Confessions of A Young Mother with An Abortion
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This is a meaningful article of an interview by NTUC Lifestyle writer Ambiga Raju.
Let all young girls read and learn from other's mistakes:
1. Childhood
I was raised till the age of six by my grandmother and that’s when my pleasant memories of childhood end. At around seven, my parents took me back to their home because I had to start school. Father had a “zhi char” hawker stall and could do with an extra pair of hands.
I remember serving customers, washing plates and wiping tables after school almost everyday from then on. If I went home earlier, it was to make dinner for my younger siblings. Father was always pushing me to do more for the family. I didnÂ’t have time to play.
What hurt me more was that nobody in my house talked to me very much. My father and mother were also closer to my younger brother and sister whom they had raised themselves.
Twice during my primary school years, I ran away from home to my grandmotherÂ’s. My father whacked me when I did it the second time. The stool he used to hit my back caused me great pain, but I kept quiet out of fear. He took me to the stall and shouted at me to continue working. I didnÂ’t dare to tell him then that my spine continued hurting very badly for days. Till today, my spine is not straight and still hurts occasionally. -
2. My First Mistake
When I was in Sec 2, I met a Malaysian worker who used to frequent our stall. We became friends because he was the first one who showed any interest in me. I sneaked out and met him after school. He was good to me and bought me things. The first time he hugged me, I cried. I felt safe in his arms and didnÂ’t want to let go.
When he first asked me to have sex, I couldn’t say “no”. I didn’t really know what it was about but when he described it to me, I thought it couldn’t be a bad thing to do since he wanted it so much. We went to the flat he shared with his uncle when no one was at home and had sex. That was my first time and there were a few more occasions.
Six months later, I realized that I had missed my period. I told him about it and he took me to a clinic. I was pregnant.
Totally terrified at the thought of what my parents would say, I just wanted to erase everything and go back to my old life. My first choice was to abort. I had seen enough movies and that was what people did.
He tried to talk me out of it and even suggested marriage. In the end, he gave in when he realized that he would get into trouble for making an under-aged girl pregnant and went with me to a hospital to abort the fetus in my ninth week of pregnancy. After that, he bought me lunch and we never saw each other again.
The physical trauma of abortion is something I have very little memory of. They had me sedated and I woke up and everything was over, except for a numbing pain in my private parts. But, I remember little things like his uncle paying for the abortion after giving me a dirty look. I cannot get over those things. It was as if the whole thing was my fault and my fault alone. -
3. SchoolÂ’s Out
I went back to school but was never able to concentrate on my studies after that. I quit and became a full-time hawkerÂ’s assistant to my father. My parents never even guessed what I had been through. They were just happy that I was at the stall.
It’s been 15 years since but memories of that day when I aborted my baby have never left me completely. I remember – in my dreams and at other times in my life.
I met a few other men after that and became close to some. The minute they knew about my past, they demanded sex from me. Not new to you, so donÂ’t pretend, they would say.
The doctor at the abortion clinic told me about the contraceptive pill and advised me to take it. I always made sure that I did and that was how I avoided getting pregnant again. When I met the man I eventually married, I was only 19. I didnÂ’t tell him about the abortion until we were getting ready to marry. In a way, you could say I tricked him into marrying me. But, I was sure he would also run away like the rest if he knew.
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4. Young Mother
I never really understood what I did until the day I gave birth to my daughter at the age of 21. When the nurse handed me my baby, my thoughts immediately went to the one I had killed. That child would have been seven. Now, sometimes, I look at children and think, my child would have been about this age. I never talk about it but I pray for forgiveness.
About two years ago, my husband started having an affair. At first, he tried to hide it from me. Later, he didnÂ’t bother. He brought his mistress home and expected me to make space in our bedroom for her. When I protested, he hit me and that became a habit. And what was more painful was that he would scold me for being an indecent woman because I had had an abortion years ago.
I couldnÂ’t take it any more and decided one to just pack up and take my daughter to my fatherÂ’s house. Though my father nagged me and still scolds me left, right and centre for not keeping my marriage intact, he has given me space under his roof. I was very sad and confused for a long time, but now I am more clear-headed. My husband has even come to my workplace to verbally abuse me with bad language in front of my colleagues. I just want to forget everything and start a new life.
I am so sick of people calling me names for what I did when I was 14. If I had known any better, if I had had some guidance, I am sure I would have said “no”. I was just too naïve then.
A friend has found me a job in a new place and I want to start life afresh here. My daughter is my responsibility and I cannot be sad for too long. She is upset at my fatherÂ’s nagging. But, I want to finalise the divorce, save some money and buy a small flat for us. Right now we only have each other.
When she is old enough I will tell her what happened to me. I want her to know about contraception and how she can make sure what happened to me does not happen to her. I donÂ’t think I want to control her sex life. I donÂ’t think I have the right to.
But, I donÂ’t want her to have a baby when she is not ready for it and I donÂ’t want her to go through the painful process of abortion. When I say abortion is painful, I donÂ’t just mean what doctors do to the body. What it does to a womanÂ’s life is 10 times more painful. -
Poor thg, she was so young & naive when she let the M'sian worker take advantage of her innocence. Curiosity doesn't pay when it comes to matters like these
FeowFeowOriginally posted by Tuatau:
[b]3. SchoolÂ’s Out
I went back to school but was never able to concentrate on my studies after that. I quit and became a full-time hawkerÂ’s assistant to my father. My parents never even guessed what I had been through. They were just happy that I was at the stall.
It’s been 15 years since but memories of that day when I aborted my baby have never left me completely. I remember – in my dreams and at other times in my life.
I met a few other men after that and became close to some. The minute they knew about my past, they demanded sex from me. Not new to you, so donÂ’t pretend, they would say.
The doctor at the abortion clinic told me about the contraceptive pill and advised me to take it. I always made sure that I did and that was how I avoided getting pregnant again. When I met the man I eventually married, I was only 19. I didnÂ’t tell him about the abortion until we were getting ready to marry. In a way, you could say I tricked him into marrying me. But, I was sure he would also run away like the rest if he knew.[/b] -
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Sigh... I once talked to a 17-year old girl who freely admits that she lost her virginity at age 15 and simply refused to believe that I am still a virgin at age 22. She said that she had lost count of the number of times she has had sex with her boyfriend.
I asked her, 'What if you get pregnant? What are you going to do?'
Her reply? 'Abort lah! Just get rid of that thing!'
I dunno about you guys, but to me, abortion is one step below infanticide. Even then, that 'one step' exists only because I believe that there are some extreme cases where abortion may be permissible (the mother's life is in danger if she carries to term, etc). Even then, I am by no means an authority in this matter, and I may be wrong.
I am not (and don't intend to) impose my views upon others, but 'that thing' in the girl's womb is ultimately a life. A child. HER child. I don't think she realises how serious the entire issue of abortion is. -
poor woman...kena tricked into sex..ppl blame her but not that guy..gers are always at disavantage,however some gers are still doing it...sad sad
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mi condolences
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A brief stay (due to work) at one of singapore's hospital, I have came across 4 abortion case in about 1 months time, there are more cases just I'm not aware of.
all at a tender age somemore.
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cruel society, poor people.
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"In a country that wants babies, we are throwing away (meaning aborting) thousands of babies a year. In 1998, 20,000 babies were aborted and last year the figure was 12,272 babies.
"What is worrying is that more than half the abortions last year were performed on married women who did not want their babies. They were too busy, too caught up with their careers, etc."
Source: NTUC Lifestyle, June 2005
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And when the women finally decide to have babies, their wombs may probably have become so damaged that they are unable to carry the fetus to full term.
Fate, it seems, is not without its sense of irony. -
babies are treated as inconvenience
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Can't put it in this way exactly...Originally posted by mistyblue:babies are treated as inconvenience
Everyone of us were babies too!
Peace -
Originally posted by mistyblue:
If they be thought so, why not give them to the childless who would look upon them as blessings instead?
babies are treated as inconvenience
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It seems that people who are in a delima and opt for abortion suffer the consequences.
People who abort for convenience do not suffer at all.
I read about a case years ago about a woman who had an abortion because the pregnancy would interfere with her vacation. !!!
I bet she felt nothing.
Most other women would never forget till their last breath, the unborn child they killed, and will always think what the child would have been had they not aborted. -
after reading i want to cry ..
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Thousands and millions of Innocent babies are being sold away just because the country state that one household are only entitled to one child and they try until they get a boy.
Thousands and millions of innocent babies are being aborted due to rape case and the victims simply couldn't face the fact and face the child fathered by a man she don't know.
Thousands and millions of innocent babies are being aborted due to irresponsible sex and refusal to use protection just for the short time of pleasure. And all they want is sex and not the child.
Thousands and millions of innocent babies are being aborted due to lack of time to take care of one just because of career.
What is this world becoming? -
In UK there is a recent story about 3 sisters in a family, aged 12, 14 and 17. All three have recently given birth to babies....they do not abort here cos' the government provides pretty generous welfare for single mothers. But is that the solution?
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Originally posted by oxford mushroom:
It is a cure for the disease, though not as good as prevention. Prevention could be in the form of education, which sadly does not put up well against the tide of changing social mores brought on by the overwhelming influence of popular culture.
In UK there is a recent story about 3 sisters in a family, aged 12, 14 and 17. All three have recently given birth to babies....they do not abort here cos' the government provides pretty generous welfare for single mothers. But is that the solution?
Isn't it considered statutory rape under the British law to have sex with the girls aged 12 and 14? -
Hahahahaha....
Well, I felt that she brought this upon herself. But whatever she did back then, it was because she felt that it was the best option that she could take to get out of her misery.
But on the other hand, if she didn't get tricked by the malaysian...she would still have gotten tricked by someone else. It was the way she was that made her a tragedy. It was her destiny...and nothing could help her avoid it, and I hate destiny (Things that will happen/come true no matter what you do cos you're not the one holding on to the event trigger).
Either way, it's still a sad story but not sad enough for me to pity her...there're worse cases than her with heavier burdens and responsibilities.
The writer picked the wrong article to represent the term "meaningful".
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Some times I pray for an endOriginally posted by laosu:Thousands and millions of Innocent babies are being sold away just because the country state that one household are only entitled to one child and they try until they get a boy.
Thousands and millions of innocent babies are being aborted due to rape case and the victims simply couldn't face the fact and face the child fathered by a man she don't know.
Thousands and millions of innocent babies are being aborted due to irresponsible sex and refusal to use protection just for the short time of pleasure. And all they want is sex and not the child.
Thousands and millions of innocent babies are being aborted due to lack of time to take care of one just because of career.
What is this world becoming? -
Originally posted by parn:
Subjective.
The writer picked the wrong article to represent the term "meaningful".
In your opinion, what would be the right article to represent the term "meaningful"?