no reason to live. seriously.
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hello my fellow forumites.
basically just to tell u guys my woes.
i have no friends at all. ok, maybe jus one, since i start my tertiaty education.
when i meet people, i would get nervous, my hands start sweating, i get these negative thoughts etc.
people seem to have this "i detest u" look on their faces. i cannot initiate conversations, i cant joke, i cant make friends. these are things many people take for granted, while me, im longing and desperate for them.
i hava very bad relationship with people. i still remember when i was doing project, i cock things up, my mates started to gossip abt me not doing my stuff etc.. but thats just because i just cannot ask them the specific tasks i am suppose to do, its not because im a slacker..
i have also created many enemies because at times i look snobbish, but deep inside, they donnoe how nervous and worried i am. if only they knew.
when i eat alone in the canteen, there was one of my classmates asking "why u oways eat alone one ah" i feel so embarrased i could die of embarrassment, literally.
even teachers did not spare me. they would be very reluctant to speak to me, let alone meet me. i have a difficulty in asking Qs and when i asked, i look worried and nervous, and teachers would get put off by that.
i am constantly worried, nervous jittery, when around people. they only place i seek solace is at home alone, with my PC.
no matter how many practice i do or how many times i psych myself up, when it comes to people again, i would fall down again.
the more i meet people, the more i get worried and nervous, and the more people are not comfortable with me, and the worst my condition becomes.
i am desperate, really.
i long for friends and stuff, but i know i am not able to get these luxuries.
i have taken down notes for living. and i have found out that my existance does not serve that reasons that i have taken note..
if not for religion, i would have died years ago..
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u have low self-esteem
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go outings la
tonight got 1 at muddy murphy
u will be welcome to join them ( i think
)
or u can always talk to the mod of this forum, mr Devil1976 -
yah, low self esteem due to the inability to talk/meet people..Originally posted by bratpig:u have low self-esteem -
wow dun worry maybe u can start to have a "life" here first.. den slowly expand to face-to-face interactions...
I dun really know how to help u cos guess i cant feel wad u are feeling.. but just that any woes can confide here.. we will comfort u and make u feel better... most of us la.. ignore those who are insensitive.. -
Originally posted by Axelheat755:go outings la
tonight got 1 at muddy murphy
u will be welcome to join them ( i think )
or u can always talk to the mod of this forum, mr Devil1976
yeah, i really would love to, but given my condition, i just cannot,
u noe the feeling, when u really want to, but u really cant. its like im a disabled person.. -
Dear Congenial,
Who's tt 1 fren u mentioned in ur 1st post? Are u close to tt fren? If u r, perhaps u may confide ur problems in him/her & he/she may help u? Wat abt ur family members or relatives? Is there anyone u can confide in & seek support from?
I had a relative who was kinda like tt, v. shy, but his problem was always towards girls only *laffs*. However, cosh those of us whom he confided in rallied ard to help him, he's prettie much alrite.
I'm sorree I can't help tt much here, ur problem seems far worse than my relatives', & I dun haf any life experiences similar to this 1. However, I wld recommend u speak to someone close, esp. family/relatives, & they might seek professional help for u. This isn't somethg to be ashamed of, u need professional help, cosh ur problem is serious enuff tt most normal pple wldn't be in a position to advise u properly.
Take care, & pls update me on ur depression. Wld like to noe u're okie.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by Congenial:yah, low self esteem due to the inability to talk/meet people.. -
thanx for the warm words you people..
a lot of times i just stay in the room with the PC.
i cant even talk to my parents, even they themselves feel uncomfortable around me.
i just cant talk to them. they think im a normal kid whos going thru that typical hormonal changes.
but they donnoe that the pain inside is really unbearable.
i just lock myself in the room sometimes, if things get unbearable. its not just extemely shy, i think its more painful than that.
i have told people about it, and no one seems to understand, even my good friend. hes the only one that accepts me for who i am, thus our lasting friendship.
a lot people, when they see people like me, yah, they say they would help, but when after meeting and knowing me, they would just leave me alone in the lurch, enjoying themselves with their friends.
then they will message u "im sure ull get better" -
Dear Congenial,
I gather u're still a student, then? : ) From wat u sez'd abt ur parents' reaction, it's probable tt it's Not tt they're uncomfy ard u, but they rgd ur situation as a case of teen angst. Some parents try to deal wif it head on, some take a passive stance, some dunno wat to do @ all. Ur parents may fall into the latter category.
As difficult as ur situation may be now, it may be a case of teen angst, & this, I haf a similar life story to share. There was an ex-schoolmate of mine. She was kinda like u, in tt she made few frens. To others, she appeared aloof, horrid, mean, acid-tongued & sarcastic (I'm Not sez'g u r!!! Juz tt the situation is like urs). Deep inside tho, she was desperate to be accepted & liked. She wanted to belong to a grp of frens, to noe tt she is liked.
I remained in touch wif her till I started working (then lost touch wif her, cosh of our bz schedules *sighz*). To date, I'm still Not sure wat really changed her, but she became a much happier person, more confident, more outgoing, etc. When I spoke to her abt the positive change, she told me, "HAHA, I guess age has made a difference!"
So take heart. It cld be a case of teen angst, which, along wif ur self-consciousness, will probably pass. There will come a time when u go, "Wat the heck, I'll juz go out & make frens"! U'll never noe : ) Meantime, try to remain positive : )
FeowFeowOriginally posted by Congenial:thanx for the warm words you people..
a lot of times i just stay in the room with the PC.
i cant even talk to my parents, even they themselves feel uncomfortable around me.
i just cant talk to them. they think im a normal kid whos going thru that typical hormonal changes.
but they donnoe that the pain inside is really unbearable.
i just lock myself in the room sometimes, if things get unbearable. its not just extemely shy, i think its more painful than that.
i have told people about it, and no one seems to understand, even my good friend. hes the only one that accepts me for who i am, thus our lasting friendship.
a lot people, when they see people like me, yah, they say they would help, but when after meeting and knowing me, they would just leave me alone in the lurch, enjoying themselves with their friends.
then they will message u "im sure ull get better" -
People can be so cruel and judgmental. They base their opinions on looks, behaviour and often, with the young crowd, what their peers think. I can only ask you to start trying not to let their lack of understanding of you affect your reason for living. If these people don't even bother to get to know you before they judge you, are they worth even your consideration of their opinions?Originally posted by Congenial:hello my fellow forumites... i have taken down notes for living. and i have found out that my existance does not serve that reasons that i have taken note..
If you are quiet and shy by nature, it's possible for others to perceive you as "stuck up". It's really difficult, if you are very introverted, to open yourself to others rightaway, I can understand that. There are many unkind people in this world, but there are really nice ones too. Keep trying, step by step. Try to sit with classmates everyday at the canteen instead of sitting alone, even if you feel they are looking at you strangely. It gets easier as the days go by and it allows your classmates to get to know you alittle at a time.
If you aren't sure what to do for projects, try asking the group leader, for a start, "I really want to help but I'm not sure what to do. I'd really appreciate it if you could point me in the right direction?" Something along those lines. If you face a problem doing your bit of the project, ask someone, "I've done this (tell them what you've done or what research you've come up with). I'm not sure if it's right. Could I just get your opinion on this?" Chances are you'll get the help you need. Do your best to ignore the looks you're getting.
To some, other people's opinions of them matter alot. Popular kids or those who have no problem mixing with the "in crowds" can be the most cruel of the lot. But these are also the ones who will have the most difficulty understanding the more quiet and shy ones amongst them bec they have never been put in that position. You have a friend, your religion and you have your family. That's really great. Other friends will come along gradually. If not in school, then as you go along in life. For me, for instance, it's not the quantity of people whom I know or how popular I am. It's the quality of the company I choose to keep and the crowd of friends, however small, whom I know I can trust, confide in and rely on. What's the point of having a huge book of friends who are only superficial?
Hang on in there, ok? Try talking to a counsellor, if you have one in school. It helps. -
I have the same problem as you. NOw i am getting better. All you got to do is to talk. Even if you feel its a stupid thing to say. Look at so website for teenagers having problem, you might find similiar problem inside. Believe me i truly understand what you are going through. The whole world hates me.
All started when i was 15. Only last year, the situation turns out to be better. If only i have read up all the website for teenagers with problem earlier, i would have suffer less. -
appreciate for the warm replies once again.
no, its very clear that my parents were not comfortable with me.
u get really uncomfortable if u see someone with a forceful smile, you know when those torchlight shine to your eyes, u noe how they look like right?
yah, i have that eyes when i speak to someone. then they feel uncomfortable. my parents feel reluctant to speak to me, and would rather speak to my sis, even though quiet, she doesnt have that uncomfy aura..
about sitting with the public, i have tried that, made me sick, feel the worlds falling on me, feel people detest me, i feel like exploding, and before you knew it, i would have ran away from the area.
i tried going to the doctor, but upon reaching the clinic i got really worried and nervous, i backed out and never went there again. the feeling is inexplicable.
i get panic attacks in crowd. people would be enjoying themselves and when i tried to befriend them they would accept me, but not long after i would be shunned all over again, cos they feel uncomfortable with me.
i have consedered counselling, but the thought of meeitng one is making me nervous, sweaty and worried.. -
my family?
even my aunts uncles etc gets nervous with me, and if possible, they would rather not me go to their house, if not we would feel out of place, nothing to chat about, nervous and stuff..
so might as well dont go.. -
hey first of all, i think it's wonderful that you can talk about this so openly!
believe me, this problem is more rampant than you would imagine, you're really not the only one having difficulty communicating and being in public. it's called social phobia am i right?
my advice to you: do seek treatment. you don't want to be handicapped the whole time. and if you seek help, doctors can presribe you suitable medicine to overcome such difficulties. sometimes it is a chemical imbalance that is causing you to have such problems.
take heart. know that it can be solved! -
Hey, this sounds really tough, judging from your past few posts. Go for the counselling, even though just the thought of it sickens you. If you've been struggling for a very long time to work it out on your own, there isn't any improvement and you're depressed, you need help from a professional. You've already been putting yourself out there, that alone shows you're a fighter, view the counsellor as just another step you need to take. This may be the very thing that's going to help you. And if it is, isn't it worth the sweat, nervousness and worry? Don't back out nowOriginally posted by Congenial:i have consedered counselling, but the thought of meeitng one is making me nervous, sweaty and worried.. -
HIHI! I was like you too. I HAD ABSOLUTELY NO FRIENDS FOR YEARS UNTIL one day when I forced myself to open up to others. Yup, and I still get gittery at times.
Try to relax and not think tha much. Do you have any interest or hobbies? maybe you can join the clubs or your cca..you can start by being around people more and like, make small talk to them...ask if they have eaten and stuff. then slowly you will get less nervous around ppl. Or you can try to mix with people younger than you. Cuz you are older, so i guess the nervousness and tension is less?
I started by nixing around ppl younger than me too. It made me less jittery. -
Sigh... don't wanna add to your woes... but right now I really am so tired I want to die...
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go and mix around with people ba...we are not as evil as we look
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Eating alone is no big deal wor...i'm also quite anti-social..if im put to a class with really not a single person i know...most probably i wun initiate to talk to anyone..
if u really need frens, join sgforums outings...there's always outings for u to make frens with -
today 1st april. you serious or just pulling our legs
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yah, ppl view me as anti social, the difference is, i am not and i dont want to be that way, i want to be social, but the mental barrier is too much to handle.
no, i tried mixing with others, but the results are demoralizing, trust me, u guys wont even want to be around me.
there was once i chatted with a girl from a jc in mirc. i think it was my luck, she jioed me out and we went out to play some sports.
i could not speak, i was nervous, panicked cant look into her eyes, i knew she was uncomfortable with me.
the uncomfortable look seems to stuck in my face. i think its ok if u dont talk, but for my case, its more than just not talking, my face will be uncomfortable, looks unfriendly etc.
that what happened when i met that girl. many people would jio girls out in the irc, but i was lucky, the gal jioed me out.
she was a pretty lady, with fair white skin and long nails with that rebonded hair of hers, but she doesnt look athletic..
but claimed to love sports..
it was just a waste.
i dont know whats wrong with me. hopefully it goes away. -
It's a virtual world afterall..sorry but to ask..is there anything wrong with your image? besides not smiling..
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then maybe you should seek help at IMH. i am sure the doctor can explain your anxiety and also offer a solution.
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initiate small talks?
wao, thats worst..
lots of people initiate small talks with me, but small talks are killers.
they will leaave me mentally unprepared, then i would stutter etc..
i shld really seek help. counselling or something.
if i go to psychologist, comfirm, those old fashion thinkers will think i am crazy or something.. -
i just did a search..Originally posted by gurlndignant:hey first of all, i think it's wonderful that you can talk about this so openly!
believe me, this problem is more rampant than you would imagine, you're really not the only one having difficulty communicating and being in public. it's called social phobia am i right?
my advice to you: do seek treatment. you don't want to be handicapped the whole time. and if you seek help, doctors can presribe you suitable medicine to overcome such difficulties. sometimes it is a chemical imbalance that is causing you to have such problems.
take heart. know that it can be solved!
HEY DUDE@!!!
the description really suited me!! damn, its a medical problem?
WAO!!!
thx for that man!! how did u noe its social phobia!
really thank u for that manz..
i cant believe i have phobia, did not have the slightest clue!!
now that i know of this specific prob, i feel that there is hope..
wao..that really made my day..