Can you handle death?
-
What would you do if your best friend died on your birthday and you just can't help thinking that its somewhat your fault?
-
how so is it your fault?
-
OMG ..
-
He was getting a present for me to surprise me and died in the car crash. Such is fate. Sounds like a drama serial, eh?Originally posted by the Bear:how so is it your fault? -
can't be your fault..
even if he was doing something for you..
thing is.. we will think that way but it's no one's fault...
be well yah? -
For me...i will think its partial my fault...but its fate lah...no1 else to blame...
-
yeah I guess. I'm trying to get over it but everytime my birthday is nearing it brings back memories... most unpleasant memories.Originally posted by the Bear:can't be your fault..
even if he was doing something for you..
thing is.. we will think that way but it's no one's fault...
be well yah? -
Yeah, I can see how you have related the two.....but trust me, its really not your fault at all.Originally posted by Toxicity:He was getting a present for me to surprise me and died in the car crash. Such is fate. Sounds like a drama serial, eh?
If it was really his time to go....even if he was driving to eat char kway teow, the same thing would've happened.
Look at it this way. Lots of people leave suddenly in traffic accidents. They may be going to work, going to a party, going home, etc. But its not the fault of the company he works for, the party organiser, or his parents for choosing the home in that particular location....respectively.
So.....just because he was travelling to you, doesn't make it your fault too. -
poor you..
memories have a habit of creeping up on you...
it's hard to tell the heart what you know is right...
the mind commands the body, the body listens
the mind commands itself and meets resistance
the mind commands the heart.. and meets rebellion...
but again.. i hope you'll be well..Originally posted by Toxicity:yeah I guess. I'm trying to get over it but everytime my birthday is nearing it brings back memories... most unpleasant memories. -
Sorry to hear about ur plight, but i believe life & death is all self-determined by fate, nothing much u can do. It's also understandable to feel sad & alittle guilty BUT the cause of ur frenZ's death is not ur intention & u shouldnt shoulder the blame urself & all the guiltyness.
Look outside ur paraidgm, move out & let go the stone from the bottom of ur heart. I believed ur frenZ will always be part of memories, remember the good but the sadness. -
I've tried telling myself when it first happened but I somehow let the negative thoughts get to me. Thanks for reminding me about... well... fate.Originally posted by gentlerock:Yeah, I can see how you have related the two.....but trust me, its really not your fault at all.
If it was really his time to go....even if he was driving to eat char kway teow, the same thing would've happened.
Look at it this way. Lots of people leave suddenly in traffic accidents. They may be going to work, going to a party, going home, etc. But its not the fault of the company he works for, the party organiser, or his parents for choosing the home in that particular location....respectively.
So.....just because he was travelling to you, doesn't make it your fault too. -
Well, be realistic and don't expect to get over it immediately, even with logical reasoning that its really not your fault (which it really isn't!). This is because your mind is still in semi-shock mode.
It takes time for the effects to cool off. While it is unrealistic to forget it totally (we can't forget history), it would be very possible to let the effects diminish till they become harmless. For this to happen takes time....and a clear mind first.... -
Maybe I'm still numbed by it all? I haven't cried yet... actually I haven't had much feelings since. I've been sort of cold and very indifferent. I don't even get angry when ppl try to annoy me. Should I seek professional help?
-
OOH NO !! i think i'll begin to HATE my birthday if this happens... gosh !!
-
ermmm... thats why I don't celebrate my birthday.Originally posted by carpe diem jur:OOH NO !! i think i'll begin to HATE my birthday if this happens... gosh !!
How to celebrate? No mood anyway. -
I think what you're going through is very normal....unless you feel really bad now, I would suggest waiting for a while before getting professional help.Originally posted by Toxicity:Maybe I'm still numbed by it all? I haven't cried yet... actually I haven't had much feelings since. I've been sort of cold and very indifferent. I don't even get angry when ppl try to annoy me. Should I seek professional help?
You have to realise that no amount of professional help can change history. All it does is to make you see things clearly and acts as a guide and catalyst for you to get over it mentally. But if you can do these yourself, then you don't need professional help. -
I would react the same way too if i were in ur shoes..Originally posted by Toxicity:ermmm... thats why I don't celebrate my birthday. How to celebrate? No mood anyway.
Oh well.. if u need to get over it.. for starters.. let us celebrate with u.. for once u'll forget abt it.. even if it is momentarily..
-
Com'on.. it's ur bdae.. dun let tt unfortunate incident spoil the spirit.. i dun tink tt good fren of urs would want to see u this way.. i know one thing's for sure.. tt pal of urs really wanted u to be happy on ur bdae.. rem tt.. hence.. make sure u do go out enjoy urself..
-
Thanks for the gesture... but I don't think I want to forget abt it...Originally posted by Gackt247:I would react the same way too if i were in ur shoes..
Oh well.. if u need to get over it.. for starters.. let us celebrate with u.. for once u'll forget abt it.. even if it is momentarily.. -
Ooooh, I forgot. Er.....have a inner-peaceful birthday (belated?).
-
my birthday coming soon... not belated ya.
-
yeah can understand... even my close friend who passed away i also cant forget and forgive myself coz i'm sarpose to call her but i didnt and she died... if i had called her, she wouldnt have died... i know that kinda feelin, pal.. it really leaves a very bad taste in ur mouth... esp its ur birthday... its gotta be worse dan ever...Originally posted by Toxicity:Thanks for the gesture... but I don't think I want to forget abt it...
i'd visit my friend's grave every month... probably if u dun mind u should go visit ur friend's grave too and spend some tym there... it really helps... at least u appreciate ur friend even after he/she is gone... dats the least u can do to help urself and ur grieve for him/her.... -
I try to visit as often as I can. What makes me even more sad is the fact that his family doesn't even clean his grave anymore *shakes fist in anger*... can't help but wonder whether I'm the only one that hasn't moved on.Originally posted by carpe diem jur:yeah can understand... even my close friend who passed away i also cant forget and forgive myself coz i'm sarpose to call her but i didnt and she died... if i had called her, she wouldnt have died... i know that kinda feelin, pal.. it really leaves a very bad taste in ur mouth... esp its ur birthday... its gotta be worse dan ever...
i'd visit my friend's grave every month... probably if u dun mind u should go visit ur friend's grave too and spend some tym there... it really helps... at least u appreciate ur friend even after he/she is gone... dats the least u can do to help urself and ur grieve for him/her.... -
ahh...that is very sad...Originally posted by Toxicity:What would you do if your best friend died on your birthday and you just can't help thinking that its somewhat your fault? -
How is this your fault?its nobody's fault,rather just bad luck to the extreme that it has to fall on your b day.if u wana say its ur fault,den i rather u say that its your parents fault for giving birth to u on this day,but it doesn't work this way becuz accidents do happen.so dun blame urself cuz noone especially not u wanted it to happen..cheer up