I not Christian and won't be... How?
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I have a dilemma.
I have a girlfriend of almost 3 years. The problem is that she's a devout Christian and I'm not. It's not as if I haven't tried. I followed her to church for a year and still couldn't be convinced about god's existence. She said she wants to get married in her church in future. But it is impossible unless I am also a Christian myself. She also told me before that I should not complain if she dumps me for a Christian in future.
I was angry when she said that. I was so tempted to dump her straightaway. But we had lots of sex. I know how much it means when a devout Christian sins like that. She sinned for me. That must really mean she loves me so deeply. And I love her too. But I can never see myself becoming a Christian ever. I want to marry her and be with her forever. But I know that this issue will haunt us forever if it is not resolved.
What should I do?? -
Perhap Death is the only way out.
If you with her only for the SEX. -
I'm not with her ONLY for sex... I'm just saying that by having sex with me she has sinned and since she knows that.. it shows that she really loves me...
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oieee.. why don't you ask her what you should do leh?Originally posted by edemonda:I have a dilemma.
I have a girlfriend of almost 3 years. The problem is that she's a devout Christian and I'm not. It's not as if I haven't tried. I followed her to church for a year and still couldn't be convinced about god's existence. She said she wants to get married in her church in future. But it is impossible unless I am also a Christian myself. She also told me before that I should not complain if she dumps me for a Christian in future.
I was angry when she said that. I was so tempted to dump her straightaway. But we had lots of sex. I know how much it means when a devout Christian sins like that. She sinned for me. That must really mean she loves me so deeply. And I love her too. But I can never see myself becoming a Christian ever. I want to marry her and be with her forever. But I know that this issue will haunt us forever if it is not resolved.
What should I do??
typically, the responses are as follows:-
small kids: dun think so much. just be with her lah...
Christians: God is real! Believe! Just be.
Angry Christians: U must stop sinning! Just love, no sex!
Non-Christians: Just go on loh. No harm bearing 1-2 hr of church for lotsa sex mah! One day no sex then break up loh!
Clever Non-Christians: U r only lusting after her lah. Break up!
Bored Non-Christians: Break up!
Adorable Non-Christians: power of lover should change u and if no change, means no power. Break up!
Average Non-Christians: the issue is not abt religion.. it is blah blah.... actually marriage is not abt church wedding only...
human being: juz marry lah. close eyes in church loh if u dun believe.. or dun think so much lah.. no one can judge, no one is God.
will add on if i think of more..
so............. ? ask her lah! ask us for what? -
ok.. but the issue here is that she wants me to be a Christian but I'll never become one... how?
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it is ok for a non-christian to marry a christian.
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If you love her, then you won't dump her so easily.
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In this case, if the gal realli loves you, why would she care whether you are Christian or not?
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We say God is love. It's ironic sometimes.
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convert for the sake of converting. if u really do love her. doesnt mean u have to believe in god when u convert... see it as joining a cca but just be an ordinary member who goes there for attendance.Originally posted by edemonda:I have a dilemma.
I have a girlfriend of almost 3 years. The problem is that she's a devout Christian and I'm not. It's not as if I haven't tried. I followed her to church for a year and still couldn't be convinced about god's existence. She said she wants to get married in her church in future. But it is impossible unless I am also a Christian myself. She also told me before that I should not complain if she dumps me for a Christian in future.
I was angry when she said that. I was so tempted to dump her straightaway. But we had lots of sex. I know how much it means when a devout Christian sins like that. She sinned for me. That must really mean she loves me so deeply. And I love her too. But I can never see myself becoming a Christian ever. I want to marry her and be with her forever. But I know that this issue will haunt us forever if it is not resolved.
What should I do?? -
Sometimes, God's existance cannot be made known by convincing words. He must be experienced, then you will know he exist.
Just like air, you don't see air, but you know it exists. And whether you believe it exist or not doesn't change the existance of air.
Take another example, a person born blind. The person has never seen light. He can choose to believe there is such thing as light or choose not to. But the person's belief doesn't change the existance of light.
Even if the person chose not to believe the existance of light, the person still gets the benefit of warmth the sun produces.
So too for the creator of air and light. Your belief in God's existance does not change His existance. He still provide air and warmth to the un-belief, and that per se is a demonstration of His love for all mankind. And if you want to really know Him, exercise your faith and belief that He exist (although you might still be doubtful) first. The experience of His existance will eventually follow.
Faith is just like a fan. When switch-on, it lets you experience air.
The bible says: "draw near to me (God), and i will draw near to you" -
woah , ur girlfriend and you.....
-_- 1 is a devout christian who violate the rules
another 1 is a dowan-to-convert person who made his gf have sex with him... -
Marry in church doesnt mean have to be christian mah... My uncle wasn't a christian and still got married in a church..
Need to convert just to be with her.. Damn ridiculous man! Ask her need to sacrifice sheep for your first born and need to circumcise ya first born male?
If I were you i will go find a free thinker.. no need to worry abt conversion and going to places of worship... I only worship money..
Btw, ya gf is a Harverster(City harverst)? -
Accepting Christ or becoming a Christian should not be forced down your throat. It has to come from you. If you are not ready, you are not ready.
Aiyah, tricky question. I am a Christian but not the 100% type which means I also bend some rules. So, depending on how much your lady friend is willing to bend. If religion is a major issue for her, then, jia lat lor. Cannot say force you to become one mah. Unless you are willing to attend church with her, go for bible studies and get to know the bible. Who knows? Maybe one day the holy spirit will touch you, then you know your time has come.....to become a Christian lah....not to see "yuan lau wang".
Looks like only you and your lady friend can sort this out. Good luck.
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you have every right not to convert..it is a faith based on choice, not forced conversion
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now u must convert in order to enjoy sex
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since cant believe in christian then dun be..... but tis might not mean its the end... since both of u love each other so much, then should try to work things out like compromise on the wedding thingy... good luck....Originally posted by edemonda:I have a dilemma.
I have a girlfriend of almost 3 years. The problem is that she's a devout Christian and I'm not. It's not as if I haven't tried. I followed her to church for a year and still couldn't be convinced about god's existence. She said she wants to get married in her church in future. But it is impossible unless I am also a Christian myself. She also told me before that I should not complain if she dumps me for a Christian in future.
I was angry when she said that. I was so tempted to dump her straightaway. But we had lots of sex. I know how much it means when a devout Christian sins like that. She sinned for me. That must really mean she loves me so deeply. And I love her too. But I can never see myself becoming a Christian ever. I want to marry her and be with her forever. But I know that this issue will haunt us forever if it is not resolved.
What should I do?? -
You will need to let her know what you have been feeling all this while. Let her know your frustration, anger and love for her.Originally posted by edemonda:I have a dilemma.
I have a girlfriend of almost 3 years. The problem is that she's a devout Christian and I'm not. It's not as if I haven't tried. I followed her to church for a year and still couldn't be convinced about god's existence. She said she wants to get married in her church in future. But it is impossible unless I am also a Christian myself. She also told me before that I should not complain if she dumps me for a Christian in future.
I was angry when she said that. I was so tempted to dump her straightaway. But we had lots of sex. I know how much it means when a devout Christian sins like that. She sinned for me. That must really mean she loves me so deeply. And I love her too. But I can never see myself becoming a Christian ever. I want to marry her and be with her forever. But I know that this issue will haunt us forever if it is not resolved.
What should I do??
If she dumps you because of religion difference, then it is her loss and you'll be better off without her as she's not in love with you. She have a problem drawing a line between her love for GOD and you. But if she dumps you for a better guy which also happens to be a Christian, then it is your loss.
I will not tell you to betray your own religion. But take this as a hint instead, the true religion which you truely believed in will always have a temple/shrine inside your heart. And it will show through your character, even though you're being forced to deny it in words or papers. Nothing else matters more than the true religion which you will always held it dearly in your heart.
Think carefully and decide on your next step based on your conscience, as your future steps will distinguished you more from the rest. No one will lived the same life and experience as anyone.
Good luck. -
for that line alone, she deserves to be dumped.Originally posted by edemonda:She also told me before that I should not complain if she dumps me for a Christian in future. -
Well, I am a non Christian and my sweetie is a very devout Christian as well, so I can understand what you are facing. However, for me, since knowing him, I have been learning more about the religion by watching live services from his church, talking to him as well as some of my other Christian friends about the religion and has hence gained a deeper understanding about it. I am still a novice in this matter as I admit my knowledge about Christianity is still very little, but I am willing to open my mind and heart towards learning it. But one thing I have realized is that you cannot convert just because of this relationship because one day if she leaves you after you have become a Christian, you might regret your decision and blame her for it. So only take up this religion if you see it as one that is truly enlightening and one that you can believe in.
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I don't know how to help, so I'll just contribute my own story....
I had a girlfriend of 8 years before....and we were even considering getting married (yes, we have had sex and I was her first, we knew each others' families well, etc). Then suddenly she was converted and wanted me to become Christian as well.
I considered whether to or not.....going to church every Sunday, following norms which I personally couldn't understand fully or accept, forming groups with people I couldn't stand, had to behave in the fake "holier than thou" way all the time, etc....oh man....I'm just not the religious type and would have to put on a pretense for the rest of my freaking life.
I just left things hanging and one day, she was the one who broke up with me.....and she married a Christian guy within a year after that. After the initial emotional turmoil following the break up, she was happier and so am I.
I'm not saying that you should break up. I'm just sharing my story to let you know that you're not alone in this......and to tell you that her warning that she may leave you for a Christian guy may become real.
Whatever you do, please ignore those idiots who come in and tell you that you should die if you are with her only for sex (which you clearly said you were not). This is how many "holier than thou" Christians talk. This is also one of the main things which kept me away from Christianity. -
i believe you are saying she is a staunch christain...well, i can only say, either you convert, or break up. simple. By the way, non-christain can also hold a church wedding k...depends on $$$, and of course certain chapels need you to be christains. all depends one..
hardcore christains will do anything within the bibble..believe me..if you dont see yourself as one, i pray hard for you.. leave her. Indeed she had sin when having sex with you, but in reality, both are willing. Since you are non-believable of the cross, you do not need to worry about the sin.
As for her, if she force you to become christian out of your own will, she double sin
. And if she continue to stick with you as a non-christian, she also sin . And worse, if she continues to have pre-martial sex with you, also sin .....SO, LEAVE HER NOW...unless both of you can really compromise, i will surely give you 2 the blessings... -
Seems like your girlfriend has no qualms to sin in private, but couldn't bear the shame of sin in public. Not surprising to find in a believer.
"Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers;
for what fellowship does righteousness have with lawlessness?
And what partnership does light have with darkness?"
- 2 Cor 6:14
Paul may have advised Christians against marrying non-Christians, but it is still legally possible for Christians to marry non-Christians and many have done so. And there are some churches that do allow such unions to be witnessed by the brethren within the church, but the ones I know of are Catholic.
The form of marriage aside, I'd think the potential problems in the substance of the marriage deserve more attention. Unions like these are often strained because the Christian -- even if he or she would not mention it -- would always face pressure, by nature of the faith, to convert his or her non-Christian partner. Furthermore, when kids come into the picture, thorny issues arise as the parents may often clash with differing opinions on the upbringing of the kids.
While there are marriages like these that do eventually work out, they require much more effort and compromise from both parties, as compared to the union between Christian partners.
You may love your girlfriend, but if she does not love you enough to be able to face the inherent problems in marrying you, then perhaps you should consider letting her return to her flock. -
If you don't feel like you want to accept God whole-hearted, then don't. No point being half-hearted Christian. "Becoming a Christian" as a show of love for another person is a bigger insult than you think it is. Sure you think you're making a huge sacrifise for the girlfriend but that;s not what being a Christian is about. I've seen and known people who have converted for love (of another person) instantly disappear once their relationship is on the rocks. Being a Christian is to love God first, then other people.Originally posted by edemonda:I have a dilemma.
I have a girlfriend of almost 3 years. The problem is that she's a devout Christian and I'm not. It's not as if I haven't tried. I followed her to church for a year and still couldn't be convinced about god's existence. She said she wants to get married in her church in future. But it is impossible unless I am also a Christian myself. She also told me before that I should not complain if she dumps me for a Christian in future.
I was angry when she said that. I was so tempted to dump her straightaway. But we had lots of sex. I know how much it means when a devout Christian sins like that. She sinned for me. That must really mean she loves me so deeply. And I love her too. But I can never see myself becoming a Christian ever. I want to marry her and be with her forever. But I know that this issue will haunt us forever if it is not resolved.
What should I do??
She sinned for you? Not! She just did something stupid, over and over according to you. Sex don't equal Love. When you kids going to learn that?
It's just going to make things complicated when you get married (provided she doesn't dump you for a Christian LOL). Small little things can turn into catastrophies just because of this fact. How to raise kids? Your everyday life, etc.
Just want to say this to you though, don't let her threat be the thing that decide whether you convert or not.
What should you do? Pray that God will open your eyes and your heart to Him. PS praying doesn't automatically make you a Christian. -
I am a christian. And seriously I have something to say not only to you but also to your girlfriend.
Firstly, to you. If you had been keeping an open mind to know more about christianity but find no reasons within yourself to believe in Jesus, then please do not rush into it. Christianity is not a religion but a relationship with God. So if you are not ready to start that relationship, please do not, especially if the reason is just to please your girlfriend.
Secondly, to your girlfriend. I seriously think she needs to reconsider her position. It is of no point threatening you to leave for a christian. Yes, christians marry christians may be what the church or many christians preached. Frankly, I personally believe that too. But it is more than just putting "Christian" in the religion column that makes you christians. It is the life you lead as a christian, not the title you carry, that makes you a christian. What the point of forcing you to be a christian? To ease her own guilt? To make herself feel better? To make things easier? Relationships do not work that way.
As for the sex thing, i am against pre-marital sex. But its again your choice and hers. Sex is a beautiful thing. It is meant to be enjoyed between a married couple. But in your case, It should never be used as a consideration or tool to force another party to stay in a relationship.
All the best to you. I always hope people come to believe in Christ but I rather you come to God knowing that you want to but not forced to.
God bless you.