Single Yet Attached.. I need help before i go insane..
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Hi there.. I'm new to SGForums.com..
I have some problems to share and would like to hear comments from all of you.. I'm going insane because of this.. Can't concentrate on anything..
I'm 20 this year.. I met up with my ex boyfriend (whom i was together with 5 years ago) about 3 months ago.. All along, the feelings were still there.. After the gathering with him that night, while chatting in MSN on the same night, he asked me what am i thinking about now.. So i just told him the truth that i was thinking about our past.. After a long conversation, he told me "We are possible?".. He added a question mark though.. And i agreed..
However, he wished to keep it a secret and it will just be a TRIAL.. He did told one of our friends and one of his cousin (whom i know too).. Everything began off so sweet.. Guess this is what every relationship goes through.. Things began to change.. He became very cold towards me.. He says hurting things like.. "Actually i don't quite like using the phone." "I am not free to meet up for dinner and so on." Well, we did have a big talk about this.. All that he said made me speechless.. He said "In the first place, i told you i am a bad guy and i am someone selfish. You said you can take it." "Anyway, we have never really started." Blah blah blah.. I took everything he said, and i had been holding on to this relationship just because i love him..
2 months had passed.. It's getting worse.. No phone calls no messages from him.. Maybe 1 in a day? Or when he wants me to go over and find him? Sighh.. He is going to NS soon.. And he said he wants to know more friends and girls.. It really hurts me though.. Now that more and more people are aware of our relationship, they adviced me to give up and move on.. I had always been taking him as who he is.. As i believe, if you love someone, you should accept him for who he is..
Sometimes i do feel like giving up.. I feel tired.. But i can't bear to.. I can't concentrate on anything now.. My mind's full of him and only him.. I am at a lost.. I don't know what i should do..
People here in SGForums.com, please give me a helping hand.. Tell me what should i do.. Questions are welcomed to make things clearer.. Thanks a million..
Best Wishes,
PrincessR -
obviously he is not serious about you. dont let him hurt you anymore. you are still very young. there are more things in life than just him. find something to devote your time. i am sure you will meet someone more deserving along the way.
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He made it clear liao.
He is just in for fun!!
If u want to carry on with him, don't come crying when u get hurt -
I agree with that... I mean this guy doesn't sounds serious about you... However... choose the path you want to undertake and don't complain about that ok? I guess that's the best way out... Whether you choose to wait and hold on for him or move on now is up to you to decide...So long as you don't regret it that will doOriginally posted by dragg:obviously he is not serious about you. dont let him hurt you anymore. you are still very young. there are more things in life than just him. find something to devote your time. i am sure you will meet someone more deserving along the way.
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everyone's telling me the same thing.. even my real sister who is 8 years my senior.. somehow i find it difficult to let go.. the feeling is like, finally after 5 years he is back.. sighhh.. we do have sweet times.. and he is really sweet during those times.. i'm confused.. i don't know what's in his mind.. i have tried not to bother about him.. however, i feel more sad when i do that.. am i just giving myself false hopes?
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i always advise my friends on this type of matter very carefully.If one goes into a relationship,always try not to breakup.I believe everyone knows that if u breakup,then want to patch again,things will not be like the same at 1st.In your case it seems so as u mentioned your "ex".That means something already like want to patch or patched up already.I understand girls,when they go into BGR,they will be very devoted,then even if they initiated for a brealup,they will still somehow miss their "ex"
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U guys met in schools i suppose since ur only 20?
I have seen only 2 of my schoolmates marry after over 10yrs of dragging a relationship with both going through other relationship in between...
Move on my dear, guys this age aren't mature enough...most of them...Guess he wants to try new things...know new friends..if it is meant to be..whi knows what the future entails for u?
\Right now u shldn't go back..what r u trying to tell him? That u still want him even though he is not ready..u might just end up getting hurt, taken advantaged? Life's a journey...the past should be relished for its sweet memories but not to dwell upon.
tHere are millions of souls out there and all u need is one to click with yours...why muz it be this one. It takes 2 to tango...A relationship has to be 2 way...he just seems to be taking the easy way out of things i feel...noit wanting to commit fully yet wanting to "enjoy" the status!!
Brace up and move on my dear. He's simply not worth it! -
i advise don't try to forget about hiM? cause u will never succeed.The reason is,in your mind u will be keep occupying with the thoughts "I Must 4get HIM, I MUST 4get HIM" then how r u going to 4getOriginally posted by PrincessR:everyone's telling me the same thing.. even my real sister who is 8 years my senior.. somehow i find it difficult to let go.. the feeling is like, finally after 5 years he is back.. sighhh.. we do have sweet times.. and he is really sweet during those times.. i'm confused.. i don't know what's in his mind.. i have tried not to bother about him.. however, i feel more sad when i do that.. am i just giving myself false hopes? -
it's nv easy to let go.. and it'll surely hurt.. hey know wad... move on and sure u can get a better guy..
i know it sounds mean but i really detest those kinda guy who treats gf liddat.. cos i used to be liddat too!! but eventually changed duno since when.. haha
there r lots better guys here oso!
if u wish to hang on to it.. at least do something to it! u 2 maybe talk bout it?? so it's either BREAK or CHANGE!
Suffering alone aint gonna help k..
Gd Luck!
anyway.. is he flirticious? -
Everybody changes. So will you. you just need the time to let go. Once you meet someone new, all those memories of those 5 years will be gone swiftly.Originally posted by PrincessR:everyone's telling me the same thing.. even my real sister who is 8 years my senior.. somehow i find it difficult to let go.. the feeling is like, finally after 5 years he is back.. sighhh.. we do have sweet times.. and he is really sweet during those times.. i'm confused.. i don't know what's in his mind.. i have tried not to bother about him.. however, i feel more sad when i do that.. am i just giving myself false hopes?
So how? interested for a cuppa? -
thats why.. i really don't wanna let go.. but seems like things aint working well for us.. he does bring me alot of agony.. but there are sweet times too..Originally posted by boyboy18:i always advise my friends on this type of matter very carefully.If one goes into a relationship,always try not to breakup.I believe everyone knows that if u breakup,then want to patch again,things will not be like the same at 1st.In your case it seems so as u mentioned your "ex".That means something already like want to patch or patched up already.I understand girls,when they go into BGR,they will be very devoted,then even if they initiated for a brealup,they will still somehow miss their "ex" -
A good litmus test is to ask him "What do you think we will be in 1 years time?" If he gives answers that doesn't show commitmment, its fair to say that you can go on with your life and let him rot.Originally posted by PrincessR:thats why.. i really don't wanna let go.. but seems like things aint working well for us.. he does bring me alot of agony.. but there are sweet times too.. -
but to me is like torturing lor.Like lets say he's sweet to u 1week,then bring u agony for 1month.I suppose u can't always forgive him because he's sweet to u for 1week right?Originally posted by PrincessR:thats why.. i really don't wanna let go.. but seems like things aint working well for us.. he does bring me alot of agony.. but there are sweet times too.. -
We met years ago through friends of my school.. he was from a different sch though.. what u said was what he told me exactly.. he is afraid of commitment and responsibility.. and that he is realli enjoying the status of being "single".. sighhh~ maybe i am the one who is commiting and giving myself all the false hopes that he would be enlighten after he goes into NS.. and that he will finally change one day and decide to go into a relationship.. cos he once said "maybe one day i will feel sick of being single?"..Originally posted by activator:U guys met in schools i suppose since ur only 20?
I have seen only 2 of my schoolmates marry after over 10yrs of dragging a relationship with both going through other relationship in between...
Move on my dear, guys this age aren't mature enough...most of them...Guess he wants to try new things...know new friends..if it is meant to be..whi knows what the future entails for u?
\Right now u shldn't go back..what r u trying to tell him? That u still want him even though he is not ready..u might just end up getting hurt, taken advantaged? Life's a journey...the past should be relished for its sweet memories but not to dwell upon.
tHere are millions of souls out there and all u need is one to click with yours...why muz it be this one. It takes 2 to tango...A relationship has to be 2 way...he just seems to be taking the easy way out of things i feel...noit wanting to commit fully yet wanting to "enjoy" the status!!
Brace up and move on my dear. He's simply not worth it! -
Princessr, you muz think about why u guys broke up five years ago, there must be some fundamental reason as to why it happened
was he like that last time, since he is so cold towards you and he did not even want to tell anyone about you guys getting back together, maybe he is just trying to play the field like wat some guys like to do
who knows, if he can find someone better, he wld say bye bye
so do consider carefully and maybe try to treat him as a normal fren and see how it goes when he goes to NS , afterall people do change after some time -
Yeah... It takes two hands to clap...Originally posted by Deportivo:A good litmus test is to ask him "What do you think we will be in 1 years time?" If he gives answers that doesn't show commitmment, its fair to say that you can go on with your life and let him rot. -
see.. thats why i believe he will change.. but every1 else is telling me dun give myself false hopes..Originally posted by Whaleson:it's nv easy to let go.. and it'll surely hurt.. hey know wad... move on and sure u can get a retter guy..
i know it sounds mean but i really detest those kinda guy who treats gf liddat.. cos i used to be liddat too!! but eventually changed duno since when.. haha
there r lots better guys here oso!
if u wish to hang on to it.. at least do something to it! u 2 maybe talk bout it?? so it's either BREAK or CHANGE!
Suffering alone aint gonna help k..
Gd Luck!
anyway.. is he flirticious?
whether he is flirticious or not.. i leave to u all to judge..
he did give gals his number right in front of me and then forget abt it after awhile.. he does chat and talks to gals THAT MUCH.. sighhh~ recently, found out that a girl messaged him telling him she likes him.. -
what he said just goes to show that he is young and immature. don't waste your time and effort on someone who is not committed. i am sure it hurts. but it will save yourself more hurt than you can imagine.Originally posted by PrincessR:We met years ago through friends of my school.. he was from a different sch though.. what u said was what he told me exactly.. he is afraid of commitment and responsibility.. and that he is realli enjoying the status of being "single".. sighhh~ maybe i am the one who is commiting and giving myself all the false hopes that he would be enlighten after he goes into NS.. and that he will finally change one day and decide to go into a relationship.. cos he once said "maybe one day i will feel sick of being single?".. -
based on your mentatlity, i can say that you are at that state where your mental maturity is at the age far beyond your boyfriend. Commitment is something absent from the minds of young lads. As for yourself, you should look at greener pastures and be a lookout for older men.Originally posted by PrincessR:We met years ago through friends of my school.. he was from a different sch though.. what u said was what he told me exactly.. he is afraid of commitment and responsibility.. and that he is realli enjoying the status of being "single".. sighhh~ maybe i am the one who is commiting and giving myself all the false hopes that he would be enlighten after he goes into NS.. and that he will finally change one day and decide to go into a relationship.. cos he once said "maybe one day i will feel sick of being single?".. -
in the past, we were still young.. so things will be sweet for us.. ever since we got back together recently.. he was as sweet in the beginning.. however things froze.. i had been treating him as a normal fren.. somehow if hard.. cos i still do care for him more.. i dun feel good treating like a normal fren though.. thats why i am here.. i have tried all means.. and yet.. i am still sad.. when he said he wans to know more gals, i still told him to go know GOOD girls.. and not those bitchy ones.. aint i stupid? sighhh~ i know i am.. but i duno why i jus cant let go.. yucksss~Originally posted by armygirl:Princessr, you muz think about why u guys broke up five years ago, there must be some fundamental reason as to why it happened
was he like that last time, since he is so cold towards you and he did not even want to tell anyone about you guys getting back together, maybe he is just trying to play the field like wat some guys like to do
who knows, if he can find someone better, he wld say bye bye
so do consider carefully and maybe try to treat him as a normal fren and see how it goes when he goes to NS , afterall people do change after some time -
i did asked him before.. he said "what matters most is both of us is happy.. isnt it?"Originally posted by Deportivo:A good litmus test is to ask him "What do you think we will be in 1 years time?" If he gives answers that doesn't show commitmment, its fair to say that you can go on with your life and let him rot.
ahh~ -
nu3 ren2 bu4 huai4, nan2 ren2 bu4 ai4.
dun be too nice to him. give him the gift of missing you. -
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Exactly lor...how selfish! and r u going to so stupid as to be at his beck and call? Wait??!!!
To go into his arms only when he feels lika it?
One way of ridding this matter is to make urself really busy and hangout with friends...unattached friends best...cos if u c them with their bfs/gfs...might set u thinking again...
Friends are really impt in life...Normally we learn to treasure friends in time of trouble...I'm sure most of ur frens r sensible in telling u the right thing to do...so...just do it!
Relax Princess....The road is long and winding and you don't need these thorns on them!
Cheers! -
thats what i am going through.. hot and cold.. cold and hot..Originally posted by boyboy18:but to me is like torturing lor.Like lets say he's sweet to u 1week,then bring u agony for 1month.I suppose u can't always forgive him because he's sweet to u for 1week right? -
he is older than me too..Originally posted by Deportivo:based on your mentatlity, i can say that you are at that state where your mental maturity is at the age far beyond your boyfriend. Commitment is something absent from the minds of young lads. As for yourself, you should look at greener pastures and be a lookout for older men.