asking for too much?
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case 1: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to stop chat sms wif the opp sex whom ur bf/gf noe that party is interested in him/her? the thing is the other party knew ur bf/gf is attached le..
and case 2: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to refrain from sms the opp sex? knowing that the other party might develop feelings for ur bf/gf?(the other party dunno that ur bf/gf is attached)
guys do u feel irritated if ur gf requested for the above? -
i won't...
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you wont feel irritated? den will there be a concept that ur gf dun trust u at all?Originally posted by Takumi2eLimit:i won't... -
see how u look at it lor...different ppl different views...
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okie thanksOriginally posted by Takumi2eLimit:see how u look at it lor...different ppl different views... 
.. i need more views anyone? -
Since both parties are not married to each other (yet), i dun think either party has the right to restrict who the other party interacts with lor.. Even if it is a married couple, there should be a certain level of trust between husband and wife, as long as there is no evidence of cheating whatsoever.
Anyway i feel that there is no such thing as cheating if the couple is not married. Don't think it is healthy for a relationship to be sustained merely by one party tightly controlling who the other party interacts with. Cos ultimately this leads to lots of mistrust, discontentment and unhappiness. Not everyone can tolerate their partner regulating who he interacts with. -
I would have done that in the past, as I would feel rather insecure, knowing that my gf is being chased after by other guys. But, I've come to learn that as long as your gf loves you wholeheartedly, you should give her the freedom to do what she wants. For my case, I've given a lot of trust towards my gf, and don't mind her sms-ing/talking to her male friends.Originally posted by ~Lyn~:case 1: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to stop chat sms wif the opp sex whom ur bf/gf noe that party is interested in him/her? the thing is the other party knew ur bf/gf is attached le..
and case 2: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to refrain from sms the opp sex? knowing that the other party might develop feelings for ur bf/gf?(the other party dunno that ur bf/gf is attached)
guys do u feel irritated if ur gf requested for the above?
However, letting her meet up with her EX would be a totally different thing. Oh well, at least for me. I lost her that way.
By the way, I would always try not to get too close to girls when i'm attached. But I wouldn't be too happy if my gf told me to do this or that, etc. -
is ur bf the flirty type or guai guai type?
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I'm sorry abt that..soi guess allowing them to go out wif the person they are chatting wif isn't really safe either?Originally posted by grief00:I would have done that in the past, as I would feel rather insecure, knowing that my gf is being chased after by other guys. But, I've come to learn that as long as your gf loves you wholeheartedly, you should give her the freedom to do what she wants. For my case, I've given a lot of trust towards my gf, and don't mind her sms-ing/talking to her male friends.
However, letting her meet up with her EX would be a totally different thing. Oh well, at least for me. I lost her that way. -
he did promise he wont get involve in a r/s but he just like the feeling of sms girls.. anyway i kind of think dat i shld let go and let him msg whoever he wants this decision is supported after reading the 2 other posts.. how abt letting him go out wif the girl?Originally posted by RaTtY81:is ur bf the flirty type or guai guai type? -
I guess that as long as it's just a normal fren (e.g ex-classmate, sch mate), it should be ok..Originally posted by ~Lyn~:I'm sorry abt that..soi guess allowing them to go out wif the person they are chatting wif isn't really safe either?
I did regret letting my gf meet her ex. But I guess if she didn't love me much enough, such situation would happen sooner or later. At least now she knows who she loves more, and she made up her decision to go back to him.
For me, I definitely suffered a fair bit, but at least it happened sooner than later.
Bottomline is, just be open towards each other, and give more trust towards ur partner. If you tie him up too much, the r/s might end up undersirably too.
Hope this helps! -
Ultimately if he finds that u are the girl for him, u will not have to worry about him going after the other girls. No point trying to tie him down, cos u can't and it may very well get him irritated with u, bad for the relationship.
what is meant to be yours will be yours. -
thanks i told him so to keep it open.. at least let me be aware of it.. but he's a bit reserved on dat cs he thinks i'll be very mad.. end up we keep round abt on the same spot.. it takes courage to let him do the things he wants and it's hard for him to trust that i'll be happier if he will be open to me.. i noe it's not good to be too possesive.. but any suggestins on wat both of us can do to develop the trust? this question may sound silly but just need to be open to all the options..Originally posted by grief00:I guess that as long as it's just a normal fren (e.g ex-classmate, sch mate), it should be ok..
I did regret letting my gf meet her ex. But I guess if she didn't love me much enough, such situation would happen sooner or later. At least now she knows who she loves more, and she made up her decision to go back to him.
For me, I definitely suffered a fair bit, but at least it happened sooner than later.
Bottomline is, just be open towards each other, and give more trust towards ur partner. If you tie him up too much, the r/s might end up undersirably too.
Hope this helps! -
Well, it takes time to get used to it. Let both ur bf and urself to get used to being more open towards each other, ya? Also, remember not to pull a long face when he tells u things that u don't approve. Try to always keep a smile on your face, and be interested in his matters. Once he realised that you're sincere in listening to him (without throwing any temper), he would not hide things from you in future.Originally posted by ~Lyn~:thanks i told him so to keep it open.. at least let me be aware of it.. but he's a bit reserved on dat cs he thinks i'll be very mad.. end up we keep round abt on the same spot.. it takes courage to let him do the things he wants and it's hard for him to trust that i'll be happier if he will be open to me.. i noe it's not good to be too possesive.. but any suggestins on wat both of us can do to develop the trust? this question may sound silly but just need to be open to all the options..
Meanwhile, if there's some things that u don't approve of him doing, try to talk it out to your friends, or post some qns in the forum to see how others respond to such situations. Then, you'll get a better picture of what is wrong and what is right, and also know how to react. -
heehee thanks a lot! u've been great help.. hahaa maybe i'm too paraniod cos got bad experiences before.. heehee will keep ur words in mind.. tried it before but gave up half way cos let anger get over me..Originally posted by grief00:Well, it takes time to get used to it. Let both ur bf and urself to get used to being more open towards each other, ya? Also, remember not to pull a long face when he tells u things that u don't approve. Try to always keep a smile on your face, and be interested in his matters. Once he realised that you're sincere in listening to him (without throwing any temper), he would not hide things from you in future.
Meanwhile, if there's some things that u don't approve of him doing, try to talk it out to your friends, or post some qns in the forum to see how others respond to such situations. Then, you'll get a better picture of what is wrong and what is right, and also know how to react. -
No problem. wish you all the best in your relationship!Originally posted by ~Lyn~:heehee thanks a lot! u've been great help.. hahaa maybe i'm too paraniod cos got bad experiences before.. heehee will keep ur words in mind.. tried it before but gave up half way cos let anger get over me.. -
Originally posted by ~Lyn~:
If you let him, he would have you as a girlfriend and the other girl as a best friend.
case 1: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to stop chat sms wif the opp sex whom ur bf/gf noe that party is interested in him/her? the thing is the other party knew ur bf/gf is attached le..
and case 2: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to refrain from sms the opp sex? knowing that the other party might develop feelings for ur bf/gf?(the other party dunno that ur bf/gf is attached)
guys do u feel irritated if ur gf requested for the above?
If you don't, he woud have you or the other girl as a girlfriend and best friend.
Your choice -- trust is ultimate key, but remember if you can allow him to do it, he has to allow you to do it as well. "You do 1st; I do 15th."
If you don't like it and can't take it, let him know.
If he doesn't like it and can't take it, let him go. -
In love.....One must trust....Nonetheless, we must be prepared for the worst....always....
What will be yours, will be yours. It will come back to you even if you chase it away. What will not be yours, will not be yours, coz it will eventually go away no matter how you control it....
The person just does not love you enough, he will stray no matter what you do. -
Well said.Originally posted by Zimmerman:In love.....One must trust....Nonetheless, we must be prepared for the worst....always....
What will be yours, will be yours. It will come back to you even if you chase it away. What will not be yours, will not be yours, coz it will eventually go away no matter how you control it....
The person just does not love you enough, he will stray no matter what you do.
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ya i understand prepare for the worst.. but it just gets a bit tiring at times.. so haf to try to implement some restrictions thinking that it will just ease the situation.. but it seems that it just get worse.. he'll try all means to keep it frm me.. now trying my best again to let him do it trusting him that he wont stray..Originally posted by Zimmerman:In love.....One must trust....Nonetheless, we must be prepared for the worst....always....
What will be yours, will be yours. It will come back to you even if you chase it away. What will not be yours, will not be yours, coz it will eventually go away no matter how you control it....
The person just does not love you enough, he will stray no matter what you do.
u think he'll stray even with the freedom (he wanted) is given? so hard to keep a man by ur side? give in too much he'll take advantage, too restricted, he'll just be scared off.. do u guys think it really hard to haf a guy to be faithful and wont bother abt other girls? -
The second one is too much. Coz it's only guessing.Originally posted by ~Lyn~:case 1: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to stop chat sms wif the opp sex whom ur bf/gf noe that party is interested in him/her? the thing is the other party knew ur bf/gf is attached le..
and case 2: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to refrain from sms the opp sex? knowing that the other party might develop feelings for ur bf/gf?(the other party dunno that ur bf/gf is attached)
guys do u feel irritated if ur gf requested for the above?
As for the first one..you have to ask yourself whether you trust him. A better approach would be to tell him what you fear, tell him that you dun feel easy about it. If he continues like that and you always quarrel over it..no point..close one eye ba. If he dunc are for your feelings and keep smsing and sianing other girls..this type of bf wun give u security..bu yao ye ba. -
case 1) can be yes.... if the bf only treat the gal as a normal fren then should not stop them being frens...Originally posted by ~Lyn~:case 1: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to stop chat sms wif the opp sex whom ur bf/gf noe that party is interested in him/her? the thing is the other party knew ur bf/gf is attached le..
and case 2: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to refrain from sms the opp sex? knowing that the other party might develop feelings for ur bf/gf?(the other party dunno that ur bf/gf is attached)
guys do u feel irritated if ur gf requested for the above?
case 2) how u noe the other party will develop in the first place....? differ ppl got diff taste... so not confirm thing....
yes i will feel irritated.... tink of it this way, if your bf will stray, no matter how u prevent it he will still do it... sometimes the more u dont want him to do it, he will still do it.... so instead let go of the leash and let him have his free mind and tink for himself... if he stray, leave him. -
in r/s....for love....isn't it u must accept him for what he is and not wat u want him to be??
when u 1st know him...u shld know tat he is wat kind of person....y wan to change him when u are already with him?
to be in love with someone is not to change him ba.....
in the 1st plc.....y u chose him leh?......
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initially i din noe he was lidat when we got together.. as time goes with more and more feelings invested, unknowingly love him more and more.. he parted before and came back to me.. i was hurt of cos, but tot there will not be a next time that he'll part.. at least he promised to..so i allow myself to go back to him knowing that i love him a lot.. it took us quite long before we sort of settled down.. i'm trying to accept him, din demand any 180 degree change but maybe just keep to his words? so i've decided to let him do the sms stuff but not for going out alone with the girl.. but u noe sometimes there's this sense of insecurity that will hit u helplessly? hence the contradiction of shld i or shld i not.. but since i've decided i just haf to wait and see what's the outcome, prepared for the worst..Originally posted by cindtan29:in r/s....for love....isn't it u must accept him for what he is and not wat u want him to be??
when u 1st know him...u shld know tat he is wat kind of person....y wan to change him when u are already with him?
to be in love with someone is not to change him ba.....
in the 1st plc.....y u chose him leh?...... -
love is contradicting...
u cant expect wat u give to be reciprocate ...
r/s...love is to compromise and get to know each other more....as the patoring starts...
however....he must have some points tat makes u love him more and more....
if in old fashion way of saying...probably he will change for the sake of u if he loves you more as time goes.....
but...love is always giving and expect the least to come back....i wish u luck
p.s.but pls know when to stop if he still does not change for the sake of you......probably he is not the right guy for u at the end of the day.... think abt it.....