FAlll IN love with a Girl with BF
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I have this problem ,
I fell in love with this wonderful girl but she got bf. The thing is i really do like her very much .
Ok...I spend time calling her every time. Every week i ask her out for date and she dun mind spending time with me. Most of our outings are very romantic and i know she loves it. I try hard to win her heart from the bf. Am i doing a wrong thing seeking for someone i love ?
i did hint her that i do like her ? she is confuse as i am since she is attach. Each time i go out with her.... it is always romantic places such as... beach walking, movie , romantic restaurants , sun set watching.....
sigh.... why do i fall in love in such a complicated girl ? As much as I love her...i am not going to confess since she has a bf. I am willing to loose everything waiting for her each but
Am i wrong waiting for her to break up ?
Can i still treat her nice and bring her to romantic places ?
I am just a normal guy..... I dont mind waiting long for her , i wonder she knows my intention.
All i know is she is very caring and i care for her very much too. I dont want to miss this opportunity to care for someone i admire
Am I a bad person.... ? -
You are not a bad person...but you are pitiful...to fall in love with someone who is already attached always is...
I think you sound very young, so that is good. Emotions change more easily when you are young...there is a good chance you will change your mind about her or she might change her mind about her current bf. She is entitled to change her mind, so you don't have to feel guilty if she switched bf. But you should not try to break them up...continue to date her if she is happy to do so and play the gentleman. Never say anything bad about her bf but make clear that you are interested in her and still waiting.
One warning though....how long are you prepared to wait? Your waiting might be in vain and in the meantime, you are letting other girls pass you by. I speak from experience...I waited 7 years for a girl who never responded, then another 10 years for a second girl who did not reciprocate. Before you know it, you are close to being unmarriageable. You sure you are prepared to wait? -
U should be direct & ask her how is her r/s with her bf.
It doesn't seem good as she is dating u also.
I'm sure she must be aware of your feelings esp. when u go to all the romantic places & doing all the couple stuff.
Better to clarify.
If she is still with her bf, then u should avoid spending time with her as u don't want to be a third-party. -
7 + 10 = 17 years,Originally posted by oxford mushroom:One warning though....how long are you prepared to wait? Your waiting might be in vain and in the meantime, you are letting other girls pass you by. I speak from experience...I waited 7 years for a girl who never responded, then another 10 years for a second girl who did not reciprocate. Before you know it, you are close to being unmarriageable. You sure you are prepared to wait?
how old are you? it doesn't add up you know. -
0ne word "Bad to the core"
his not pitiful at all ... next time if i chase your gf... than i pitiful... and u deserve..it ?
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i pity u in such u fall in love wif a attach ladie , in another way round u r a Bastard , wat if i date ur gal behind ur back and bring her to how will u feel , wat i suggest now u shu tell her the truth and let her decide !!
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i wonder why is the girl watching movie and doing beach walking with another guy since she is attached.
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She's keeping her options open wat, watz wrong with tat?? Anyway, as long as she's not engaged, any man have the right to go after her. As for us guys, if we can keep on looking for a "better product", why can't the gals do the same?? Everyone is always looking for "the best" for themselves wat.
If this gal left her bf for a new guy, they doesn't deserve each other, time to change.
Watz not urs, no matter how long u wait or how hard u've chased, is still not urs, but if itz meant to be urs, it'll come back to u even when u've let it go.
Just my 1 cent. Peace.Originally posted by www:i wonder why is the girl watching movie and doing beach walking with another guy since she is attached. -
There's absolutely nothing wrong with you to wait for her to break up with her bf. And of cos you still can treat her nice and bring her to romantic places if she's also willing to do so. And you're supposed to treat everyone nicely...not just the girl that you like, even for the girl that you don't like...as long as she doesn't offends you.Originally posted by IntenseFlame:I have this problem ,
Am i wrong waiting for her to break up ?
Can i still treat her nice and bring her to romantic places ?
I am just a normal guy..... I dont mind waiting long for her , i wonder she knows my intention.
All i know is she is very caring and i care for her very much too. I dont want to miss this opportunity to care for someone i admire
Am I a bad person.... ?
Yes, you are a bad person for tackling other guy's gf. That's unforgivable and your deeds will catch up with you later in due time. Never cause breakups in other people's relationship or you'll face the dire retribution for meddling in others' destiny. IF they have to break up, let it happen naturally if that is their destiny...ok?
But still, there's nothing wrong to like someone's gf. And you should let her know that you like her NOT for the sake of making her leave her bf for you or even hoping that she might does that. Anyway, if she does leave her bf...it can only means 2 things. Either her bf sucks or she's a girl with loose morals and she will leave you when she's found another guy who's better than you.
Good luck. -
i would like to offer my 2-cents worth from the perspective of a female.
i feel that there is nothing wrong with u, going after someone u like, despite being a 3rd party to a r/s. i presume, from ur post, that u r both very young. so u r all still at a stage of experimentation.
the fact that the girl didnt reject ur dates outright means she probably enjoys going out with u or at least she likes the attention. i dunno whether u r driving a flashy car or brings her out to expensive and lavish dinners, ie. i dunno whether she is a material girl. in that case, then i don't respect her.
but assuming she is not, then i tink she is just a very normal girl but still unsure what she wants. so u shld confess to her how u feel... come on, no guy showers that kind of attention on a platonic friend, i am sure she is not stupid, can tell that u r interested in her...
i dun agree that if she chooses u, it would be bcos her bf sucks or she got loose morals. it could be bcos she really likes u and compared to her bf, u suit her better. Of cos, beware that if she can do this to the bf, she can do it to u next time.
of cos, do be smart, dun be led on by her, while she makes u wait for 7-10 yrs for an answer. surely if she is serious abt u or at least appreciate ur friendship, she would be able to make a decision soon. -
Originally posted by IntenseFlame:I have this problem ,
I fell in love with this wonderful girl but she got bf. The thing is i really do like her very much .
Ok...I spend time calling her every time. Every week i ask her out for date and she dun mind spending time with me. Most of our outings are very romantic and i know she loves it. I try hard to win her heart from the bf. Am i doing a wrong thing seeking for someone i love ?
i did hint her that i do like her ? she is confuse as i am since she is attach. Each time i go out with her.... it is always romantic places such as... beach walking, movie , romantic restaurants , sun set watching.....
sigh.... why do i fall in love in such a complicated girl ? As much as I love her...i am not going to confess since she has a bf. I am willing to loose everything waiting for her each but
Am i wrong waiting for her to break up ?
Can i still treat her nice and bring her to romantic places ?
I am just a normal guy..... I dont mind waiting long for her , i wonder she knows my intention.
All i know is she is very caring and i care for her very much too. I dont want to miss this opportunity to care for someone i admire
Am I a bad person.... ?
Loving someone unavailable is not complicating; its more like timing and the play of fate. You can play this game, but your risk is high.
But to chase someone unavailable needs alot of tact and planning. All is fair in love and war; but you have to make sure that you do not introduce new scenarios by chasing her (e.g trigger her desire to be loved by many, etc). This kinda of case is highly volatile and your position/stand often shift. Do not presume that just because you chase her, WITH your love on her and your DESIRE to be with her, create much intensity in her life that ultimately deliver stress or tears.
In the end, you would have realise that it could be your own selfish possession of love, not product of love itself.
P.S: Loving doesn't meant being together, thus being together doesn't mean loving. A completely satisfied woman cannot be seduced.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
True, it is a challenge to completely satisfy a woman these days though. One has seldom come across women who are so "completely satisfied" that they have absolutely no complaints about ther men.
[u]A completely satisfied woman cannot be seduced[/b].
Perhaps the moral strength of the person also comes into play? There are women, especially those of our mothers' generation, who, in spite of less than complete satisfaction with their men, could still resist the temptation to stray. -
DP.
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~Flipping a coin~
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if she like you ask her to dump her bf
if she refuse she is playing with u.
The above rule is used only when you dare to say i love you to her.
anyway you are not a bad person.
you have not rape her , you have not lied to her and you do not cheat her.
You just asked her out that is all. She can reject rite? why she can say no rite?
She is willing going out with you despite knowing that she got bf.
If the person who is in the wrong or is the bad one it must be her!
Cos she is the one who had misled you.
If she just treat you as a friend and goes out with you for the sake of friendship then you are thinking too much liao.
btw when you 2 goes out who pays the bill? -
Moral strength may not be the major or only factor that the older generation of women won't stray.Originally posted by Tuatau:Perhaps the moral strength of the person also comes into play? There are women, especially those of our mothers' generation, who, in spite of less than complete satisfaction with their men, could still resist the temptation to stray.
Think -
- drastically lesser chances brought about by far less exposure to media/perspectives/issues/solutions
- pathetically low awareness (of abuse by husbands/ of dissatisfaction / of personal rights to a more complete self-satisfaction)
- financial dependence
- emotional paralysis due to long period of calloused non-reaction towards passion / feelings
- a much more backward patriarchal society that's more judgemental & critical of self-seeking individuals esp. if they are female
I do not advocate infidelity but I do not advocate foolish frivolous casting of one's soul in the wind too.
IntenseFlame, time is not a commodity to you now, neither is the well-being of your soul. Youth can blind one to do seemingly courageous things without much sober thoughts.
Although many may say that you can't gain any if you don't feel any pain, you still won't know how bad the pain is till your heart is broken.
Morality and social consciousness to all parties involved aside, are you serious enough about her to take so many risks? Is she the one whom you know that you'll marry at the end of the long hard day?
When in doubt, wait. There's no hurry when you are finding a partner whom you want to be with for the next 40 yrs of your life.
If your beliefs are different ie love doesn't lead to marriage, of course, feel free to experiment with your body and soul in as many devastating ways as you deem fine. -
Originally posted by sleepycat:
Agreed, though you may have slightly misunderstood my post on moral strength.
I do not advocate infidelity but I do not advocate foolish frivolous casting of one's soul in the wind too.
If a woman should feel trapped in a loveless relationship or marriage, there is always the option of separation or divorce. Dissatisfaction with a partner is never a good justification for infidelity -- that is where the moral strength of the person comes in. -
A "completely satisfied" woman with absolutely no complaints about her man actually exists?Originally posted by Tuatau:True, it is a challenge to completely satisfy a woman these days though. One has seldom come across women who are so "completely satisfied" that they have absolutely no complaints about ther men. Human nature being such, I'm sure even the most completely satisfied woman would still have one tiny niggly complaint about her man. After all, there has yet to surface the perfect man for the perfect woman 
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Originally posted by miss_soojung:
"You're not perfect, ... she's not perfect either.
After all, there has yet to surface the perfect man for the perfect woman
But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other."
- Sean Maguire to Will in "Good Will Hunting"
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i m saddened, by the fact that u r chasing a gal with a bf... pls spare a thot for the the other guy... whether he has treated the gal well does not warrant such a thing to happen to him.. if the gal doesnt feel anything for him anymore, then jolly well break up or smthing... i cant help but to feel she is making one of u her "spare tyre"...
if only pple can keep relationships simple.. there wldnt be so much BGR prob... -
Originally posted by mercurialz:
Perhaps for some people, it is the capricious nature of relationships that makes them so enticing?
if only pple can keep relationships simple.. there wldnt be so much BGR prob...
Nothing is a given, people change all the time. Some people just move on seeking new excitement when they get bored and start spinning coins when with their partners. Other than to accept it, there is nothing much we can do about it. -
i hate guys (or girls) who KNOW about another person being attached and still try to court them.
sorry for being so narrow-minded about this, but just like someone here have said: how will YOU feel if your other half is being courted by someone else, and that person still dare to seek advice on how to go about doing it?
i hate people like you.
i can be open-minded about a lot of others, but, put yourself in people other's shoe before you do anything. -
the guys i fall for are either married or going steady... so sad... tats why im still single
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U r not a bad person.... and although no age is stated my guess is that u and the girl is very young...Originally posted by IntenseFlame:I have this problem ,
I fell in love with this wonderful girl but she got bf. The thing is i really do like her very much .
Ok...I spend time calling her every time. Every week i ask her out for date and she dun mind spending time with me. Most of our outings are very romantic and i know she loves it. I try hard to win her heart from the bf. Am i doing a wrong thing seeking for someone i love ?
i did hint her that i do like her ? she is confuse as i am since she is attach. Each time i go out with her.... it is always romantic places such as... beach walking, movie , romantic restaurants , sun set watching.....
sigh.... why do i fall in love in such a complicated girl ? As much as I love her...i am not going to confess since she has a bf. I am willing to loose everything waiting for her each but
Am i wrong waiting for her to break up ?
Can i still treat her nice and bring her to romantic places ?
I am just a normal guy..... I dont mind waiting long for her , i wonder she knows my intention.
All i know is she is very caring and i care for her very much too. I dont want to miss this opportunity to care for someone i admire
Am I a bad person.... ?
right now there is a thin line or even no lines at all between:
keeping options open vs two timing
going out with frend vs dating
etc etc...
I will not be judgemental and say who is right or wrong... but from what u state here.. i don't think u r wrong in anyway.
But everyone have to protect themselves..... so the question is what u expect out of this and how the girl feel.
So girls like the attention and they do not mind attention from other guys. so even if she is not going to have any long term thot with u, she might just go along with your wooing and dating..... such girls could be as sweet as angels and u can't tell... and seriously if they don't hurt anyoen it is fine.
If that is acceptable to you and u enjoy her company.... then go ahead.
But my thot is that u want some level of "commitment" from her. in this case u should ask urself about the girl. Does her bf know that she is going on "romantic" dates with you. In that r/s for her and her bf, does that count as "cheating". Note that some couples have "open" r/s where they can go out with other people..... but does that apply here...
If it is cheating then u should ask urself whether this girl is really suitable for you.
if she cheat on her bf she might cheat on u too.....
Also u said u "hinted" to her. i think u should tell her straight out. and then see what she say..... maybe she is just waiting for u to tell her straight out...
since u r the man, be direct and tell her how u feel about her.... in no uncertain terms.... and then see what she say, maybe she is just waiting for u to say those key words for her to commit to you? -
there seems to be a certain disdain towards third parties in general that i find uncalled for.
I seriously urge those that do feel this way to be acutely aware of the statement made by Yunhaier previously in bold within this thread and seriously consider its implications; before embarking on a campaign of, quite possibly, misplaced hatred/hostility.