Still living in the past.........
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More than decade ago , i met a nice guy in my sec school, he was posted in from another and ended up in my class. we used to go out on Saturdays after ECA to Ang Mo Kio to hang around.Very sweet memories but as his parents objected and we soon parted.After that i had to busy doing tertiary education and getting a career but still kept thinking about him
A couple years ago we met into each other in my parents' neighbourhood . I haven't heard from him since 1994 or so.He told me he was married which i already knew. Turned out to be a kind, intelligent, hardworking man. I hope he is doing well. It was good to know that he has found himself a nice relationship and a decent job. I don't think any good could come from my barging into his life again.He was a perfect gentleman, and a good friend to me.
After all these years i still feel so nostalgic about the whole affair.I cant seem to forget him.I tried to throw away all the things that keep reminding me of him. But have no heart to do so. If i did it, i would feel i lost something valuable. Sometimes i do feel that he keeps thinking about me as i heard that he was not really into his current marriage.Why is this crush lasting so long for me? -
then just be a friend
easier said than done -
u already say he married liao so wat for thinking abt him again. got tendency to become the 3rd party u noe...
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let it go...
its over.... -
just go and fulfill your lust.
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not into his marriage...
but fact is he's still married...
its not a good thing to be 3rd party...
either move on... or wait for him to divorce...
but dun be the cause of divorce... -
I can understand how you feel right now. I have been through that too. I still kept the memories of my first love which is more than 10 years. She's not married to date. And I was on the verge of going back to her few years back but I did not. I understand that it will not be the same anymore. You cannot just rekindle the same kind of feelings that you used to have.
You have a worse situation than mine. Do you want to be the third party? Are you sure he is really the ONE, or are you rejecting choices because you are holding on to the old memories? Your present state is not about wanting to be with him, the important thing is you must learn how to let go. I know it's gonna be hard but you still have to go through it. You'll be grateful when everything is over because it makes you a better person, stronger internally. Memories are for savoring, don't let it eat you up. I know it because I kept it in a small corner of my heart. My heart is not big but it's enough for all the good memories.
Hope you able to pull through this one. Whatever your decision is, walk through it with no regrets. You are suppose to understand why you make that decision, not regret it.
All the best.
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Time to move on liao!!
He is married n I don't think u want to be a 3rd party rite?
I think it is just u regreting yr past decision, but all good things must come to an end. if he wasn't meant for u in the first place, it is time to let go.
If u kept thinking about him, it will just put u in more misery.
Here something I heard b4 :
"When one door is closed, another door will be opened somewhere. If u keep looking at the closed door, u will not hear the opening of another door" -
Because you've been thinking 'what it could have been'... And he could have been a good catch... Your judgement was quite a good one...?Originally posted by GaLtwenty:More than decade ago , i met a nice guy in my sec school, he was posted in from another and ended up in my class. we used to go out on Saturdays after ECA to Ang Mo Kio to hang around.Very sweet memories but as his parents objected and we soon parted.After that i had to busy doing tertiary education and getting a career but still kept thinking about him
A couple years ago we met into each other in my parents' neighbourhood . I haven't heard from him since 1994 or so.He told me he was married which i already knew. Turned out to be a kind, intelligent, hardworking man. I hope he is doing well. It was good to know that he has found himself a nice relationship and a decent job. I don't think any good could come from my barging into his life again.He was a perfect gentleman, and a good friend to me.
After all these years i still feel so nostalgic about the whole affair.I cant seem to forget him.I tried to throw away all the things that keep reminding me of him. But have no heart to do so. If i did it, i would feel i lost something valuable. Sometimes i do feel that he keeps thinking about me as i heard that he was not really into his current marriage.Why is this crush lasting so long for me?
However, in reality life defines otherwise... And should you have been living with him.. He might not appear to be such a 'perfect' guy afterall... Pick yourself up and move on...? It's sweet to see this guy again, moreover he still being someone you're interested in.... But paths and options' different now yeah..? -
Originally posted by GaLtwenty:More than decade ago , i met a nice guy in my sec school, he was posted in from another and ended up in my class. we used to go out on Saturdays after ECA to Ang Mo Kio to hang around.Very sweet memories but as his parents objected and we soon parted.After that i had to busy doing tertiary education and getting a career but still kept thinking about him
A couple years ago we met into each other in my parents' neighbourhood . I haven't heard from him since 1994 or so.He told me he was married which i already knew. Turned out to be a kind, intelligent, hardworking man. I hope he is doing well. It was good to know that he has found himself a nice relationship and a decent job. I don't think any good could come from my barging into his life again.He was a perfect gentleman, and a good friend to me.
After all these years i still feel so nostalgic about the whole affair.I cant seem to forget him.I tried to throw away all the things that keep reminding me of him. But have no heart to do so. If i did it, i would feel i lost something valuable. Sometimes i do feel that he keeps thinking about me as i heard that he was not really into his current marriage.Why is this crush lasting so long for me?
how come his parents objected to your relationship?
how did you noe that he is still nursing a crush on you and also, how did you noe that he was not into his current marriage
are you seeing anyone? dun tell me you are holding on because of him?
since he is married, think its better to forget about him liao, no point .... -
Move on gal...Originally posted by GaLtwenty:More than decade ago , i met a nice guy in my sec school, he was posted in from another and ended up in my class. we used to go out on Saturdays after ECA to Ang Mo Kio to hang around.Very sweet memories but as his parents objected and we soon parted.After that i had to busy doing tertiary education and getting a career but still kept thinking about him
A couple years ago we met into each other in my parents' neighbourhood . I haven't heard from him since 1994 or so.He told me he was married which i already knew. Turned out to be a kind, intelligent, hardworking man. I hope he is doing well. It was good to know that he has found himself a nice relationship and a decent job. I don't think any good could come from my barging into his life again.He was a perfect gentleman, and a good friend to me.
After all these years i still feel so nostalgic about the whole affair.I cant seem to forget him.I tried to throw away all the things that keep reminding me of him. But have no heart to do so. If i did it, i would feel i lost something valuable. Sometimes i do feel that he keeps thinking about me as i heard that he was not really into his current marriage.Why is this crush lasting so long for me?
U will find someone better...
Cheers... -
i fought alongside the Romans and Greeks in the phalanx formation.
i sailed the long ship with the Vikings.
i sang the battle hym with the Saxons.
i fought like the lion with England's horsemen.
i was with Bonaparte i died in Waterloo.
i was with Yaun shikai when gunpowder first ruled China.
i was in the foxhole at the German shore when the Americans first landed.
i was with the 21st when the Viet Cong pour the rain of AK leads at Saigon.
my i am so tired with all the past i have endured.
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Maybe 'cos he has some traits which you found striking to you, and they appeal to you...?
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Hi Galtwenty
Love is one of the hardest thing to forget.
I can understand that because even for me I still can remember somehow how my first crush look like after more then 10 years. However, I will like to suggest that you dont think too much about it, just treasure these memories. They are very sweet when you think about them(I know as I do think abou tthem sometime), but it is not health if it become a bundle for you to carry on your own life. Hope you can understand what I mean.
RegardsOriginally posted by GaLtwenty:More than decade ago , i met a nice guy in my sec school, he was posted in from another and ended up in my class. we used to go out on Saturdays after ECA to Ang Mo Kio to hang around.Very sweet memories but as his parents objected and we soon parted.After that i had to busy doing tertiary education and getting a career but still kept thinking about him
A couple years ago we met into each other in my parents' neighbourhood . I haven't heard from him since 1994 or so.He told me he was married which i already knew. Turned out to be a kind, intelligent, hardworking man. I hope he is doing well. It was good to know that he has found himself a nice relationship and a decent job. I don't think any good could come from my barging into his life again.He was a perfect gentleman, and a good friend to me.
After all these years i still feel so nostalgic about the whole affair.I cant seem to forget him.I tried to throw away all the things that keep reminding me of him. But have no heart to do so. If i did it, i would feel i lost something valuable. Sometimes i do feel that he keeps thinking about me as i heard that he was not really into his current marriage.Why is this crush lasting so long for me? -
dont because of a tree then give up the whole forest.
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Well, most prob he's type of guy u dream of .... not easy to find the ideal guy u really can imgaine. Then again, life hav to be realistic & cant be thinking of anything ideal but practical.
Like the others forumers, move on .. u can find a guy of ur type & at least a satisfying one.
If u dun let go ... harder for u to accept anyone that come or pass through ur passion of life. -
Handling sweet memories from the past can be torturous. I myself go through it everyday. I see the girl which i had sweet and cherished memories with, flirting with other guys, being so cheerful without me in her life. Shes in my class, my classmate, seeing her everyday tends to make me regret my decisions to come clean with her. But, although i really wanted to return back to the past.. But i realise one thing.. No matter how hard you try, your past will never return, by trying to ask that guy friend of yours to betray his wife, even though you two may be very happy together, but will you ever understand the agony of what that wife will be going through? Marriages are sacred.. Understandably, guys, with their raging hormones, would most probably end up in a shotgun marriage, but still, how no matter how much the guy doesn't like the lady anymore, she has permanently become his responsibility. Are you an irresponsible person? If that guy really goes to you and divorce with his wife? Ask yourself, would you trust a guy that is willing to sacrifice a happy marriage just to be with you? If he could sacrifice happiness, why wouldn't he do the same to you? Everything exists for a reason. If Fate declares you both together, you both would end up together. Stay friends manz.. If you really can't control your feelings, go clean of him, find a better guy. Hes not the only star in the sky.. IT hurts, but pain exists to make us stronger.
If the past wasn't here, then i wouldn't be near
If you didn't go away, then i couldn't see my fear
If the presence of you make me tear
Why shouldn't i call you my dear
tell me god, im all ears
A little paragraph for memory sake. TAke care and Good luck in whatever steps you decide upon. =) -
Thank you for all your opinions
But i have been dwellin in these past memories for so long.It's what keeps me going.And i bump into him occasionally here and there and we will go for a drink.B'cos his workplace is near mine as well.Though at times i was tempted to be in contact with him again but i did think of his wife.It's not fair to her due to my own selfish reasons
I am proud that i loved him, loving him and will love him in the future.
Better to have loved and failed than fail to love at all...... -
Originally posted by GaLtwenty:
[b]Thank you for all your opinions
But i have been dwellin in these past memories for so long.It's what keeps me going.And i bump into him occasionally here and there and we will go for a drink.B'cos his workplace is near mine as well.Though at times i was tempted to be in contact with him again but i did think of his wife.It's not fair to her due to my own selfish reasons
I am proud that i loved him, loving him and will love him in the future.
Better to have loved and failed than fail to love at all......[/b]
You answered your own dilemma.
Cheers -
In my eyes, he is not a dream man watever.I have been with him since sec school (late 80s to early 90s). He always had that charming and intelligent outlook. Sometimes witty and crafty too.He views life as a challenge and he rather makes the world work for him than make himself work for it.
And he is just average looking, not filmstar looks.Something in him always draws me like a magnet whch i find missing in other guys.
I have been starting to feel like a 19 year old again -
GaLtwenty,Originally posted by GaLtwenty:In my eyes, he is not a dream man watever.I have been with him since sec school (late 80s to early 90s). He always had that charming and intelligent outlook. Sometimes witty and crafty too.He views life as a challenge and he rather makes the world work for him than make himself work for it.
And he is just average looking, not filmstar looks.Something in him always draws me like a magnet to him whch i find missing in other guys.
I have been starting to feel like a 19 year old again
Xiao mei (hope you dun mind me calling you that), am speaking from someone who is older than you, i can understand your feelings about your crushee, smtimes its not the looks or money that works when it comes to your feelings but its smthing inside that cannot be explained
Its perhaps called the inner beauty or the character that have drawn you to him or maybe its because you cannot let go of the past
just like me, there are things and people from the past that i still cant let go till now..i totally understand how you feel
but hope that you can recover and find someone else to fulfil your emotional needs -
He's married. You're no longer 19. Let go. Even if the marriage isn't going well (is this from him?), he may not be planning on getting a divorce but just game for a little thingy on the side. Guys in these situations are really good at getting 'victims' like you - still living in fairytale world, reminescing about what could have been, finding reasons to explain away the little bits of contact you have with him. It will be a SELFISH act on your part, you've said it yourself.Originally posted by GaLtwenty:In my eyes, he is not a dream man watever.I have been with him since sec school (late 80s to early 90s). He always had that charming and intelligent outlook. Sometimes witty and crafty too.He views life as a challenge and he rather makes the world work for him than make himself work for it.
And he is just average looking, not filmstar looks.Something in him always draws me like a magnet to him whch i find missing in other guys.
I have been starting to feel like a 19 year old again
If you're thinking happily ever after now, knowing he's married, perhaps you might want to think again. First, assuming he doesn't dawdle about for another 1-2 years before deciding he wants to go ahead with the divorce, there could be another 3 years of hell, if his wife doesn't divorce him based on adultery. During the separation, she can choose to live under the same roof as him, if he doesn't move out. Can you put up with that? Knowing that there's a possibility they could reconcile during the 3 years you're hanging about waiting for the decree nisi? Remember, you have all the facts in your hands now to decide NOT to go further into this mess ... he's MARRIED. No two ways about it. Who cares how badly the marriage is going.
If you've been pining for him for so long, if he tells you he's planning on divorcing his wife, what's the additional few years wait for you so you can both start life together IF he's really intending to start his life afresh? -
He is not the unscruplous type to get me.He told me himself he is not really happy in his marriage.His career got jumpstarted by his wifer's father and at the time he had to support his younger siblings who were still schooling.So he married her.He did not make a selfish decision.
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From this statement, it doesn't sound like he's going to be getting a divorce anytime soon then. Bear in mind, he's chosen of his own free will, to marry this girl for monetary reasons. The selfish decision was made at his wife's expense because he wanted something for himself and his siblings.Originally posted by GaLtwenty:He is not the unscruplous type to get me.He told me himself he is not really happy in his marriage.His career got jumpstarted by his wifer's father and at the time he had to support his younger siblings who were still schooling.So he married her.He did not make a selfish decision.
Anyway it does appear you seem to have decided, if he wants, to get involved with him coz you're trying to explain away the comments made by other forumites here.
A final little bit of advice I hope you'll take into consideration ... Love Is Blind ... in more ways than one ...
Good luck to you -
so wot do you intend to do?Originally posted by GaLtwenty:He is not the unscruplous type to get me.He told me himself he is not really happy in his marriage.His career got jumpstarted by his wifer's father and at the time he had to support his younger siblings who were still schooling.So he married her.He did not make a selfish decision.