Quarell over money.
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Me and my gf are working as part time and we're both still schooling. Yesterday, we quarelled about Money. She came from quite a poor family and well i'm able to support her but she did not want me to. She rather borrow money from her friends. Reason: Don't wanna quarell with ya over money. Pay day is one more week from now. Shes almost broke now due to buying me presents for my up-coming Birthday. Her sis stole his bro's money everday and as a elder sis. She can do nothing but to watch her sis do this.
Well, i told her it's not her fault. Her sis is only 12 and spending almost $50/day. What is this ?
We had a big argument over this issue, maybe the advice i gave wasn't good enough. I told her not to worry about financial thingy. At most i support u for 1 week till pay day. After tht, she told me tht maybe its better for me to find a better gf. Keep blaming herself. i duno what to do man. Shes working now and told me she would be having white bread for today, i was wondering if i should cook a meal for her after her work for a surprise ?
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Maybe she feels bad about her situation, and doesn't wanna drag you into it? thats why she mentioned about you finding another better GF? I guess she said that purely outta rashness..to take it to heart bahz. How old is your gf? Well, if i'm not wrong.. she's quite young..youngsters these days should learn how to manage their spending..if they can't afford to spend that much, then maybe be thrifty a lil'...so as to make sure that you don't get broke fast..Originally posted by paradox86:Me and my gf are working as part time and we're both still schooling. Yesterday, we quarelled about Money. She came from quite a poor family and well i'm able to support her but she did not want me to. She rather borrow money from her friends. Reason: Don't wanna quarell with ya over money. Pay day is one more week from now. Shes almost broke now due to buying me presents for my up-coming Birthday. Her sis stole his bro's money everday and as a elder sis. She can do nothing but to watch her sis do this.
Well, i told her it's not her fault. Her sis is only 12 and spending almost $50/day. What is this ?
We had a big argument over this issue, maybe the advice i gave wasn't good enough. I told her not to worry about financial thingy. At most i support u for 1 week till pay day. After tht, she told me tht maybe its better for me to find a better gf. Keep blaming herself. i duno what to do man. Shes working now and told me she would be having white bread for today, i was wondering if i should cook a meal for her after her work for a surprise ? 
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She probably didn't want to feel indebted to you? Maybe she feared that if she took your money, you could use it against her in your future quarrels?
Don't force her if she doesn't wish to use your money. It won't help things much by arguing with her if her decision is already made up. -
Am both 19. She used to smoke thanks to her ex. Now tht shes with me, cutting as low as 1 packet per week. I don't smoke.. This month think i spent quite heavily, she knew tht. Now holidays, both been spending quite alot. Am earning with her a total of ard $1.4k as part time together and i still have my allowance of $500 from my parents and i'm kinda broke now, think i spent too much. hiaks.Originally posted by silv3rgal:Maybe she feels bad about her situation, and doesn't wanna drag you into it? thats why she mentioned about you finding another better GF? I guess she said that purely outta rashness.. How old is your gf? Well, if i'm not.. she's quite young..youngsters these days should learn how to manage their spending..if they can't afford to spend that much, then maybe be thrifty a lil'...so as to make sure that you don't get broke fast..
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WOW... well try to get her to kick the smoking habit bah..Originally posted by paradox86:Am both 19. She used to smoke thanks to her ex. Now tht shes with me, cutting as low as 1 packet per week. I don't smoke.. This month think i spent quite heavily, she knew tht. Now holidays, both been spending quite alot. Am earning with her a total of ard $1.4k as part time together and i still have my allowance of $500 from my parents and i'm kinda broke now, think i spent too much. hiaks.
Wah.. i can see that both of you are spendthrifts...tsk tsk..perhaps the only way out is to cut down ur spending loh...
I used to work part time while studying too..but I don't spend as much as you do.. and i'm still living my life A Okay..hehe.. there's sure a way out..
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Since it's only 1 week till pay day, i told her lending her some as lil as $50 bucks for her is ok ma, I just don't like her telling me she'll borrow from her friends (since she's nt so far). I can help her, y not ? Use it against her in the future quarells.. tht doesn't even come across my mind. I give smth, i don't expect anything in return especially u're my gf.Originally posted by Tuatau:She probably didn't want to feel indebted to you? Maybe she feared that if she took your money, you could use it against her in your future quarrels?
Don't force her if she doesn't wish to use your money. It won't help things much by arguing with her if her decision is already made up.
She don't spend money on branded goods, not even mentioning me buying one for her but she likes to eat alot. Maybe the burden is due to the food.
Her family is also screwed up. especially her little sis, try to steal her money .. i'm so tired of all this. -
Well.... her bro can keep his money in the bank, or maybe lock it or something to prevent his little sister from stealing mah.. it's easy to prevent such things.. it's just whether u wanna put in the effort or not...Originally posted by paradox86:Since it's only 1 week till pay day, i told her lending her some as lil as $50 bucks for her is ok ma, I just don't like her telling me she'll borrow from her friends (since she's nt so far). I can help her, y not ? Use it against her in the future quarells.. tht doesn't even come across my mind. I give smth, i don't expect anything in return especially u're my gf.
She don't spend money on branded goods, not even mentioning me buying one for her but she likes to eat alot. Maybe the burden is due to the food.
Her family is also screwed up. especially her little sis, try to steal her money .. i'm so tired of all this.
Nobody told her off meh? If she's my lil' sister i slap her liao
hahahah :p -
Ya i did told her, have all ur belongings well kept. But well if she attempts to steal after all this.. really hopeless. Now her lil sis is afraid to come home cuz she just stole $100 from her bro. Gf told me her bro is gonna whack her up when she gets back. I know its too much but hitting her wouldn't solve the prob. I just can't find a solution for this, so vexed.Originally posted by silv3rgal:Well.... her bro can keep his money in the bank, or maybe lock it or something to prevent his little sister from stealing mah.. it's easy to prevent such things.. it's just wether u wanna put in the effort or not...
Nobody told her off meh? If she's my lil' sister i slap her liao hahahah :p -
Hmm... well sometimes u gotta close one eye liao loh.. since U can't do anything about it... tell her to take it easy bahz... youth's so short... why get frustrated about these things... enjoy it man.. there's more to be frustrated about when you guys grow up...Originally posted by paradox86:Ya i did told her, have all ur belongings well kept. But well if she attempts to steal after all this.. really hopeless. Now her lil sis is afraid to come home cuz she just stole $100 from her bro. Gf told me her bro is gonna whack her up when she gets back. I know its too much but hitting her wouldn't solve the prob. I just can't find a solution for this, so vexed.
Since her bro knows that her lil sis iz always stealing his money. He really should keep it properly liaoz...no one can help him if he leaves his money lying around.... If both your gf and her bro keep their money properly.. then her sis can't steal liao right? Isn't this problem solved liao?
Well, I believe ur gf's sis will come back in no time... no money no food no shelter..where can she go? HOme sweet home! -
Yupz, i told her exactly what u had mentioned. Guess the rest is up to her lil sis. If she cant get what she wants, think she'll resort to meeting outsider for money. Blah. Come back? i doubt so. This morning she came back with her friend and went to my gf room and jump/play around. Knowing her bro is gonna wake up, they ran out again. Now i knew why her mum told me maybe she shouldn't have gave birth to her in the first place.Originally posted by silv3rgal:Hmm... well sometimes u gotta close one eye liao loh.. since U can't do anything about it... tell her to take it easy bahz... youth's so short... why get frustrated about these things... enjoy it man.. there's more to be frustrated about when you guys grow up...
Since her bro knows that her lil sis iz always stealing his money. He really should keep it properly liaoz...no one can help him if he leaves his money lying around.... If both your gf and her bro keep their money properly.. then her sis can't steal liao right? Isn't this problem solved liao?
Well, I believe ur gf's sis will come back in no time... no money no food no shelter..where can she go? HOme sweet home! -
It's the upbringing problem...Originally posted by paradox86:Yupz, i told her exactly what u had mentioned. Guess the rest is up to her lil sis. If she cant get what she wants, think she'll resort to meeting outsider for money. Blah. Come back? i doubt so. This morning she came back with her friend and went to my gf room and jump/play around. Knowing her bro is gonna wake up, they ran out again. Now i knew why her mum told me maybe she shouldn't have gave birth to her in the first place.
If her mum chose to give birth to her.. she should be responsible to bring her up well (and not regreting giving birth to her)... i bet no one taught her whats right and whats wrong when she was young...although it's hard to teach her now.. it beats nothing.. it'll be even hard to teach her when she's 22 right? Maybe her parents should send her for counselling or something...
Tell ur gf to take it easy bah. -
Originally posted by paradox86:
Maybe you wouldn't mind lending her the money, and probably wouldn't put it in your heart to bring it in future quarrels. Maybe you would be too much of a gentleman to even chase her for it if she forgets to pay you back.
Since it's only 1 week till pay day, i told her lending her some as lil as $50 bucks for her is ok ma, I just don't like her telling me she'll borrow from her friends (since she's nt so far). I can help her, y not ? Use it against her in the future quarells.. tht doesn't even come across my mind. I give smth, i don't expect anything in return especially u're my gf.
She don't spend money on branded goods, not even mentioning me buying one for her but she likes to eat alot. Maybe the burden is due to the food.
Since she wouldn't take your money just like that but likes to eat, maybe you could 'belanja' her to some meals to alleviate her burden? -
den buy her something to eat, juz dun make it as though u ke lian her or anything.
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Gonna cook her a meal and bring to her later after her work later. Good idea?Originally posted by Ito_^:den buy her something to eat, juz dun make it as though u ke lian her or anything. -
well.. you can do anything as long she dun feel as if u pity her becuz of her current situation can liao.Originally posted by paradox86:Gonna cook her a meal and bring to her later after her work later. Good idea? quite hard to do actually, easier to say. -
Tell her and show her that money can't buy the many things you can do for her....Originally posted by paradox86:Gonna cook her a meal and bring to her later after her work later. Good idea?
And... Be careful not to let her slips into depression... -
I don't pity her actually.. i told her i lend you the money.. returning anot is not important cuz we'll end up spending together. I don't mind giving her money cuz its not like shes spending her money for clubbing, eat restaurant, go chiong everyday. She gave some of her earnings to her mum. I just hope she'll allow me to do.Originally posted by Ito_^:well.. you can do anything as long she dun feel as if u pity her becuz of her current situation can liao. quite hard to do actually, easier to say.
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Hmm try to tell her tat u are a couple, and should go thru good and bad together..if she dun want u to pay for her, put it nicely that she can pay u back when it's convenient lor.
And regarding the sis stealing money, she has to expose her ba..stealing at such a young age..and if nobody correct her, she will think that it's alright to do that..and ya 12 years old spend $50 a day!!! OMG! This is ridiculous! My allowance is only $10 a day and I dun even spend them all. Should really talk some sense into her younger sis ya.. -
there's something in r/s besides working out problems. since both of u r young, i dun think it is needed to delve too much.Originally posted by paradox86:Me and my gf are working as part time and we're both still schooling. Yesterday, we quarelled about Money. She came from quite a poor family and well i'm able to support her but she did not want me to. She rather borrow money from her friends. Reason: Don't wanna quarell with ya over money. Pay day is one more week from now. Shes almost broke now due to buying me presents for my up-coming Birthday. Her sis stole his bro's money everday and as a elder sis. She can do nothing but to watch her sis do this.
Well, i told her it's not her fault. Her sis is only 12 and spending almost $50/day. What is this ?
We had a big argument over this issue, maybe the advice i gave wasn't good enough. I told her not to worry about financial thingy. At most i support u for 1 week till pay day. After tht, she told me tht maybe its better for me to find a better gf. Keep blaming herself. i duno what to do man. Shes working now and told me she would be having white bread for today, i was wondering if i should cook a meal for her after her work for a surprise ?
$$ will b a thorny issue. the $$ u earn may not meet her expectation. since ur pay is also low, this will continue to haunt ur r/s for sure.
i suggest u talk to her, go on a light date for ur bdae. forget any gift. if u r serious abt her, n this has started u thinking (i hoped). time for u to buckle up on ur stardee so u will hv a good career n afford something decent.
i can't say for sure ur r/s will survive. leave it to destiny. i can't say how any1 can help u here on her sista's stealing habits. she may need professional counselling. -
if both of u are serious abt each other, may be u can sit down and work out a budget together to avoid over-spending... this is a skill, and dun underestimate it... cooking for her is a very sweet idea, and u can take the chance to trash everything nicely over dinner, but dun spoil the atmosphere...
dun tolerate the sis' habit of stealing.. u r encouraging her to do stray by doing so... make all valuables inaccessible to her... explain to her abt the family's current financial status peacefully... she's still young, still very teachable if you do so correctly... gd luck -
Money the root of all evils. A double edge sword
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i know, that is why you are stuck, and you probably don't quite understand why she seems to trust her friends more? me neither. maybe she cares for you and would like you to think well of her. maybe she likes to being viewed as someone who can stand on her two own feets and not being a burden to her loved ones. in short, i think she wants you to respect her "pride" and decisions.Originally posted by paradox86:I don't pity her actually.. i told her i lend you the money.. returning anot is not important cuz we'll end up spending together. I don't mind giving her money cuz its not like shes spending her money for clubbing, eat restaurant, go chiong everyday. She gave some of her earnings to her mum. I just hope she'll allow me to do.
anyways, i think she also feel bad about the argument too. who wouldn't? so let bygones be bygones, have faith in her.
i think the others give good advises on how to communicate better. all the best. -
hey..your girlfriend sounds like me...and i think tuatau gave a very good explanation to why your girlfriend reacted in this way.Originally posted by Tuatau:She probably didn't want to feel indebted to you? Maybe she feared that if she took your money, you could use it against her in your future quarrels?
Don't force her if she doesn't wish to use your money. It won't help things much by arguing with her if her decision is already made up.
coz for me, i'm very poor too but i don't like my boyfriend to keep buying me things or give me allowance or what. i know he's not pitying me. just trying to help things out. but i just dun like. coz i don't like to feel indebted to others. and yes, i'm afraid if i take the money, it will be mentioned in future quarrels.
i think just let your girlfriend do what she wants lor. don't force her. ^^ hope everything turns out fine! if she asks you for money, then you try to help lor.
and maybe can do some little gestures for her like yeap, cooking for her to eat or something. ^^ save her some lunch money. ^^ -
well, nothing to feel indebted to, esp if the guy does it unconditionally and if this is true, he will not mention it during quarrels... i can vouch for that...Originally posted by applesweetgirl:hey..your girlfriend sounds like me...and i think tuatau gave a very good explanation to why your girlfriend reacted in this way.
coz for me, i'm very poor too but i don't like my boyfriend to keep buying me things or give me allowance or what. i know he's not pitying me. just trying to help things out. but i just dun like. coz i don't like to feel indebted to others. and yes, i'm afraid if i take the money, it will be mentioned in future quarrels.
i think just let your girlfriend do what she wants lor. don't force her. ^^ hope everything turns out fine! if she asks you for money, then you try to help lor.
and maybe can do some little gestures for her like yeap, cooking for her to eat or something. ^^ save her some lunch money. ^^
i should suppose the threadstarter is a guy, so if money is concerned, make sure you r doing things out of true love and unconditional... if not, dun even do it... it is ungentlemanly to start accusing a gal of freeloading during the bad times of a relationship... -
Shes eating white bread?Make some french toast for her.
This 1 week try to help her by spending most of your time with her.At coffee shop,tell her to go buy something for you or do whateva it takes to buy sometime.When shes away,order the food you think she will like and wait for her to come back.This might lessen the embarassment she might be having abt you lending her money.
Or maybe lend her the money thru her friends.