Would you be able to tell me why? Thanks.Originally posted by sgboy2005:dun divorce
I didn't even mention the phrase 'her nonsense' in my 1st post but it looks like you can very well understand what I've been going through. Thanks.Originally posted by browniebaobao:It must have been terrible to put up with her nonense. However, I dun encourage divorce unless you have tried every way to get along well with her. Why not seek professional consultation? Those who will give counselling or whatever in family planning etc..Find out what is the cause of her behaviours..
It's fate that brings two together..and love that ties both by marriage..
Are you really going to give up? Dun be in a hurry to make a decision and regret..especially when you have a child to be taken into consideration too.
Originally posted by troubled_soul:I didn't even mention the phrase 'her nonsense' in my 1st post but it looks like you can very well understand what I've been going through. Thanks.
You are right. My daughter is my only concern now. I really don't know what to do. Seek professional help? I really don't know. Maybe I will ask her. I will update the outcome here. Thanks!
I have thought of all those whenever we had a fight and I think she does too. But I just couldn't take it when she use the "D" word so freely. This is not the first time, second time or third time and I've always tell her not to use the word but she just won't listen. I lost count of the number of times she uses the word already. This is my thought:Originally posted by babymac13:Well, it is not easy to get to know each other & stay together from begining till now. Think of ur coutship & the happy times u guys bin together, maybe there r more happy moments than any sad things u can think of now. but i wann to let u know, dun give up so easily as many times we take things for granted, it's only when it's gone or u can never turn back time, u feel regretful. Most importantly, u have started a family & think of the consequent of your daughter & the upbring of her will be affected by your divorce.
So, my suggestion will be to see a counsellor or a love doctor .... try everything u can b-4 u really say the D word....
All the best to u ... hope u can still maintain & hold ur family together
improve urself, show u are a man, willing to learn, willing to upgrade. women need a man whom they can count on. thier current position, status and their future position and status. its important that women see light at the end of the tunnel. the trivial things are really no mentions, its really not about that. to really win back her heart for u, u got to take big solid steps to progress in ur career. its not just about the more money u can earn, its about us, like men who are confident, sure, and capable.Originally posted by troubled_soul:I have thought of all those whenever we had a fight and I think she does too. But I just couldn't take it when she use the "D" word so freely. This is not the first time, second time or third time and I've always tell her not to use the word but she just won't listen. I lost count of the number of times she uses the word already. This is my thought:
"Is it just because she thinks she earns more than me or contributed more to the flat gives her the right to use the D word so freely and easily, that I would be scared because I need to depend on her and hence give in to her, even if she's being unreasonable? "
In actual fact, I don't depend much on her. I pay all the bills. I do house chores (before we got a maid). I do the laundries. I do the cookings. In fact, I do almost everything.
But we've not seek professional help so I guess I will do that. And I hope she'd agree to do it also. Thanks for your input and well wishes. Appreciated.
I've talked to her about how easily she pop the D word, as gently as I can be. She didn't give me a direct answer most of the time, instead, she would say "it's all your fault, i don't care, you must say sorry" and "sorry" is the word I use the most whenever we quarreled. Of course I do care a lot for my family, that's why I would always give in to her, just to save the marriage. Yes, I've kneeled down when she pop the D word for the first time, in front of my dad and I was crying my eyes out, in front of my dad. My dad was so upset and angry with me and scolded me for being so useless that I need to go to such extent. What do you think my feeling was at that time? My wife? She's not that forgiving. She'd need sometime to cool down and then forgive me. Unfortunately, the D word kept popping out like popcorns since then. As if she knows if she use the D word, I would give in. I really don't know. Thanks for sharing though.Originally posted by Steph84:i have something to contribute here that might be helpful..
In the past, when i quarrelled w my bf, i always threaten him with"break" cos i know then he will give in to me and i will win, no matter wad...
Until once, he asked me whether i am taking him for granted and always using break to scare him.. i denied promptly of cos, and even said if u think i am threatening u only then let's break then. it doesnt matter to me....
After hearing this, he said no i dun wan to break... ok then i decided to be really mean, i told him if he beg me ok den i wun break with him.. to my surprise, he actually kneeled and beg me not to break up...
from then on, i never ever use the "break" to threaten him anymore.. cos i seen how mean i've been to him and how much he loves me....
we've now being happily tog for abt 2 yrs and still very happy... more compromising and so we seldom quarrel...
My advice is, maybe you should prove to ur wife that you are "worth it", cos i used to think my bf is not worthy of me also.. but not now of cos... Prove to ur wife you love her alot, her sacrifices and her marriage to u are all worthy...
I suggest u ask her if her "D" is serious, not in a tone as in daring her to D you, but in a heart-to-heart manner... talk abt the consequences and what u all really wan... Never raise ur voice in the talk.. if she gets upset, remind her to cool down gently...
Lastly, i hope u all will stay tog and work things out... as i see u still care alot for the marriage...![]()
I've replied to you. Thanks.Originally posted by doomz:I send u a private message,check it out
Thanks for your input. Yes, I will seek professional help.Originally posted by SMAPLionHeart:I suggest the best thing now, is to go for a holiday either by yourself
or with your whole family..try to build strong bonds..
your family seems on the verge of being crushed..try any desperate solutions like counselling etc...
u and ur wife might be saying..why let outsiders "handle house affairs"?
but counsellors really do help and they will keep your case anonymous
alot of cases also has been resolved by them.
good luck. if you can't stand her...remember to do everything you can..
last option should be divorce..
find out where it has gone wrong..and fix on it.
I seriously think the problem is not about my education, my career, my earning power, my status etc... If that was the case, she wouldn't have marry me in the first place. She married me for who and what I am. We've known each other for more than five years before tying the knots. So she know very well who I am and what I am capable of. Even after we married, I never stop upgrading myself. She even told me that she's glad that I am upgrading myself.Originally posted by jaimeyeo:improve urself, show u are a man, willing to learn, willing to upgrade. women need a man whom they can count on. thier current position, status and their future position and status. its important that women see light at the end of the tunnel. the trivial things are really no mentions, its really not about that. to really win back her heart for u, u got to take big solid steps to progress in ur career. its not just about the more money u can earn, its about us, like men who are confident, sure, and capable.
if u are not near, try really hard to improve, but never discuss what i say to her, cos she got to feel it subtlely. when all else fails, and u want to remain on ur own square and not improve, there is really not way out of ur mess. hope it is useful.
We've not been talking for about three days now. I don't know how long this will go on. As you can see those who've replied so far advised me to seek professional help and 'divorce' is the last option, which I agree. I will seek professional help and see how it goes. I must try whatever means to fix this. I don't want my daugther to suffer. I really do want to make this work. If all else fails, then divorce is the only choice. However, as you've suggested to me to find happiness some where else(if we were to divorce), I doubt I want to go through this again. I will never, ever, want to get involve in any kind of relationship with any women anymore. My focus will purely on my beloved daughter only. She's my precious. No one else comes close. Thanks.Originally posted by wudimax:i doubt asking u to have a good chat with yr wife helps.
my suggestion is to divorce, instead of continue this miserable life u now having, why not have a clean cut with her so that u can find happiness some where else,
Yes, your suggestion to seek a family lawyer to discuss the implications of a divorce is good. However, I will first seek help from a counsellor.Originally posted by lwflee:- If you divorce now, since you wife has a higher earning power and potential, and because of the unproven assertion that mum's are better carers, she is likely to get the child. Of coz, i'm saying so only on the basis of the limited info presented in your orig post.
- I suggest you seek a family lawyer to discuss the implications of divorce before making a decision.
I think, at this point of time, by asking my wife if she still love me will not solve the problem. The real problem is this;Originally posted by niceguy_123:hello troubled_soul,
Directly Ask your wife if she still love you?
If yes, is the answer that came out from her mouth then why not have a heart-heart session. If no, then ....
Check if she has other suitors outside...Also do you want your precious daughter to have a broken family? Why divource?![]()