Please tell me... Should i stop giving?
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Dear all,
I've been with this guy for a month and he's a rather quiet guy... but somehow, he's freezing me... When i write letters to him, make him cards, buy him cookies, sweet talks him, he would always say i'm very bo liao...
i had told him that i get a little hurt when i make an effort to add sweetness and he ends up making me look all one sided... but he says he's not good at expressing himself...
I am a romantic person, i do not mind him not catching up with me, i know i have to accept the way he is... but i can't help but feel hurt.. can't take the feeling away...
His way of communicating is to keep banging me and it seems that i can never get a single compliment from him... i got myself a tan. and he says it's pretty ugly, but he has never said i was pretty when i was fairer.. get what i mean? All criticism... no compliments.. and i can say i'm rather above average looking... while i have men chasing my skirts... my boyfriend seems all disinterested in me... why get together if he has nothing nice to say about me? i just don't get it...
Should i continue to give in the relationship and stop calculating, or should i stop giving and see if he would do anything? I can say he does nothing for our bond... and he thinks that buying food for me and spending time with me twice a week is all he needs to do as a boyfriend...
Help me... i know i'm sounding petty here... but i really hope that he would help me work this relationship out... i really like him a lot... i don't want to give up but i'm not happy in the relationship seeing him so laid back and nonchalent...
Am i over reacting?
With regards,
Vonderful -
communication problem.....if u cant solve it with ur bf better break up with him
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have a tok with him... he's says he's not good at expressing himself... tell him he needs to open up to you... if he thinks that just saying those words means he's excused from everything... then i dun see the point of getting together...
anyone can buy you food twice a week and spend two days with you... does he even know that his words hurt you??
if u truly love someone... and found out that your words hurt him like crazy... u'll feel bad wun you... i just wonder if your boyfriend will feel bad... or he's just gonna reply that he's not good at words... -
Ditch the loser.
A r'ship is two ways. It's not one party getting what he wants to the detriment to the other.
If he really loves (or even likes) you he would naturally make you feel good about yourself and not put you down. You don't need this kind of guy in your life. There are many more guys out there that will treat you way better. -
agreed. Ditch the bloody loser.
There are tons of man out there, Why stick with a loser?
You will prolly vomit more blood next time if u get married to this kind of 'boring' man. -
He's taking you for granted.
To be fair you could issue a final warning. If still no improvement, then you should move on. -
Give him the cold treatment. You are being too nice to him. "Too nice gal makes a Jane plain".
Try not to give so much attention and concern to him. Don't be too nice, don't call him so often, don't do so much good things for him. Just be good but not so good as before. Try out and see, chances are the guy would crawl back to you.
Let him know that he should cherish you.
!!!!!Unless, he is two timing you or already going after another gal. If that's the case, you should know la, leave him. -
Its takes 2 hands to clap , and 1 hand to slap..
giving in to him is a endless n tiring task which will never be appreciated.. -
It seems to be one-sided, can be very tiring for u doing so much but not getting anything even a compliment in return.
U should face reality that he may not be very keen on u. -
A happy r'ship takes 2 to make it work. In you case, seems like you're giving more than you're receiving. It ain't too healthy!
He doesn't appreciate what you do for him. What's the point of hanging on? If you've already communicate with him and still, he doesn't change. Thinking that he has done his part as a bf. Then it seems like the r'ship doesn't mean much to him.
It's only to the 1st month of your r'ship, yet you're already feeling so blue. Think. In the long run, can it work out?
Find someone who appreciates your effort, your character, your love. -
First, try to talk to him.
If he does change in future and then later relaspe back to the same...remind him again.
Sorry if I offend the guys here, but some guys are like that. They forget who they are with and they need to be reminded.
But overall, yes, it takes two hands to clap (but not ur own!
). -
You know what..? You could just be right...? Some people are just not so good with expressing themselves... And your bf just main very well be one of them...?Originally posted by Vonderful:Dear all,
I've been with this guy for a month and he's a rather quiet guy... but somehow, he's freezing me... When i write letters to him, make him cards, buy him cookies, sweet talks him, he would always say i'm very bo liao...
i had told him that i get a little hurt when i make an effort to add sweetness and he ends up making me look all one sided... but he says he's not good at expressing himself...
I am a romantic person, i do not mind him not catching up with me, i know i have to accept the way he is... but i can't help but feel hurt.. can't take the feeling away...
His way of communicating is to keep banging me and it seems that i can never get a single compliment from him... i got myself a tan. and he says it's pretty ugly, but he has never said i was pretty when i was fairer.. get what i mean? All criticism... no compliments.. and i can say i'm rather above average looking... while i have men chasing my skirts... my boyfriend seems all disinterested in me... why get together if he has nothing nice to say about me? i just don't get it...
Should i continue to give in the relationship and stop calculating, or should i stop giving and see if he would do anything? I can say he does nothing for our bond... and he thinks that buying food for me and spending time with me twice a week is all he needs to do as a boyfriend...
Help me... i know i'm sounding petty here... but i really hope that he would help me work this relationship out... i really like him a lot... i don't want to give up but i'm not happy in the relationship seeing him so laid back and nonchalent...
Am i over reacting?
With regards,
Vonderful
Does he really think that buying you food and spending time 2 times a week is enough as a bf?
Perhaps you can just talk to him about things...?
Never mind for a start that he's not really good at expressing himself.... Why not YOU EXPRESS YOURSELF...?? Let him know how you feel... The sense of insecurity you're feeling... The things you feel that you're lacking for.... And just HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM and WISH that he could play a bit more so that the relationship would work out better for the both of you...? -
What makes you accept him as your bf in the first place?
Regardless of how good-looking and kind-hearted he may be, a guy who doesn't know how to entertain his girl deserved to be dumped.
If he doesn't have the ability to make you happy, at least he shouldn't be making you feel sad. All he need to do is to pay some concern everyday, even so if it is just a few words, actions, sms or a simple phone call.
It takes 2 to keep the relationship alive...and when one of them is not making any effort to do so, chances are that person is already not interested in the relationship anymore.
Good luck.
Originally posted by Vonderful:Dear all,
I've been with this guy for a month and he's a rather quiet guy... but somehow, he's freezing me... When i write letters to him, make him cards, buy him cookies, sweet talks him, he would always say i'm very bo liao...
i had told him that i get a little hurt when i make an effort to add sweetness and he ends up making me look all one sided... but he says he's not good at expressing himself...
I am a romantic person, i do not mind him not catching up with me, i know i have to accept the way he is... but i can't help but feel hurt.. can't take the feeling away...
His way of communicating is to keep banging me and it seems that i can never get a single compliment from him... i got myself a tan. and he says it's pretty ugly, but he has never said i was pretty when i was fairer.. get what i mean? All criticism... no compliments.. and i can say i'm rather above average looking... while i have men chasing my skirts... my boyfriend seems all disinterested in me... why get together if he has nothing nice to say about me? i just don't get it...
Should i continue to give in the relationship and stop calculating, or should i stop giving and see if he would do anything? I can say he does nothing for our bond... and he thinks that buying food for me and spending time with me twice a week is all he needs to do as a boyfriend...
Help me... i know i'm sounding petty here... but i really hope that he would help me work this relationship out... i really like him a lot... i don't want to give up but i'm not happy in the relationship seeing him so laid back and nonchalent...
Am i over reacting?
With regards,
Vonderful -
i would say both of u got very different char and u cant accept his char. this is a serious prob where u will need to think. can u accept a guy like tt? do u think u can be happily married to him in the future? if ur answer is no. u may need to think of a way out. and please don try to change the guy. it will only make him feel stressed.
good luck -
and don force urself to accept him if u think u really cannot. it will oni stress u out. u 2 may really need to sit down and have a really long tok.
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his way of communication is to keep banging u???
maybe he is the type who doesn't talk love...he makes it -
Thanks for all the advices,
I tried talking to him, but yes, as you had expected, he said he's just not good with words... He's doing so little, that now, i feel that even a phone call or a hug is good enough... this is not right... calling and showing me affection (besides in bed, of coz..) are the basics of a relationship... but these are the things that seem so big now...
Is this what you call, "when you've been to hell, you learn to appreciate earth?"
He is someone who thinks that meeting too often is not good, but it's not that im sticky, i just miss him so much, you know the feeling of loving someone and wanting to see him so bad? I don't even dare to ask for a date, i'm afraid that he would find me too sticky... but we're meeting just twice a week, no quantity, no quality... He would be doing his stuff at home while i watch TV... and when it's bedtime, he would come and hug me to sleep... i cannot believe that i could feel so lonely even in his presence... i'm so so so lonely...
I want to accept him, but i'm just too weak to do so...
I dun want to make him change into a person he is not, coz that's not him anymore...
Actually i know what the best and perhaps, only option is--- Leave...
But sometimes, the mind and the heart just couldn't work in line... Zhen de hao xin ku....
With thanks,
Vonderful. -
eh... pardon me for asking. is this ur first relationship?
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Being too nice is not a very good thing sometimes. It makes people take you for granted.
So you have to learn to stand up for yourself sometimes and tell him that you do not like the way he is treating you. Don't be afraid to speak your mind just because you are scared to hurt him or the relationship. If you are unhappy about something in the relationship, tell him directly so that both of you can discuss it. There is no point in hiding stuff and making yourself more miserable that way. Plus he might think he is treating you the right way since you never complain and hence he will always think you are happy with the way things are going.
But are you really happy?
You need to be more assertive. Learn to stand up for your right and say what's on your mind straight to his face. And if he is treating you badly even after you have told him to treat you better, there is really no point in remaining in this relationship.
i.c.y -
Dear Dzylim,
It's not my first relationship... but first time i feel this lonely in a relationship.... -
ah... its amazing how love can make people do the dumbest thing. We can advise, the final decision lies with u. Good luck.Originally posted by Vonderful:Dear Dzylim,
It's not my first relationship... but first time i feel this lonely in a relationship.... -
I've done it your way, but his reaction was something like it's the way he is... he doesn't think that it's a prob at all... i have tried not to call him, but he didn't call too. perhaps, it's not him... it's just that the feeling ain't there...Originally posted by icyprincess:Being too nice is not a very good thing sometimes. It makes people take you for granted.
So you have to learn to stand up for yourself sometimes and tell him that you do not like the way he is treating you. Don't be afraid to speak your mind just because you are scared to hurt him or the relationship. If you are unhappy about something in the relationship, tell him directly so that both of you can discuss it. There is no point in hiding stuff and making yourself more miserable that way. Plus he might think he is treating you the right way since you never complain and hence he will always think you are happy with the way things are going.
But are you really happy?
You need to be more assertive. Learn to stand up for your right and say what's on your mind straight to his face. And if he is treating you badly even after you have told him to treat you better, there is really no point in remaining in this relationship.
i.c.y
It's clear, isn't it? Just that all the bros and sis here are trying to be kind with their words... He doesn't love me... how would anyone bear to do to those they love the things he's doing to me...
i'm just weak... Mei you yong... -
dear voderful. i think u are still young. if this relation don work out u can always pick urself up and try again.
there is a teochew saying. " lao nang pua si. nou kia pua toa". when old ppl fall, they die. when young people fall, they grow up. -
Since you already know that, why are you still with him?Originally posted by Vonderful:I've done it your way, but his reaction was something like it's the way he is... he doesn't think that it's a prob at all... i have tried not to call him, but he didn't call too. perhaps, it's not him... it's just that the feeling ain't there...
It's clear, isn't it? Just that all the bros and sis here are trying to be kind with their words... He doesn't love me... how would anyone bear to do to those they love the things he's doing to me...
i'm just weak... Mei you yong...
Love is a two way street, since he is not doing his part, I shall say my famous words to you:
Kick him into the gutter, girl! (or sewer haha...
)
i.c.y -
He doesn't appreciate the things that you do. he only knows how to criticize you. Perhaps that makes him feel great.
I think you deserve someone better.