Should I Trust Him Again ?
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my bf has been "collecting" hp nos. frm gals he noe in pubs... & when i asked him abt it... he lied to me... & make it seem as though its my fault dat i din trust him... the 1st time i found out dat he actually has been lying to me for the past half yr... during dat period i was suffering frm depression.. yet he din care abt mi & had the mood to go out to knw other gals... after dat time, he promised dat he will nv lie to me again.. so we patch things up.. & i tried my best to give him my trust & respect...
But recently i found out dat he's been lying to me again...when i confronted him.. he still felt dat he din do anything wrong... & still shouted at me.. den he even say, "see? i told u not to look at my message.. now u see liao wanna get angry.." i was really devastated & deeply hurt... i finally ended our 2years plus relationship...
now.. he sms me sayng he's sorry to hurt me.. & he starting to realise how much he love me after i left him... but he juz wanna cool things down 1st & change totally to commit himself to me...
i dunno whtr i shld trust him again... he betrayed my trust again & again... i dun wish to be hurt again... yet i still love him...
Can anyone advise me wat i shld do? -
Whats with him getting numbers, picking up gals from pub when he already have you as a gf.
whats even more ridiculous is that he blame you for not trusting him.
u really have to consider twice before letting him into your life again
this is abit out of topic, but ur nick reminds me of
Krispy Kreme -
I feel that a leopard never changes it's spots.
Move on and find a guy that really cherish you
Sometimes a guy wants you back not because he loves you but because his ego is super bruised that he is the one being dumped!
Though you should respect his privacy by not going through his msgs without his permission. I guess it may be due to the breach of trust in the first place. If you really want to carry on this relationship, you can do tests like asking him to show you his handphone. If he has nothing to hide, he won't have to say things like,"You don't trust me" etc and will hand you his phone straight away. -
ya...precisely.. dats wat i ask him too... he claims dat its those gals who wan his no...
Frm the start he used to check on my hp to see if there's any new guys' no in my contacts & whenever i go clubbing...he'll repeatly warn me not to tok to any guys or noe any guys... but now he's contradicting himself....
i told him honestly dat i wun be able to trust him even if we get back 2gether.. But he say he'll prove to me... I'm really very confused now... -
Seriously, if the trust is gone, its hard to rebuild the relationship.Originally posted by krispy:ya...precisely.. dats wat i ask him too... he claims dat its those gals who wan his no...
Frm the start he used to check on my hp to see if there's any new guys' no in my contacts & whenever i go clubbing...he'll repeatly warn me not to tok to any guys or noe any guys... but now he's contradicting himself....
i told him honestly dat i wun be able to trust him even if we get back 2gether.. But he say he'll prove to me... I'm really very confused now... -
If the girls want this numberOriginally posted by krispy:ya...precisely.. dats wat i ask him too... he claims dat its those gals who wan his no...
Frm the start he used to check on my hp to see if there's any new guys' no in my contacts & whenever i go clubbing...he'll repeatly warn me not to tok to any guys or noe any guys... but now he's contradicting himself....
i told him honestly dat i wun be able to trust him even if we get back 2gether.. But he say he'll prove to me... I'm really very confused now...
He can always say I have a girlfriend and I dont' think it is appropriate.
From my experience, guys will always say they will turn over a new leaf, sure they do for a while then it is back to old ways. I'm not saying every guy is the same but those who really change are rare. -
agreeOriginally posted by elindra:If the girls want this number
He can always say I have a girlfriend and I dont' think it is appropriate.
From my experience, guys will always say they will turn over a new leaf, sure they do for a while then it is back to old ways. I'm not saying every guy is the same but those who really change are rare.
usually the case is that the guy can't bear the truth that the gf is the one who initiate the break up. So he ask the gf back. Maybe he will stay true for a time being, but evetually he will go back to his old self. Thats my guess... -
But i really do love him alot.. & i wud say he used to love mi alot...but i dunno wat happened along the way... dat he changes to be like dat...
i've sacrifice alot for him... stick by his side when he's going thru the worse stage of his life.. help him alot when he needs help... my mum was even expecting us to get married soon....
i have alot of hope on him... but nv wud i expect him to treat me like a fool... -
am really sorry...Originally posted by krispy:But i really do love him alot.. & i wud say he used to love mi alot...but i dunno wat happened along the way... dat he changes to be like dat...
i've sacrifice alot for him... stick by his side when he's going thru the worse stage of his life.. help him alot when he needs help... my mum was even expecting us to get married soon....
i have alot of hope on him... but nv wud i expect him to treat me like a fool...
if you really really do love him... then maybe give him another chance?
But seriously, to love somebody and to be IN love is totally different. If you choose to move on, there might be someone whom u will be IN love with, someone who loves and treasure you as much as you love n treasure him. Not taking each other for granted. -
Sounds like one of my relationshipsOriginally posted by krispy:But i really do love him alot.. & i wud say he used to love mi alot...but i dunno wat happened along the way... dat he changes to be like dat...
i've sacrifice alot for him... stick by his side when he's going thru the worse stage of his life.. help him alot when he needs help... my mum was even expecting us to get married soon....
i have alot of hope on him... but nv wud i expect him to treat me like a fool...
From my experience was that I'm MUCH better off when I moved on.
Take it as a learning experience.
I mean it is your own life but there will be a breaking point somehow. Also you need to decide that why you can't move on is it truely love or because you think you have invested so much in a relationship that you just can't let go. Also you need to examine if it is because you are just too used to him that it is hard to move on. -
I think your bf may have taken you for granted in the past and now having regrets.
My advise will be to follow your heart. If there is the slightest bit of doubt in you that says you cannot trust this man ever again...there it will probably be best not to get involve in a relationship with him again.
Besides, there is no need to rush in making a decision..take it slowly and easy..let your heart settle..perhaps the decision will be easier to make with time. -
Thanks.. i understand dat for him to change is almost impossible...
Though as much as i wish this miracle to happen.. yet ...
anyway thanks for all your advice... -
Dont because of a tree then give up the whole forest.1 times is already enough but surely not 2 times,it is totally unacceptable.
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Broken trust.Originally posted by krispy:my bf has been "collecting" hp nos. frm gals he noe in pubs... & when i asked him abt it... he lied to me... & make it seem as though its my fault dat i din trust him... the 1st time i found out dat he actually has been lying to me for the past half yr... during dat period i was suffering frm depression.. yet he din care abt mi & had the mood to go out to knw other gals... after dat time, he promised dat he will nv lie to me again.. so we patch things up.. & i tried my best to give him my trust & respect...
But recently i found out dat he's been lying to me again...when i confronted him.. he still felt dat he din do anything wrong... & still shouted at me.. den he even say, "see? i told u not to look at my message.. now u see liao wanna get angry.." i was really devastated & deeply hurt... i finally ended our 2years plus relationship...
now.. he sms me sayng he's sorry to hurt me.. & he starting to realise how much he love me after i left him... but he juz wanna cool things down 1st & change totally to commit himself to me...
i dunno whtr i shld trust him again... he betrayed my trust again & again... i dun wish to be hurt again... yet i still love him...
Can anyone advise me wat i shld do?
If he could only realise the value and importance of trust and appreciation after you have left him, isn't it better for him to have you out of his life then?
He HAD already used his second chance - you did patch didn't you?
Now what? Final chance?
What does he mean by 'change totally to commit to you'?
You mean the 2 years he WASN'T committed in the first place?
P.S: You make your choice.
Cheers -
Originally posted by krispy:
Echoing elindra's comments, let's try putting the picture in another perspective for you to understand.
But i really do love him alot.. & i wud say he used to love mi alot...but i dunno wat happened along the way... dat he changes to be like dat...
krispy, he didn't change. You changed.
He has always liked his girls fresh. You, on the other hand, are no longer fresh.
And because you are not fresh anymore, he looks for other fresh girls.
There is one guy I know of who has a very good girlfriend, but likes his girls fresh as well. He gets tired of girls easily, and is a guy who can never be satisfied with one girl. As a result, he is often found betraying his girlfriend. With different girls.
Even though she had been betrayed and had left him after knowing about it, the girlfriend had never really left him. They would separate and reconcile, repeat and rinse until no one was ever sure if they were still together or apart. The guy had himself admitted that the girlfriend was the best girl in terms of character, as unlike the other girls he had been with, she had done a lot of things for him, and had even sacrificed a baby (or more) for him. The last time I heard, they were still together.
Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? Love is like that and it does very strange things to many people. You love your jerk boyfriend and that love is clouding your rationality which tells you to give him up. Ok, if you can't look into yourself, look at others instead. Do you wish to be like the girlfriend, hanging on to a hopeless relationship with a perpetually unfaithful boyfriend? Ask yourself honestly if you can possibly foresee any happy ending with him. Don't delude yourself.
Some people may deserve a second chance, but no one deserves a third. -
Not sure if your bf would really change for the better.. But how are you coping with your depression now?Originally posted by krispy:my bf has been "collecting" hp nos. frm gals he noe in pubs... & when i asked him abt it... he lied to me... & make it seem as though its my fault dat i din trust him... the 1st time i found out dat he actually has been lying to me for the past half yr... during dat period i was suffering frm depression.. yet he din care abt mi & had the mood to go out to knw other gals... after dat time, he promised dat he will nv lie to me again.. so we patch things up.. & i tried my best to give him my trust & respect...
But recently i found out dat he's been lying to me again...when i confronted him.. he still felt dat he din do anything wrong... & still shouted at me.. den he even say, "see? i told u not to look at my message.. now u see liao wanna get angry.." i was really devastated & deeply hurt... i finally ended our 2years plus relationship...
now.. he sms me sayng he's sorry to hurt me.. & he starting to realise how much he love me after i left him... but he juz wanna cool things down 1st & change totally to commit himself to me...
i dunno whtr i shld trust him again... he betrayed my trust again & again... i dun wish to be hurt again... yet i still love him...
Can anyone advise me wat i shld do?
I hope it's much better already? If you still have that bothering you... Personally, I would advise against you going back to your bf.... 
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well it time u should change another bf....
and carry on wif ur life...
dun be sad over this kinds of guys.... -
yah. before you change a bf, kick his butt.
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not really.sometimes U really feel that ur privacy is being invaded.Originally posted by elindra:If he has nothing to hide, he won't have to say things like,"You don't trust me" etc and will hand you his phone straight away.
But then....U have a point there too...so...it all boils down to trust. -
First, I think you need to seek to understand - WHY is he doing this?
Is he doing this because he is not sincere about loving you?
Is he doing this despite loving you?
If you truly believe he loves you, then what is the reason behind this?
Personally, I think he sounds like someone who is very low in self esteem and insecure. It is not enough for him to be satisfied that there is already one woman who loves him, and he gets an ego booster out of being able to get other girls' numbers and having the attention of other girls. And his possessiveness shows that he really wants ALL OF YOUR ATTENTION ALL OF THE TIME and if you can't give this amount of attention to him, then he has every reason/excuse to seek this attention elsewhere.
You realise he can continue behaving this way without being unfaithful to you at all - he just needs his ego booster. Can you accept it?
Secondly, the question is values and attitude towards a relationship.
While relationship is all about compromising, I think some things such as values/principles towards a relationship is very hard to compromise. There are people I know with very open relationships, ranging from both parties able to confess having crushes on other parties to all out swingers. These people are able to accept the presence of other people sexually without being jealous.
But not everyone is like this. You have your own expectations and as long as they are not unreasonable (nope, i don't think expecting your boyfriend not to ask other girls for their phone no. for no other reason than getting to know them better is a good reason. If someone ask him, he can always say no. that's how the story goes) well, you have every right to stand by you.
Don't let your partner f**k up your own principles and values. Becos one day if he leaves you, they are all you're gonna have to identify what type of person you are.
I think if you intend to patch up with him, make sure it is on your own terms and not his. A lot of soft hearted parents teach kids the wrong thing when their mouth scold the kids 'no, i don't want you to do this" but their actions tell the kids its okay, mommy won't blame me.
Train him. Reward him. Punish when it is required. And when all else fails - leave. -
Yoz...
Congratulations...U juz gt freed from a jerk...U shld move on gal...
There r tons of gd guys out there...
I am sure U will find someone who is devoted...
Cheers... -
Are guys nv satisfied? i guess there's no way to get him committed unless he himself is determined to do it rite?
As much as my mind tells me to leave him... my heart dun...
so i'm really at a lost now...
& i'm scared dat i'll nv trust any guy ever again... -
ok...a leopard will never change its spots..so if he is willing to change provided he can really let go of patronizing those pubs again~but its advicable that not to turn back to him...
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Originally posted by krispy:Are guys nv satisfied? i guess there's no way to get him committed unless he himself is determined to do it rite?
As much as my mind tells me to leave him... my heart dun...
so i'm really at a lost now...
& i'm scared dat i'll nv trust any guy ever again...
I won't rule out the possibility that he likes to make frens. But if he truly loves u, will he put the blame on u even when he knows that he is at fault?
Ask yourself, how does he treat you? Does he deserve your love? You have been tolerating and giving...you will go insane some day. Let him go and set yourself free. You have loved him enough..time to love yourself more.
Move on, girl.