Should I keep my first for my wedding night ?
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tao yan....Originally posted by spencer99:Yeah right... you are a marathon runner!!!
running on the road and bed different mah.... -
Originally posted by choco B:WAHAHAH
kops21 is an energizer bunny
...bunny....no lah...me is a FAT RAT....slow and clumsy.. 
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Good for you. Do keep it up... As to your legal husband, explain to him your stand. I am sure from begining of your relationship he would have already know your virtue in this. There are always unforeseen circumstance that we must always be prepared for it lor...let say ( touch wood ) thing didn't go well and you decided to break up ...I say touch wood already ha .... since there is no penetration, there is no comsumation of marriage and the law will declare the marriage and null and void and you will be still a Miss. otherwise you will be a divorcee.... that is one thing.Originally posted by Casino:People said I am conservative. My boyfriend who I am going to marry this September said that too. We quarrel over it often. He said I am too conversative and that not good for our marriage life ? Is it true ? I am 26. This is my 2nd relationship. My first relationship end because of that too. I trust my future hubby but I want to keep it for him on wedding night. But he claimed that since we have registered and is marrying soon, I should allow him to go futher then now what we are doing. Please advise ...
Man, I know cos I am one... I can choose to respect my wife and do as she bid but then, if I lust, I may find all ways to circumvene the situation and get her to submit... it depend on how convincing my wife is to me...but when she lost her temple ... everything she say goes... I don't know about you... you may want to try .... all the best to you ... -
I am lost...
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You may have registered your marriage, but have you gone through the solemnisation ceremony in the presence of the Justice of Peace and witnesses yet? If so, under Singapore law, your "boyfriend" and you are considered husband and wife. And under Singapore law, any party could apply for annulment of the marriage on grounds of non-consummation.
It is commendable that you respect your body, but you have to try to understand the feelings of your "boyfriend" as well. Have a good calm talk with him. He is probably frustrated and getting teased by his buddies, so explain to him nicely that you are not ready yet, and want to save yourself for him (emphasise) on the big night. If he is all geared up and ready to have a go at it, just try to help him cool down a little through some "physical intimacy" without sex first. And if you still don't know what to do for "physical intimacy" without sex, you probably need to do some reading up.
Don't worry. Your "boyfriend" is unlikely to nullify the marriage just because you didn't give him sex before the big night. He's been patient long enough, a few months wouldn't kill him. -
What you said is right, but it is easily said then done.
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How long have u guys been together? How long has he been "wanting" and "waitign'.. and It is only another 5 months.... so so I can't imagine why the guy cannot wait and is still insisting.... unless it is in a non-sxxual sense.Originally posted by Casino:People said I am conservative. My boyfriend who I am going to marry this September said that too. We quarrel over it often. He said I am too conversative and that not good for our marriage life ? Is it true ? I am 26. This is my 2nd relationship. My first relationship end because of that too. I trust my future hubby but I want to keep it for him on wedding night. But he claimed that since we have registered and is marrying soon, I should allow him to go futher then now what we are doing. Please advise ...
Maybe he just wanted to taste pre-marital sxx.... it would be different from sxx after marriage..... because it is "not allowed", it has a certain "thrill" elemnt not present in post-marital sxx.
there are those who say No TO pre-marital sxx but i have a slightly different view. SO PLEASE DON'T FLAME ME.
For him, he might think that it is a thrill of doing something a bit illicit. Since u r his "last" girlfriend this might be his "last" and maybe "only" chance of having pre-marital sxx. it might something that he really want to do.
Also his view might be that u guys are "already" married so to "keep" "it" from him is so "unreasonable". he has a point also and is a matter of perspective.
ultimately it is your own body so u should have the final say. And u shouldn't do anything against ur will whether u r married or not.
But I would advise u to hear ur hubby out and then objectively ask him why does he want to do it RIGHT NOW? is it to satisfy some urge? or maybe he wanted it to be a pre-marital experience? or whatever? ... and also at least allow him to "persuade" you and keep an open mind when he does that.
if u still insist on "keeping" it until the nupital nite then tell him firmer about that... and you have to explain to him why also...... remember in his view he is your husband so he "does" have some "right" over you.... so u have to explain to him why......
Maybe instead of all the way, u can work out something short of sxx to do together that is agreeable to both parties....... and then both of u can be happy.
Honestly in the long run this is a small issue..... when the two fo u look at it again one year from today u will think why u r arguing over this.
but to be able to work around this issue well will benefit your r/s in the long run.
Good luck. -
Have know him coming 4 yrs. Told him that I prefer doing it after customarry. But he alway use the point that he is a guy and there is need for him.
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If he can wait for long, why not another few more months, anywayi am one of those who dun condone premarital se x although i wont condemn those who do itOriginally posted by Casino:Have know him coming 4 yrs. Told him that I prefer doing it after customarry. But he alway use the point that he is a guy and there is need for him.
but there are people who tell me that wats wrong with having it and wats the point of the gal saving the virginity if the guy is not
face it, some guys want the gal to be virginal and yet some want the gal to be experienced, which guy in the right frame of mind wld want the girl to have slept with a few men before
anyway, some people beg to differ and say that sexual norms are changing and its the norm to do it
but my view is to keep it for your marriage after all you would want the first time to be special and not just normal right?
a marriage is a lifetime, a wedding is a day, hope u wld cherish yr first time for your husband on your wedding nite -
Just a warning....read this somewhere before....
There are women out there who use the "leave it till marriage" thing to stay clear of sex after marriage. But there are some cases of the woman, even on the day of marriage or after marriage facing problems with sex because they are too nervous, had cold feet due to prior impressions of sex. This's called vaginaimus(sp?), I think.
The point that I'm trying to make is that while wanting to leave it till marriage is a good thing, but don't use that as an excuse because you don't want sex at all because of some bad experiences or have some medical problems with sex that only you know. Otherwise, when marriage comes and the woman still don't want to have sex....in the end, both parties will get hurt....just a warning. -
just wondering hor why is yr bf so power up for wat ?
Wait a little while longer than he will explode meh?
I believe that you are a virgin and I highly respect you for that!
How many people can really keep to that?
Even now a 14 yr old gal can even tell me sex is a piece of cake.
Man, life sure have change!
Final Advice: keep up the good work and make him wait!! -
you can forget about having sex then as no one will want to marry you...Originally posted by icyprincess:I believe in having sex only after marriage. I am raised in a conservative family as well and I do not like the trouble of finding out I am pregnant due to sex before marriage, etc. I always make this clear to the guys I am dating tho...
i.c.y
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oh yea? the percentage of you not getting married is higherOriginally posted by mahai102:you can forget about having sex then as no one will want to marry you...
i.c.y -
I know of a couple with this sort of issue also. the girl doesn't want it after marriage because she "scared pain". so they had not done it after maybe like 2 years of marriage... I think this is a major major issue....Originally posted by CoolMyth:Just a warning....read this somewhere before....
There are women out there who use the "leave it till marriage" thing to stay clear of sex after marriage. But there are some cases of the woman, even on the day of marriage or after marriage facing problems with sex because they are too nervous, had cold feet due to prior impressions of sex. This's called vaginaimus(sp?), I think.
The point that I'm trying to make is that while wanting to leave it till marriage is a good thing, but don't use that as an excuse because you don't want sex at all because of some bad experiences or have some medical problems with sex that only you know. Otherwise, when marriage comes and the woman still don't want to have sex....in the end, both parties will get hurt....just a warning.
if any wo man have medical or mental block issues over sxx it is better to come clean with their future hubby.... then at least the two of u can work it out together..
if u keep "it" from him because u haev these issues... and then after marriage still didn't want to do it. he will feel very very cheated and rightfully so because u r not honest with him.
Maybe he is insisting on wanting it now because he feel that you might have this kind of issues..... and want to assure himself u r ok......
then u should assure him that you do not have this kind of issues... that is what i meant by you going to him and letting him tell you objectively the reson for asking....
But u have to be honest to yourself and him... if u have mental-block issues.... or think that u will have fear and tension over having sxx,
then u should tell him NOW .... then at least the both of u will be mentally prepared..... and also both of u must somehow work together to overcome it....... and DO NOT hide behind a cover of wanting to stay chaste. -
save this for the wedding night.
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hmm i know of someone who doesn't want to have sex because she thinks her body is ugly..cos she has an operation when she was small and hence has scars there, but nobody knows it except her. So I think she tried to hide it from her future hubby...Originally posted by CoolMyth:Just a warning....read this somewhere before....
There are women out there who use the "leave it till marriage" thing to stay clear of sex after marriage. But there are some cases of the woman, even on the day of marriage or after marriage facing problems with sex because they are too nervous, had cold feet due to prior impressions of sex. This's called vaginaimus(sp?), I think.
The point that I'm trying to make is that while wanting to leave it till marriage is a good thing, but don't use that as an excuse because you don't want sex at all because of some bad experiences or have some medical problems with sex that only you know. Otherwise, when marriage comes and the woman still don't want to have sex....in the end, both parties will get hurt....just a warning.
i.c.y -
* the below statement is rated R and is only for matured audience *Originally posted by kops21:tao yan.... running on the road and bed different mah....
marathon on the road and on the bed is no different... no matter how tired and breathless you are, you have to keep pushing and keep going until you REACHED the "FINISHING POINT".
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Hi Casino
Frankly speaking I am not a very conservative person. Therefore I believe I am not in the right stand in answering your question of sex before marriage.
However, I rise both hand to agree that if you dont want to and dont feel like to do it before marriage, dont. It is not the question of whether he is a guy because I do know a guy friend who is still a virgin despire of his age(which I wont reveal). As for his need, there are always two thing that are willingly to help him out on that issue. They are call the right hand and the left hand.
I have a suggestion, you can tell him since there are 5 more months to you both custom marriage, you tell him you want it grand. So fro now onward, for every times he request sex form you and being rejected, he will have to put $50 into your marriage jar. If he requested and you almost give in but didnt, he will to put $100 into your marriage jar. I believe that will give him the something to think about.
RegardsOriginally posted by Casino:Have know him coming 4 yrs. Told him that I prefer doing it after customarry. But he alway use the point that he is a guy and there is need for him. -
If he really loves you - he will respect your wishes and wait.
If he insists then he doesn't love you and it's better to let him go. -
Yeah.. for the above example, she will have to tell her future hubby that... and not leave it until after the wedding.... then what will her hubby do??Originally posted by icyprincess:hmm i know of someone who doesn't want to have sex because she thinks her body is ugly..cos she has an operation when she was small and hence has scars there, but nobody knows it except her. So I think she tried to hide it from her future hubby...
i.c.y -
i dunno..heard they broke up..Originally posted by spencer99:Yeah.. for the above example, she will have to tell her future hubby that... and not leave it until after the wedding.... then what will her hubby do??
but if she really tells her future hubby before hand, do you think he will accept her?
i.c.y -
It will depends.... she only have a "mental block". if she is strong enough, she should be able to overcome it......... so maybe the two of them can seek some professional help together.Originally posted by icyprincess:i dunno..heard they broke up..
but if she really tells her future hubby before hand, do you think he will accept her?
i.c.y
But it would be better then withholding info from her future hubby and then making him feel cheated when they are married. -
yea...i think he was angry cos think she was lying to him from beginning...but actually very hard de, imagine if it is your body and no one knows how scarred it was except you (and your parents) then suddenly wan to show it to someone new...it definitely will need a lot of courage. plus they have been going out for a very long time oledi, so i think she is afraid of losing him...Originally posted by spencer99:It will depends.... she only have a "mental block". if she is strong enough, she should be able to overcome it......... so maybe the two of them can seek some professional help together.
But it would be better then withholding info from her future hubby and then making him feel cheated when they are married.
haiz...
i.c.y -
I respect your opinion, but I think the above is a bit too simplistic..... and they are together for 4 years and getting married in 5 months time, how do u expect "Casino" to let him go!Originally posted by odysseus:If he really loves you - he will respect your wishes and wait.
If he insists then he doesn't love you and it's better to let him go.
hmmm.... I think in some guys, the reson why they "insist" is because they LOVE their partner VERY MUCH.... and it is not just lust only ok.....
different people got different values and ways to express themselves....... cannot expect everyone to be so pure and innocent. -
Actually hor.... your arguement above actually make it "justifiable" for the hubby to want to do it with the future wife.....Originally posted by icyprincess:yea...i think he was angry cos think she was lying to him from beginning...but actually very hard de, imagine if it is your body and no one knows how scarred it was except you (and your parents) then suddenly wan to show it to someone new...it definitely will need a lot of courage. plus they have been going out for a very long time oledi, so i think she is afraid of losing him...
haiz...
i.c.y
Can u imagine this scenario.......
you date a guy for 4 years... he didn't want to sxx with you. u wonder why and he said that he "respect" you and want tosave until marriage... yuo feel that he is so upright and pure and love him even more...
after marriage it turns out that he is im potent and knew it all along... there is NO WAY he can have a NORMAL sxxual r/s.
but he scared u reject him so didn't tell you all this time and make up some story about being "upright".
Will u be angry, hurt and feel cheated? will u divorce him?
From this view u can maybe understand some guys view on wanting to do it with their future wife.....