many people would often just give up on things... Without trust, many things would just seems superficial... -
how i know? your right hand not free mah...but then maybe your other hand really is touching the other girl's cheebai?Originally posted by Devil1976:Reminds me of this 'funny' incident about this EX of mine... I remember when I was trying to get out of the MRT station with both my hands full.. Took out the EZlink card and about to scan... Then the HP rang... She called.. I told her to wait a min as I'm scanning the card... (Both HP and EZlink card on my right hand...) Then I got back to her.... Her face turned black black... Insisted that I was talking to another girl and hiding things from her.... I explained the situation to her... She didn't believe me... I told her that's a fact of what happened if she doesn't believe I also can't do anything liao.. Besides.. Just less than 1 min can do what..? She was persistent and wanted me to EXPLAIN EVERYTHING about a girl who's with me then (I was alone)... Which of course I couldn't... Then no choice just hang up.. Then she kept calling back.. Picked up... Same thing... Insisted that I 'explain'... Repeated cycle a few times... Then started to rejected her call... Man... Gave me over 30+ missed calls until my HP battery went flat... Can't even use my HP.. Was I pissed or what...?
knn...everything also must explain to you?
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No exact 'right' or 'wrong'.... Just decisions...Originally posted by shinta:some said i was wrong.. to give up on the relationship w/o a 2nd chance.. am i?
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A thing which my buddy taught me in which I find quite true...Originally posted by shinta:some said i was wrong.. to give up on the relationship w/o a 2nd chance.. am i?
"When you've made a decision, don't look back..." -
Sometimes those decisions were regrets which makes you a better person.Originally posted by Devil1976:A thing which my buddy taught me in which I find quite true...
"When you've made a decision, don't look back..."
But there are situations which forces you to look back because you felt that there's unfinished business. -
Originally posted by Devil1976:As forumites know, AA often have much topics on relationships and they often fail... I find that 'communication' can be quite an important aspect of a relationship... So things like 'broken down communication' and misunderstandings etc. can often lead to the disruption of a proper relationship development...
So why not let us share here what you've seen, heard or personally experienced of these.. Perhaps add in your own opinion on the incident or situation, while other forumites can join in for comments and discussion?
So that we can all LEARN from each other...?
According to CloUdiSm standard: As a rule of thumb, all problems-related issue are convey face-to-face. I feel that even phone is not exactly a good thing (unless I absolutely have no other better alternatives). SMS and Email are out of questions. Letters is employed when I need a entire chunk of important message across with 100% 'listening' attention.
Usually Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces are more vulnerable to my usual way of speaking. (Water singleton/majority/etc as well. Although somehow I feel that Gemini, Libra and Aquarius are also affected when I change my words used).
Body language is very important in communication. You may not realise this but it send several signal to the mind and if picked correctly, you may discern certain things you may not know. Body language is also important - packaged with the verbal side of communication - it makes your communication effective. Includes tone, volumn, eye contact, gestures, overall body movement, sitting/standing position, etc.
P.S: When you communicate, try to do focus more of your weaker aspect of communication. If you are a speaker, listen more. If you are a listener, speak more. Of course, always take lead whenever communication crashes.
Cheers -
nah.. not lookin back.. just wanna be assured that i ain't makin a wrong move.. but then again, even if i made the wrong choice, i wouldn lament n regret..Originally posted by Devil1976:A thing which my buddy taught me in which I find quite true...
"When you've made a decision, don't look back..." -
I know... On my principle... Looking is often only when...Originally posted by M©+square:Sometimes those decisions were regrets which makes you a better person.
But there are situations which forces you to look back because you felt that there's unfinished business.
1. You can learn something out of it.
2. You can do something out of it.
In lots of cases, I believe others would think the same... The main problem is when you're delusionised to believe that you actually CAN do something about things, in which in actual fact you can't....
Yes.. And the key word would be that you felt that there's unfinished business... -
Cloudism's missing out on some things...Originally posted by Yunhaier: According to CloUdiSm standard: As a rule of thumb, all problems-related issue are convey face-to-face. I feel that even phone is not exactly a good thing (unless I absolutely have no other better alternatives). SMS and Email are out of questions. Letters is employed when I need a entire chunk of important message across with 100% 'listening' attention.