What should I do. Help pls!! It suffering
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whats so hard about getting a new hobby or new friends?Originally posted by mal_colm1979:I am really very tired of trying to "find new friends.... get new hobbies" easier said than done.....
i think getting a new job is harder lol
the hardest part is to take the 1st step to help urself
Do join the outings organised by the various forums in here
im sure they will welcome you to join.
who knows, ur next gf may be waiting for u there..
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Ask yourself...why is she happy now?
If keeping her by ur side will only strangle her and toture her slowly, would u bear to do so? If she is not happy with you, why not just set her free? I know it's hard. 2 yrs r/s and she could juz walk out of your life like that and seems to be happier than before. It took me quite a long time to realize this...tho we always say 'loving someone is want him/her to be happy' but how many of us actually learn to do that?
it's definitely not easy to let go, forget the hurt, forget the times spent together, those happy moments...and be frens. But it can be done. It juz takes time..Until u wake up and realize that there's no point holding on..then you will want to move on and lead your own life..accept the fact that she has walked out of your life and you are back to yourself again.
I personally find it hard to be frens with my exs..I tried and failed..but at least I try...It's also a test telling you whether you have gotten over her. It is quite impossible for you to be frens be her now but give yourself some time...time to get over it..and contact her again..truly and sincerely wants to be frens only. It's painful..when you lost contact or dun even have the courage to talk to and look into the eyes of someone whom you love...
Like what Axel said, If you really love her, you got to set her free. If she returns in time, you will know that she's yours. Time will tell, but to got to help yourself get over it..drinking wun help solve problem..it will create more problems.
An end to a r/s brings you a step closer to the right one. -
Well mal_colm1976 I like to let you know, everything also screw up in my life. And I am happy about it. Because if nothing screw up in my life then something is wrong. Who say life never fair? It is fair. If you prove you deserve something, it will give it to you. But prove you deserve it first.
"find new friends...get new hobbies" is not very hard to do, just start here, now, in this forum. I always told myself whenever I meet a problem in life this: "There is no problem in this world that cannot be solved, it all depend on how I solve it."
RegardsOriginally posted by mal_colm1979:Thank you. I can understand that you are trying to make me wake up alittle.... Its harsh and I agree with that. Girls are not everything in life and I know it.
Its just a very strong urge in me to end it... Everything seem to be screwed up in my life..... I hardly have one anyway.....
I am really very tired of trying to "find new friends.... get new hobbies" easier said than done.....
Sorry for having to have you gimme a scolding. Sorry!! -
Thank you. I can understand that you are trying to make me wake up alittle.... Its harsh and I agree with that. Girls are not everything in life and I know it.
Hi all
Its just a very strong urge in me to end it... Everything seem to be screwed up in my life..... I hardly have one anyway.....
I am really very tired of trying to "find new friends.... get new hobbies" easier said than done.....
Sorry for having to have you gimme a scolding. Sorry!!
I am sorry for all these nonsense. I have caused you guys trouble...
I have seen all your posts... It is nice knowing that I am not facing these alone.
Dont want to let a gal ruin my life either. I will let her walk out of my life....
While I walk out of mine too....
Love is like hanging on to something... It gets painful after a while and you let it go. You feel less painful when you let go but your hands become empty... -
Malcom, please be strong. It is not worth it to ruin your life just because of a failed relationship. Few months ago, I was feeling exactly how you feel now. It was even worse because she left me for another guy, making a 2 1/2 yrs relationship end so abruptly.
When I had her, I always looked at people around me, and I felt so fortunate. (I kept telling my friends that I'm the happiest guy on earth)
When I lost her, I felt so depressed. Often got emotional over trivial things. (e.g. felt bitter when seeing couples happily celebrating vday, etc)
Now, I've decided to look at the bright side of life. At least we're still in one piece, have a job, a complete family. What more could we ask for??
Well, just try to think positively, pick up some courses (dance, scuba, photography, etc), make more friends and in no time, u'll get back to normal.
Cheers!
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Malcom, please be strong. It is not worth it to ruin your life just because of a failed relationship. Few months ago, I was feeling exactly how you feel now. It was even worse because she left me for another guy, making a 2 1/2 yrs relationship end so abruptly.
When I had her, I always looked at people around me, and I felt so fortunate. (I kept telling my friends that I'm the happiest guy on earth)
When I lost her, I felt so depressed. Often got emotional over trivial things. (e.g. felt bitter when seeing couples happily celebrating vday, etc)
Now, I've decided to look at the bright side of life. At least we're still in one piece, have a job, a complete family. What more could we ask for??
Well, just try to think positively, pick up some courses (dance, scuba, photography, etc), make more friends and in no time, u'll get back to normal.
Cheers!
Hi Grief
I don't know how long did you take to get over it... but I do know that you have had a crush on another gal already. Through Friendster....
A few months and you are able to forget your 21/2 yrs r/s and have a crush?????
Please enlighten me.......
Still depressed...... -
Originally posted by mal_colm1979:
Initially, I thought that I could salvage the r/s, so I didn't confide in any of my/her friends. (we often went out with each other's friends) It was only after 1 mth of persistence that I realised there's no way I can keep her with me. So, I began to confide in some of my closer friends, and it's definitely a gd feeling. I don't need to keep everything inside me anymore. (by the way, I find confiding in female friends easier. Maybe Buddies just don't know how to console each other?
[b]
Hi brother...
You have gotten over it.... how long did you take?? Was your situation as bad as mine, as in got no friends to confide in.. only can keep the sorrow inside??
Care to tell??
Still depressed.....[/b]
)
I took about 2 mths. Well, faster than I thought. U've to really work on it urself. Look forward to tomorrow, not yesterdays!
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Originally posted by mal_colm1979:
One without friends could choose to write down words and treat them as his friends.
Was your situation as bad as mine, as in got no friends to confide in.. only can keep the sorrow inside??
But consider this: If you don't make new friends, how are you ever going to find another to love again?
Wallowing in self-pity is never going to bring your ex-girlfriend back. In fact, you are only proving to her that her decision to leave you was right. -
One without friends could choose to write down words and treat them as his friends.
Guess you all are right.... But I can tell all of you people are definitely having more friends than me.... You all have friends to fall back on definitely...
But consider this: If you don't make new friends, how are you ever going to find another to love again?
Wallowing in self-pity is never going to bring your ex-girlfriend back. In fact, you are only proving to her that her decision to leave you was right.
Problem is I only have this PC screen to stare into now... waiting for replies....
You know.. I look through my phone book. Majority of them are all working colleagues... I think by telling them my personal problems will surely freak them out.
Thats wht I keep complaining that my life is hopeless......
Sigh.. argggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh -
See...told you watever we said you wouldnt able to listen? Wake up and pick yourself up.
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Hmm. Again.. err honest response yah?Originally posted by mal_colm1979:Guess you all are right.... But I can tell all of you people are definitely having more friends than me.... You all have friends to fall back on definitely...
Problem is I only have this PC screen to stare into now... waiting for replies....
You know.. I look through my phone book. Majority of them are all working colleagues... I think by telling them my personal problems will surely freak them out.
Thats wht I keep complaining that my life is hopeless......
Sigh.. argggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I think you seem to be someone with a very narrow perspective in Life.
That's why when you are with your girlfriend, you dont seem to have other friends, and you are perfectly happy having a 'small life circle' involving just her. You don't seem to care much about your family or your work or have any hobbies. I don't know whether you are possessive or not, but I do know that many people like this have difficulty 'GROWING' mentally because they don't put themselves or willing to challenge themself to learn something new or do something different. In the end, as time continue, you will end up becoming a very 'stagnant' person.
Learning to grow out of a mentality takes time AND IS PAINFUL. Every learning experience is painful. Every rejection from friends, from possible lovers is painful. Every insecurity, Every sense of failure when you try something new and FAILED is painful.
My point is - the pain is universal. It is not yours alone. BUT you can choose to look beyond the pain to see what you have gained.
In breaking up with you, your girlfriend is setting you free. If you have been with someone who's personality is like you, the two of us will just obsess over each other until the rest of the world is lock up outside, feeding upon each other in a relationship based on need and dependency.
But, now, you have a choice. Like a bird with a cage door just open, you are now afraid and terrified of the outside world. There are big monsters out here, and you might not be as safe. But there's a lot of explore... a lot to see.. just waiting for you.
Be brave.
Why don't u tell us abt ur hobbies? -
You were too extreme on her.Originally posted by mal_colm1979:Hi guys..
My gal just ended a 2 year r/s with me. Last week. I am feeling the full impact of this sad and depressed mood.
The reason she gave is that after 2 years with me, she now wants time to go out and catch up with all her friends. And plus she is pursuing her degree now, Its very taxing for her. My world crumbled, I cannot believe she wants to do this to me.
We were doing very fine and both our parents liked us alot. Apparently, she is trying to let it go now. I heard from her that she is fine now, and happier. She just wants to break free of the feeling of having someone to "report" to... I have never resticted her, unless she is going back home late (4am++) then i will worry. Her place is very deserted.
I think now its a case of she wants more. During this 2 years, I have done so many things for her and things which I did only for her and not the previous r/n. She knows it too, and she appreciates it alot. I think my mistake was to put in too much into this r/s. She simply pulled out of it and I was left picking up the pieces. I have to drink myself dead drunk everynight at home to make myself sleep.
Waking up in the morning for work is worst. Knowing that something is missing in my life and its torturing..
During this 2 years, what ever I did, I put her above me. That is why now, hte impact is much much bigger for me than her. Reason is simple, I put in more than her.
For some reasons, I have no friends and my social circle revolves mainly around her when she was around. Right now, I am so afraid to step out of my home.. Everywhere are memories of us.. HOW??
I totally have no mood to talk to anyone and simply lost enthusiasum in life. One conclusion made by my brother is that... She is not worth it.. You put in so much and she simply left you, w/o even hesitating..
I have send out many emails to her and there is no reply. But when I called her, she answered. Apparently, she still wants us to remain as friends. I don't know how to. Its very difficult to forget that we were once an item whom everyone envy us....
Right now, I am really at a lost. Can anyone please post some nice advice for me??
Lost and Lonely.
You have no life of your own.
She's probably quite unlike you.
It wasn't about any restrictions or anything.. It was more like an 'emptiness'... Without a life of your own, how do you expect to fill hers up?
What you should be doing now? My advice is quit crying and living in self-sympathy... GET YOURSELF A LIFE. LEARN from THIS LESSON and TRY not to repeat your mistake again? -
i think she has no feelings for you already....if she has feelings for you,no matter how taxing her school life and friendship is, she still will spend time with you.......she is really not worth it.......why spend time moaning when there are still girls outside....does mean that your ex gf the only girl in the whole wide world.......she just not the one you will spend your whole life with.......maybe.......if you step out of misery.....there is the girl waiting for you.......Originally posted by mal_colm1979:Hi guys..
My gal just ended a 2 year r/s with me. Last week. I am feeling the full impact of this sad and depressed mood.
The reason she gave is that after 2 years with me, she now wants time to go out and catch up with all her friends. And plus she is pursuing her degree now, Its very taxing for her. My world crumbled, I cannot believe she wants to do this to me.
We were doing very fine and both our parents liked us alot. Apparently, she is trying to let it go now. I heard from her that she is fine now, and happier. She just wants to break free of the feeling of having someone to "report" to... I have never resticted her, unless she is going back home late (4am++) then i will worry. Her place is very deserted.
I think now its a case of she wants more. During this 2 years, I have done so many things for her and things which I did only for her and not the previous r/n. She knows it too, and she appreciates it alot. I think my mistake was to put in too much into this r/s. She simply pulled out of it and I was left picking up the pieces. I have to drink myself dead drunk everynight at home to make myself sleep.
Waking up in the morning for work is worst. Knowing that something is missing in my life and its torturing..
During this 2 years, what ever I did, I put her above me. That is why now, hte impact is much much bigger for me than her. Reason is simple, I put in more than her.
For some reasons, I have no friends and my social circle revolves mainly around her when she was around. Right now, I am so afraid to step out of my home.. Everywhere are memories of us.. HOW??
I totally have no mood to talk to anyone and simply lost enthusiasum in life. One conclusion made by my brother is that... She is not worth it.. You put in so much and she simply left you, w/o even hesitating..
I have send out many emails to her and there is no reply. But when I called her, she answered. Apparently, she still wants us to remain as friends. I don't know how to. Its very difficult to forget that we were once an item whom everyone envy us....
Right now, I am really at a lost. Can anyone please post some nice advice for me??
Lost and Lonely. -
i need to add to this...Originally posted by miaow1988:i think she has no feelings for you already....if she has feelings for you,no matter how taxing her school life and friendship is, she still will spend time with you.......she is really not worth it.......why spend time moaning when there are still girls outside....does mean that your ex gf the only girl in the whole wide world.......she just not the one you will spend your whole life with.......maybe.......if you step out of misery.....there is the girl waiting for you.......
my advice for you is: STOP thinking whether she still has feelings for you or not. if you keep thinking it this way, you'll never move on.
trust me, she'll never forget you and the things you did togther with her.
she wants you to be happy and move on with your life too.
it'll take time. months, and even years to start feeling better.
dun do silly things. it's really not worth it, and you'll end up in HELL forEVER.
seriously, DO NOT IRRITATE HER BY ASKING HER HOW COME SHE IS SO HEARTLESS, blah blah... you'll irritate her and that's even the end.
trust me on this.
let yourself have this time to think, EVEN if it's so painful and gonna hurt for months.
maybe next time you and I can meet up for a drink and talk abt it, cos i'm facing the same problem too. PM me if you need.
mine is 8-years r'ship, and i'm 26 going on 27 this year.[/b] -
I say be thankful that she at least had the heart to breakup rather than leading you on.I find that to be more distressing,you will get over it though.Time will heal but if what she says is true,there is a high possibility that you guys can get back together,just give her time now though with an occasional chat,stop what you are doing now by sending lots of emails,maybe a talk once a week for now would be sufficient give her time and space.If she realizes that what she wanted is not what she is looking for,she will come back for you.
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Hi there,onder whether you have read my thread posted on Dec 2004 or so. You have a stable job and you have to treasure it.
For those who have read my thread knows that my ex who left me for another guy when I am preparing for my exam. I am a working adult but was on contract basis. I nearly lost my job and still left 1 more semester when she left me so suddenly for another guy. I know you suffer alot for what the amt of effort put in. I have put in significant effort as well but for my case she dump me, lie to me, receive sms from her new bf etc etc.
I was like a living zombie as well for a couple of months but there is alot of friends in sgforum gave me alot of advices that makes me LET HER GO GRADUALLY and MOVE ON. I have been converted to permanent staff beginning of this year and I see my life from a different perpective.
Dont do anything foolish such as ruining or ending your life. The earth will still continue to rotate.
I heard from my friends that my ex has engaged with her bf recently. I am happy for her and even she has betrayed me, I still hope that she is happy right now and for me, I have move on.
Time flies and time really helps in building u up to be a better man but how long depends on when you decide to move on.
As for me, stayed in the past for 4 month plus. -
i think she has no feelings for you already....if she has feelings for you,no matter how taxing her school life and friendship is, she still will spend time with you.......she is really not worth it.......why spend time moaning when there are still girls outside....does mean that your ex gf the only girl in the whole wide world.......she just not the one you will spend your whole life with.......maybe.......if you step out of misery.....there is the girl waiting for you.......
You guys are right..... MAybe its still her playful nature that got the better of her... I wish to clarify something.... Its not me who is suffocating her ok? =) its her who wants more and more.....
I dont know what is more that she wants.. I gave her evrything that she wanted. Correct... she has big social circle, but she is not very sociable lor.....
Maybe now she just wants to explore her social circle ba....
Nevermind, anyway thank you all brothers and sisters.... I have decided to get over with it. No point dweeling on it anymore.
What is mine will be mine... Right?? Cheers...
I will be fine ok???
Thumbs up to all you kind and nice people here. I really felt better after spending the entire day online here... -
Originally posted by mal_colm1979:Hi guys..
My gal just ended a 2 year r/s with me. Last week. I am feeling the full impact of this sad and depressed mood.
The reason she gave is that after 2 years with me, she now wants time to go out and catch up with all her friends. And plus she is pursuing her degree now, Its very taxing for her. My world crumbled, I cannot believe she wants to do this to me.
We were doing very fine and both our parents liked us alot. Apparently, she is trying to let it go now. I heard from her that she is fine now, and happier. She just wants to break free of the feeling of having someone to "report" to... I have never resticted her, unless she is going back home late (4am++) then i will worry. Her place is very deserted.
I think now its a case of she wants more. During this 2 years, I have done so many things for her and things which I did only for her and not the previous r/n. She knows it too, and she appreciates it alot. I think my mistake was to put in too much into this r/s. She simply pulled out of it and I was left picking up the pieces. I have to drink myself dead drunk everynight at home to make myself sleep.
Waking up in the morning for work is worst. Knowing that something is missing in my life and its torturing..
During this 2 years, what ever I did, I put her above me. That is why now, hte impact is much much bigger for me than her. Reason is simple, I put in more than her.
For some reasons, I have no friends and my social circle revolves mainly around her when she was around. Right now, I am so afraid to step out of my home.. Everywhere are memories of us.. HOW??
I totally have no mood to talk to anyone and simply lost enthusiasum in life. One conclusion made by my brother is that... She is not worth it.. You put in so much and she simply left you, w/o even hesitating..
I have send out many emails to her and there is no reply. But when I called her, she answered. Apparently, she still wants us to remain as friends. I don't know how to. Its very difficult to forget that we were once an item whom everyone envy us....
Right now, I am really at a lost. Can anyone please post some nice advice for me??
Lost and Lonely.
This is a classic example of a relationship that has lost the soul of one: namely, the absence of a healthy life OUTSIDE the life of the relationship. Do you truely think that a relationship could survive on LOVE itself and deprive it from other components, which you thought that love is exclusive and other thingy have no connection to it?
This scenario should violently wake you up. (Or at least my coming words should)
No woman would want their man to survive on them, leeching them emotionally. People are telling you that you gave your world to her and that's so loving, you are an item everyone did envied, blar blar blar; I am telling you that your love meant nothing ultimately - what you have done equates to nothing. Loving? Then why is this relationship failing despite the effort put?
You will probably realise by now: You can give the whole damn WORLD to her, like you have mentioned, however what happens in reality is that, is she seeking for the WORLD or rather, your GIVEN world? Kinda like trying to sell electronic products and advertise massively in unrelated-non target market channels like fitness magazine. Who in the world would be motivate to buy your products? Sure there will be customers, but it will make up less than 10 percent of your sales. Sergio Xyman Unorthodox marketing theory states that generating awareness doesn't guarantee sales - Unorthodox CloUdiSm states that efforts in love doesn't guarantee desired result.
Interestingly, you said you have never restricted her, but that's in your own dictionary. Reality speaking, you did. Restricted her as in she has to comform herself into having ZERO lifestyle outside her BGR. (This subconscious change is a psychological influence from you. A simple way to explain this is when we stick around with negative people, we will gradually be influenced into such mindsets, vice vista). It's NOT her, neither it's something she wished to become.
The reasons she gave to leave the relationship are symptoms of your wrapped personality in love. The real underlying truth is that YOU had became someone completely different from what she has expected in the first place, something that your love has transformed yourself into. 'It's still you, but not you anymore.'
Seriously speaking, chances are, you wouldn't be able to reconcile. So you can drop the option of waiting or trying to get her back. You can resist the idea of trying to get a life, but eventually circumstances will force you to. Your karmic pattern will repeat itself again and again and again and again, until you gain the wisdom to realise what went wrong in your attitude towards BGR from this post.One conclusion made by my brother is that... She is not worth it.. You put in so much and she simply left you, w/o even hesitating..
That's old school and is usually advice given by people with simple intention of trying to console. I will tell you that: Her departure HAS a cosmic lesson attached to it - the ugliness in your personality towards BGR. If it's not mend, you could either repeat what you have went through, or end up with an unhealthy relationship with both party sucking emotional vitae out of one another. And you would probably experience this thing called 'BGR ceiling' as stated in CloUdiSm. (Explaination would be another topic altogether)
P.S: Improve or perish from impoverishment.
Cheers -
hey, dats freaky !! i told my ex the same thing too... but there was a bit of clash in character coz he loves spending tym with mi but i juz wanna do my own things at tyms, not juz sticking together all day long... dats a waste of tym to mi... coz my sch work starts to get really busy, tight schedule and i am working too...Originally posted by mal_colm1979:Hi carpe diem jur
Thanks for your advice.
Now I know what she wants. Maybe you are right.. Things just have to end somehow or rather. Along the way, I have made myself the best guy for her. She got all she wanted. I ask for nothing but I gave her whatever she wants.. Because I love her too much.
She told me that if she needs someone to marry to now, I will be the right choice. But after thinking over clearly, she said right now, she needs her freedom back and she is happy.
Its so yucky... arghhhhh. Actually the change started when she started school.. S'pore Institute of Management.. Before that she was working.
While she was working, things were fine.. We enjoyed every moment and she is just glad that she has me as her BF. Until when she decided to study...
Her schoolwork, social life with friends all came into the picture. We met lesser and it s fine with me. Do you think it was a case of her taking me for granted and thinks that whatever i did for he ris insignifigcant??
It hurts to think that whatever i did for her is no longer important. We even plan to go on a trip to on our anniversary in June. If she has seen this coming, then why bother to even discuss with me about the trip at all?
One sad man....
Hope to hear from you... carpe diem jur.
not taken for granted, but honestly speaking, doing something for a lady for the first time is Appreciation.. doing it second tym is Stressing... doing it third tym is Irritating... no offence coz i'm rather straight forward at dis...
mi and my ex planned for our two-years anniversary too... and his birthday approaching also... but after our anniversary i told him i wanted to break off and he flared up coz of anger and fear of losing mi... i explained a thousand tyms to him but he never understand... he kept asking mi give him another chance but i told him i no longer feel for him, how to try???? he juz thinks that love can 'pei yang', yes, can, but after all these, i know i dun even wanna try anymore, dats y i'd tell him about break up... u understand?? i dunno ur gf same thinking as mi anot, but i'm rather determined person, or to say stubborn as well... when i decide on doing something and i'm sure it is wat i wan, dan i wun consider second options...
u know something? one day, u caught a bird and i like it alot... u hold it in ur palms.. u feed it with the best food and u shower the bird with lots of attention, care and love... but eventually the bird dies, u know why?? bcoz it longs for freedom when it needs to fly, bcoz it cant breathe under circumstances... when it tries to break free, u hold on to it even more tightly, dats why it WILL DIE...... u like the moon, but u cannot tek it and keep for urself !!! u can oni enjoy its glory from afar... right?? -
nothing last forever... not even the best things !! Love is like fine sand..grasp it and it will quickly slip through your fingers....cup it gently and it will fill the voids of your soul-- as sand seeks to fill the spaces in your hands.....Originally posted by mal_colm1979:Hi all
I am sorry for all these nonsense. I have caused you guys trouble...
I have seen all your posts... It is nice knowing that I am not facing these alone.
Dont want to let a gal ruin my life either. I will let her walk out of my life....
While I walk out of mine too....
Love is like hanging on to something... It gets painful after a while and you let it go. You feel less painful when you let go but your hands become empty...
Love is two way traffic, too much effort may cause traffic jams.... but dun ever blame urself for anything or watever !! no need to feel sorry for the past... u make no apologise for being urself!! it isnt anyone's fault... some things are juz not meant to be... gif both of u a cooling down period and dun go bother her at dis moment... leave everything as it is and remember, no matter how badly broken ur heart is, the world wun stop for ur grieving... letting go doesnt mean forgetting or giving up, but accepting that there are things that cannot be...
You know what's weird? Day by day nothing seems to change, but pretty soon everything is different.... -
lucky ur name is malcolm, otherwise i wun not repy ur post coz i would have tot u are my ex !!! u two really same fate sia... even when it comes to friends, u have a prob but no one seems to listen... be strong ya !!! the hardest part about moving forward is not looking back !! Life is not about what u've done, what u should've done, what u could've done... it's about what u can do and what u will do !! stay forcus !!Originally posted by mal_colm1979:Guess you all are right.... But I can tell all of you people are definitely having more friends than me.... You all have friends to fall back on definitely...
Problem is I only have this PC screen to stare into now... waiting for replies....
You know.. I look through my phone book. Majority of them are all working colleagues... I think by telling them my personal problems will surely freak them out.
Thats wht I keep complaining that my life is hopeless......
Sigh.. argggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh -
Originally posted by mal_colm1979:
Advice is only asked to be given when you know the true answer; you just don't want to believe it... but glad that u'r trying very hard now to get over it... jia you !!
[b]You guys are right..... MAybe its still her playful nature that got the better of her... I wish to clarify something.... Its not me who is suffocating her ok? =) its her who wants more and more.....
I dont know what is more that she wants.. I gave her evrything that she wanted. Correct... she has big social circle, but she is not very sociable lor.....
Maybe now she just wants to explore her social circle ba....
Nevermind, anyway thank you all brothers and sisters.... I have decided to get over with it. No point dweeling on it anymore.
What is mine will be mine... Right?? Cheers...
I will be fine ok???
Thumbs up to all you kind and nice people here. I really felt better after spending the entire day online here...
[/b] -
"You cannot sail for other islands until you are willing to lose sight of your own shore."
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Glad that you have finally got the idea.
I was once like you but I finally stand up for myself.
I have learnt that love is not to hold onto a person but to love her, give her the best and never expect anything back from her even through she will never love me again.
I felt that girls will not like guys who always stick to them.
I changed to a guy who is able to make decision and no longer need anyone to confort me anymore. I am now able to help others in need with my experience,
I would like to thank everyone here who had help so many people like us in our times of need and without you people I may still be wandering in the streets drunk and feeling useless about myself. -
This is a classic example of a relationship that has lost the soul of one: namely, the absence of a healthy life OUTSIDE the life of the relationship. Do you truely think that a relationship could survive on LOVE itself and deprive it from other components, which you thought that love is exclusive and other thingy have no connection to it?
This scenario should violently wake you up. (Or at least my coming words should)
No woman would want their man to survive on them, leeching them emotionally. People are telling you that you gave your world to her and that's so loving, you are an item everyone did envied, blar blar blar; I am telling you that your love meant nothing ultimately - what you have done equates to nothing. Loving? Then why is this relationship failing despite the effort put?
You will probably realise by now: You can give the whole damn WORLD to her, like you have mentioned, however what happens in reality is that, is she seeking for the WORLD or rather, your GIVEN world? Kinda like trying to sell electronic products and advertise massively in unrelated-non target market channels like fitness magazine. Who in the world would be motivate to buy your products? Sure there will be customers, but it will make up less than 10 percent of your sales. Sergio Xyman Unorthodox marketing theory states that generating awareness doesn't guarantee sales - Unorthodox CloUdiSm states that efforts in love doesn't guarantee desired result.
Interestingly, you said you have never restricted her, but that's in your own dictionary. Reality speaking, you did. Restricted her as in she has to comform herself into having ZERO lifestyle outside her BGR. (This subconscious change is a psychological influence from you. A simple way to explain this is when we stick around with negative people, we will gradually be influenced into such mindsets, vice vista).
It's NOT her, neither it's something she wished to become.
The reasons she gave to leave the relationship are symptoms of your wrapped personality in love. The real underlying truth is that YOU had became someone completely different from what she has expected in the first place, something that your love has transformed yourself into. 'It's still you, but not you anymore.'
Seriously speaking, chances are, you wouldn't be able to reconcile. So you can drop the option of waiting or trying to get her back. You can resist the idea of trying to get a life, but eventually circumstances will force you to. Your karmic pattern will repeat itself again and again and again and again, until you gain the wisdom to realise what went wrong in your attitude towards BGR from this post.
quote:
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One conclusion made by my brother is that... She is not worth it.. You put in so much and she simply left you, w/o even hesitating..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That's old school and is usually advice given by people with simple intention of trying to console. I will tell you that: Her departure HAS a cosmic lesson attached to it - the ugliness in your personality towards BGR. If it's not mend, you could either repeat what you have went through, or end up with an unhealthy relationship with both party sucking emotional vitae out of one another. And you would probably experience this thing called 'BGR ceiling' as stated in CloUdiSm. (Explaination would be another topic altogether)
P.S: Improve or perish from impoverishment.
Cheers
This is a classic example of a relationship that has lost the soul of one: namely, the absence of a healthy life OUTSIDE the life of the relationship. Do you truely think that a relationship could survive on LOVE itself and deprive it from other components, which you thought that love is exclusive and other thingy have no connection to it?
This scenario should violently wake you up. (Or at least my coming words should)
No woman would want their man to survive on them, leeching them emotionally. People are telling you that you gave your world to her and that's so loving, you are an item everyone did envied, blar blar blar; I am telling you that your love meant nothing ultimately - what you have done equates to nothing. Loving? Then why is this relationship failing despite the effort put?
You will probably realise by now: You can give the whole damn WORLD to her, like you have mentioned, however what happens in reality is that, is she seeking for the WORLD or rather, your GIVEN world? Kinda like trying to sell electronic products and advertise massively in unrelated-non target market channels like fitness magazine. Who in the world would be motivate to buy your products? Sure there will be customers, but it will make up less than 10 percent of your sales. Sergio Xyman Unorthodox marketing theory states that generating awareness doesn't guarantee sales - Unorthodox CloUdiSm states that efforts in love doesn't guarantee desired result.
Interestingly, you said you have never restricted her, but that's in your own dictionary. Reality speaking, you did. Restricted her as in she has to comform herself into having ZERO lifestyle outside her BGR. (This subconscious change is a psychological influence from you. A simple way to explain this is when we stick around with negative people, we will gradually be influenced into such mindsets, vice vista).
It's NOT her, neither it's something she wished to become.
The reasons she gave to leave the relationship are symptoms of your wrapped personality in love. The real underlying truth is that YOU had became someone completely different from what she has expected in the first place, something that your love has transformed yourself into. 'It's still you, but not you anymore.'
Seriously speaking, chances are, you wouldn't be able to reconcile. So you can drop the option of waiting or trying to get her back. You can resist the idea of trying to get a life, but eventually circumstances will force you to. Your karmic pattern will repeat itself again and again and again and again, until you gain the wisdom to realise what went wrong in your attitude towards BGR from this post.
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One conclusion made by my brother is that... She is not worth it.. You put in so much and she simply left you, w/o even hesitating..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That's old school and is usually advice given by people with simple intention of trying to console. I will tell you that: Her departure HAS a cosmic lesson attached to it - the ugliness in your personality towards BGR. If it's not mend, you could either repeat what you have went through, or end up with an unhealthy relationship with both party sucking emotional vitae out of one another. And you would probably experience this thing called 'BGR ceiling' as stated in CloUdiSm. (Explaination would be another topic altogether)
P.S: Improve or perish from impoverishment.
Cheers
Cmon man.. its just a break up. you make me sound like some freak man....
Break up means break up....
Thanks carpe diem jur for your advice.... no worries.... I will be able to recover.
I have thought back and learnt from my wrong doings liao....
But I truly believe a breaking up doesnt necessarily have to be my fault only..
She might have her part of wrong doing also... Just dont wanna make things uglier....
I hav learnt and understand myself...... Though i know that she will never come back... But i still pray hard for her exams....... hope she passes it.
Hopefully she decideds to gimme a chance and let me prove myself.....
Once again.... thanks for all the advice.. especially from carpe...
cheers!