Tell me how?
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I think you shld let her know of your problem, maybe thru MSN or SMS. Maybe, you will be surprised that she has the same problem as you too. Thats why you guys were at the bus-stop without any conversation. Both were waiting for the other to start. Remember, she may be as nervous as you. She never had a bf, rite? Sometimes, the more nervous you are, the more awkard the situation becomes.
Let her know...
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hmm... got used on msn and sms? Since you know that these cant really tell much, why not try out the phone? U can get used to it too. U were never used to anything when u were first borned...lastly, we dont really contact through phone as we are used to msn and sms already.Wouldnt it be better if the girl think of this way too... if she approach me and drop a hint first, i will definitely express myself to her later.
If r waiting for her to approach, and she is also waiting for u to approach, u 2 may jus miss what u 2 actually wanted.If i confess with her, the succeed rate might be low cause i still dunno she like me or not... if she does, i will hav no worries of confessing
From this, I have the feelign that you need to be almost 100% sure that u will not fail b4 taking an action. If u need to ensure that no risk is to be taken, so that u will not be hurt, ask urself when will u be 100% confident, and will start taking an action? What is wrong with confessing to her even if she dont like u? Does mental torture suits u better?
We all learn better by taking risk, especially when u r a baby. However, when u grow up, u r more conscious and tend to analyse more before doing. However, do u think that it is always necessary to analyze till u get a "right" answer before u take action?haiz.. it's really slow le.. we had talk to each other since Jan like tt.. im also afraid the way i talk like not convincing enough... you know stammer and stuff... Should I really leave it to fate?
All you need to do is to be yourself, and treat her like a friend. Then you will be more relaxed. Dont be too conscious abt saying things that u feel u might be offending her unless its too obvious that it will. Observe what her reactions are to what u have said and judge from there what can be said and what not. Try to know her as a friend. Put in ur best without the intention of her to definitely becoming ur gal. -
Hi and thnx for ur advice. I do think that different evnironment will boast up ur courage but if everyday i want to call her and speak to her, i have to go out and occupy myself first everyday ar? I dont think i will build up the courage in a day or two.Originally posted by grief00:Hi Hazeline Snow.
Maybe you can try talking on phone with her first. It'll be easier for you, since you don't get to see her face to face, right?
Afraid of talking on phone cos u might still stammer? Well, don't call her at home then. When you're out with your friends enjoying, having a good time, take a break and call her. Ask her where she is, tell her that u're out with ur group of friends, having fun.. blah blah..
I suggest this because I feel that when u call a person (esp one that u like) when you're doing something very enjoyable halfway, u will feel more at ease and be able to sound more natural.
Gradually, you'll be able to feel more comfortable talking to her on phone, and eventually, when meeting up.
I not some kinda love guru, but that's from my personal exp. hope it helps
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Originally post by hyuuga neji:
Oh gratz for u. The big date is coming soon as she agree to go to the same tution wif me. I definitely wont look at her brea$t when it's a little hard to look at her face. Normally i would look around when talking to her, tt's the best solution i could find for myself in engaging a talk wif her but still didnt talk much. Anyway, thnx too. will try to talk to her as we usually talk abt the topic in msn. I'll see how it goes when the tution cls start.
haha... your situation sound a bit like mine...
except i got my gal already...
we started out on only icq and sms also...
ok... maybe when you ask her out...
you can tell her tat you are a shy guy in reality...
not like in virtual world...
like tat she'll be prepared a bit and won't feel puzzled why you behave differently from your virtual self...
you muz be brave also... muz overcome your fear and talk to her...
b4 the big date...
maybe you can think of some things to say to her...
dun memorise text... be natural...
else you'll come off sounding like a robot...
juz talk about wat you normally talk about online...
eye contact is impt also...
dun look at your shoes or socks esp not her brea$t when you talk to her...
start off as real friends first... let her noe you slowly...
ps::dun give yourself too much pressure... relax...
juz treat her as a normal friend... -
Originally post by varatare:
It's hard to control the feeling of thinking not to love her first. Even if she is gone, the memory of her face still intact in my mind. So it's even more harder to think of not to love her when she is still ard. (Plus the feeling get stronger each day when we talk in msn and saw her in person last time)
Hi Hazeline_snow
Why dont you try this; try not to think that you love her. Get interested to know more about her just like you are interested to know more about your friend. It may due to the love you have for her that make you feel you want something from her that cause you to get nervous. I hope this will help.
Regards -
Originally post by Devil1976:
Hmm like what? To do some activities without much communication?
For a start... Don't just talk...? Get some activities to do...? My fren suggest watching movie as there's no nid to talk when watching but she dun really like to watch movie Even her fren ask her to watch movie and she told me she dun wan to go and watch wif them -
Originally post by ILPSY:
Yup, she nv had any bf b4. Den what happen if i told her and she told me tt she is shy too? We still cant change the fact tt we are shy and nervous
think you shld let her know of your problem, maybe thru MSN or SMS. Maybe, you will be surprised that she has the same problem as you too. Thats why you guys were at the bus-stop without any conversation. Both were waiting for the other to start. Remember, she may be as nervous as you. She never had a bf, rite? Sometimes, the more nervous you are, the more awkard the situation becomes.
Let her know... Maybe will become less shy and nervous but still shy and nervous [/b] -
Originally post by Imperfect:
Yea.. but it's just weird to call her when we can chat on msn
hmm... got used on msn and sms? Since you know that these cant really tell much, why not try out the phone? U can get used to it too. U were never used to anything when u were first borned... But will try tt somehow.Originally post by Imperfect:
Well, i do think it's important to analyse and make sure the things are right. Just like when u go for rock climbing, u hav to make sure that the rope are securely attached right? And for doctor, you hav to comfirm that ur medicine mixing is rite in order to cure somebody rite? Needless to say operation and stuff, 1 mistake might kill somebody.
From this, I have the feelign that you need to be almost 100% sure that u will not fail b4 taking an action. If u need to ensure that no risk is to be taken, so that u will not be hurt, ask urself when will u be 100% confident, and will start taking an action? What is wrong with confessing to her even if she dont like u? Does mental torture suits u better?
We all learn better by taking risk, especially when u r a baby. However, when u grow up, u r more conscious and tend to analyse more before doing. However, do u think that it is always necessary to analyze till u get a "right" answer before u take action?
Im sorry actually that im not trying to say that my pts are right, I know u are trying to help and i really appreciate it. But i just cant ignore the fact that wat will going to happen when there's no 100% comfirm which will eventually lead to failure after tt. If everyone can see the pts of not taking any risk, there will not be a result of ppl wanting to commit sucide after a heavy loss in gamble and stuff. -
Originally posted by Hazeline_snow:There's this girl I like and we know each other in school few years ago. However, we started chatting intensively recently this year. Mostly through MSN and SMS. Sometimes in MSN, we chatted late at night (maybe like 2-3). Seriously I dunno if she is interested in me, I've read in other thread that chatting in MSn or SMS cant really see through a person's feeling. From the way she reply, it might even mean that she is just being polite. Yea i agree. So i know you guys want me to ask her out and see how the way she acted rite?
Now that's another problem... I can chat very well in either MSN and SMS because there's time for me to think what to reply but if i meet her, i would stammer and dunno wat to say. I've meet her outside before (but just for a short period of time.) as she need to borrow something from me. So when i pass her the things, i didnt really do anything and didnt really look at her.. needless to say chatting, I just pass her the things and she didnt really speak too, just smile. It's really pai seh when both of us standing there not talking at the bus stop. So, she break the slience by saying she got to go... and i bid her goodbye too - -" Damn~ I know i should not let her go just like tt and try to talk to her... but i cant~!! When i saw her, i was totally speechless and there's nothing i can do.. (you know.. 'nervous!')
Honestly, Im not a good speaker that are able to talk well and entertaining. Although i was able to talk and joke ard wif my fren only. When it come to the person i like, i will get nervous. But in Msn and sms is different thing... (although im braver in msn and sms, im still not brave enough to tell her that i like her.) lastly, we dont really contact through phone as we are used to msn and sms already.
Since both of us had not been a relatioship before, we dun really have experience for it.
I know im such a failure but still... tell me what should i do? 
You are so much like some friends I have; People who communicated very well in virtual world, but sux when it comes to reality meet-up. All the nevous breakdown would likely to destroy whatsoever courage you gathered in the first place, which allowed you to meet her.
You have to realise a couple of things before you could ever hope to venture OUT of your virtual courting:
I) Banish the thought of failure (never had relationship before, so understandably must be like that). Crap. You must learn NOT to give yourself excuse to learn and survive out of virtual world. Everyone began their first relationship on a FIRST basis, what makes everyone else different? What matters is whether you are willing to make your first step and learn.
II) Contrary to popular belief, you DON'T exactly have to be VERY good with your words to be able to communicate. (its a good asset, but it's not absolute) Humor, good conversation skills, etc will only come after you are at ease with yourself and your audience, plus your comfortability. Communication about having to SPEAK and LISTEN. Since your problem lies in speaking, you have to keep practicing. And the only way is to keep talking. You will probably make some mistake or even say the things you shouldn't - however you will learn from there. If you don't even want to make mistakes, then you will never hope to walk out from your current plight.
Cheers -
Well for your case humm.
I think is a case of your first crush and is not even love yet.
Let me get somethings straight first.
1) You love her? Do you actually know her at all? You know what she likes? you know her family? DO you know which kind of boys she likes? Do you know what she likes to eat?
2) You are just friends for starters thats all. Please start slow there is not such thing as fast method to win a girl over. The fast methods will only kill your chance.
3) Why are you so afarid of talking to her when you meet her ? I can tell you why is because you want her to be your gf asap and you forgot the basic needs for a girl is to let her understand you first.
Methods to help you.
1) Please change your mindset first. She is not your gf. She is only a girl you have meet. You are interested in her but that does not mean she must be interested in you. Stop thinking if she will like you or not.
2) Please see her as a friend first, Go out in groups to slowly breakup the ice between you two.
3) Take some time to know her first before thinking of relationship. You are moving too fast and just hoping she will love you. Are you sure you will like her once you know more about her?
Final thought
Just cool it. She is just your friend not your gf. I understand that you like her but I must ask you to take a step back to start thinking carefully first. Slowly take your time to know her first maybe you will discover a few things about her that you have miss? -
Hi Hazeline_snow
I believe devil just struck something. Like he say you can try to do something first before talking about anything. An idea, try cycling at east coast park. That is something to start with.
RegardsOriginally posted by Hazeline_snow:Hmm like what? To do some activities without much communication? My fren suggest watching movie as there's no nid to talk when watching but she dun really like to watch movie Even her fren ask her to watch movie and she told me she dun wan to go and watch wif them -
Originally posted by Hazeline_snow:
"Heaven help those who help themselves"
Yup, she nv had any bf b4. Den what happen if i told her and she told me tt she is shy too? We still cant change the fact tt we are shy and nervous Maybe will become less shy and nervous but still shy and nervous [/b]
In that case, both of you are shy, then, forget it, coz nothing will come out of it! You are waiting for her to make the first move, and maybe she, also. Then, continue waiting lah... wait until another guy comes along and grab her away from you... Then, that serves you right! Nobody will pity you!
People gave their advises and in the end, you still hold on to the fact that you are still "SHY AND NERVOUS!", and felt that it can never work out as you are still "SHY AND NERVOUS"!...
Talk to you can really vomit blood... I am leaving this thread now... -
You do this because you are shy, but will the receiver side interpret as you do? Everyone is different due to the beliefs and experience we hold, and thus will interpret things differently. Will showing your anxiety kill you? You may think that looking elsewhere instead of into her eyes will relieve you from your anxeity, but what if she really dislike pple talking to her and not looking at her? Do you think she will jus voice it out so that you will look at her when talking?Originally posted by Hazeline_snow:Normally i would look around when talking to her, tt's the best solution i could find for myself in engaging a talk wif her but still didnt talk much.
She may think that you are not interested in conversation as you didnt maintain eye contact when talking and there isnt much conversation going on also. -
Yes i agree with u that analysis is needed. However, different situation requires different amount of analysis. Those that already have theories behind it, definitely you will have to analyse thoroughly using them. For those that you know nothing abt, if u never try out, how will u ever know? Without failure, u will not know how to get to success, and never know how to get out of what u are facing now. Commiting suicide and willingness to take risk are different matters. Commiting suicide is the result of being unable to accept the reality when failure strikes. This doesnt mean that failure will point towards suicide. Maybe there are people who are successful in their first try, but not all and in these pple, there are some that analyse while acting out. They slowly refine their approach and it led them to success. Therefore analysis does not limit itself to before all actions. Especially for this case, time is crucial, u dont have the luxury of time to slowly analyse... Does the thot of "She is alr attached to someone else aft I had enuff evidence that I will nv fail, then to find out that she has always been waiting for me to act" come across ur mind?Originally posted by Hazeline_snow:Well, i do think it's important to analyse and make sure the things are right. Just like when u go for rock climbing, u hav to make sure that the rope are securely attached right? And for doctor, you hav to comfirm that ur medicine mixing is rite in order to cure somebody rite? Needless to say operation and stuff, 1 mistake might kill somebody.
Im sorry actually that im not trying to say that my pts are right, I know u are trying to help and i really appreciate it. But i just cant ignore the fact that wat will going to happen when there's no 100% comfirm which will eventually lead to failure after tt. If everyone can see the pts of not taking any risk, there will not be a result of ppl wanting to commit sucide after a heavy loss in gamble and stuff.
I am not asking u to kiss her or what, but to find out hands on, how to communicate with her effectively. Build up your courage and go for it! U maybe shy, but relax and talk naturally with her. She maybe able to guide u along when the silence is broken. Remember that its you that wants her that is a confirmed fact, not the other way round, so you will need to do something to get it. Dont ever wait for things you want to fall from the sky. -
Don't go for movies then...?? Seriously... Chances that conversations would be going through in a movie especially for 2 parties who barely started knowing each other would be VERY SLIM...Originally posted by Hazeline_snow:Hmm like what? To do some activities without much communication? My fren suggest watching movie as there's no nid to talk when watching but she dun really like to watch movie Even her fren ask her to watch movie and she told me she dun wan to go and watch wif them
Go for OTHER ACTIVITIES!! It's not like you've got much to start off for conversation even in the 1st place...?? MAKE USE of your MSN conversation... Talk, talk, talk... Find out WHAT SHE'S INTERESTED IN... Then date her out for those activities... Do things and then can talk at the same time... Easier to break the ice!! Otherwise you might just end up sitting down there staring at each other again like you've previously described!! -
Hazeline_snow...sometimes, it doesn't pay to think so much..
Anyway what's the point of thinking and over-analyzing if at the end of the day you're just going to procrastinate further and not take the first step?
If you never try, you'll never know. Just go with the flow ya...best of luck...
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hmm... altho mi gt not much advice bt gd luck!!
oh ya, tink u beter dun wait 4 her to make first move, becuz i heard from my female frens tat most gers oni wait 4 guys to make the first moves. -
Hey, Im back again. Seriously thnx for all the advices given. Been smsing her ever since but she did not reply me this few days Is it all over now? or am i just over sensetive about it?
Last time she agree to go tution together this sat but she didnt say anything this few days too. I did not sms her and told her about the tution thing but since she agree on going, she might say something regarding the tution right? Like what time meet, meet where etc...
Should I just say if she didnt turn up for the tution, it means that she rejected me already? This is like a torture... i wanted to be freed from this trial of life -
don't use messages!
tell her! in the flesh!
text messages are so... impersonal.. -
you want to free?
Just stop thinking that is possible between the 2 of you and let nature take its course.
Is a part of growing up. Either you learn the lesson the hard way or easy way. -
No reply = not interested.
You blew your chances right at the beginning.
One who hesistate, musturbate.
Your basic understanding of getting a girl is not in favour with you.
Boy you got to learn the basics of the dating game.
I'm disappointed in you. -
I failed as a person
See how it goes during Sat tutions -
Hmm... This is close enough..?Originally posted by drx:you want to free?
Just stop thinking that is possible between the 2 of you and let nature take its course.
Is a part of growing up. Either you learn the lesson the hard way or easy way.
And another thing... PLEASE QUIT CALLING YOURELF a FAILURE!!
My ADVICE for you would be.... IF YOU REALLY THINK THAT YOU'RE ALREADY SUCH A FAILURE BEFORE YOU START.. WHY EVEN START IT IN THE 1ST PLACE...?? -
You've gotta be proactive, like me!
P.S: Any nice, sweet girl wants to be my GF? -
Hmm....