PLs advice i am at a lost
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hi folks... last thursday i found out that my gf of 2 yrs is seeing a guy at her workplace for sometime. it happen when i was studying for my exams when they started going out. both of us are 24 this year. had plans to settle down. Met her on thursday night at her block downstairs. i waited for ard 1 hr b4 she came home on the bike the guy was riding. we sat down and talked. i ask her wat are her options. she say she has feelings for both of us and can only make a decision after her exams in march. the best part is she din tell the guy she is attached. as i didn't want it to drag on... we agreed upon being friends.but she did say that she enjoys being with the guy. as for me she din say anything. She goes out with the guy and she smses me to let me noe when she reach hme. I seriously donno wat i shld do? i kinda agreed to withdraw and gave my blessings to both of them. I seriously loved her and had talk about settling down with her. izzit because i am studying and the guy has a stable job? i really don't know but if its over, is she still considering starting over with me or just treating me as a friend. i don mind being friends. as love cannot be forced... been feeling kinda weird this few days. my friends and parents are kinda shocked to see me in this state. But for me life goes on... haizx
Pls Advice
Thanks -
Hi, I have gone through the same thing or even worst thn you. I presume that you are a full time student. As for me, I am studying part time, working full time. M exy gf ran off with another guy with a bike when I am having my exam. I have posted all my anger in sgforum too.
My opinion is that if your gf cant determine what she wants in life, you have to let her go. Remember, do not give up on your studies, the earth is still moving and you will have to move on too. -
She aint worth ur time dude.
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If she decides to go with the other guy, you have to tell her this,Originally posted by Ninestar:hi folks... last thursday i found out that my gf of 2 yrs is seeing a guy at her workplace for sometime. it happen when i was studying for my exams when they started going out. both of us are 24 this year. had plans to settle down. Met her on thursday night at her block downstairs. i waited for ard 1 hr b4 she came home on the bike the guy was riding. we sat down and talked. i ask her wat are her options. she say she has feelings for both of us and can only make a decision after her exams in march. the best part is she din tell the guy she is attached. as i didn't want it to drag on... we agreed upon being friends.but she did say that she enjoys being with the guy. as for me she din say anything. She goes out with the guy and she smses me to let me noe when she reach hme. I seriously donno wat i shld do? i kinda agreed to withdraw and gave my blessings to both of them. I seriously loved her and had talk about settling down with her. izzit because i am studying and the guy has a stable job? i really don't know but if its over, is she still considering starting over with me or just treating me as a friend. i don mind being friends. as love cannot be forced... been feeling kinda weird this few days. my friends and parents are kinda shocked to see me in this state. But for me life goes on... haizx
Pls Advice
Thanks
Since you're leaving, don't come back. I'm not your hideout when you're in a bad spot. Once, you decided to go, then it's your choice, I won't stop you. Don't turn back, I won't be waiting for you, even if I am still single. And remember when you leave, don't ever use me to compare to him. You chose him, so you have to accept him for what he is.
Basically my advice for you is... get over it.
Ask her straight in her face if she wants out. If you can't bear her seeing another guy, then just force the answer out of her. Since she decides to two-time, she got to weigh the consequences.
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Its not easy to get over it...but still you still have to carry on moving....
walking
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I like nel's answer best.Originally posted by Nelstar:If she decides to go with the other guy, you have to tell her this,
Since you're leaving, don't come back. I'm not your hideout when you're in a bad spot. Once, you decided to go, then it's your choice, I won't stop you. Don't turn back, I won't be waiting for you, even if I am still single. And remember when you leave, don't ever use me to compare to him. You chose him, so you have to accept him for what he is.
Basically my advice for you is... get over it.
Ask her straight in her face if she wants out. If you can't bear her seeing another guy, then just force the answer out of her. Since she decides to two-time, she got to weigh the consequences. -
Chill my friend.Originally posted by ptw:Hi, I have gone through the same thing or even worst thn you. I presume that you are a full time student. As for me, I am studying part time, working full time. M exy gf ran off with another guy with a bike when I am having my exam. I have posted all my anger in sgforum too.
My opinion is that if your gf cant determine what she wants in life, you have to let her go. Remember, do not give up on your studies, the earth is still moving and you will have to move on too.
Everybody who came in AA have their fair share of problems.
And almost all problems are at their worst.
There is no way to compare whose is more worst than another.
We will eventually move on. The question is when.
Cheers -
If she loves you, why would she do something like this and hurt the person she loves. Maybe she does'nt know what she wants, Maybe she is'nt ready for the long time commitment you were hoping for.Originally posted by Ninestar:hi folks... last thursday i found out that my gf of 2 yrs is seeing a guy at her workplace for sometime. it happen when i was studying for my exams when they started going out. both of us are 24 this year. had plans to settle down. Met her on thursday night at her block downstairs. i waited for ard 1 hr b4 she came home on the bike the guy was riding. we sat down and talked. i ask her wat are her options. she say she has feelings for both of us and can only make a decision after her exams in march. the best part is she din tell the guy she is attached. as i didn't want it to drag on... we agreed upon being friends.but she did say that she enjoys being with the guy. as for me she din say anything. She goes out with the guy and she smses me to let me noe when she reach hme. I seriously donno wat i shld do? i kinda agreed to withdraw and gave my blessings to both of them. I seriously loved her and had talk about settling down with her. izzit because i am studying and the guy has a stable job? i really don't know but if its over, is she still considering starting over with me or just treating me as a friend. i don mind being friends. as love cannot be forced... been feeling kinda weird this few days. my friends and parents are kinda shocked to see me in this state. But for me life goes on... haizx
Pls Advice
Thanks
Life has to go on. Try looking at it in a different angle. Maybe she is'nt the right one for you? Perhaps there is someone out there waiting for you to enter her life?
Every ending is a new beginning. We just don't know it at that time. -
Hi M©+square, you are right, should not compare.
But the phases towards recovery is really miserable. Gather all your strentgh and move on. -
thks guys for ur advice. but for me the betrayal of trust is the hardest to get over with. i have tried going out with friends etc... somehow memories start flowing back....tried sleeping to forgo the incident. can't at all. yes i am studying full-time at SIM. the guy she is with has a diploma. i need time to prove my self.... i seriously want to move ahead, but somehow the way she treats me tells me she doesn't even noe wat she wants....
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I know that it's hard for you to get over the break-up of a relationship.... all the more so when infidelity on her part is involved. All I can say is to move on with your life. It's heartening to see that you are indeed taking the initiative to do so by keeping yourself busy.Originally posted by Ninestar:thks guys for ur advice. but for me the betrayal of trust is the hardest to get over with. i have tried going out with friends etc... somehow memories start flowing back....tried sleeping to forgo the incident. can't at all. yes i am studying full-time at SIM. the guy she is with has a diploma. i need time to prove my self.... i seriously want to move ahead, but somehow the way she treats me tells me she doesn't even noe wat she wants....
Seriously speaking, she isn't worth all your effort and attention. If in spite of all that you've done for her she runs off with another guy, my advice to you is to say goodbye and good riddance to her and go on with your life. If she can't decide between either you or that guy then that goes to show that she doesn't love you at all.
Walk away from her and don't look back. Even if she calls out to you, don't look back.... just run as fast as you can. There are many other girls out there more deserving of a fine young man such as you.
And indeed, you deserve someone far better than that poor-excuse-for-a-girlfriend. -
Hi ninestar,
try reading this thread Advice...... which I have posted. I know its really difficult, tough and I have been thinking alot too for why my ex has done the same thing to me too. Like those who have advised me, it takes 2 hands to clap. If you ask me how to move on especially when I am currently studying and working, I may not be able t give you a definite answer. You have to be brave , look forward and notlooking back in the past for what you have done for her(as advised by sgforum friends).
One thing which I truely believe, time will heal the pain. As for now, you may be suffering with hurt and anger which you may think that you do not deserve such treatment, thinkabout your future, you are the only one who can shape your own future.
I must admit that I have not fully recover from that traumatic nightmare but I have learnt to move on. Thanks to all the sgforum friend who gave me their advices. -
Hi ninestar,
try reading the thrad which I have psoted (Advice needed......, last posted date: 8 march 2005). I know its really difficult, tough and I have been thinking alot too for why my ex has done the same thing to me. Like those who have advised me, it takes 2 hands to clap. If you ask me how to move on especially when I am currently studying and working, I may not be able t give you a definite answer. You have to be brave , look forward and notlooking back in the past for what you have done for her(as advised by sgforum friends).
One thing which I truely believe, time will heal the pain. As for now, you may be suffering with hurt and anger which you may think that you do not deserve such treatment, thinkabout your future, you are the only one who can shape your own future.
I must admit that I have not fully recover from that traumatic nightmare but I have learnt to move on. Thanks to all the sgforum friend who gave me their advices. -
since like this liao its better to leave. no point drag on. my guess is that she has loss interest in u liao.Originally posted by Ninestar:hi folks... last thursday i found out that my gf of 2 yrs is seeing a guy at her workplace for sometime. it happen when i was studying for my exams when they started going out. both of us are 24 this year. had plans to settle down. Met her on thursday night at her block downstairs. i waited for ard 1 hr b4 she came home on the bike the guy was riding. we sat down and talked. i ask her wat are her options. she say she has feelings for both of us and can only make a decision after her exams in march. the best part is she din tell the guy she is attached. as i didn't want it to drag on... we agreed upon being friends.but she did say that she enjoys being with the guy. as for me she din say anything. She goes out with the guy and she smses me to let me noe when she reach hme. I seriously donno wat i shld do? i kinda agreed to withdraw and gave my blessings to both of them. I seriously loved her and had talk about settling down with her. izzit because i am studying and the guy has a stable job? i really don't know but if its over, is she still considering starting over with me or just treating me as a friend. i don mind being friends. as love cannot be forced... been feeling kinda weird this few days. my friends and parents are kinda shocked to see me in this state. But for me life goes on... haizx
Pls Advice
Thanks -
thks ptw, i read the thread. sometimes i wonder how come guys get hurt and need so long to recover... FYI i kinda already bought a diamond ring b4 this happen... really at a lost.... felt like throwing the ring away... best part is she say she wanna meet me tonite... i really donno how to go about it... i wonder???? if her new boyfriend knew abt this wat would he do??? i refer to withdraw out of this relationship but somehow i need more time....
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Hi ninestar,
what you need is time to gather yourself together and decide whether is she worth it. Sorry, may be offensive to you but your scenario is almost the same as mine but at least she is willing to talk things out with you.
Unlike me, ganna stabbed multiple times by her new bf.
What I can advise you is that you need to stable yourself first, think it throughly before making the correct move. I can tell you that at your current situation, emotion may affect your decision.
I would say that by talking things out with her, since there is an opportunity, you can clarify things out with her throughly. As for me, I dont even have a single chance to talk things out with my ex before ending the r/s.
Endure this period of pain and soon enough, you will realise that its just another nightmare. -
Bro, if she is meant for you, she will come back to you...no matter where you run. If she is not, even both of you get married later, will end up in a separate ways. Sometimes is better to end now than later. Everything is predestined. Learn to let go....although is hard.....
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If she doesn't know what she wants, then you'll have to make the call and decision? Make it a quick and simple one... Afterall, you stil need to get on with your life....?Originally posted by Ninestar:thks guys for ur advice. but for me the betrayal of trust is the hardest to get over with. i have tried going out with friends etc... somehow memories start flowing back....tried sleeping to forgo the incident. can't at all. yes i am studying full-time at SIM. the guy she is with has a diploma. i need time to prove my self.... i seriously want to move ahead, but somehow the way she treats me tells me she doesn't even noe wat she wants....
The ring... Pawn it or just keep it? -
Tell her its over..she's using u as backup...obviously ur no.2 so tell her that ur leaving her....she's taking u 4 granted....time does not matter...its not a reason 4 u 2 stay with her..if u do,u end up hurtin more.U deserve sumone better.
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since so much had been said by the others..no point saying anything more..let her go..find someone worthy of your love..as for the ring..sell it..or keep inside a box and hide it some where u will nv find..take care and good luck..
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I also agreed.Originally posted by Nelstar:If she decides to go with the other guy, you have to tell her this,
Since you're leaving, don't come back. I'm not your hideout when you're in a bad spot. Once, you decided to go, then it's your choice, I won't stop you. Don't turn back, I won't be waiting for you, even if I am still single. And remember when you leave, don't ever use me to compare to him. You chose him, so you have to accept him for what he is.
Basically my advice for you is... get over it.
Ask her straight in her face if she wants out. If you can't bear her seeing another guy, then just force the answer out of her. Since she decides to two-time, she got to weigh the consequences.
Shldn't let her have u as spare. if she has chosen it, then there's no turning back.
Better for you. No joke for never ending story....
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Let her choose once and for all on who she wants to be with, that solved the problem and everyone is happy
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personally, i do not condone such breeches of trust and fidelity. so i'd say, get your ass off her dude. you yourself has said it, it's a betrayal to you. if you stayed on and should she return to you one day, won't you be always insecure about whether she will drop you the next time a bigger fish came to her again? a broken vase can be fixed. but are you sure it's the same as before??
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Well, girls will always prefers a guy with a stable career over the one who doesn't have a stable career. The sense of feeling insecure is probably what all girls dreaded the most. Insecurities and Uncertaincies are different. Which girl doesn't want a guy with a stable job/career and income and is also entertaining to her at the same time? Looks in a guy of course counts...must not be disgusting-looking or third-world ugly.Originally posted by Ninestar:hi folks... last thursday i found out that my gf of 2 yrs is seeing a guy at her workplace for sometime. it happen when i was studying for my exams when they started going out. both of us are 24 this year. had plans to settle down. Met her on thursday night at her block downstairs. i waited for ard 1 hr b4 she came home on the bike the guy was riding. we sat down and talked. i ask her wat are her options. she say she has feelings for both of us and can only make a decision after her exams in march. the best part is she din tell the guy she is attached. as i didn't want it to drag on... we agreed upon being friends.but she did say that she enjoys being with the guy. as for me she din say anything. She goes out with the guy and she smses me to let me noe when she reach hme. I seriously donno wat i shld do? i kinda agreed to withdraw and gave my blessings to both of them. I seriously loved her and had talk about settling down with her. izzit because i am studying and the guy has a stable job? i really don't know but if its over, is she still considering starting over with me or just treating me as a friend. i don mind being friends. as love cannot be forced... been feeling kinda weird this few days. my friends and parents are kinda shocked to see me in this state. But for me life goes on... haizx
Pls Advice
Thanks
Hmm...do you love her? If yes, why are you giving her up? Don't assumed that you have already lost the war before you actually fought it. If you are going to be such a gentlemen in love, chances are you are going to have this kind of situations repeating itself on you over and over again until you've learnt your lesson. If you seriously love her, what makes you think that the other guy is able to love her more than you?
In fact, you should be the one having the upper hand in this fight. The reason? Well, she's still your girlfriend right? Make a lot of plans with your girlfriend and spend a lot of time with her so that she won't have time to be swayed by the other guy. Singapore has a lot of a lot of girlfriend stealers...and all of them deserved to be rewarded by being shot/pierced/stabbed/beaten/castrated/decapitated/mutilated/skewed/minced/sodomised/skinned to death. Hehehehehe.......
(Oops...hehehe...a little bit too evil. )
True love never turns to hate, so I supposed you don't hate your girlfriend for having a little flirt behind your back. Lie to her if you have to do so to turn her back, you must not give up...cos if you give up, the other guy is probably planning to cheat her of all her money, rape her and make her his whore and make porn home movies with her and sell it to the entire world online..and after doing all those deeds, he is going to hack away her arms and legs and force her to beg in some outskirt streets of some third-world borderline fourth-world countries for the rest of her remaining life.
Are you going to allow this to happen?
So turn her around back to you again if you still love her, be a dirty little man if you have to do so to save her. Cos once she's back with you, you can always do plenty of community services or good deeds to redeem your soul.
Good luck. (Forgive my imagination, not in a good mood today...had an irritating dream last night. ) -
thks to all for ur advice.... i did not meet her last nite as she went to the guy's house. i am trying to move on... went out today but memories still flow back... need more time... anyway in terms of security and money, i am doing my mgmt course finishing nxt year, i trade in shares frequently so i have a stable income ard $2600 per mth... so i donno wat she really wants. If that is wat she wanna compare i have nothing to say... hopefully time can heal my wound... thanks to all. but somehow she sms me wats she is doing with the guy. i donno is it a spite to me or izzit just letting a friend noe??? hopefully she can make a proper decision after her exams