He loves or not!!
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been wif this guy for 5 years....recently discovered that he has been telling
his frenz that he only likes being around me and no longer love me!! In fact, we are not
spending lots of time togather as he claims he has to work! He frequents pubs often
these days and seems to be hanging out often with other gals! ( he claims that
these gals are only platonic frenz!)
Recently proposed to get marry thou' ....he still remembers anniversay and expensive gifts and
kiss me good nite when we are togather....... confusing leh.....HELP ME!!
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he is trash.
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He might be just joking with his friend or he just wants to keep you by his side, just in case he can't find a suitable partner.
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you might only be a "seat-warmer" to him....till the better one comes along and...............you know.
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Not a big issue yet, as of what my views are.
First thing first.
You seemed to value your friends comments than your own belief in the relationship.
You then seemed to want us to tell you if he loves you or not, making our statements more valuable then your very own intuition and feelings in this 5 years worth of relationship.
I think you're threading on the wrong ground of approach here.
No matter how confuse you may be, the relationship could only be secured by proper channel of communication.
Will you feel better if the forumites here suggests?
-dump him first, you deserve someone better-
-he's a trash(as of above)
-he's a jerk, you should leave and yada yada-
Create a space where both of you can be honest and communicate without any expectations. Be open and listen to whatever he wants to say.
I think by posting here to hear our comment first is being unfair to him.
Cheers -
Trust him...if not...Dump him...
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Tell him about your discoveries.
Tell him about your discomfort.
Tell him about your doubts and fears.
For starters, ask him why he proposed to you when he has told his friends that he no longer loves you.
We can spend days discussing his behaviour and speculating his intentions, but if you don't talk to him, you'd never know, he'd never know and things'd never improve.
Like what other posters have said: Tell him or lose him. -
Confronted him about wat he has been telling his frenz!!!!
Get veri defensive and refuse to talk leh!
*Sigh* ........ but he continue with our relationship after that &
want to get married !
Dun noe who is confuse now.....him or me! Love him but do not
know why he has to joke with frenz abt things that is untrue leh!
DO ALL GUYS BEHAVE THAT WAY!!! COMPLAIN COMPLAIN ABT THEIR
LOVE ONE and come back and treat them nice as thou nothing happen!
Do not know whether want to take the extra step further by
getting married! *Aargh*
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You have to give him the opportunity and space to explain why he said those things.Originally posted by pinkygal76:Confronted him about wat he has been telling his frenz!!!!
Get veri defensive and refuse to talk leh!
*Sigh* ........ but he continue with our relationship after that &
want to get married !
Dun noe who is confuse now.....him or me! Love him but do not
know why he has to joke with frenz abt things that is untrue leh!
DO ALL GUYS BEHAVE THAT WAY!!! COMPLAIN COMPLAIN ABT THEIR
LOVE ONE and come back and treat them nice as thou nothing happen!
Do not know whether want to take the extra step further by
getting married! *Aargh*
It shouldn't be a atmosphere of confrontation, ideally a open conversation and talk about how things started and grew, till now that two person having doubts about one another.
We don't know what he is thinking, so i don't think anyone have the right to speculate about this thread unless it matures.
Hopefully you'll gain ground in open communication and have a fulfilling time together.
Cheers -
give yourself n him more time ..
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Well seems like you worked it out yourself. YOu started out in first class now you are cargo classOriginally posted by pinkygal76:been wif this guy for 5 years....recently discovered that he has been telling
his frenz that he only likes being around me and no longer love me!! In fact, we are not
spending lots of time togather as he claims he has to work! He frequents pubs often
these days and seems to be hanging out often with other gals! ( he claims that
these gals are only platonic frenz!)
Recently proposed to get marry thou' ....he still remembers anniversay and expensive gifts and
kiss me good nite when we are togather....... confusing leh.....HELP ME!! -
Really, if you cannot have a relationship that is built on mutual love, trust, faith and with open-ended communication, you are head for the cliffs. If after 5 years, you still are unsure, confused and cannot hold a open conversation with your partner, you wasted much of your time. Keep it real.
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One advice - dun make a conclusion based on assumption. Take ur time for observation, maybe u will see more light & hope he actually still luv U & care for U.
Be optimistic! -
All i can say is.. dun jump into conclusions.
N do not base ur judgements entirely on wat ur frens say.. it's usually not 100% accurate.. more speculation den facts. -
It's never advisable to go into a marriage with so much doubts in the background...Originally posted by pinkygal76:Confronted him about wat he has been telling his frenz!!!!
Get veri defensive and refuse to talk leh!
*Sigh* ........ but he continue with our relationship after that &
want to get married !
Dun noe who is confuse now.....him or me! Love him but do not
know why he has to joke with frenz abt things that is untrue leh!
DO ALL GUYS BEHAVE THAT WAY!!! COMPLAIN COMPLAIN ABT THEIR
LOVE ONE and come back and treat them nice as thou nothing happen!
Do not know whether want to take the extra step further by
getting married! *Aargh*
So how have you been treating him?
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Hey Little Devil,
Did try to initate a break up since he is not prepared to
share his feelings about my discoveries !! ....wasted 5 yrs of my time liao....
tell myself that I do not want to stay onz if cannot communicate anymore leh!
Think that he has been veri depressed and out drinking veri heavy (almost every nite)
becoz of this situation......hearsay from frenz
Think he still cares and loves me....or else he wont be so troubled by the whole
episode....rite???
I agree yo....A marriage with so many doubts will not work out in the long run...
cooling down period for me now.....
but deep inside was really "hurt" deep by the things that he tell his frenz...is that
wat love is abt???
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Originally posted by pinkygal76:
You seem to rely a lot on "hearsay" from friends.
Think that he has been veri depressed and out drinking veri heavy (almost every nite) becoz of this situation......hearsay from frenz
What do you yourself think about his feelings for you? Do you still feel the love from him? -
Feels that he still cares and love me enough since he propose marriage......
but too much uncertainty.... to take the big step ya!
"Sucks"
to be so confuse!!!! -
Originally posted by pinkygal76:
Wait till you are certain of his feelings for you before you commit then.
Feels that he still cares and love me enough since he propose marriage......
but too much uncertainty.... to take the big step ya!
"Sucks" to be so confuse!!!!
Don't be too hard on him as well. Rather than relying on "hearsay", try to let your heart (feelings) and your mind (rationale) be your own judge. There are guys who boast lordship over their wives with bravado when in male company, but who act like Mary's little lamb when alone with their wives. Perhaps your boyfriend could be one of them? -
It's really kinda hard to judge for now.Originally posted by pinkygal76:Hey Little Devil,
Did try to initate a break up since he is not prepared to
share his feelings about my discoveries !! ....wasted 5 yrs of my time liao....
tell myself that I do not want to stay onz if cannot communicate anymore leh!
Think that he has been veri depressed and out drinking veri heavy (almost every nite)
becoz of this situation......hearsay from frenz
Think he still cares and loves me....or else he wont be so troubled by the whole
episode....rite???
I agree yo....A marriage with so many doubts will not work out in the long run...
cooling down period for me now.....
but deep inside was really "hurt" deep by the things that he tell his frenz...is that
wat love is abt???
What's your background like? Looks? Wealth? Any particular strong points about you? Why do you think he might be attached with you?
His proposal to you... Before or after you've told him about what you've heard from his friend?
What you've heard about what he've saying regarding not loving you... From how many friend(s)? What kinda friend(s)?
Cannot communicate anymore with him...? Are you talking about OTHER issues here...? -
Don't worry about it, he still loves you though...but he just can't keep staring into your starry eyes and says he loves you all the time. How long has it been since...5 years?Originally posted by pinkygal76:been wif this guy for 5 years....recently discovered that he has been telling
his frenz that he only likes being around me and no longer love me!! In fact, we are not
spending lots of time togather as he claims he has to work! He frequents pubs often
these days and seems to be hanging out often with other gals! ( he claims that
these gals are only platonic frenz!)
Recently proposed to get marry thou' ....he still remembers anniversay and expensive gifts and
kiss me good nite when we are togather....... confusing leh.....HELP ME!!
Well...7 years itch probably refers to in another 2 more years, he'll be dying to try the bitch-next-door if there're any around. <- Ignore this...just my evil thoughts. :-P
Guys always want other guys to look up to them and give them face as their friends. So...it is merely a case of ego-boosting. You guy probably does that to give his friends the impression that he's wearing the pants in this relationship and you aren't controlling him by his balls in this relationship. He just wanna show his friends that he's the man of the man and just wanna win faces like the other guys does. Some guys does that when out with their friends, but seriously speaking...you really got him by his balls in the relationship haven't you? He does loves and respects you a lot, hasn't he?
Hmm...I don't see any potential threat this relationship, and you're probably just feeling insecure about this relationship. But you'll feel better and get over this once he marries you.
It's has been a stalemate for 4 years almost 5 years already right? Remember, a whirlpool of love is not as exciting as a whirlpool when it has settled down into a stalemate.
Bottomline...he still loves you a lot as far as I can see. So let him do his braggings to his friends and earn back his ego and he will be back to loving you again after he has recharged his ego and moods and depleted all his frustrations.
Well...he's going to marry you. It's been 5 years together with him and he still didn't get sick of you and even want to spend at least another 50 years staring into your starry eyes occasionally(once in a while...LOL) and says he still loves you. I think if you can also agree that he's the kind who might do such a thing after 50 years....you should be assured that he truly deserves you.
Hahahhaa.......so Good luck. -
Hi Parn
Thanks for the reassurance!!!....Ya...my guy has been kinda of a egoistic maniac
Will I guess it may really be a case of ego boosting session amgst these frenz...
Maybe he just "sway" lor.... to have these things that he have been boosting outside to
eventually come back to my ears!
I never really fancy these groups of frenz that he has been hanging out with anyway.....
BTW I heard the rumours from his drinking buddies !! These guys are the ones that fool around a lot
behind their gf back as well...... have seen these frenz openly kissing and holding other
gals when they are either attached or due to be married.... *sigh* ....knew that one of the guys even
engage in one nights stands and stuff like that when he is due to be getting married soon!
My guy is mellowing down these days and not hanging out with these group of
people that often now!! Thank GOD!!
Just went out with him on Sat and starting to notice the change in him!
TO ALL THE GUYS OUT THERE YA!! MIND WAT YOU TELL YOUR FRENZ OUT THERE YA!
you will not want to eventually loss yr love one just becoz of some damn ego-boosting
shit ya! WHAT IS SAID may eventually come around back to the ears of yr love ones! -
gong xi gong xiOriginally posted by pinkygal76:Hi Parn
Thanks for the reassurance!!!....Ya...my guy has been kinda of a egoistic maniac
Will I guess it may really be a case of ego boosting session amgst these frenz...
Maybe he just "sway" lor.... to have these things that he have been boosting outside to
eventually come back to my ears!
I never really fancy these groups of frenz that he has been hanging out with anyway.....
BTW I heard the rumours from his drinking buddies !! These guys are the ones that fool around a lot
behind their gf back as well...... have seen these frenz openly kissing and holding other
gals when they are either attached or due to be married.... *sigh* ....knew that one of the guys even
engage in one nights stands and stuff like that when he is due to be getting married soon!
My guy is mellowing down these days and not hanging out with these group of
people that often now!! Thank GOD!! Just went out with him on Sat and starting to notice the change in him!
TO ALL THE GUYS OUT THERE YA!! MIND WAT YOU TELL YOUR FRENZ OUT THERE YA!
you will not want to eventually loss yr love one just becoz of some damn ego-boosting
shit ya! WHAT IS SAID may eventually come around back to the ears of yr love ones! -
Loss of loved ones - misunderstood?Originally posted by pinkygal76:Hi Parn
Thanks for the reassurance!!!....Ya...my guy has been kinda of a egoistic maniac
Will I guess it may really be a case of ego boosting session amgst these frenz...
Maybe he just "sway" lor.... to have these things that he have been boosting outside to
eventually come back to my ears!
I never really fancy these groups of frenz that he has been hanging out with anyway.....
BTW I heard the rumours from his drinking buddies !! These guys are the ones that fool around a lot
behind their gf back as well...... have seen these frenz openly kissing and holding other
gals when they are either attached or due to be married.... *sigh* ....knew that one of the guys even
engage in one nights stands and stuff like that when he is due to be getting married soon!
My guy is mellowing down these days and not hanging out with these group of
people that often now!! Thank GOD!! Just went out with him on Sat and starting to notice the change in him!
TO ALL THE GUYS OUT THERE YA!! MIND WAT YOU TELL YOUR FRENZ OUT THERE YA!
you will not want to eventually loss yr love one just becoz of some damn ego-boosting
shit ya! WHAT IS SAID may eventually come around back to the ears of yr love ones!
- Heresay?
- Distrust?
- Inferior?
It should be two way communication and constant sharing from the beginning?
If every couple will tackle right into the root problem and pluck it out. This warning shouldn't be valid. Sadly, because couples do not/lost the will to work on foundation.
When relationship is spiralling downwards. Always do self check and try to start from a point to climb upwards again.
It's a cycle, except whether it's going down or going up.
Cheers -
ur fren ur frens
his fren his frens
why not u go marry the frens????