respect ? earned or demanded ?
-
background info, my dad's been losing thousands upon thousands ever since he started playing shares thinking he will get rich asap and he's some whizz in stocks.
end up my mum having to pay for it and several times when she's flat out, she asks us for money. extremely hard for her. once she bought a new car not because she struck the lottery but because she would trade in her old car for a 40k cheque due to a refund of her coe and other taxes. and using this 40k cheque to pay off that loser's debts.
when my mum tells him she cant pay for some of it, that bastard screams at her, " FINE FINE! DUN CARE ABOUT ME LAH. DIVORCE ME AND GO BACK TO YR MUM! LEAVE ME TO DIE WITH THE DEBTS!"
FUCK off dad.
my mum is extremely stupid not to leave him.
then my mum gives in. she hasnt bought any new clothes, bags, shoes, jewelry, perfume, etc for at least 6years. thanks to that asS.
u know everytime she goes to visit her mum(which is like once every few mths?) my Y chromosome contributor screams at her in front of us, claiming she spends so much time at her mum's.
here's waht paid by my mum
my sis and mine education
our utilities bill
car loan
petrol
groceries
meals
my Y chromosome contributor's loans
her personal things
ALL bills
my sis and my pocket money
everything my Y chromosome contributor' spends.
any other purchases we make.
here's waht my Y chromosome contributor pays
404 file not found
and when my gran wanted a massage chair, guess waht my Y chromosome contributor did? ask my mum for money for HIS mum! what a loser.
all he does is sit in front of the tv and drool. like some retarded fool. eats oranges, bread with peanut butter, wolfs down bags upon bags of potato chips(which is why i stop eating them, i get reminded of him). he sits on taht chair and rocks it so often it's always making a creaking sound. everytime i hear it creak, i shudder. not because of fear but because i get reminded of loser.
he treats it like his throne. anyone sitting on that chair will be chased away by force and if we insist on sitting there. he will scream and shout at us.
sometimes he also asks us for money using that sibei act cute face. smile widely, red cheeks. like china doll. he used to tell us " boy/girl ah, dad is very paiseh, very sorry to you 2, so old liao still no achievements."
save it my Y chromosome contributor, sorry is cheap. quoting my lecturer, "talk is cheap!"
then when we go out, he insists on being the last to shower, so taht everyone waits for him,
and so i wonder, respect ?
ok. going to get flamed. -
If you are a guy, guess you would had realised thru NS that respect had to be earned. As a soldier, we had to respect the rank that the person is wearing. Whether we respect the person anot, is a separate issue.
I had a almost similar situation at home. Some of the differences are, we are from a less well off family and there is third party involved. Or should I say, afew 3rd parties involved.
Home was a 3 room flat. Since young, Y chorosome contributor had a hot temper and demended respect from us. Whenever he was home from work and we were busy with homework and did not greet him, he would ask why did not greet him and demanded it. Crazy asshole. And he did not stay long in any job.
When my elder sis finished her O levels many many yrs back, she did well enough to qualify for engineering course in the poly. But she was stopped from doing the engineering course. Reason, Y chorosome contributor said he cannot afford to support my sis in poly, and me in sec, and my younger bro in pri sch. When my mum said she could find work to help pay for the tuition fees and my sis she said she will so some Part time job too, he yelled NO. He did not allow my mum to work. As a result, my sis cannot further her studies.
As I grew up. I was like disgusted by his MCP ways. If a man do not wish to let his wife work, then he better be earning more $$ to give her and the family a good life. But this is not in my case. Mum was not allowed to work, and family was not well off. And whenever mum spent abit more time with her parents side , Y would be yelling at her after it. I felt that my mum was like a caged cow owned by a poor farmer. No freedom, yet have to work like a cow at home. Whenever Y return home, dinner must be served on the table, everything laid on the table for him. After dinner, he just leave everything on the table and went to sleep or went out.
I started working PT at NTUC while I was doing the 3 mths course in the JC. All the way thru JC, I was working too. I paid for my own uniforms and lecture notes, books etc. And during the JC1 holidays, I was working as a waiter in a hotel. And Y demanded that I have over all the money that I had earned to my mum, for her to " safe keep " the money for me.But I know once I handed over the $$, it will be the last that I will ever see my $$ cos Y will surely use up my $$. I refused to hand over my hard earned $$, and Y said ;" IF you dun hand over the money, then you better STOP wroking !! "
I was like
. Hey I'm not asking for money or what. As a JC student I'm earning my own pocket money for my own use. Why should I be giving up my money. Since young, all our ang pao $$ would be given to mum for " safe keeping " . But end up being spent by Y. -
Things got out of hand in the last 4 yrs. y stopped contributing to household expense. Y was involved with ball room dancing and spending lots of $$ on the lessons and leisure sessions. And flying to australia and malaysia for the competitions, or supporting friends taking part. This from a cabbie who not rich.
Then, last 2 yrs, an uncle passed away, leaving some $$ to Y. He quitted his job and opened a food stall. A partnership with his dance partner. Y claimed that she had lost her accounting job. Once, Y's Hp was ringing and that woman slipped her hand into his pocket to fish out the HP for Y to answer. And whenever there was any dispute or quarrel regarding work, Y will be jumping to that woman's defence and shift the blame to my mum
Things got out of hand and my mum stopped working at the stall. ANd gradually they had afew quarrels and stopped talking to each other. Luckily, my sis, my bro and me are all on my mum's side. Nobody is talking to Y rite now. End up now, nobody gives a damn to him. My mum at 1st, though not speaking to him, still washs his cloths for him. BUt since he had on a few occasion not returned home to sleep at nite, my mum had stop. Y nows wash his own clothes, eat outside and basically just came back to sleep in the living room and shower. -
Nobody is talking to him rite now. Even when my sis, younger bro , me or my mum return home to find him sitting in the living room reading the papers that my mum bought, nobody is talking to him.
I had told my mum to get a divorce,but she refused. Partly maybe is due to problems with " saving her face " and partly maybe bcos, if divorce, the flat had to be sold. Even if we buy over Y's share, we might have a problem to finance it. And she would not want to let Y off with the money Y got from selling his share of the flat. That will only let Y have the $$ to spend on that woman.
I had told my mum.. its ok. I can reduce the amount of money Y can get out of selling the flat.I had a way to achieve that. And I had told her, I totally had no respect for Y now. And I do not intend to support Y when he is old. He can sue me in the family court. But I will fight my case. I had prove that I supported myself since I was 16, and that financially Y did not help with family expenses. IF he had the money to spend on dancing and on another woman, why I shld be [paying for his old age. And he choose to smoke. I will not pay for his health care in old age. Since young we had been exposed to that unhealthy habit. I shld be the one suing him for exposing us to 2nd hand smoke.
Respect had to be earned and not demanded. One can demand respect for the rank. But that will only make others feel that that person is not worthy of that rank. like wise, i used to respect Y , not for a person, but for the fact that he was my Y chorosome contributor. But Now, totally NO RESPECT at all for a person like Y.
LIke what I had told my bro and sis. They can go support Y in old age for all they want. I will not give a single cent to Y. He can sue me in court if he wants to.But I will fight my case and counter sue for introducing me to 2nd hand smoke as a child. If the court makes me pay for his maintainance, well I will. I will pay him a lump sum and rid of all contacts with him. His live or death is none of my concern. And I will proceed with the legal plan to get rid of him in the household.
I know someone will say that I am cruel. How can I plan to do this to the Y contributor when he is old. When I think unless you are in the situation like bismarck or me.. you will not feel the hatred. -
The more important thing now is what your mum makes of the whole situation and what is she going to do about it.. Of course, you and your sis' opinion might affect her to an extent...?Originally posted by bismarck:background info, my dad's been losing thousands upon thousands ever since he started playing shares thinking he will get rich asap and he's some whizz in stocks.
end up my mum having to pay for it and several times when she's flat out, she asks us for money. extremely hard for her. once she bought a new car not because she struck the lottery but because she would trade in her old car for a 40k cheque due to a refund of her coe and other taxes. and using this 40k cheque to pay off that loser's debts.
when my mum tells him she cant pay for some of it, that bastard screams at her, " FINE FINE! DUN CARE ABOUT ME LAH. DIVORCE ME AND GO BACK TO YR MUM! LEAVE ME TO DIE WITH THE DEBTS!"
FUCK off dad.
my mum is extremely stupid not to leave him.
then my mum gives in. she hasnt bought any new clothes, bags, shoes, jewelry, perfume, etc for at least 6years. thanks to that asS.
u know everytime she goes to visit her mum(which is like once every few mths?) my Y chromosome contributor screams at her in front of us, claiming she spends so much time at her mum's.
here's waht paid by my mum
my sis and mine education
our utilities bill
car loan
petrol
groceries
meals
my Y chromosome contributor's loans
her personal things
ALL bills
my sis and my pocket money
everything my Y chromosome contributor' spends.
any other purchases we make.
here's waht my Y chromosome contributor pays
404 file not found
and when my gran wanted a massage chair, guess waht my Y chromosome contributor did? ask my mum for money for HIS mum! what a loser.
all he does is sit in front of the tv and drool. like some retarded fool. eats oranges, bread with peanut butter, wolfs down bags upon bags of potato chips(which is why i stop eating them, i get reminded of him). he sits on taht chair and rocks it so often it's always making a creaking sound. everytime i hear it creak, i shudder. not because of fear but because i get reminded of loser.
he treats it like his throne. anyone sitting on that chair will be chased away by force and if we insist on sitting there. he will scream and shout at us.
sometimes he also asks us for money using that sibei act cute face. smile widely, red cheeks. like china doll. he used to tell us " boy/girl ah, dad is very paiseh, very sorry to you 2, so old liao still no achievements."
save it my Y chromosome contributor, sorry is cheap. quoting my lecturer, "talk is cheap!"
then when we go out, he insists on being the last to shower, so taht everyone waits for him,
and so i wonder, respect ?
ok. going to get flamed.
Side-track... Your thoughts... Seems pretty confused of sort..? Are you at times having much sense of depression..? Though not really that 'down' feeling but of a stronger reaction and response to things...? -
my advice to u, go out and work and stand on ur own feet... if ur mum is still giving u pocket money, dan the more u should come out and work to tek a load off her shoulders... she would be relief if you could work and gif her some money, even a small sum helps alot... even if eventually the money goes to ur dad, at least it does help ur mum's burdens... u understand?Originally posted by bismarck:background info, my dad's been losing thousands upon thousands ever since he started playing shares thinking he will get rich asap and he's some whizz in stocks.
end up my mum having to pay for it and several times when she's flat out, she asks us for money. extremely hard for her. once she bought a new car not because she struck the lottery but because she would trade in her old car for a 40k cheque due to a refund of her coe and other taxes. and using this 40k cheque to pay off that loser's debts.
when my mum tells him she cant pay for some of it, that bastard screams at her, " FINE FINE! DUN CARE ABOUT ME LAH. DIVORCE ME AND GO BACK TO YR MUM! LEAVE ME TO DIE WITH THE DEBTS!"
FUCK off dad.
my mum is extremely stupid not to leave him.
then my mum gives in. she hasnt bought any new clothes, bags, shoes, jewelry, perfume, etc for at least 6years. thanks to that asS.
u know everytime she goes to visit her mum(which is like once every few mths?) my Y chromosome contributor screams at her in front of us, claiming she spends so much time at her mum's.
here's waht paid by my mum
my sis and mine education
our utilities bill
car loan
petrol
groceries
meals
my Y chromosome contributor's loans
her personal things
ALL bills
my sis and my pocket money
everything my Y chromosome contributor' spends.
any other purchases we make.
here's waht my Y chromosome contributor pays
404 file not found
and when my gran wanted a massage chair, guess waht my Y chromosome contributor did? ask my mum for money for HIS mum! what a loser.
all he does is sit in front of the tv and drool. like some retarded fool. eats oranges, bread with peanut butter, wolfs down bags upon bags of potato chips(which is why i stop eating them, i get reminded of him). he sits on taht chair and rocks it so often it's always making a creaking sound. everytime i hear it creak, i shudder. not because of fear but because i get reminded of loser.
he treats it like his throne. anyone sitting on that chair will be chased away by force and if we insist on sitting there. he will scream and shout at us.
sometimes he also asks us for money using that sibei act cute face. smile widely, red cheeks. like china doll. he used to tell us " boy/girl ah, dad is very paiseh, very sorry to you 2, so old liao still no achievements."
save it my Y chromosome contributor, sorry is cheap. quoting my lecturer, "talk is cheap!"
then when we go out, he insists on being the last to shower, so taht everyone waits for him,
and so i wonder, respect ?
ok. going to get flamed.
i'm born in a very poor family and my parents stopped giving mi pocket money since i'm 13, i learnt to work to support myself... i never have a pc until two yrs ago i bought one for myself due to my studies... all i can say is, i never get to study or learn anything i like, until i started working in nightlife at 15... so, i believe its time u and ur sis go find a job, even if it is part time, as long as its enuf to support urself... and ur sis should do the same too...
solve the problem and no use brooding over it... dan probably u'll know how hard it is for ur mum, and appreciate her hardwork by then.. turn around and look at ur mum now, didnt u notice that she've looked older dan u've realised... -
......
-
It is the Parent's duty to look after the child when the child is young, if the parent has failed in this duty , it does not mean that the child has the right to abandon the parent when they are old in age and need somebody to depend on.Originally posted by pufferfish_79:Nobody is talking to him rite now. Even when my sis, younger bro , me or my mum return home to find him sitting in the living room reading the papers that my mum bought, nobody is talking to him.
I had told my mum to get a divorce,but she refused. Partly maybe is due to problems with " saving her face " and partly maybe bcos, if divorce, the flat had to be sold. Even if we buy over Y's share, we might have a problem to finance it. And she would not want to let Y off with the money Y got from selling his share of the flat. That will only let Y have the $$ to spend on that woman.
I had told my mum.. its ok. I can reduce the amount of money Y can get out of selling the flat.I had a way to achieve that. And I had told her, I totally had no respect for Y now. And I do not intend to support Y when he is old. He can sue me in the family court. But I will fight my case. I had prove that I supported myself since I was 16, and that financially Y did not help with family expenses. IF he had the money to spend on dancing and on another woman, why I shld be [paying for his old age. And he choose to smoke. I will not pay for his health care in old age. Since young we had been exposed to that unhealthy habit. I shld be the one suing him for exposing us to 2nd hand smoke.
Respect had to be earned and not demanded. One can demand respect for the rank. But that will only make others feel that that person is not worthy of that rank. like wise, i used to respect Y , not for a person, but for the fact that he was my Y chorosome contributor. But Now, totally NO RESPECT at all for a person like Y.
LIke what I had told my bro and sis. They can go support Y in old age for all they want. I will not give a single cent to Y. He can sue me in court if he wants to.But I will fight my case and counter sue for introducing me to 2nd hand smoke as a child. If the court makes me pay for his maintainance, well I will. I will pay him a lump sum and rid of all contacts with him. His live or death is none of my concern. And I will proceed with the legal plan to get rid of him in the household.
I know someone will say that I am cruel. How can I plan to do this to the Y contributor when he is old. When I think unless you are in the situation like bismarck or me.. you will not feel the hatred.
Keep in mind that what goes around comes around. -
Karma does work
-
-
Originally posted by Master -_-:Karma does work
-
she's doing nothing except just paying off his debts loh. silently doing so. i have an exceptionally strong response to things related to my dad only.Originally posted by Devil1976:The more important thing now is what your mum makes of the whole situation and what is she going to do about it.. Of course, you and your sis' opinion might affect her to an extent...?
Side-track... Your thoughts... Seems pretty confused of sort..? Are you at times having much sense of depression..? Though not really that 'down' feeling but of a stronger reaction and response to things...? -
whatever u do dun flare up and shout at anyone...it will only make things worse
try talking to ur dad nicely -
smarty pants, FYI he plays stocks everyday and this is the end result. so wake up yr bloody idea of getting rich thru stocks.Originally posted by shade343:It is the Parent's duty to look after the child when the child is young, if the parent has failed in this duty , it does not mean that the child has the right to abandon the parent when they are old in age and need somebody to depend on.
Keep in mind that what goes around comes around.
i dunno how to solve the problem. i mean i cant like go to my dad and tie him to the roof to prevent him from going to lose more money? i am working now while waiting for NS, i feel like throwing the money i earned at my dad's face.Originally posted by carpe diem jur:my advice to u, go out and work and stand on ur own feet... if ur mum is still giving u pocket money, dan the more u should come out and work to tek a load off her shoulders... she would be relief if you could work and gif her some money, even a small sum helps alot... even if eventually the money goes to ur dad, at least it does help ur mum's burdens... u understand?
solve the problem and no use brooding over it... dan probably u'll know how hard it is for ur mum, and appreciate her hardwork by then.. turn around and look at ur mum now, didnt u notice that she've looked older dan u've realised...Originally posted by Master -_-:Karma does work shut the fark up -
thats the problem with you...
YOU can never earn respect....
Wait till you are enlisted...
YOU will learn RESPECT in the HARDEST way possible
NO one will be going to listen to your whines
"Oh Sir, i think i just broke my Bolt Carriage"
"Sir, i think i got heatstroke"
YOU have lots to learn from the ARMY and NObody is going give you the RESPECT that you yearn to earn.
CHANGE now while you still can, you have a long way to go than bitching about your dad.
CONSCRIPTION will be the BIGGEST and HARDEST reality check you will ever face in your life.
If you were under my strength, i will definitely tekan you UDLRC -
moron it is about him. now shut upOriginally posted by Master -_-:thats the problem with you...
YOU can never earn respect....
Wait till you are enlisted...
YOU will learn RESPECT in the HARDEST way possible
NO one will be going to listen to your whines
"Oh Sir, i think i just broke my Bolt Carriage"
"Sir, i think i got heatstroke"
YOU have lots to learn from the ARMY and NObody is going give you the RESPECT that you yearn to earn.
CHANGE now while you still can, you have a long way to go than bitching about your dad.
CONSCRIPTION will be the BIGGEST and HARDEST reality check you will ever face in your life.
If you were under my strength, i will definitely tekan you UDLRC
this shows 1 thing about you. u got this insecurity complex where u derive joy from the pain of others and u love to abuse power. SAF must be blind -
take out popcorn and see show
-
showtime
-
maybe you can rap about it and make a living dissing your dad like what Eminem did with his mum...
you may even make a fortune.
first things first, learn to rythme!
Cheers! -
Advice is only asked to be given when you know the true answer; you just don't want to believe it !!!!
-
Originally posted by bismarck:moron it is about him. now shut up
this shows 1 thing about you. u got this insecurity complex where u derive joy from the pain of others and u love to abuse power. SAF must be blind
People... Pls control yourselves....Originally posted by Master -_-:thats the problem with you...
YOU can never earn respect....
Wait till you are enlisted...
YOU will learn RESPECT in the HARDEST way possible
NO one will be going to listen to your whines
"Oh Sir, i think i just broke my Bolt Carriage"
"Sir, i think i got heatstroke"
YOU have lots to learn from the ARMY and NObody is going give you the RESPECT that you yearn to earn.
CHANGE now while you still can, you have a long way to go than bitching about your dad.
CONSCRIPTION will be the BIGGEST and HARDEST reality check you will ever face in your life.
If you were under my strength, i will definitely tekan you UDLRC -
I reckon there won't be anything much you can do about it if that's her decision for now..Originally posted by bismarck:she's doing nothing except just paying off his debts loh. silently doing so. i have an exceptionally strong response to things related to my dad only.
Exceptionally strong sense of response to your dad only?
I feel that you've got much bottled up within yourself... Do you take up any form of sports or exercise regularly? If you don't, perhaps you should be taking up a form of sports for 'release' or / and try to take up meditation or something...? -
i have heard a lot of stories about irresponsible fathers.
less so for mothers you know!!!
seems like men are more of a problem in a marriage. -
cooled down abit during work. had thoughts of taking things into my own hands, then thought of why wasting my life on someone i dun like ?Originally posted by Devil1976:I reckon there won't be anything much you can do about it if that's her decision for now..
Exceptionally strong sense of response to your dad only?
I feel that you've got much bottled up within yourself... Do you take up any form of sports or exercise regularly? If you don't, perhaps you should be taking up a form of sports for 'release' or / and try to take up meditation or something...?
anyway there are certain matters i still bear a grudge with my mum but that's the least of my concerns. -
No haste but more slowly? Sometimes situations like these takes time to work... Bits and bits of effort if you want? But don't be too upset or bothered if it doesn't work... Cause probably it would be difficult anyhow...Originally posted by bismarck:cooled down abit during work. had thoughts of taking things into my own hands, then thought of why wasting my life on someone i dun like ?
anyway there are certain matters i still bear a grudge with my mum but that's the least of my concerns.
Still, the choice is yours.... Try not to get too worked up over things as it'll probably only make the situation worse...