Please tell me... Should i stop giving?
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Dup
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Fwah first time I hear of this quote. Nice!Originally posted by dzylim:there is a teochew saying. " lao nang pua si. nou kia pua toa". when old ppl fall, they die. when young people fall, they grow up.
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How I wish i have a gf like you....Somehow i havent met mine....yetOriginally posted by Vonderful:Dear all,
I've been with this guy for a month and he's a rather quiet guy... but somehow, he's freezing me... When i write letters to him, make him cards, buy him cookies, sweet talks him, he would always say i'm very bo liao...
i had told him that i get a little hurt when i make an effort to add sweetness and he ends up making me look all one sided... but he says he's not good at expressing himself...
I am a romantic person, i do not mind him not catching up with me, i know i have to accept the way he is... but i can't help but feel hurt.. can't take the feeling away...
His way of communicating is to keep banging me and it seems that i can never get a single compliment from him... i got myself a tan. and he says it's pretty ugly, but he has never said i was pretty when i was fairer.. get what i mean? All criticism... no compliments.. and i can say i'm rather above average looking... while i have men chasing my skirts... my boyfriend seems all disinterested in me... why get together if he has nothing nice to say about me? i just don't get it...
Should i continue to give in the relationship and stop calculating, or should i stop giving and see if he would do anything? I can say he does nothing for our bond... and he thinks that buying food for me and spending time with me twice a week is all he needs to do as a boyfriend...
Help me... i know i'm sounding petty here... but i really hope that he would help me work this relationship out... i really like him a lot... i don't want to give up but i'm not happy in the relationship seeing him so laid back and nonchalent...
Am i over reacting?
With regards,
Vonderful -
Vonderful, how did u two get together? Who took the initiative?
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You've already said what you want.Originally posted by Vonderful:Thanks for all the advices,
I tried talking to him, but yes, as you had expected, he said he's just not good with words... He's doing so little, that now, i feel that even a phone call or a hug is good enough... this is not right... calling and showing me affection (besides in bed, of coz..) are the basics of a relationship... but these are the things that seem so big now...
Is this what you call, "when you've been to hell, you learn to appreciate earth?"
He is someone who thinks that meeting too often is not good, but it's not that im sticky, i just miss him so much, you know the feeling of loving someone and wanting to see him so bad? I don't even dare to ask for a date, i'm afraid that he would find me too sticky... but we're meeting just twice a week, no quantity, no quality... He would be doing his stuff at home while i watch TV... and when it's bedtime, he would come and hug me to sleep... i cannot believe that i could feel so lonely even in his presence... i'm so so so lonely...
I want to accept him, but i'm just too weak to do so...
I dun want to make him change into a person he is not, coz that's not him anymore...
Actually i know what the best and perhaps, only option is--- Leave...
But sometimes, the mind and the heart just couldn't work in line... Zhen de hao xin ku....
With thanks,
Vonderful.
Making such decision and carrying them out especially is often difficult to bear.
Good luck? -
I liked him first... then with a little hints, and he was the one who took the initiative to start our story... Sadly, i guess he wasn't really into me in the first place ba...Originally posted by browniebaobao:Vonderful, how did u two get together? Who took the initiative? -
Originally posted by Vonderful:Dear all,
I've been with this guy for a month and he's a rather quiet guy... but somehow, he's freezing me... When i write letters to him, make him cards, buy him cookies, sweet talks him, he would always say i'm very bo liao...
i had told him that i get a little hurt when i make an effort to add sweetness and he ends up making me look all one sided... but he says he's not good at expressing himself...
I am a romantic person, i do not mind him not catching up with me, i know i have to accept the way he is... but i can't help but feel hurt.. can't take the feeling away...
His way of communicating is to keep banging me and it seems that i can never get a single compliment from him... i got myself a tan. and he says it's pretty ugly, but he has never said i was pretty when i was fairer.. get what i mean? All criticism... no compliments.. and i can say i'm rather above average looking... while i have men chasing my skirts... my boyfriend seems all disinterested in me... why get together if he has nothing nice to say about me? i just don't get it...
Should i continue to give in the relationship and stop calculating, or should i stop giving and see if he would do anything? I can say he does nothing for our bond... and he thinks that buying food for me and spending time with me twice a week is all he needs to do as a boyfriend...
Help me... i know i'm sounding petty here... but i really hope that he would help me work this relationship out... i really like him a lot... i don't want to give up but i'm not happy in the relationship seeing him so laid back and nonchalent...
Am i over reacting?
With regards,
Vonderful
Your man probably have real unseen psychological issue within the first 13 years of his life. (Or previous issues with past love/s)
I) How is his parent's relationship with one another?
II) How is his previous relationship like?
If he is a TV freak, certain unorthodox idealogy his mind absorb could also prove to worsen this effect.
*** He may have love you, but somewhat the act of affection and expression seemed alien to him. If he have history of past relationships and nothing change since then, it could be more than just the inability to express his love. He probably suffer from the inability to accept and reciprocate love with others. like a mystical barrier walled inside his emotional soul that traps affections. Four walls and a window - his mind lurked a shadow that kept feeding him with an illusion of possible hurt love could bring. It will stop him from exposing too much of himself emotionally.
The cause is mostly imaginary. Your man is one who is utterly weak within and to avoid demonstrating his vulnerability, he subconsciously CHOSE to limit access to what goes in and out of his heart. This is security of the highest level, to act as though he didn't care, depreciate you and stuff - the real truth is that his soft interior is so fragile that he doesn't wants anyone to get inside and make a mess out of it.
His way of communication is to keep banging you?
Mars is strong, Venus is weak. Another distinct clue that he's a man who receives and hestiate on giving. He gets what he wants and couldn't care less about anything else.
Sex comes into the picture too hasty. With current status of your relationship, it's difficult to substain things if you crave for a proper relationship. You may think it doesn't matter to you now... but eventually it will and everything adds up. CloUdiSm states equations 3:6 - you crisis will arrive during your 3rd and 6th month in the relationships.
P.S: You may need to review your relationship immediately for you now have a man who is more interested in banging you THAN to CONSIDER your emotional needs. Remember you don't have to be verbally expressive to consider for people's emotional needs - actions speaks louder in fact.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
hmm .. u r so pro in analysing .. Your man probably have real unseen psychological issue within the first 13 years of his life. (Or previous issues with past love/s)
I) How is his parent's relationship with one another?
II) How is his previous relationship like?
If he is a TV freak, certain unorthodox idealogy his mind absorb could also prove to worsen this effect.
*** He may have love you, but somewhat the act of affection and expression seemed alien to him. If he have history of past relationships and nothing change since then, it could be more than just the inability to express his love. He probably suffer from the inability to accept and reciprocate love with others. like a mystical barrier walled inside his emotional soul that traps affections. Four walls and a window - his mind lurked a shadow that [b]kept feeding him with an illusion of possible hurt love could bring. It will stop him from exposing too much of himself emotionally.
The cause is mostly imaginary. Your man is one who is utterly weak within and to avoid demonstrating his vulnerability, he subconsciously CHOSE to limit access to what goes in and out of his heart. This is security of the highest level, to act as though he didn't care, depreciate you and stuff - the real truth is that his soft interior is so fragile that he doesn't wants anyone to get inside and make a mess out of it.
His way of communication is to keep banging you?
Mars is strong, Venus is weak. Another distinct clue that he's a man who receives and hestiate on giving. He gets what he wants and couldn't care less about anything else.
Sex comes into the picture too hasty. With current status of your relationship, it's difficult to substain things if you crave for a proper relationship. You may think it doesn't matter to you now... but eventually it will and everything adds up. CloUdiSm states equations 3:6 - you crisis will arrive during your 3rd and 6th month in the relationships.
P.S: You may need to review your relationship immediately for you now have a man who is more interested in banging you THAN to CONSIDER your emotional needs. Remember you don't have to be verbally expressive to consider for people's emotional needs - actions speaks louder in fact.
Cheers [/b]
"you crisis will arrive during your 3rd and 6th month in the relationships. "
sound like some fortune teller here .. lol ..
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Wondering if Yunhaier major in psychology?
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dear vonderul,
ur bf has problems expressing himself. hes no good with words, but hes not doing anything on his part to keep the relationship going. get the hint? he doesn't care. and probably ur too giving. no matter what he says to you hes making an excuse. there are many simple ways to let a person know ur being appreciated. judging by the signs its obvious isnt it?
dun hestitate to leave him. and dun be sad abt the breakup. think. there are dozens of guys out there who would give to have you. this kind of guy dun deserve a relationship so dun waste ur resources on him. u will feel disappointed but thats normal and it ain't a bad thing. better now then later.
the reason why u post in these forums is u want to seek acceptance and be sure of what ur about to do next. i hope we've given you some confidence on that. but to put it simply, if any1 doesnt show any form of appreciation towards me i wouldnt care about them. dun try to fit in the relationship term between u and him if he cant get it right, cuz its probably not. -
I have this theory about relationships, let's see if make sense to you.
To me, it's not so much about how good a person is, or how many strong points he or she has. It's whether or not you can accept the person's weaknesses. Just for example, if a person was sweet, gentle, caring, basically everything "good", BUT they smoke, then for me, there's no point in even pursuing the relationship anymore.
Because what I've learnt is that people don't focus on others' good points, but they zone in on the weaknesses of their partners. Important to know is whether they can accept it or not. In the long run, you don't want to keep arguing over each other's weak points, in this case, smoking.
Please note that this is a very relative issue, because just because I don't accept my partner smoking does not mean that smoking is a bad bad thing. I mean, you should know what you can tolerate or cannot tolerate over a long period of time. Obviously if you are a smoker yourself then you won't mind your partner smoking, right?
You have to find out what you can accept or can not accept in a person. Basically, you have to ensure, yes I do mean ENSURE that you are able to tolerate your partner's weaknesses. Just another example. For me, I'm si-bey lazy, but my partner finds it amusing rather than deadly, so she is able to accept this weakness of mine.
In your case, your partner obviously takes you for granted. However, unless you have actually spoken to him about it, there IS a slight chance that he does not realise what he is doing! Some people just blurt out words as a reflex without realising what it does to other people. Before giving it up as a "weakness" you can't accept, sort it out with him first. Having said that, he still has to do his part for a relationship to work. He can't expect to just shrug it off as "I'm not good with words" and expect everyone to accept it. If you can, I really salute you.
After all, what is a point of a relationship if it does not serve to make the parties involved happy?
I do not guarantee this theory works for everyone, because in my opinion, every relationship is different and requires different things to make it "tick".
Just my 2 cents. -
*Sorry* Mis post.
Can a moderator delete this post please. -
*Sorry* Mis post.
Can a moderator delete this post please. -
Originally posted by Saint`:hmm .. u r so pro in analysing ..
"you crisis will arrive during your 3rd and 6th month in the relationships. "
sound like some fortune teller here .. lol .. Actually that thingy came from certain calcuation in Astrology - a common occurence in couples during these period.
Cheers -
Originally posted by shirurinu:Wondering if Yunhaier major in psychology?
Cheers