Originally posted by PrincessR:
Hi there.. I'm new to SGForums.com..
I have some problems to share and would like to hear comments from all of you.. I'm going insane because of this.. Can't concentrate on anything..
I'm 20 this year.. I met up with my ex boyfriend (whom i was together with 5 years ago) about 3 months ago.. All along, the feelings were still there.. After the gathering with him that night, while chatting in MSN on the same night, he asked me what am i thinking about now.. So i just told him the truth that i was thinking about our past.. After a long conversation, he told me "We are possible?".. He added a question mark though.. And i agreed..
However, he wished to keep it a secret and it will just be a TRIAL.. He did told one of our friends and one of his cousin (whom i know too).. Everything began off so sweet.. Guess this is what every relationship goes through.. Things began to change.. He became very cold towards me.. He says hurting things like.. "Actually i don't quite like using the phone." "I am not free to meet up for dinner and so on." Well, we did have a big talk about this.. All that he said made me speechless.. He said "In the first place, i told you i am a bad guy and i am someone selfish. You said you can take it." "Anyway, we have never really started." Blah blah blah.. I took everything he said, and i had been holding on to this relationship just because i love him..
2 months had passed.. It's getting worse.. No phone calls no messages from him.. Maybe 1 in a day? Or when he wants me to go over and find him? Sighh.. He is going to NS soon.. And he said he wants to know more friends and girls.. It really hurts me though.. Now that more and more people are aware of our relationship, they adviced me to give up and move on.. I had always been taking him as who he is.. As i believe, if you love someone, you should accept him for who he is..
Sometimes i do feel like giving up.. I feel tired.. But i can't bear to.. I can't concentrate on anything now.. My mind's full of him and only him.. I am at a lost.. I don't know what i should do..
People here in SGForums.com, please give me a helping hand.. Tell me what should i do.. Questions are welcomed to make things clearer.. Thanks a million..
Best Wishes,
PrincessR
You know how a circle looks like? Round without any ends.
History in LOVE will REPEAT, if you accept the same circumstances thrown to you. In very simple terms:
if you always love the way you do, you will always get the love you get. (First Law of Love states: we are the ONES who chooses our partners, not the other way around).
This relationship have already ended ages ago - what you are doing is just delaying the inevitable. (One good friend thought I was too chim with this three words, so I will explain) Simply put, you are
just delaying the ultimately outcome of your separation. Think about the bonds between you and your man as afflicted and incurable - There is NO way you two could get together in a decent relationship and go on - it has already decayed beyond proportion.
You are deluding and feeding your mind with certain facts that fuel your decisions: you thought and feel that you can change him OR he will change eventually and you want to be involved when that happen.
The sad truth is that is wouldn't happen and when it happens, you wouldn't be in the picture.
Karmic relationship.
Second Law of Love states:
No one but ourselves could make us stay in a bad relationship. 1) he is afraid of commitment and responsibility..
2) he is realli enjoying the "single" status..
3) the most important thing is being happy..
These are the fundemental qualities of a having a negative relationship. There are NO way anyone gonna have a fulfillfing relationship with such mindsets. No way. Love is such that you have to SACRIFICE your immaturity to welcome wisdom. Think about this: if he is really enjoying single status, why on earth would he still be accepting a woman into his life AND enters into a relationship with her? (Regardless of how he wants the relationship to be like... underground, ONS, and so on - it is technically STILL a relationship).
Blatantly obvious that he wants to be in the best of both worlds. To enjoy the fruits of what a relationship could offer without giving anything else in return.
The above words like these come out so frequent, even people I know, that I smile the minute I hear their views:
The mindsets of people who cannot commit. Simple as that. Happiness is but a fleeting emotion; only true love is everlasting.
And you want to change a man?
Scroll through all past AA posts - all my 4 years here... NONE... NONE OF THE WOMAN WHO HAVE POSTED HERE HAVE
SUCCESSFULLY CHANGED THEIR 'BAD MAN' (Huai nan ren or HNR for short). We have people marrying a HNR, thinking that a marriage would change them.... never happened.
The only changes are transitory and REAL changes
only happen when the
HNR themselves enlighten from within. (My dad is a real example. He never really change... My mum change to suit him - Buddhism taught her alot of things)
Is love, by itself as a solo component, justifiable to carry on your relationship? You want to disregard suitability as well? Future? Happiness? (You will definitely say there are many happy times, but when your tears soak more than you smile, this techinically doesn't count). Truth is not you cannot move...
it's you DON'T WANT to move. Nobody will push you to leave your past and it wouldn't go away if you kept habouring at it. The web of your karmic relationship is far too formidable to go away naturally unless you exercise conscious effort to walk away from it.
Cheers
