mum strongly disagree with me dating another race?
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im a chinese..when my mum knows tt im kinda very close or shld i sae close to datin a malay guy..she cant accept tt lor..den keep nagging b0ut it..does anyone encounter such problems?
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As far as i know, most malays are muslims and if u r dating a malay guy, and intend to settle down with him, u'll need to convert into islam as well, depending on how religious his family is. and muslim's religious rituals are tedious.
tt's y ur mom can't accept this drastic move of urs.
i dunno, but this thing concerns a lot abt islamic religion. i have no say to that.
S.H.I.N. -
Do you need your mother's signature on the ROM?Originally posted by [H]opes:im a chinese..when my mum knows tt im kinda very close or shld i sae close to datin a malay guy..she cant accept tt lor..den keep nagging b0ut it..does anyone encounter such problems? 
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Not bf yet yeah?Originally posted by [H]opes:im a chinese..when my mum knows tt im kinda very close or shld i sae close to datin a malay guy..she cant accept tt lor..den keep nagging b0ut it..does anyone encounter such problems? -
yahz..but we very close..kinda gt tt kinda feelin tt we together lidat..den i stupid enuff la..go let mum know..den she strongly against it..i dun wana lose him...n dun wana go against my mum also..Originally posted by Devil1976:Not bf yet yeah? -
your mom isn't you..
tell your mom that...
she is not the one living your life.. -
Your call or your mom's call?Originally posted by [H]opes:yahz..but we very close..kinda gt tt kinda feelin tt we together lidat..den i stupid enuff la..go let mum know..den she strongly against it..i dun wana lose him...n dun wana go against my mum also.. -
I know of a malay friend who is dating a chinese girl for a couple of yrs already.. i guess their r/s is pretty hush hush too..
I think the tot of the transition of cultures n religion tt u have to thru worries ur mum alot.. r u willing to make such a difficult sacrifice.. if so.. den why not go ahead.. it's ur own life.. u can only hope for ur mum's understanding.. nothing more..
But i muz caution u.. be very very sure of wat u r doing n getting urself into.. inter-racial r/s isnt very smooth-sailing..
Good luck.. -
all i'll say is:
are you going to bed your mother or your gf?
are you going to marry your gf or your mother?
work that out and you can see where your priorities lie.. -
Silly question...of course is mother la...Originally posted by zoik:all i'll say is:
are you going to bed your mother or your gf?
are you going to marry your gf or your mother?
work that out and you can see where your priorities lie..
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ROFL!
okay, call the cops! -
I have no comments on what you shd do.
But if it is me, there is no chance i would even get close to any malay guy in the first place... What are u doing? If u are still in your teens or early 20s, i would say, pls do the correct thing....tons of men ard...why choose someone whereby u will be stress with him over many matters and strain your relationship with ur parents?
No doubt its your life but your life is given to you by your parents. Show them some respects can?
You should try to understand why they are opposing.
But on the other hand, if they are opposing you with a chinese guy, than of course u have every right to exercise your own rights.
But now the situation is different. U havnt committed yourself with your malay friend and your parents are trying desperately to stop you from making a decision which u might regret next time.
Parents know best. Trust them for they wont harm their own children -
How old are the both of you?Originally posted by [H]opes:yahz..but we very close..kinda gt tt kinda feelin tt we together lidat..den i stupid enuff la..go let mum know..den she strongly against it..i dun wana lose him...n dun wana go against my mum also..
Not to be biased. But at a younger age, there's a higher tendency for your parents to be more firm in their stands.
At a younger age, take things more easily. Express your interest in this guy. Be sort of like a 'close friend' 1st. bring him around a bit. See your parents (or even family?) a couple of times, just like a friend. When they are more accomodised with him, slowly let the rope in.
At an age where you deserves more freedom. Let your mum have faith in your decision. You can try the same trick as above in showing him around a bit. Ultimately, let your mum understand that whether she accepts it or not, you'll still be with this guy COS YOU LOVE HIM (pls only say this when you really mean so yeah? ). BUT you RESPECT her and hope she'll wish you well and be with you on your choice of relationship. Majority of mothers should understand from there on if they can do a little thinking? 
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Another note. Indeed religion and customs can be issues here. During moments when that guy is also with your family, let them see that he's okay with Chinese food, temple / praying/ joss/ whatever.
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tis is wat we called generation gap...very diff for either of u to understand how each other tink...anyway good luck.
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If you are in your mom's place, would you happily give your daughter away knowing she will have to convert to Muslim? Plus change her culture to a malay one? -
my daughter's life is not mine to lead nor is it mine to control...
all i can do is love her and be there for her when she needs someone to run to...Originally posted by mistyblue:If you are in your mom's place, would you happily give your daughter away knowing she will have to convert to Muslim? Plus change her culture to a malay one? -
If not bf....still can stopOriginally posted by [H]opes:yahz..but we very close..kinda gt tt kinda feelin tt we together lidat..den i stupid enuff la..go let mum know..den she strongly against it..i dun wana lose him...n dun wana go against my mum also..
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Your situation is much more complicated then mine because he is muslim. I don't think your mum is so much against the race but the religion and culture.
If you decide to marry him, you need to convert and even convert your name to a Malay one. I don't think you mum can accept that. If you can convince her that everything is still alright then I believe she will give you her blessings. -
yea the daughter should lead her own life but the mom would definitely be afraid of losing a daugther. Moms are protective lot of people. She is feeling fearful for her daughter that if her daughter married the muslim guy, converted and then realised she does not like it/ie regret. Then how? BTW, are people allowed to convert back to non muslim? I mean I don't know but sometimes, children should try to understand the concerns of a mother from their point. So of course, they would not be happy cause all they want is for their children to be happy.Originally posted by the Bear:my daughter's life is not mine to lead nor is it mine to control...
all i can do is love her and be there for her when she needs someone to run to...
I am not saying she should not lead her own life. I am saying in essence she should also think about where her mom is coming from. perhaps it can help her answer her mother's concerns and convince her mom IF eventually she really want to convert to Muslim and marry a malay guy. Perhaps the indirect message is not clear but I think this is clearer. I am not the instructive sort of people. So I do talk in riddles or challenges at times. -
So if you guys are so for inter-racial:
how many of you would wholeheartedly, without a flicker of doubt, immediately embrace without a single word of caution to your kids at all :
Your Daughter to Marry:
-Muslim , Hindu ,angmoh, african, any race
Your Son to Marry :
-Muslim, Hindu, Asian girl (non local), Bought Wife , Angmoh , another race
I can sincerely say, I would definitely worry about my kid's future, even if its the same race. Yea I am all for globalization and all that garbage and I know the younger generation would think the old folks should just shut up and go live in a nursing home. Most parents are concerned about the well being of their kid they had spend years to bring up. So as many had said. Repect them. But I am saying see from their view and assure them if you are going forward. It would be very sad if the day comes where parents do not care what their kids do with their lives. It means something else. -
Originally posted by mistyblue:
I guess I'm lucky that my parents think that the most important thing is that the guy treats me well and that I am happy. For my story, it is my relatives that are making the most noise whereas my parents are the supportive ones.
So if you guys are so for inter-racial:
how many of you would [b]wholeheartedly, without a flicker of doubt, immediately embrace without a single word of caution to your kids at all :
Your Daughter to Marry:
-Muslim , Hindu ,angmoh, african, any race
Your Son to Marry :
-Muslim, Hindu, Asian girl (non local), Bought Wife , Angmoh , another race
I can sincerely say, I would definitely worry about my kid's future, even if its the same race. Yea I am all for globalization and all that garbage and I know the younger generation would think the old folks should just shut up and go live in a nursing home. Most parents are concerned about the well being of their kid they had spend years to bring up. So as many had said. Repect them. But I am saying see from their view and assure them if you are going forward. It would be very sad if the day comes where parents do not care what their kids do with their lives. It means something else.
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From my parents point of view, it is not the race, religion or culture but the character and integrity of the person. -
why? you want to eat her?Originally posted by Devil1976:Not bf yet yeah? -
I'm a local mix guy(not muslim),my ex(chinese) & I almost got married untill she got caught two timming.
From experience,it was not easy winning over an old fashion cantonese in law.
Took time a a lot of time & pain to win them over.
If you are really serious,go for it.
But remember,nothing is free,esp. in laws approval/acceptance.
Ask yourslef,are your ready to stand alone if push comes to shove?,if not,play it safe and move on.
(if you were a guy,I would advise,it takes balls(& sometimes blood) to
out play and win those old farts.)
so many fish is the sea,sambal flavour may be hot,but other flavour also can taste good,with a pinch of salt of course.....
sounds like you are still young,best take in your stride and look out for the next 'akan datang' in your life journey.
good luck,you'll need it. -
Dear Hopes,
Let's get 1 thg straight here --> U're CLOSE TO dating a Malay guy, u haven't even started dating him yet, & in a later post, u tok abt wanting to be wif him against ur mum's wishes.
1. U haven't even started dating him, how wld u noe he's the 1 u wanna spend the rest of ur life wif?
2. How sure r u tt ur mum doesn't haf ur interests as her 1st priority, esp. if u're still young & impressionable?
3. U haven't started dating him, haf u thot of the compromises u hafta reach wif ur guy & the sacrifices u'll ultimately hafta make when u commit urself to him?
When u've sorted out all these, THEN only do u think abt how to explain to ur mum why u think u shd be wif the guy.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by [H]opes:im a chinese..when my mum knows tt im kinda very close or shld i sae close to datin a malay guy..she cant accept tt lor..den keep nagging b0ut it..does anyone encounter such problems?