My story( please read and give ur kind advice)
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it was more than half a year ago, when i first saw the gal in my one of my uni classes. Back then, i developed a crush for her but secretly just keep it by myself and din do anything about it.We were not even friends but i think were just merely classmates who knew each other's names as we were in a particular module's class. Time pass and its a new semester, we are now totally different classes and there was no chance of meeting each other. Somehow as i was helping my fren to buy some things, i managed to get her hp number as my fren told her that she also wanted to buy. So as a kind and helpful person, i sms her regarding this and din wanna expect much as i just oni wanna help out of kindness with no other intentions. i would say its a miracle out of the blue when we actually start to be friends. There were MSN chats, smses. And slowly i felt this gal whom is my secret crush is trying to get to know me. Until one day, she asked me out for some activity. And tats when we started chatting on the telephone. I did some soul searching and considerations, thinking why not try to be closer to her since she is my crush and i felt there was some interest. so i proceeded to accelarate and get closer to her. We chatted a lot, sms more, tok on the fone too , started to sit together at the lectures and occasionally have meals and go out together. All this gave me an impression that its possible between me and her. and i decided to confess my feelings to her on valentines day that i like her. She did not comment much but also did not reject me. So our normal activities like chatting, sitting together, msging one another, etc continues. until one day i asked her to be my gf. Again she did not accept and did not reject or avoid me. So i was rather confident that i can get this gal to be my gf. thinking that she wanted to wait after the dreaded exams. i continue to shower her with sincere care and concern. until one day , i found out from her that she is uncertain if i am the guy for her. and has no confidence and assurance if this relationship will work out well. I was very sad but persisted to fight for what i cherish. I told her i love her and have a serious talk with her. She felt the love from me from the things i did, and she appreciate some of them which i had done for her. but she claimed tat she felt my courting is not enough. i was also commented as being a boring person and unromantic. timid and scared of things and need to be more man. The way i dress when i went to meet her for dates and the my height and unbroad shoulders were also mentioned. I was kinda disappointed in this gal whom i love so dearly. i feel that She is demanding a lot from me. and din realli get to know my good points. though i admit i can an ordinary guy with no riches, no car, and oni mediocal looks. Unromantic as i seemed, but deep down i know she understands that i sincerely care and love her. Those small simple things which i had done for her. i feel unappreciated. Is it because she is rather immature in the way she defines her suitable guy? is there really a criteria or a limit as to what type of person u will love? she is also not perfect but i had unconditionally accept her to be my soul mate whom i placed at the centre of my universe. seemed to me that she wanted to some changes in me and she told me i also need to think of more ways to convince her to accept me as her guy. Seems to me she does not like me for who i am. I had talks with my close friends who told me to just give her up cause its a presurrising and unhappy relationship if somehow i managed to court her. kind people of aunt agony, pls share ur advice to me. i am on at a loss. could she be playing with my feelings all along?
Thanks for your kind help/advice. -
She is one with expectations, a perfectionist maybe?
She dun love u..maybe juz enjoy ur company?
Dealing with this type of people..u will have to consider..whether it is worth it to change for her..ur looks etc..
Love is blind..but she's not blind yet.
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i'm not ppl from this forum, cant go out bcuz its thunderstorm.Originally posted by c2on2:it was more than half a year ago, when i first saw the gal in my one of my uni classes. Back then, i developed a crush for her but secretly just keep it by myself and din do anything about it.We were not even friends but i think were just merely classmates who knew each other's names as we were in a particular module's class. Time pass and its a new semester, we are now totally different classes and there was no chance of meeting each other. Somehow as i was helping my fren to buy some things, i managed to get her hp number as my fren told her that she also wanted to buy. So as a kind and helpful person, i sms her regarding this and din wanna expect much as i just oni wanna help out of kindness with no other intentions. i would say its a miracle out of the blue when we actually start to be friends. There were MSN chats, smses. And slowly i felt this gal whom is my secret crush is trying to get to know me. Until one day, she asked me out for some activity. And tats when we started chatting on the telephone. I did some soul searching and considerations, thinking why not try to be closer to her since she is my crush and i felt there was some interest. so i proceeded to accelarate and get closer to her. We chatted a lot, sms more, tok on the fone too , started to sit together at the lectures and occasionally have meals and go out together. All this gave me an impression that its possible between me and her. and i decided to confess my feelings to her on valentines day that i like her. She did not comment much but also did not reject me. So our normal activities like chatting, sitting together, msging one another, etc continues. until one day i asked her to be my gf. Again she did not accept and did not reject or avoid me. So i was rather confident that i can get this gal to be my gf. thinking that she wanted to wait after the dreaded exams. i continue to shower her with sincere care and concern. until one day , i found out from her that she is uncertain if i am the guy for her. and has no confidence and assurance if this relationship will work out well. I was very sad but persisted to fight for what i cherish. I told her i love her and have a serious talk with her. She felt the love from me from the things i did, and she appreciate some of them which i had done for her. but she claimed tat she felt my courting is not enough. i was also commented as being a boring person and unromantic. timid and scared of things and need to be more man. The way i dress when i went to meet her for dates and the my height and unbroad shoulders were also mentioned. I was kinda disappointed in this gal whom i love so dearly. i feel that She is demanding a lot from me. and din realli get to know my good points. though i admit i can an ordinary guy with no riches, no car, and oni mediocal looks. Unromantic as i seemed, but deep down i know she understands that i sincerely care and love her. Those small simple things which i had done for her. i feel unappreciated. Is it because she is rather immature in the way she defines her suitable guy? is there really a criteria or a limit as to what type of person u will love? she is also not perfect but i had unconditionally accept her to be my soul mate whom i placed at the centre of my universe. seemed to me that she wanted to some changes in me and she told me i also need to think of more ways to convince her to accept me as her guy. Seems to me she does not like me for who i am. I had talks with my close friends who told me to just give her up cause its a presurrising and unhappy relationship if somehow i managed to court her. kind people of aunt agony, pls share ur advice to me. i am on at a loss. could she be playing with my feelings all along?
Thanks for your kind help/advice.
i could probly offer a few points to u.
from wat u said above.. im guessing the outcomes for u...
if u manage to convince her that u are the guy for her. there's a likelihood that she will still keep an eye on the horizon incase her dream guy would appear.
truthfully speaking, it is just 1 boy and 1 girl who happen to get along well, sound like platonic friendship to me. is there a mutal attraction for each other?
u mention soulmate... everytime this reminds me to a jigsaw puzzle... 2 pieces that fits each other. so, does she compliment u ? can u live without her? can she live without u?
often, the best answer lies within yourself. if u talk to psychiatrist, u ask them a question, they ask u back... hahaa. -
i would think this is more of a one sided love for a person... bcuz all efforts are on your part...
she never reject u directly probly bcuz she was afraid she would hurt u...
( tats wat i would do if i were her)
or she'd like to continuing having free meals from you? making use of u
when she never accept ur proposal, it means she dun wan lor...
hm.. i think when she commented about the way u dress for dates with her, it mus be quite pain in the heart yeh? well i think u shouldnt go for girls who do this -- critisize their bf/husbands for their outlooks.
no wonder ur friends tell u to gif up... they are ur good friends!
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bro,i feel ur pain
I tell u my story,
I was also good friends of a girl,i also tried to have time with her,like if she needed my notes,,i would lend it to her,we had meals together and on her birthday,i would buy what she wanted...got problems,i would ask her come to me..After sch,i would walk her home...i also drop hints that i would like her to be my g/f but she never did reject or say yes to me and all along i treated her all so well,when she argued with my friends,i sided with her and now this is the 3rd year i known her,i become so tired of doing her every whim and whine hoping that my sincererity will move her but she now even using me so as to argue with my godsis to clear her problems but i am so tired of her that i now no longer want to defend or do anything with her...she is using my sincererity to kill what i have,my friendship etc
Anyway..Cheer up man
Don't give up a forest for just a tree,Some other girl will like u for who u are
P.S: Good Friends are with u forever but only a girl can stay with u forever,so when u and ur good friends agree that the girl is for u,it means that they r right -
hm... dont always give in to her needs and wants. got to pull back sometimes and let her show her love for u.
jus be informed that u might get nothing but ur heart shattered, not even BGR though u invested alot of effort and care onto the gal u like. -
Seriously, I've been thru something like that myself, wasted hell alot of time and effort. This kind of girl is waiting for something or someone really out of this world. Just dont waste ur time, there are definitely many girls out there who would appreciate what you have done. She's just out of your league maybe. Try to move on, dont set too deep into the game, you are only wasting your time. If she likes to as much, she would have been ur gf LONG ago.
Just think about this simple logic, IF you have to try so hard, it's probably not gonna work out. -
Hey dude, seriously, stop ur pursue for her, sometimes girls are like that, if you suddenly stop ur TLC towards her, she will feel a sense of loss.
Sometimes girls like guys who are not into them.
I dont know where i learnt this phrase from. -
You love her so deeply that do you really mind who she is and what she wears?
The concept is the same lor
She does not love you that is why she kept talking bad things about you.
poor kid
Come on! is just a trap by this girl to keep u by her side as a spare guy until she finds the rite person, when the day comes, you will no longer be needed and the result will be painfull.
i know what i say will not change your mind about this girl but for the sake of your future wife please let her go. The soon you let her go the better chance ou have in finding the rite gal for yourself.
I hope that you will think logicaly since you are in the uni liao. -
i dun even know how am i going to attract gals to like and be with me.. from the way she told her views about me. I am just me. i can try changing but i cant do changes just for the sake of getting her to like me. It doesn't seem fair to me. She should accept me for what i am and for who i am. its good at least that i know wats she is thinking inside her mind. In a sense my confidence was shaken to some extend even though i do not want to let this thing affect me. She is actually a good and nice gal. mabbe we shd just be friends and keep it that way...
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U need to patient and know how to act aloof yet approachable
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Dun worry, that special someone will come along! Just continue to be urself and be patient. And of cos, dun lose this friendship and just continue to be friends, like u said. Good luck!Originally posted by c2on2:i dun even know how am i going to attract gals to like and be with me.. from the way she told her views about me. I am just me. i can try changing but i cant do changes just for the sake of getting her to like me. It doesn't seem fair to me. She should accept me for what i am and for who i am. its good at least that i know wats she is thinking inside her mind. In a sense my confidence was shaken to some extend even though i do not want to let this thing affect me. She is actually a good and nice gal. mabbe we shd just be friends and keep it that way... -
Height & unbroad shoulders... i'd the same probs too dudez.
One Impt advice--- Please write in paragraphs. It makes reading a lot more sensible -
Haha, I've always been pissed off with people giving me this advice in the past, I idea is, How you know? It's like, don't worry, you will make it big one day. How you know? Hahaha, anyway no offense. I think C2ON2, this is the best advice I got some really smart ppl, and makes alot of sense to me. It's for you to decide - If you have to work so hard in a relationship, it's probably not gonna work out.Originally posted by loudmonkey:Dun worry, that special someone will come along! Just continue to be urself and be patient. And of cos, dun lose this friendship and just continue to be friends, like u said. Good luck!
Relationships is a two way thing, if one party is doing all the giving, how can it ever last. You are in a uni, take part in all those CCAs so many chances to meet so many people, go out and find someone else. When you found someone new, you will forget about her already. I'm not saying find someone to take her place, but it's true that when u are with another person u like, then can u truely get over the previous one, if not it's like me, took me 3 yrs to get over it without any new relationships -
Once my friend say, a gal when reach around 25 and above, they usually dun care so much about looks for they next half. I dun know if it really applies to all the gals, but at least it happen to me.
i also heard from my another friend, he has a colleague who likes a gal very much but reject him alot of times. Takes him 7 year for him to make the gal to be his wife. He used this kind of phrase to encourage me to woo a gal.
Moral of the story is: The gal might say she goes for looks, but in time to come, she might realize that it is not important after all. But this is provided that she does not meet the one that fits in her bill. Yes, u might still stand a chance if u are persistant to shower her with care and love, but that is not a gurantee. Would u risk ur future to meet other nice gals out there which might be 1000 times better than her. If u r really sure about getting her to be your gal, then please dun give up. Otherwise, for any normal guy, i think we will just stay as friends and see how. Keeping ur option open rather than staying for one target is ming zhi de xuan ze. Its all up to you -
c2on2,
From the way u describe it, she more or less decided on how her future bf should be. Realistic or not.
You should know where u stand by now.
She made things difficult for u by dropping those remarks & suggestions.Take that this as a hint for rejecting u.
As a friend, she can accept u as u are. But as a bf, a whole new criteria altogether.
She did not outright reject u cos she still wants to continue to be treated like royalty.
Have faith in yourself. Dun lose your self-worth over this.
Cheers~ -
Originally posted by c2on2:
When a girl tells a guy that his "courting is not enough" for her to accept his love, it usually means she has no love for him. There are two possible reasons why such an excuse is used:
I am just me. i can try changing but i cant do changes just for the sake of getting her to like me. It doesn't seem fair to me. She should accept me for what i am and for who i am. its good at least that i know wats she is thinking inside her mind. In a sense my confidence was shaken to some extend even though i do not want to let this thing affect me. She is actually a good and nice gal. mabbe we shd just be friends and keep it that way...
1. She does not find him an ideal mate, but she does not want to lose him as a friend -- a potential "best guy friend" -- either.
2. She could be waiting for "something" to move her into loving him. While it is possible for such a relationship to work, the odds are not high. The problem usually is not in how hard it is to get the "something"; but the possibility that when that "something" is eventually gotten, the girl would realise it isn't what she actually wanted, and the guy would still end up with no love. Or that the girl could lose her patience and go to another guy instead.
If you don't wish to fight the odds by changing yourself yet you can't give her up, you could give her some time instead to date a few so-called "happening and romantic" guys first, let them maybe break her in along with her heart, and she just might come to realise the advantages of being with "boring and unromantic" guys. That is, if you don't mind playing the waiting game of course.
Nevertheless, it is heartening to hear that you have bravely tested the waters and have identified her incompatibility as a mate, thus saving yourself from some potential big-time hurt. Perhaps the next challenge is to ask yourself whether you can continue to be "just a friend" after having been rejected more than once. -
hey dude... well, i might be wrong but i think the gal just enjoys the attention you have given her... she never rejected you or given you a clear and firm answer in the beginning whether she liked you or not means she just enjoyed being pursued and that's it. ( you have placed the ball at her court by telling her you liked her and thats when she took advantage of the situation )
Like what someone mentioned earlier, you need not try hard to pursue if she''s interested in you. But dun despair, she can jolly well wait for her prince charming while you move on and find someone else better. And I guess when u stopped ignoring or caring about her, she would feel loss n missed the attention you have given her....
If she's mature enough or a good friend of urs, she wouldn't have critised about your dressing n character. Everyone has its own qualities and short comings....we r different in our own way.
Anyway, learn to pull back, you can't just give her everything or attention all the time. You are making yourself miserable by doing that. The period during where you have put in lotsa effort n sincerity in going after her was enough, if she didn't feel it...well, then she probably dumb or just attention seeking. -
Originally posted by c2on2:it was more than half a year ago, when i first saw the gal in my one of my uni classes. Back then, i developed a crush for her but secretly just keep it by myself and din do anything about it.We were not even friends but i think were just merely classmates who knew each other's names as we were in a particular module's class. Time pass and its a new semester, we are now totally different classes and there was no chance of meeting each other. Somehow as i was helping my fren to buy some things, i managed to get her hp number as my fren told her that she also wanted to buy. So as a kind and helpful person, i sms her regarding this and din wanna expect much as i just oni wanna help out of kindness with no other intentions. i would say its a miracle out of the blue when we actually start to be friends. There were MSN chats, smses. And slowly i felt this gal whom is my secret crush is trying to get to know me. Until one day, she asked me out for some activity. And tats when we started chatting on the telephone. I did some soul searching and considerations, thinking why not try to be closer to her since she is my crush and i felt there was some interest. so i proceeded to accelarate and get closer to her. We chatted a lot, sms more, tok on the fone too , started to sit together at the lectures and occasionally have meals and go out together. All this gave me an impression that its possible between me and her. and i decided to confess my feelings to her on valentines day that i like her. She did not comment much but also did not reject me. So our normal activities like chatting, sitting together, msging one another, etc continues. until one day i asked her to be my gf. Again she did not accept and did not reject or avoid me. So i was rather confident that i can get this gal to be my gf. thinking that she wanted to wait after the dreaded exams. i continue to shower her with sincere care and concern. until one day , i found out from her that she is uncertain if i am the guy for her. and has no confidence and assurance if this relationship will work out well. I was very sad but persisted to fight for what i cherish. I told her i love her and have a serious talk with her. She felt the love from me from the things i did, and she appreciate some of them which i had done for her. but she claimed tat she felt my courting is not enough. i was also commented as being a boring person and unromantic. timid and scared of things and need to be more man. The way i dress when i went to meet her for dates and the my height and unbroad shoulders were also mentioned. I was kinda disappointed in this gal whom i love so dearly. i feel that She is demanding a lot from me. and din realli get to know my good points. though i admit i can an ordinary guy with no riches, no car, and oni mediocal looks. Unromantic as i seemed, but deep down i know she understands that i sincerely care and love her. Those small simple things which i had done for her. i feel unappreciated. Is it because she is rather immature in the way she defines her suitable guy? is there really a criteria or a limit as to what type of person u will love? she is also not perfect but i had unconditionally accept her to be my soul mate whom i placed at the centre of my universe. seemed to me that she wanted to some changes in me and she told me i also need to think of more ways to convince her to accept me as her guy. Seems to me she does not like me for who i am. I had talks with my close friends who told me to just give her up cause its a presurrising and unhappy relationship if somehow i managed to court her. kind people of aunt agony, pls share ur advice to me. i am on at a loss. could she be playing with my feelings all along?
Thanks for your kind help/advice.
Believe it or not, consciously or unconsciously - we calculate and factor in certain attributes or qualities of our potential partner to deem if he/she is suitable for a relationship. Love and Relationship is strongly co-related, however, they are still separate entities (meaning you can love someone, but you choose to opt out in a relationship structure). You must understand that you had an immerse crush on her, but it is not the same way round. She treated you like a good friend, with improving impression, but do you consider it anywhere near the border of love? Not entirely.
Because you do not belong to the category of guys whom she will have hasty infatuation for - you have tap on honest, dependable characteristic to sell yourself. This is a good thing and do not be discourage with whatever you are doing.
And because she doesn't fell hard enough, technically, she has her own rights to choose the kind of partners she seek. Reality is pretty cruel: do not presume that just because you treated a girl well and shower all your love and affection onto, something gonna happen. Something is amiss here; regardless of the goodwill and stuff you always did, she just doesn't fall hard enough... for a relationship to begin on proper basis.
Therefore she has chosen an alternative: attempting to shape her given variables to convince her heart to accept you into a relationship. Her psyche would probably react like this:
'Ok fine, I think he's a good guy. I don't know if I love him anot (or even so, not till that extend), but I don't mind giving him a chance. But I must have that reason for myself to give him that chance.
Advice?
There's no such thing as zero risk in relationship: there's no relationship without tears as well - it's all about decisions and the path we opt for. If you have come so far, just to give it up, you got to tell yourself that you won't ever look back and regret.
You could also TRY to fill-in-the-blank with what's missing currently and create a relationship with her. It could be difficult to define each other's love definition, individual expectation, etc - however, we will learn two very important skills: compromising and evolving. It will be difficult though, but at the very least, you won't regret having to give up when you had the advantage to do something about it.
Cheers -
Wussy.
Many singaporean guys like you repeat the same mistakes.
Search the google.
Loser.Originally posted by c2on2:i was also commented as being a boring person and unromantic. timid and scared of things and need to be more man. The way i dress when i went to meet her for dates and the my height and unbroad shoulders were also mentioned. -
That's truly evil Oya.
How would you react if you asked someone here for advice and someone says...
"Doh, that's so obvious, why don't you check the dictionary? That's what its there for anyway. Doh!!"
If you truly want to help, at least direct him to one of the threads here addressing the part you want him to understand... -
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=133543
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=(
sounds like she hasn't developed as much as you have in the relationship.
You could either wait for her or leave her. but from the sound of it, i don't think you're willing to...
Well, you have basically two options:
1. get closer to her expectations.
you could try to comply to what she expects from the perfect boyfriend. while this sounds like it won't work... if you at least try to fulfill ONE of her many demands, maybe she'll have a change of hearT? to show her you're determined in pursuing her. this would also fulfill he romantic notions
however, it's not very good, cos she may want more and more and EVEN more from you. and then you'll be in a never-ending hole.
2. distance yourself from her.
this may make her treasure you even more, and find out how much she's become attached to you. furthermore, as human beings, we will always want what we dont have, and never treasure what we already have.
however, it could also backfire... and she may run off with someone else... i guess it would depend on the amount of time. -
Personally, I feel that there could be 2 main possible scenerio here...Originally posted by c2on2:it was more than half a year ago, when i first saw the gal in my one of my uni classes. Back then, i developed a crush for her but secretly just keep it by myself and din do anything about it.We were not even friends but i think were just merely classmates who knew each other's names as we were in a particular module's class. Time pass and its a new semester, we are now totally different classes and there was no chance of meeting each other. Somehow as i was helping my fren to buy some things, i managed to get her hp number as my fren told her that she also wanted to buy. So as a kind and helpful person, i sms her regarding this and din wanna expect much as i just oni wanna help out of kindness with no other intentions. i would say its a miracle out of the blue when we actually start to be friends. There were MSN chats, smses. And slowly i felt this gal whom is my secret crush is trying to get to know me. Until one day, she asked me out for some activity. And tats when we started chatting on the telephone. I did some soul searching and considerations, thinking why not try to be closer to her since she is my crush and i felt there was some interest. so i proceeded to accelarate and get closer to her. We chatted a lot, sms more, tok on the fone too , started to sit together at the lectures and occasionally have meals and go out together. All this gave me an impression that its possible between me and her. and i decided to confess my feelings to her on valentines day that i like her. She did not comment much but also did not reject me. So our normal activities like chatting, sitting together, msging one another, etc continues. until one day i asked her to be my gf. Again she did not accept and did not reject or avoid me. So i was rather confident that i can get this gal to be my gf. thinking that she wanted to wait after the dreaded exams. i continue to shower her with sincere care and concern. until one day , i found out from her that she is uncertain if i am the guy for her. and has no confidence and assurance if this relationship will work out well. I was very sad but persisted to fight for what i cherish. I told her i love her and have a serious talk with her. She felt the love from me from the things i did, and she appreciate some of them which i had done for her. but she claimed tat she felt my courting is not enough. i was also commented as being a boring person and unromantic. timid and scared of things and need to be more man. The way i dress when i went to meet her for dates and the my height and unbroad shoulders were also mentioned. I was kinda disappointed in this gal whom i love so dearly. i feel that She is demanding a lot from me. and din realli get to know my good points. though i admit i can an ordinary guy with no riches, no car, and oni mediocal looks. Unromantic as i seemed, but deep down i know she understands that i sincerely care and love her. Those small simple things which i had done for her. i feel unappreciated. Is it because she is rather immature in the way she defines her suitable guy? is there really a criteria or a limit as to what type of person u will love? she is also not perfect but i had unconditionally accept her to be my soul mate whom i placed at the centre of my universe. seemed to me that she wanted to some changes in me and she told me i also need to think of more ways to convince her to accept me as her guy. Seems to me she does not like me for who i am. I had talks with my close friends who told me to just give her up cause its a presurrising and unhappy relationship if somehow i managed to court her. kind people of aunt agony, pls share ur advice to me. i am on at a loss. could she be playing with my feelings all along?
Thanks for your kind help/advice.
1. She has a high expectation for her boyfriend. She feels for your love, but she's telling you that you're not up to her standard yet.
2. She feels for your love, but thinks that you'll need to do more to convince her that you're worthy to be her boyfriend.
Would you like to tell me both of your ages, course and horoscopes -
well mister dont expect something from a girl lyk that, dont fall in love too much or u'll be heart broken. find someone hu will appreciate hu u r and what u r....