wad would u do? who would u choose?
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Hi there...
Let me descibe the situation...
You have a stable bf of 1.5 yrs.. the 2 of u all are comfortable with each other, know each other inside out, had ur share of major quarrels n all... ur bf consider the relationship a stable one... a dependable one....
But you, on the other hand, think that u can do with more security in the relationship. Ur bf's family background is not exactly desirable... he's is less well-off than you. In fact, you have to pay more on dates and also at times take care of his financial needs.
The most inportant factor troubling you is the attitude he holds towards his studies. He is faring poorer than u. A partner fares poorer than u doesn't appeal to u.
Nonetheless, time has told u he is loving and caring most of the time... during this period that the two of you are together.
Recently, you met this new guy.
You do not yet know that much about his family background, but he seems to be better off than ur bf. He also seems to be more goal-oriented and steadfast in working out his life. Education-wise, he fares better than ur bf. In fact, he's just graduated and will be working soon.
So far, he is nice, gentlemanly and all... and the two of u get along great... despite knowing each other not for long, the 2 of you are really comfortable with each other. The few dates that you've been on with him, you throughly enjoyed yourself. He has also expressed his interest in pursuing a relationship with you clearly.
What'd you do in such a situation? Risk it with the new guy u met? Or think that love conquers all and rough it out with ur bf and see wad is the ending? -
who do you love?
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am confused...
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take some time off n sort it out? dun make a decision hastly
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yr heart has already changed for the new guy liao.
so no point in me saying anything.
result is that you will for sure go to new guy.
you know in your heart liao -
if u interested in the new guy then go for it lo.... since everybody has their own free will and a better future is definitely desirable.... when u come to it gotta be heartless since its for your future....Originally posted by Steph84:Hi there...
Let me descibe the situation...
You have a stable bf of 1.5 yrs.. the 2 of u all are comfortable with each other, know each other inside out, had ur share of major quarrels n all... ur bf consider the relationship a stable one... a dependable one....
But you, on the other hand, think that u can do with more security in the relationship. Ur bf's family background is not exactly desirable... he's is less well-off than you. In fact, you have to pay more on dates and also at times take care of his financial needs.
The most inportant factor troubling you is the attitude he holds towards his studies. He is faring poorer than u. A partner fares poorer than u doesn't appeal to u.
Nonetheless, time has told u he is loving and caring most of the time... during this period that the two of you are together.
Recently, you met this new guy.
You do not yet know that much about his family background, but he seems to be better off than ur bf. He also seems to be more goal-oriented and steadfast in working out his life. Education-wise, he fares better than ur bf. In fact, he's just graduated and will be working soon.
So far, he is nice, gentlemanly and all... and the two of u get along great... despite knowing each other not for long, the 2 of you are really comfortable with each other. The few dates that you've been on with him, you throughly enjoyed yourself. He has also expressed his interest in pursuing a relationship with you clearly.
What'd you do in such a situation? Risk it with the new guy u met? Or think that love conquers all and rough it out with ur bf and see wad is the ending?
but one thing, sg more guys than gals meh? how come guys tend to go for gals with bf...?
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The question, like Bear asked. Who do u love?
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Hi Steph84,
A quote from my previous posting "In a relationship, or in the topics of feelings or emotion, there is no right or wrong answer, it is just if the party is suitable for you that's all."
Try it handle this issue properly and live with the consequences whoever you choose to be with.
I wish you all the best for your decision.
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you should make your own choice. you are already 21.
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you keep using 'you'. but i dont have this problem.
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1.5 years of r/s VS $$ -
u already have a change of heart liao...ur now just tryhing to find excuses for urself....i believe..Originally posted by Steph84:am confused... -
Hi Steph,
U are still young, do not be too bounded by your current r/s.
Get to know the new guy (or guys) more. Mayb he's more suitable for u?
One thing I want to comment is, for a person who is motivated & driven, the person will sure fare better. But of cos u have to consider other factors as well, which only u know yourself. It's still up to u.
It is true that there's no right or wrong, good or bad decision.
Right or wrong came up only as an after-thought - either with happiness, relief, or a tinge of regret. -
Tis kind of woman, ur bf sway lah...
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any guy who can't even take care of his own financial needs does not deserve to live.
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My girlfriend just like you, quarrell with me, over this matter, in the end she choose me, because true love is enduring cum give and take between each other. She truly love me so she pei me 10yr and so on down the road. If you think you are so Heartless, i no comments. P.s dont be bitchy, i know gals are bitchy and flirt. _|_Originally posted by Steph84:Hi there...
Let me descibe the situation...
You have a stable bf of 1.5 yrs.. the 2 of u all are comfortable with each other, know each other inside out, had ur share of major quarrels n all... ur bf consider the relationship a stable one... a dependable one....
But you, on the other hand, think that u can do with more security in the relationship. Ur bf's family background is not exactly desirable... he's is less well-off than you. In fact, you have to pay more on dates and also at times take care of his financial needs.
The most inportant factor troubling you is the attitude he holds towards his studies. He is faring poorer than u. A partner fares poorer than u doesn't appeal to u.
Nonetheless, time has told u he is loving and caring most of the time... during this period that the two of you are together.
Recently, you met this new guy.
You do not yet know that much about his family background, but he seems to be better off than ur bf. He also seems to be more goal-oriented and steadfast in working out his life. Education-wise, he fares better than ur bf. In fact, he's just graduated and will be working soon.
So far, he is nice, gentlemanly and all... and the two of u get along great... despite knowing each other not for long, the 2 of you are really comfortable with each other. The few dates that you've been on with him, you throughly enjoyed yourself. He has also expressed his interest in pursuing a relationship with you clearly.
What'd you do in such a situation? Risk it with the new guy u met? Or think that love conquers all and rough it out with ur bf and see wad is the ending?
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This proofs that you dont love your old bf anymore, because if you really love him, would be open your heart to other guys? Ask yourself this.
+1 Cheers _|_ -
Once I'm attached or have someone I love..I wun consider another person. Not even when he only say 'I'm interested to know more about you."
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it would be harsh to sentence them to death but i do agree that a guy, no matter what have to work, to support the family, or at the very least support himself.Originally posted by vito_corleone:any guy who can't even take care of his own financial needs does not deserve to live.
anyway to steph, i'll say follow ur heart. if u do not love ur bf anymore then might as well leave him, but b4 that, a word of caution. in a relationship, the start is always full of passion but after a yr or 2, the passion slowly subsides and turns into some other form... something like plain water. plain, dull but u need it to survive.
give it a thought. the decision ultimately lies with u. -
Thanks a million for all the sincere comments and advice, esp. those who can understand my stand.
I still love my bf.. but i just worry about our future together. I really don't mind paying more now, as long as i can see he is working hard towards our future together.
However, sad to say, we've been together for like 4 semesters, and all his exam results are terrible. The 3rd sem was slightly better because i had to threaten to leave him should he fare badly again.
However, this sem, the 4th sem, i can can predict horrible results again. I was with him thru his last minute studyng and all... i saw for myself also how he never did his tutorials consistently. Does he need me to constantly threaten him so that he would study?? I'm 3 yrs his junior.... and have reminded him time and again he should be the one nagging me.... haiz.. not the other way round.
Jus to give u all a picture of his results.... for the 1st 2 sems we were together, he failed more than half of his modules.
I dunno why he refuses to study hard.... I even told him not to work during the academic sem. We have to forego things like movies, good food... but i dun mind. I jus want him to show me it would be worth it if i stayed with him.
Anyway, his results will be out end of this month... i will wait to see how he fares.... but frankly, i really can't bear to leave him. yet, i do not wish to see myself regret wasting my youth on him only when i am 30, when he is achieving lesser than me and all.
To me, love is necessary. But other things are vital to a relationship too. Hai. -
i HATE unfaithful ladies
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... Erm... u love him or love his results?Originally posted by Steph84:Thanks a million for all the sincere comments and advice, esp. those who can understand my stand.
I still love my bf.. but i just worry about our future together. I really don't mind paying more now, as long as i can see he is working hard towards our future together.
However, sad to say, we've been together for like 4 semesters, and all his exam results are terrible. The 3rd sem was slightly better because i had to threaten to leave him should he fare badly again.
However, this sem, the 4th sem, i can can predict horrible results again. I was with him thru his last minute studyng and all... i saw for myself also how he never did his tutorials consistently. Does he need me to constantly threaten him so that he would study?? I'm 3 yrs his junior.... and have reminded him time and again he should be the one nagging me.... haiz.. not the other way round.
Jus to give u all a picture of his results.... for the 1st 2 sems we were together, he failed more than half of his modules.
I dunno why he refuses to study hard.... I even told him not to work during the academic sem. We have to forego things like movies, good food... but i dun mind. I jus want him to show me it would be worth it if i stayed with him.
Anyway, his results will be out end of this month... i will wait to see how he fares.... but frankly, i really can't bear to leave him. yet, i do not wish to see myself regret wasting my youth on him only when i am 30, when he is achieving lesser than me and all.
To me, love is necessary. But other things are vital to a relationship too. Hai. 1st time I see someone dun want their BF because of results... Can pass can le mahz... -
I understand where you are coming from. I assume you should be in uni, and I've been there too. In fact, results are not everything when you come out to work. In fact a good company and a good employer will not only look at your results. I've known plenty of people who got a job (and it's a good one) much faster than those who did better. (I am comparing 2nd upper class/2nd lower class vs 3rd class/no honors here!!! No kidding!!) Hence you can't be sure you'll definitely do better than him just because your results are better.Originally posted by Steph84:Thanks a million for all the sincere comments and advice, esp. those who can understand my stand.
I still love my bf.. but i just worry about our future together. I really don't mind paying more now, as long as i can see he is working hard towards our future together.
However, sad to say, we've been together for like 4 semesters, and all his exam results are terrible. The 3rd sem was slightly better because i had to threaten to leave him should he fare badly again.
However, this sem, the 4th sem, i can can predict horrible results again. I was with him thru his last minute studyng and all... i saw for myself also how he never did his tutorials consistently. Does he need me to constantly threaten him so that he would study?? I'm 3 yrs his junior.... and have reminded him time and again he should be the one nagging me.... haiz.. not the other way round.
Jus to give u all a picture of his results.... for the 1st 2 sems we were together, he failed more than half of his modules.
I dunno why he refuses to study hard.... I even told him not to work during the academic sem. We have to forego things like movies, good food... but i dun mind. I jus want him to show me it would be worth it if i stayed with him.
Anyway, his results will be out end of this month... i will wait to see how he fares.... but frankly, i really can't bear to leave him. yet, i do not wish to see myself regret wasting my youth on him only when i am 30, when he is achieving lesser than me and all.
To me, love is necessary. But other things are vital to a relationship too. Hai.
The problem with our education system and people in Singapore is that a lot of people enter courses that they don't even like or worse, they hate it. They end up hating to study for it. Is that why he's behaving so?
On the other hand, he may be having some problems at home since you already said finanacially he's poorer than your family.
If he can survive uni and manage to stay on and finish his studies, he'll be able to prove to prospective employers that he can be one who oevrcomes adversities. Shouldn't that be someone you want to be with more?
If one is from a good family background, had the right upbrining, resulting in him being high achieving and ambitious, he is lucky I guess. But not everyone has such chances.
Love can change someone. Though you are still young, and there are 2 different schools of thought, where one encourages you to meet more people while you're still young, and the other encourages you to sweat it out with him, the decision lies in you.
Do you love him? Are you willing to ride the storm with him?
Or do you prefer a relationship that is likely to be smooth sailing with no real tests at all? -
If you think there's nothing wrong with your mindset and have no intention of changing it, please break up with your current BF. There'll be no lack of even more well-off guys you will encounter. If a guy you don't know very well can make you go on 2 dates with him and reconsider your current relationship, you might as well not waste your BF's and your time. Spare your BF further heartbreak and let him go for better girls out there.
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Its sad to hear such a thing happen on u. I know how u feel. But as foxwall has mentioned, result is not very important in working life. A good degree is only a good for a jump start, but don't promise a good career. Based on result is not everything. If u loved ur bf very much, i suggest u maintain as friend with the promising guy and see how. Give yourself some time to think about it. If u think ur future is more important, I suggest u break up with him fast, cos its not doing any good to drag on. Although ppl may think its selfish, but eventually, its u who will be with ur bf not them.
Finally I think its very diffcult to have 2 people who knows and love each other to be together, so hope u make your decision wisely. Cheers