asking for too much?
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Thanks for the adviceOriginally posted by cindtan29:love is contradicting...
u cant expect wat u give to be reciprocate ...
r/s...love is to compromise and get to know each other more....as the patoring starts...
however....he must have some points tat makes u love him more and more....
if in old fashion way of saying...probably he will change for the sake of u if he loves you more as time goes.....
but...love is always giving and expect the least to come back....i wish u luck
p.s.but pls know when to stop if he still does not change for the sake of you......probably he is not the right guy for u at the end of the day.... think abt it.....
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Originally posted by Zimmerman:
It is sad to see people falling in love always prepared to fall out.
In love.....One must trust....Nonetheless, we must be prepared for the worst....always.... -
Must trust each other if you're married or not married, and I think you are matured enough to know when and what to do if you don't want that person to bother youOriginally posted by ~Lyn~:Thanks for the advice 
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Hi ~Lyn~
Toward your questions this are the answer I have for myself;
Case 1: Yes
Case 2: Yes
and your last question, Yes.
RegardsOriginally posted by ~Lyn~:case 1: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to stop chat sms wif the opp sex whom ur bf/gf noe that party is interested in him/her? the thing is the other party knew ur bf/gf is attached le..
and case 2: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to refrain from sms the opp sex? knowing that the other party might develop feelings for ur bf/gf?(the other party dunno that ur bf/gf is attached)
guys do u feel irritated if ur gf requested for the above? -
maybe cos now the people haf higher expectations and thus not easily contented.. hence a greater possibility to get themselves a "better" partner.. so being protective of ourselves we prepare for the worst so to "reduce" the hurt and pain that we might suffer eventually..Originally posted by Tuatau:It is sad to see people falling in love always prepared to fall out. -
Yoz...
Personally I tink its ok for guys to sms gals...obviously he must let the gf know if he is meeting the gal...n make sure there is nthing going on btw him n the other gals...
There muz be trust...I agree with the others...wats Ur will be Urs...
If he dun love U enuf...no matter hw U restrict him...soon or later...he will dump U for another...tts the truth...
Cheers... -
Hi ~Lyn~
What you have stated does make sense however I hope this is not what you are thinking.
First, there are always someone better out there, if that is the case then people are always not contented.
Second, come to "better" partner, have we even look at ourselves(characters and attitude) in the mirror? If we arent a "better" partner for others then how do we going to define "better"? Richer? More handsome or pretty?
Third, most of the time we get hurt and suffer is not because we arent being protective enough of ourselves. Instead, most of the time it is due to the reason that we do not understand our partner and ourselves well enough to begin a relationship.
What I have stated is my own perspection for you to consider.
RegardsOriginally posted by ~Lyn~:maybe cos now the people haf higher expectations and thus not easily contented.. hence a greater possibility to get themselves a "better" partner.. so being protective of ourselves we prepare for the worst so to "reduce" the hurt and pain that we might suffer eventually.. -
Originally posted by ~Lyn~:
case 1: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to stop chat sms wif the opp sex whom ur bf/gf noe that party is interested in him/her? the thing is the other party knew ur bf/gf is attached le..
Depends... It's good to communicate about it, but often not wise to impose that restriction on your partner... If a partner really has all intentions to 'go stray', chances of stopping that from happening in a healthy way is basically too slim... Especially if you try to do it by 'force'?
and case 2: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to refrain from sms the opp sex? knowing that the other party might develop feelings for ur bf/gf?(the other party dunno that ur bf/gf is attached)
Depends? Your partner's age? The other party's current relationship with your partner...? Is it a possible option to let the other party know that your partner's already attached
guys do u feel irritated if ur gf requested for the above?
Not really irritated (depending on how she does it), but personally I would relook the situation again and see if there's anything which needs to be done about it... -
Originally posted by ~Lyn~:case 1: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to stop chat sms wif the opp sex whom ur bf/gf noe that party is interested in him/her? the thing is the other party knew ur bf/gf is attached le..
and case 2: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to refrain from sms the opp sex? knowing that the other party might develop feelings for ur bf/gf?(the other party dunno that ur bf/gf is attached)
guys do u feel irritated if ur gf requested for the above?
Seriously, even though I had never ever impose that kind of thingy, but then its just me (vampire are different from mortal). Seriously, it's all about the old question of trust.
Trust and fear never go hand-in-hand. If you fear to lose your love, your trust level slip drastically, vice vista. And of course, if your bf is a Leo, chances are, he will be pretty annoyed by the restriction of freedom and choice.
I mentioned it a million times and would continue to mention: IF your LOVE desire to leave the relationship, it DOESN'T need situations like these to happen (a third-party, etc) in order for him to leave. If he wants to go, he will go regardless of reasons. Willingness is a product of love - the absence of it will encourage separation. This is the same thing with headhunter - they will definitely fail to recruit the people, whom are terribly loyal to their current company. Money is NOT exactly the point - welfare is.
If your love is insufficient for him to remain, then it is back to the ultimate classic question: what's the use of retaining a man who doesn't cherish your love?
Trust never hurts. Only deception does.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier: Seriously, even though I had never ever impose that kind of thingy, but then its just me (vampire are different from mortal). Seriously, it's all about the old question of trust.
Trust and fear never go hand-in-hand. If you fear to lose your love, your trust level slip drastically, vice vista. And of course, if your bf is a Leo, chances are, he will be pretty annoyed by the restriction of freedom and choice.
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Worry only if much more interest and attention are on the other girl(s) than you.... Understand what's really the 'interest'...Originally posted by ~Lyn~:he did promise he wont get involve in a r/s but he just like the feeling of sms girls.. anyway i kind of think dat i shld let go and let him msg whoever he wants this decision is supported after reading the 2 other posts.. how abt letting him go out wif the girl?
How old are the both of you? How long have you been with your bf...? -
i'd say it's not too much for the first one... the second one... nope.
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thanks for all the views.. i think the last line meant alot.. Trust never hurts only deception does.. how true.. Deception is a killer.. currently i'm trying to be neutral to all the stuff he's doing.. not going to make any bad conclusion as yet (though there's some change in his attitude..) taking it as a "cooling off period" .. "If your love is insufficient for him to remain, then it is back to the ultimate classic question: what's the use of retaining a man who doesn't cherish your love?" keeping this in mind...Originally posted by Yunhaier:If your love is insufficient for him to remain, then it is back to the ultimate classic question: what's the use of retaining a man who doesn't cherish your love?
Trust never hurts. Only deception does.
Cheers -
erm i guess at this initial stage when he just started chatting wif the girl naturally will spend more attention on them.. for me like been wif him so long liao think he wont really want to sms/msn chat wif me.. the feeling we 2 girls can gif him is different.. for dat girl there's this "freshness" feeling for me maybe cao seng? hahaa.. watever it is.. currently i'm still having my exams so perhaps dats the reason why he dun really spend much time wif me.. /he wants me to study.. so i dun judge now.. trying to wait till my exams are over den i see how it goes..Originally posted by Devil1976:Worry only if much more interest and attention are on the other girl(s) than you.... Understand what's really the 'interest'...
How old are the both of you? How long have you been with your bf...?
we are of the same age.. been together for like 6 yrs.. It's a long r/s that wasn't smooth sailing all the while.. as mentioned he parted me before and came back again.. maybe dat's the main reason why i fear all this.. I fear to lose him and get hurt again.. He did promise never leave me though.. so now i'm trying to shift all my attention to my paper first.. when i really felt troubled pop in here and post.. it's really consoling to see u guys trying to help me.. thanks! -
Originally posted by varatare:Hi ~Lyn~
First, there are always someone better out there, if that is the case then people are always not contented.
Second, come to "better" partner, have we even look at ourselves(characters and attitude) in the mirror? If we arent a "better" partner for others then how do we going to define "better"? Richer? More handsome or pretty?
Very well said.........
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+ 1Originally posted by Tuatau:Your choice -- trust is ultimate key, but remember if you can allow him to do it, he has to allow you to do it as well. "You do 1st; I do 15th."
If you don't like it and can't take it, let him know.
If he doesn't like it and can't take it, let him go. but I don't know about that letting him go part. I guess if he doesn't like it and can't take it, then he'll just have to stop doing it himself. Otherwise you may end up having to live with double standards, if not in this issue, in other issues as well. Remember, if this is the guy for you, you have a long journey to walk with him so you really want to have a nice, fun, loving and relaxing walk. If both feel so restricted here and there, it is going to cause gaps in the relationship and sooner or later, one is going to go. We can't have it all in life. Somethings got to give. You win some, you lose some.
Cheer up. No point getting all worked up on things that hasn't happened. It may caused a disease in the relationship. Have fun....have trust....in him and in yourself!!
All the very best. -
ya it's true i do agree.. I'm really want to have a nice, fun, loving and relaxing walk.. I've been longing for dat.. trying to have lots of faith in myself.. but from time to time mind will be notti and start to think otherwise... so haf to keep constantly reminding myself.. this is the initial phase of stepping out to haf trust in him i guess.. IT's not easy i must say..Originally posted by littlestream:+ 1 but I don't know about that letting him go part. I guess if he doesn't like it and can't take it, then he'll just have to stop doing it himself. Otherwise you may end up having to live with double standards, if not in this issue, in other issues as well. Remember, if this is the guy for you, you have a long journey to walk with him so you really want to have a nice, fun, loving and relaxing walk. If both feel so restricted here and there, it is going to cause gaps in the relationship and sooner or later, one is going to go. We can't have it all in life. Somethings got to give. You win some, you lose some.
Cheer up. No point getting all worked up on things that hasn't happened. It may caused a disease in the relationship. Have fun....have trust....in him and in yourself!!
All the very best. -
my mindset is if,girls r n0t possessive,there w0nt be e w0rd "jealous" or "jealousy" in LOVEOriginally posted by ~Lyn~:case 1: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to stop chat sms wif the opp sex whom ur bf/gf noe that party is interested in him/her? the thing is the other party knew ur bf/gf is attached le..
and case 2: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to refrain from sms the opp sex? knowing that the other party might develop feelings for ur bf/gf?(the other party dunno that ur bf/gf is attached)
guys do u feel irritated if ur gf requested for the above? -
I think sometimes, we do need friends and they happen to be from the opposite sex. and we will just clicked.
Maybe he is filling the void that u have left him with?
As long as he is able to differentiate what is love & friendship, I think it will be Ok.
Just treat it as a test for him, and you. -
*deleted*Originally posted by Magnus:I think sometimes, we do need friends and they happen to be from the opposite sex. and we will just clicked.
Maybe he is filling the void that u have left him with?
As long as he is able to differentiate what is love & friendship, I think it will be Ok.
Just treat it as a test for him, and you. -
1) noOriginally posted by ~Lyn~:case 1: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to stop chat sms wif the opp sex whom ur bf/gf noe that party is interested in him/her? the thing is the other party knew ur bf/gf is attached le..
and case 2: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to refrain from sms the opp sex? knowing that the other party might develop feelings for ur bf/gf?(the other party dunno that ur bf/gf is attached)
guys do u feel irritated if ur gf requested for the above?
2) no
its ur right as a partner to ask him/her to stop. but weather he/she is willing to do it is another thing. u are just trying to protect ur relationship. i see nothing wrong with that. -
As for me whether I am attached or single or whatever, I still prefer in life to have a "guy friend", coz they are more understanding and they are more open minded and easy to get along with and i dont mind giving them my contact no. and i dont mind them smsing me as long as they understand what i want from them is just friendship that's all. Well of course I will tell them directly on the very first date what I want from them is very simple, just to be friends.....This is my way.. I do it my way and as long as my conscience is clear there is nothing to worryOriginally posted by ~Lyn~:*deleted*
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Hmm... 6 years... I guess you should know his character better than we do then?Originally posted by ~Lyn~:erm i guess at this initial stage when he just started chatting wif the girl naturally will spend more attention on them.. for me like been wif him so long liao think he wont really want to sms/msn chat wif me.. the feeling we 2 girls can gif him is different.. for dat girl there's this "freshness" feeling for me maybe cao seng? hahaa.. watever it is.. currently i'm still having my exams so perhaps dats the reason why he dun really spend much time wif me.. /he wants me to study.. so i dun judge now.. trying to wait till my exams are over den i see how it goes..
we are of the same age.. been together for like 6 yrs.. It's a long r/s that wasn't smooth sailing all the while.. as mentioned he parted me before and came back again.. maybe dat's the main reason why i fear all this.. I fear to lose him and get hurt again.. He did promise never leave me though.. so now i'm trying to shift all my attention to my paper first.. when i really felt troubled pop in here and post.. it's really consoling to see u guys trying to help me.. thanks!
Always try to give your relationship a little more room to breathe and your guy some benefit of doubts... If you strangle it, often your relationship would just die off much faster than it might really do... Sometimes you won't even know if you've killed it with your own hands or because it's meant to die? Well... For me, that's often more of a tragic then the fact that it's dead alone...
Like many have already suggested before... If it's meant to happen, it'll be difficult to stop it... If it isn't meant to be, you won't wanna be regretting what you've done....? -
hahaa ya i dun mind if can do it like wat u did.. but u see sometimes guys diff.. they think no matter wat they wont be at a disadvantage.. den they think if can play play a while lo.. no harm.. so for him the prob is wont really tell them explicitly that wat he want from them is very simple, so may be misleading the girls at times.. that's when the trouble start..Originally posted by mckenzy:As for me whether I am attached or single or whatever, I still prefer in life to have a "guy friend", coz they are more understanding and they are more open minded and easy to get along with and i dont mind giving them my contact no. and i dont mind them smsing me as long as they understand what i want from them is just friendship that's all. Well of course I will tell them directly on the very first date what I want from them is very simple, just to be friends.....This is my way.. I do it my way and as long as my conscience is clear there is nothing to worry -
heeheee thanks... ur replies make lots of sense.. really thanks.. tmr is going to be my last paper.. den i'll be able to spend more time wif him and maybe can noe more abt wat's going on.. will keep u guys updated!Originally posted by Devil1976:Hmm... 6 years... I guess you should know his character better than we do then?
Always try to give your relationship a little more room to breathe and your guy some benefit of doubts... If you struggle it, often your relationship would just die off much faster than it might really do... Sometimes you won't even know if you've killed it with your own hands or because it's meant to die? Well... For me, that's often more of a tragic then the fact that it's dead alone...
Like many have already suggested before... If it's meant to happen, it'll be difficult to stop it... If it isn't meant to be, you won't wanna be regretting what you've done....?