What should I do?
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I'm feeling very lost now. I really don't know what to do.
My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me, telling me that the spark in his heart has died. For the past three years, he put in a lot of effort to maintain the relationship. I can't understand why he can give up just like that.
So, I tried to salvage the situtation by telling him that we can work our differences out. Then he told me that it's useless as the spark has died and he has find someone else.
Why a guy can change so drastically? I really want to be with him again but he told me that it's impossible as the spark is died!
I really don't know what to do, can someone tell me what to do? -
that is the only reason...all those bullsh!t abt the what sparks are liesOriginally posted by Joyless:I'm feeling very lost now. I really don't know what to do.
My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me, telling me that the spark in his heart has died. For the past three years, he put in a lot of effort to maintain the relationship. I can't understand why he can give up just like that.
So, I tried to salvage the situtation by telling him that we can work our differences out. Then he told me that it's useless as the spark has died and he has find someone else.
Why a guy can change so drastically? I really want to be with him again but he told me that it's impossible as the spark is died!
I really don't know what to do, can someone tell me what to do? -
There is nothing much you can do except to wait or figure out what went wrong and move on.
Cheers -
A relationship of three years. You know how much effort it was placed into such a relationship?Originally posted by bratpig:that is the only reason...all those bullsh!t abt the what sparks are lies
I had friends who placed 7 years trying to buy time and mantain his r/s, yet in the end he ended being with another.
Everybody had their stories.
Let's listen to the guy's version.
Cheers -
I will agree with both Bratpig & M©+square.
Dun be too sad over it, before love, being in love & after love is all part & parcel of life .....
May time heal ur wound faster!! -
Sorry to hear about your present situation, Joyless. If you navigate about this forum, you will realise that you are not the first nor the only one in this type of situation.
It is sad that many people "choose" (intentionally or subconsciously) the "third party syndrome" as a way out of a relationship. Would things have been different if both parties run into problems, working out not successful and then go parted ways amicably? Than, run into problems, working out not successful but one still adamant to try and the other go astray.....being tired out or drained? Open for comments, anyone?
Anyways, Joyless......sad to say, you have to move on (he has given you a firm indication that it is over, right?). It will not be easy but you will succeed. Be strong. Many forumites have written very powerful and meaningful messages so I hope you can find some comfort and strength from there.
If this is not meant to be, then perhaps, it is a second chance at life, at love...for yourself too.
May God gives you the strength to overcome this challenging phase and the wisdom to see and know what is good for you. Amen.
All the very best, Joyless. Remember to visit this forum each time you feel unhappy. It beats keeping everything to yourself.
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When we first starting going together, I told him that the relationship won't last as both of us have different characters and upbringing. He told me that these are not potential problems as long as we compromise and work things out.
As the relationship develop, we have some arguments. He feels that I'm too family-orientated. He told me to commit more time to him and I tried to comply to his request, by spending more time with him. But we have some other arguements as the ways that we handle matters are different. He always say that I don't listen to him. During the years that we're together, he put in more effort than me to maintain the relationship.
I went for a holiday with my friend for a week. He came to see me when I'm back and he told me that he did not miss me at all when I'm away. The next day, he told me that he had enough and want us to be friends. He said that his heart has turned cold, and once his heart has turned cold, nothing is impossible.
During the week of break-up, he did sms me occassionally, asking me how am I. He told me to hang on and he feels hurt when he knows that I'm feeling miserable. He also told me that he still care for me.
I thought that there is some chance of salvaging the relationship, thus I told him to forget the past and let us start afresh. He told me that it's impossible.
I asked him why he's willing to give up all the efforts that he has put into the relationship just like that.
He did not answer me and today, he messaged me. He told me that the spark has died, thus he gave up. Moreover, he has get to know someone recently and he has started going out with her. He also mentioned that he wish us to be friends. He told me that if I did not go for the trip, things might not turn up in this way.
I know that I've to get over him, but my heart told me to wait for him. It has been three weeks since we break, but he's constantly on my mind. Actually, we plan to get married at the end of this year.
I'm really at a loss now. Should I forget about him and ignore him? Should I wait for him? I really don't know, he's like a changed man overnight. -
well i think he has already moved on and found somebody else, and you too, shld let it go, get grip of urself and move on. Time will heal your wounds eventually. When ppl found someone new, there isn't rm to think of his past love. Hence, i sincerely hope you would find someone else better in the future...takecare
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your condition is VERY near to what i've witnessed myself. a friend of mine dumped his gf for 3 yrs telling her he have no more feelings for her. personally i think its crap. they were also on the verge of getting married, but sadly, they broke up. i learnt that my frend knows another girl at his workplace and they have been exchanging sms for sometime, so i think its more of a change of heart rather than a losing of feeling.Originally posted by Joyless:When we first starting going together, I told him that the relationship won't last as both of us have different characters and upbringing. He told me that these are not potential problems as long as we compromise and work things out.
As the relationship develop, we have some arguments. He feels that I'm too family-orientated. He told me to commit more time to him and I tried to comply to his request, by spending more time with him. But we have some other arguements as the ways that we handle matters are different. He always say that I don't listen to him. During the years that we're together, he put in more effort than me to maintain the relationship.
I went for a holiday with my friend for a week. He came to see me when I'm back and he told me that he did not miss me at all when I'm away. The next day, he told me that he had enough and want us to be friends. He said that his heart has turned cold, and once his heart has turned cold, nothing is impossible.
During the week of break-up, he did sms me occassionally, asking me how am I. He told me to hang on and he feels hurt when he knows that I'm feeling miserable. He also told me that he still care for me.
I thought that there is some chance of salvaging the relationship, thus I told him to forget the past and let us start afresh. He told me that it's impossible.
I asked him why he's willing to give up all the efforts that he has put into the relationship just like that.
He did not answer me and today, he messaged me. He told me that the spark has died, thus he gave up. Moreover, he has get to know someone recently and he has started going out with her. He also mentioned that he wish us to be friends. He told me that if I did not go for the trip, things might not turn up in this way.
I know that I've to get over him, but my heart told me to wait for him. It has been three weeks since we break, but he's constantly on my mind. Actually, we plan to get married at the end of this year.
I'm really at a loss now. Should I forget about him and ignore him? Should I wait for him? I really don't know, he's like a changed man overnight.
another possibility is that he fears commitment. are you huys still young? if its so, the pressure of marriage may be the cause of the break up too.
anyway, even with our persuassion, my frend did not return to his girl. everyone of us thought that she was a girl who was just right for him... sadly he thinks otherwise.
i think you gotta learnt to forget him, its very unlikely he will turn back. good luck. -
Alrite..
i`m supposed to have an exam later...
but i cant bear to keep my comments to myself...
This is how i feel abt the situation
Like some had mentioned
the problem is not really about you..
Your so called BF might haf lost interest in you
or rather, along came another gal to replace you???
you mentioned that he put in a lot of effort into the R/S??
and if so, how can that he gave it all up so easily??
From wat i know, people only will be like this in 2 types of situation.
One, he got what he wanted and needs to break free
Two, he felt left out and unappreciated
For the benifit of his doubt,I`ll leave the 1st option undiscused,
Perhaps his constant `hardwork` might be the reason why he puts off you for another person??
are u a very demanding person?
or is it that you never show any appreciation for his actions and things he do for you??
Jus wan you to know that guys really hopes that they can be appreciated by their GFs
and that affirmation for their work is needed to motivate them to keep movin on..
By taking their actions for granted only makes him feels that he`s doin something that could have been `don really need to be done` cuz no one apprciated his actions..
I`m sure there has to be a prob for him leaving you rather than the reason of losing the spark. Could it be that he have some difficulties or responsibilities that he might want to keep secret from you?
Perhaps you all are losing the basics of a R/S..
that is to be in good communication w each other..
Immediate actions that I strongly urge you to do,
Have a nice talk w him
ask him out for tea and have a nice talk over it.
No point arguing over the prob and throwing insults
ask him for the REAL reason why he left you?
was it really someone better appeared or was it really your R/S that made him find another??
Think about the things that you all might wan out of the R/S
Since u all already had plans to get married,
i`m sure u all had already considered plans for the future.
Work things out,
I`m sure things can be ironed out..
Always rem, DON`T SAY WORDS BASED ON IMPULSE
Good Luck and cheers,
BaByBoY -
damn... he gave the reason that spark die...... when actuali is he found another one... as for wat to do? its sad thing to hear but right now, u have to tell yourself that its not worth tinking abt that guy cos this heartless guy left u for another gal.... hell with him... get some friends out and rebuild your life back... tell yourself this, theres more better guys out there so jz walk away and dun look back... its difficult and not easy done but still have to go through it... admit its over and carry on a new chapter in your life... cheers...Originally posted by Joyless:I'm feeling very lost now. I really don't know what to do.
My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me, telling me that the spark in his heart has died. For the past three years, he put in a lot of effort to maintain the relationship. I can't understand why he can give up just like that.
So, I tried to salvage the situtation by telling him that we can work our differences out. Then he told me that it's useless as the spark has died and he has find someone else.
Why a guy can change so drastically? I really want to be with him again but he told me that it's impossible as the spark is died!
I really don't know what to do, can someone tell me what to do? -
I`m sorry to say thisOriginally posted by BrUtUs:damn... he gave the reason that spark die...... when actuali is he found another one... as for wat to do? its sad thing to hear but right now, u have to tell yourself that its not worth tinking abt that guy cos this heartless guy left u for another gal.... hell with him... get some friends out and rebuild your life back... tell yourself this, theres more better guys out there so jz walk away and dun look back... its difficult and not easy done but still have to go through it... admit its over and carry on a new chapter in your life... cheers...
Always look on the brighter side,
if he was really such a man that can leave you for another gal...
might as well leave b4 u all were married
than to look for another gal after marriage and child..
Just look at another story of Ding Shanben that Arse Hole in the same forum..
Be glad that u will not have a hubby like him..
Jus in case ur bf is really like that, or else always give him the benifit of the doubt til proven guilty
Cheers -
When a flame starts to waver, and you do not notice until all the warmth is gone...
It may be too late, for to rekindle the flame using rocks and straw is a difficult task.
Perhaps you should have done something new before the break up... sometimes i'm sure you know that relationships can get pretty boring.
Vertical Horizon - "Love can be so boring..." <-- Best i ever had
Chicago - "Even lovers need a holiday, far away from the one that they love" <-- Hard to Say i'm sorry.
So when it happens... Start doing something new again!
Go for a candlelit dinner~
Spend a night in a tent at East Coast park~
Ice Skate together, Bowl together, Ktv together~
Do something you've never done before, or something that you used to do while you were dating, but stopped...
For your situation Joyless, it may be a bit too late. Sometimes its a drag, to think of doing the same thing over and over again, and then when you get married, repeat process(just that its no longer an easy thing to say "Lets break up.")
Indeed the spark in your relationship has gone, and he has left for another. But the question now and here is, do you truly love him and think he's the one you cannot do without, the one you absolutely must marry?
If so, what are you waiting for?
If not... perhaps it would be wiser to move on. -
Hi Joyless
I can understand why you feel this way. But think about it, if you are the one who had claim the spark in your heart had die will you love him back again? I believe it is almost impossible.
A relationship need 2 people to maintain. Now he want to give up and walk away, with you alone wanting to maintain a 1 person relationship(I dont think theer is evena 1 person relationship) is impossible. Other had advise you to go on with your life which I fully agree. Move on, get a new relationship and live much happier than you are with him.
RegardsOriginally posted by Joyless:I'm feeling very lost now. I really don't know what to do.
My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me, telling me that the spark in his heart has died. For the past three years, he put in a lot of effort to maintain the relationship. I can't understand why he can give up just like that.
So, I tried to salvage the situtation by telling him that we can work our differences out. Then he told me that it's useless as the spark has died and he has find someone else.
Why a guy can change so drastically? I really want to be with him again but he told me that it's impossible as the spark is died!
I really don't know what to do, can someone tell me what to do? -
Hi Joyless, ur situation happened to me too. After 2 yrs plus, my ex-gf had gone back to her ex. I was like you, trying to salvage the relationship in anyway I could.. buying her flowers, making gifts for her, etc. But all is fruitless as she's already set her heart to go with the other guy.Originally posted by Joyless:I'm feeling very lost now. I really don't know what to do.
My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me, telling me that the spark in his heart has died. For the past three years, he put in a lot of effort to maintain the relationship. I can't understand why he can give up just like that.
So, I tried to salvage the situtation by telling him that we can work our differences out. Then he told me that it's useless as the spark has died and he has find someone else.
Why a guy can change so drastically? I really want to be with him again but he told me that it's impossible as the spark is died!
I really don't know what to do, can someone tell me what to do?
I understand the pain that you're going thru, but it seems that it'll not be the best solution to try to get back to him. What's the point of keeping someone whose heart doesn't contain you anymore?
I hope that you can get thru this painful period, and wish you the best in ur future r/s. -
Love is to have:
Mutual affection;
Mutual respect;
Mutual understanding;
Mutual support;
It's not and never easy to find someone who complements to have a healthy and balance relationship. No one will know if the other complements you in such a way till both have truly a good understanding of each other, which is why there are relationship which ended becoz of 3rd party after long period. It's always better to happen earlier then later.
A lot of people thought they know what they want only to know it's not what they want when they went through it. A lot of people says that they are ok with certain things, only to learn that it's not something they are ok with when it becomes a daily thing which they have to live with.
Hence do not desperate if he is leaving, coz he is just not the one. The rite one will come along, but do remember to cherish it when the rite one comes along........ -
Yoz...
Move on gal...U will find someone else better...k...
Cheers... -
You shouldn't really be waiting for him... I think that would be one of the most foolish acts of all...Originally posted by Joyless:When we first starting going together, I told him that the relationship won't last as both of us have different characters and upbringing. He told me that these are not potential problems as long as we compromise and work things out.
As the relationship develop, we have some arguments. He feels that I'm too family-orientated. He told me to commit more time to him and I tried to comply to his request, by spending more time with him. But we have some other arguements as the ways that we handle matters are different. He always say that I don't listen to him. During the years that we're together, he put in more effort than me to maintain the relationship.
I went for a holiday with my friend for a week. He came to see me when I'm back and he told me that he did not miss me at all when I'm away. The next day, he told me that he had enough and want us to be friends. He said that his heart has turned cold, and once his heart has turned cold, nothing is impossible.
During the week of break-up, he did sms me occassionally, asking me how am I. He told me to hang on and he feels hurt when he knows that I'm feeling miserable. He also told me that he still care for me.
I thought that there is some chance of salvaging the relationship, thus I told him to forget the past and let us start afresh. He told me that it's impossible.
I asked him why he's willing to give up all the efforts that he has put into the relationship just like that.
He did not answer me and today, he messaged me. He told me that the spark has died, thus he gave up. Moreover, he has get to know someone recently and he has started going out with her. He also mentioned that he wish us to be friends. He told me that if I did not go for the trip, things might not turn up in this way.
I know that I've to get over him, but my heart told me to wait for him. It has been three weeks since we break, but he's constantly on my mind. Actually, we plan to get married at the end of this year.
I'm really at a loss now. Should I forget about him and ignore him? Should I wait for him? I really don't know, he's like a changed man overnight.
He had set you free... You are FREE now... Forget about the 'marriage' thing... Forget about 3 years... Or even how it could have been....
He's now with another woman.... You're here.... Pick up your life and move on....? -
He has a change of heart. He is determined to break up with you.Originally posted by Joyless:I'm feeling very lost now. I really don't know what to do.
My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me, telling me that the spark in his heart has died. For the past three years, he put in a lot of effort to maintain the relationship. I can't understand why he can give up just like that.
So, I tried to salvage the situtation by telling him that we can work our differences out. Then he told me that it's useless as the spark has died and he has find someone else.
Why a guy can change so drastically? I really want to be with him again but he told me that it's impossible as the spark is died!
I really don't know what to do, can someone tell me what to do?
yes he changed drastically, but that's what happens when a man no longer loves you.
Sorry to be blunt, but I've been thru it before too..
You'll be fine...brace up...I believe it will take a long time to heal...but dun give up on yourself. -
Originally posted by Joyless:When we first starting going together, I told him that the relationship won't last as both of us have different characters and upbringing. He told me that these are not potential problems as long as we compromise and work things out.
As the relationship develop, we have some arguments. He feels that I'm too family-orientated. He told me to commit more time to him and I tried to comply to his request, by spending more time with him. But we have some other arguements as the ways that we handle matters are different. He always say that I don't listen to him. During the years that we're together, he put in more effort than me to maintain the relationship.
I went for a holiday with my friend for a week. He came to see me when I'm back and he told me that he did not miss me at all when I'm away. The next day, he told me that he had enough and want us to be friends. He said that his heart has turned cold, and once his heart has turned cold, nothing is impossible.
During the week of break-up, he did sms me occassionally, asking me how am I. He told me to hang on and he feels hurt when he knows that I'm feeling miserable. He also told me that he still care for me.
I thought that there is some chance of salvaging the relationship, thus I told him to forget the past and let us start afresh. He told me that it's impossible.
I asked him why he's willing to give up all the efforts that he has put into the relationship just like that.
He did not answer me and today, he messaged me. He told me that the spark has died, thus he gave up. Moreover, he has get to know someone recently and he has started going out with her. He also mentioned that he wish us to be friends. He told me that if I did not go for the trip, things might not turn up in this way.
I know that I've to get over him, but my heart told me to wait for him. It has been three weeks since we break, but he's constantly on my mind. Actually, we plan to get married at the end of this year.
I'm really at a loss now. Should I forget about him and ignore him? Should I wait for him? I really don't know, he's like a changed man overnight.
The spark that has died, is indeed the absence of fighting spirit and willingness to remain in a relationship. (I mentioned in ~lyn~ topic on 'Asking too much'. This is definitely a classic example of man who desire to leave, with or without any proper reason - that's if you can accept this as a reason at all).
YOUR relationship begin on a basis where challenges are laid obvious in your path. Courage are gathered and you both move through the treacherous route and with the power of love, your relationship remain intact and seemingly alright.
The catalysis is the one week holiday. So surprisingly, the Venus/Mars caveman theory actually applies here; the time you were gone is exactly the time he took to review/preview his relationship. (Of course this is but half the catalysis) Three years has passed, the treacherous path remains threatening still - he looked ahead and instantaneously become tired emotionally. You mentioned that he dump in alot of effort; his mind started questioning his heart - is that what he want?
Another woman walked into his life (this makes up the other half). She MAY not be equipped with the love you and him had foster, but certainly, when he looked ahead into the path with her, the route seemed easier to walk. This is a fatal attraction for your bf to leave the relationship, thinking that the spark had died, when another had entered into the picture and MADE him realise all that thingy.
How do I know if the mind is questioning the heart?
During the week of break-up, he did sms me occassionally, asking me how am I. He told me to hang on and he feels hurt when he knows that I'm feeling miserable. He also told me that he still care for me.
Mental power is strong and manage to convince the heart to give up the challenge he opt to undertake three years ago.
P.S: Move on. Although, things are going way too fast and create much blurness, your missing nature is NATURAL, so do not mistaken something natural as a sign to wait for him. Wait is but a foolhardy attempt to revive the relationship. What dead is difficult to resurrect and you must attempt to leave the burning village, before the flame engulf your soul. (Likely Uranus Transit)
Cheers -
we have say alot here but all we can do is advice.
The next step is up to you to decide. Whether you are willing to face up to it bravely and accept that you cannot change it and move on? or to wait in vain for answer for the question that you already know the answer?
Both ways I understand are hard but is best to end it early before it hurts you anyone. Trust me is better to put an end to it as soon as possible and start anew. -
Thanks for all the advice that you've given me!
I don't know what mind games that he's playing with me!
On the day of break-up, he told me that he's dishearted and want us to be friends. Then during the week, he sms me, asking to hang on, that he feels hurt when I'm feeling miserable and that he still cares a lot about me. Thereafter, he sent me a mail, telling me to let time heal the wound and let fate decide. He told me to concentrate on my new job whereas he concentrate on his career. He also mentioned that he does not have the heart for relationship even though he has the alternative.
On the tenth day of break-up, he met up with me for a talk. He told me :
--> He's dishearted as I did not listen to his advice.
--> He feels that there's no future between us due to our differences in cultures and upbringings, thus he's firm in his decision of ending the relationship.
--> He feels that I'm not committing enough.
--> But he did not mention anything about the new girl.
--> He still care a lot about me and he feels very hurt when he know that I'm feeling miserable.
Then, he sent me a mail yesterday (monday), telling me that things will never work out between us as the spark in his heart has died. He, himself, also don't know why the spark has died. Thus, he rather give up our relationship and start on another relationship. He told me that he cares about me and hope that we can remain as friends.
But his friend called me earlier and told me that he met up with my ex on Sunday. And when his friend mentioned about me, he told his friend not to tell him anything that's regarding about me, as he's not interested to know at all.
I'm very puzzled. Why did he sent me a mail on monday saying that he cares about me and hopes that we remain as friends, whereas on the other hand, he told his friend that he's not interested to know about anything that's regarding me?
I really don't know what type of mind games that he's playing with me now! Why is he treating me in this way? Why is it that the things that he says are ever-changing? Whisch is the truth and which are the lies? -
He might have his reasons for doing all these.Originally posted by Joyless:Thanks for all the advice that you've given me!
I don't know what mind games that he's playing with me!
On the day of break-up, he told me that he's dishearted and want us to be friends. Then during the week, he sms me, asking to hang on, that he feels hurt when I'm feeling miserable and that he still cares a lot about me. Thereafter, he sent me a mail, telling me to let time heal the wound and let fate decide. He told me to concentrate on my new job whereas he concentrate on his career. He also mentioned that he does not have the heart for relationship even though he has the alternative.
On the tenth day of break-up, he met up with me for a talk. He told me :
--> He's dishearted as I did not listen to his advice.
--> He feels that there's no future between us due to our differences in cultures and upbringings, thus he's firm in his decision of ending the relationship.
--> He feels that I'm not committing enough.
--> But he did not mention anything about the new girl.
--> He still care a lot about me and he feels very hurt when he know that I'm feeling miserable.
Then, he sent me a mail yesterday (monday), telling me that things will never work out between us as the spark in his heart has died. He, himself, also don't know why the spark has died. Thus, he rather give up our relationship and start on another relationship. He told me that he cares about me and hope that we can remain as friends.
But his friend called me earlier and told me that he met up with my ex on Sunday. And when his friend mentioned about me, he told his friend not to tell him anything that's regarding about me, as he's not interested to know at all.
I'm very puzzled. Why did he sent me a mail on monday saying that he cares about me and hopes that we remain as friends, whereas on the other hand, he told his friend that he's not interested to know about anything that's regarding me?
I really don't know what type of mind games that he's playing with me now! Why is he treating me in this way? Why is it that the things that he says are ever-changing? Whisch is the truth and which are the lies?
But what is your decision? How are you facing it?
Why do you think these are mind games when you know you're free to leave him. -
whoever plays mindgames are treating the other as a toy and the relationship as a game...
and if you decide to move on, i hope you will be well, and find someone worthy of your love...
coz he sure as heck sounds like he isn't...
again, i hope you'll be well... -
you decide lar
wat do you think?
you love him thats why you worry.
But do you really think he cares?
no i do not think so.
he is just playing with you.
has he done any single thing to prove that he still love u?
None! Zero nothing at all.
Tell me lar if you love a person will you play mind games with him or her at all?
just let go!
the sooner the better