he's hardly dere 4 me..

• BadzMaro

  30 Jun 05, 17:02

  Originally posted by Devil1976:

  Why don't you try smsing him instead when you're feeling down and such for a change....?

  i like the way u handle things man.. in your face kinda tactic , straightforward.. u n me are almost like brothers.. LoL!
• Dvoom

  30 Jun 05, 21:40

  hmm.. no ones is perfect. everyone will grow thru thick and thin relationships before u actually found the one u love. u may say u really love him, but u still dono wad u really love abt him. try thinking abt it.. maybe u have, i dono. i don tink he got more good points than bad points. as u mention he doesnt do much as wad couples do in public, he hardly call u... hmm.. during a relationship one of them are more initiative. either u or ur bf. i haven met any couple tat is both are initiative type. =) dont worry.. u will learn more as ur relationship goes on.. take care ya! don tink too much. wad i can say is to treasure before u regret. ^^
• Devil1976

  1 Jul 05, 13:55

  Originally posted by BadzMaro:

  i like the way u handle things man.. in your face kinda tactic , straightforward.. u n me are almost like brothers.. LoL!

  Maybe because we're both 'bad' by nature...??
• drx

  1 Jul 05, 13:58

  Is he your first bf ?
• BadzMaro

  1 Jul 05, 14:32

  Originally posted by Devil1976:

  Maybe because we're both 'bad' by nature...??

  Why be good.. when you can be bad =P lol!
• angel_mei

  1 Jul 05, 18:57

  he isnt my 1st bf.. n i tried smsin him but he doesnt noe how to comfort me when im sad.. he always tried to change to other subject, thinkin dat it can lift my mind off sad stuff.. he oso doesnt tel me his probs,thinkin dat he will upset me too.. he sae at least when he sad, he c me happy, he oso become happier.. i think its crazy.. guys out dere..r u all liddat too? n y? isnt e feelin horrid when u kip probs to urself?
• jOhO

  1 Jul 05, 19:06

  maybe u can try telling us WHY you love him and WHY he's the only one you will ever have?
  
  if you think seriously about these questions and try answering them, perhaps you would feel better.
  
  it's not that he's a great guy and u shouldn't be changing him. it's probably more about why you tolerate the not-so-greatness and not leave him since you're so upset.
  
  so answering those questions will help you remember why u tolerate. sometimes there's no reason, it's just a "feeling", but try. try to back it up with real answers.
• simpleger24

  3 Jul 05, 21:56

  er... maybe u shdnt try 2 change him.... hmm... u r his 1st gf, if he he doesnt hug u in public, u can hug him... like if nvr hold ur hand den u holdhis hand.... wat i mean is if he doesnt call or sms u, u can do tat too.... if he is busy he will let uknw too... if he dunno wat 2 talk 2 u,den u find topics to talk lo.... try communicating more. it shd help.
  
  like mine, although in overall every1 is saying we r very close... ya... we r indeed...in public,he will hug me also... blah blah blah. but... come to communication, although we got talk but we also seldom talk on phone 1. cos duno wat to say... when i not happy, i tell him, he oni say dun think so much. when he gt problem, sometimes he dun say, cos he dun 1 us to think so much, worry so much, or try to do anything. they r just happy tat we cares abt them..... alot guys tell most guys r like tat. but not all......
  
  hopefully, ur relationship will go beta.... dun say break so easily, its unhealthy
• drx

  4 Jul 05, 03:37

  "he sae at least when he sad, he c me happy, he oso become happier.. i think its crazy.. guys out dere..r u all liddat too? n y? isnt e feelin horrid when u kip probs to urself?"
  
  .
  Is a horrid feeling I can tell you. AS a boyfriend we try to keep our gf as happy as possible even at times we are very upset, we refuse to give more stress to our gf. Is a uphill task for some of the guys who had never been in a realtionship before.
  
  He is a good guy trying to make you as happy as possible. Please do not compare him to your other bf as this is his first relationship and he may be blur at first.
  
  If you push him too hard, i feel that one day he might give up.
  
  FRom a guy point of view on what your bf might be thinking.
  
  I try my best to hong my gf but she always finding fault in me. For the past year I really did my best to change to what she wants and my love for her seems getting less and less each day. I am more happy with my friends and I can chat and have fun with them without any worries. Why should I keep calling her when she always nag and quarrel with me? I am saying less because I am afarid that we will quarrel again. I feel so useless around her and really envy others who can maintain their relationship for so long. She is my first gf and I really feel ashame that I could not solve any of her problems or comfort her in times of sadness I can only do my best by changing the topic and hopes she can stop talking about her problems. So sad really wonder why I end up with her. I wish she will change back to the loving and caring person I once knew at the start of the relationship.
• hyuuga neji

  4 Jul 05, 13:13

  Originally posted by drx:

  FRom a guy point of view on what your bf might be thinking.
  
  I try my best to hong my gf but she always finding fault in me. For the past year I really did my best to change to what she wants and my love for her seems getting less and less each day. I am more happy with my friends and I can chat and have fun with them without any worries. Why should I keep calling her when she always nag and quarrel with me? I am saying less because I am afarid that we will quarrel again. I feel so useless around her and really envy others who can maintain their relationship for so long. She is my first gf and I really feel ashame that I could not solve any of her problems or comfort her in times of sadness I can only do my best by changing the topic and hopes she can stop talking about her problems. So sad really wonder why I end up with her. I wish she will change back to the loving and caring person I once knew at the start of the relationship.

  BINGO!!!
  couldn't have said it better...
• smudgey

  4 Jul 05, 13:18

  Originally posted by drx:

  "he sae at least when he sad, he c me happy, he oso become happier.. i think its crazy.. guys out dere..r u all liddat too? n y? isnt e feelin horrid when u kip probs to urself?"
  
  .
  Is a horrid feeling I can tell you. AS a boyfriend we try to keep our gf as happy as possible even at times we are very upset, we refuse to give more stress to our gf. Is a uphill task for some of the guys who had never been in a realtionship before.
  
  He is a good guy trying to make you as happy as possible. Please do not compare him to your other bf as this is his first relationship and he may be blur at first.
  
  If you push him too hard, i feel that one day he might give up.
  
  FRom a guy point of view on what your bf might be thinking.
  
  I try my best to hong my gf but she always finding fault in me. For the past year I really did my best to change to what she wants and my love for her seems getting less and less each day. I am more happy with my friends and I can chat and have fun with them without any worries. Why should I keep calling her when she always nag and quarrel with me? I am saying less because I am afarid that we will quarrel again. I feel so useless around her and really envy others who can maintain their relationship for so long. She is my first gf and I really feel ashame that I could not solve any of her problems or comfort her in times of sadness I can only do my best by changing the topic and hopes she can stop talking about her problems. So sad really wonder why I end up with her. I wish she will change back to the loving and caring person I once knew at the start of the relationship.

  Sometimes it's difficult for the gals to see the guy's point of view... how they feeling... how our actions affect them... unless they talk to us and tell us honestly how they feel...
  
  so i strongly urge all guys to have heart to heart talks with your gf. if not allu are thinking is that u try to hong... scared to say till u two drift away... buy u urself are not doing anything to rectify the problem.
  
  
• drx

  4 Jul 05, 13:32

  Really want to ask girls, what they want their bfs to do in order not to break up.
  
  Everyday pei them?
  
  solve all their problems?
  
  Give them money to spent?
  
  Serve them?
  
  Think of new place to go when on dates?
  
  Do not mind them going out with single dates with other guys?
  
  
• shaunlaw

  4 Jul 05, 14:53

  Originally posted by angel_mei:

  he isnt my 1st bf.. n i tried smsin him but he doesnt noe how to comfort me when im sad.. he always tried to change to other subject, thinkin dat it can lift my mind off sad stuff.. he oso doesnt tel me his probs,thinkin dat he will upset me too.. he sae at least when he sad, he c me happy, he oso become happier.. i think its crazy.. guys out dere..r u all liddat too? n y? isnt e feelin horrid when u kip probs to urself?

  Sometimes, guys feel more comfortable not saying it cos some guys are not as expressive as others. Guys like that tend to keep things to themselves cos they do not know how to express it in a good way that others understand. Even if they say it out, others may get a different idea cos the way he express is not the way he want to and also base on that ppl may get the wrong idea, thus give irrelevant advices then waste of time. This can lead to frustration of cos. Rather than that, its better to be quiet.
  
  Alternatively, some guys choose not to say it out so as not to let others worry. What for let others worry for yourself when you can take care of it in time to come? Problems need time to solve and not all problems are worth mentioning. Example: what do i wana get for some fren bday etc). Small problems not worth mentioning so no mention. At the time of the problem, of cos no immediate solution, thus waste some time thinking, thus mayb in some bad mood, thus not happy, thus no smile. But in time when its solved, things will be ok.
  
  Sometimes, not all problems are suitable to tell your lover. It may be more suitable to tell best frens instead. Girls shld know these sort of things better. Also the fact that u are here means u understand this point as well.
  
  He doesnt know how to comfort u or he doesnt know how to comfort u the way u want him to comfort u? Diff ppl have diff ways of comforting ppl. u may want him to say those nice words or to hug u etc but his way is to divert ur attention away from sadness. I think its a miscommunication here.
  
  Oh and its not crazy to see ppl happy and u feel happy as well, even though u have some problems. Its called putting others before urself. Some ppl are like that. I think ur bf is one of them too. Not many ppl appreciate such character cos most of them think: "This is stupid. Where got ppl not think for themselves 1st?"
  
  
• The Emperor

  5 Jul 05, 01:12

  Originally posted by angel_mei:

  he's nv been in a relationship b4.. always luv to be wif frenz.. always jokin n foolin ard.. e playful n active type.. sumtimes he neglects me.. he's nt used to lovey dovey msgs.. huggin in public.. u noe e stuff couples always do. he dunnoes wad to tok abt when he calls.. thus, he hardly calls.. we hav been tog for more than a year.. how to make him tok more to me..? n care more? i trust him.. i luv him alot.. n i noe he luvs me too. but y is he liddat? can i change him? i dun wanna giv up on dis r/s.. wad to do..

  haiz... sounds like it's time for you give him the boot.
  
  be bold my dear, break his heart at once! and dun offer to fix it back at all! he's not ready to commit. guys like him spoil the market. they r the blacksheep of singaporean guys.
  
  girls, dun take such guys too seriously and start ur stereotyping of men here locally. thanks a million!
• Magnus

  5 Jul 05, 08:11

  Originally posted by angel_mei:

  he isnt my 1st bf.. n i tried smsin him but he doesnt noe how to comfort me when im sad.. he always tried to change to other subject, thinkin dat it can lift my mind off sad stuff.. he oso doesnt tel me his probs,thinkin dat he will upset me too.. he sae at least when he sad, he c me happy, he oso become happier.. i think its crazy.. guys out dere..r u all liddat too? n y? isnt e feelin horrid when u kip probs to urself?

  You said it's his first r/s so cut him some slack. You exprienced, you guide him loh.
  
  I think it's sweet of him to say that 'when he c u happy, he oso become happier'.
  
  Not sure about the guys here, If he is to share his problem with u everytime, laugh, cry with you, all sensitive & stuffs like that, hw would become your best friend and not hubby-material.
  
  It's back to the good-guy bad-guy debate again, I guess.
• Puremilk28

  5 Jul 05, 13:45

  obviously can see that your bf is oreinted by frens one.......
  so why dun yolu voice it out to him at least he noes what you wat and desire..rather than he dun noe a thing and think that you are trying to be funni and diffcult.............so voice out
  jie jei mei mei stand up ok
• angel_mei

  11 Jul 05, 13:53

  [quote]Originally posted by The Emperor:
  
  
  haiz... sounds like it's time for you give him the boot.
  
  be bold my dear, break his heart at once! and dun offer to fix it back at all! he's not ready to commit. guys like him spoil the market. they r the blacksheep of singaporean guys.
  
  girls, dun take such guys too seriously and start ur stereotyping of men here locally. thanks a million! [/quo
  sometimes im tempted.. but i noe he's nt dat kinda guy.. im afraid dat i giv up, i'll regret.. he's diff.. mayb cos he's a m'sian..reli diff frm e s'porean guys i met..
• angel_mei

  11 Jul 05, 14:06

  hai.. everyone giv diff opinions,... shud i accept e way he is or shud i tell him? haha shaunlaw.. u make me feel im so bad.. but u do make sense too.. thanks.. honestly, do u tink im in e wrong? haha u made me sound like im makin a big deal outta nth here..hmm...
• shaunlaw

  11 Jul 05, 14:31

  Originally posted by angel_mei:

  hai.. everyone giv diff opinions,... shud i accept e way he is or shud i tell him? haha shaunlaw.. u make me feel im so bad.. but u do make sense too.. thanks.. honestly, do u tink im in e wrong? haha u made me sound like im makin a big deal outta nth here..hmm...

  No, i would not say that u are in the wrong. I think its just miscommunication ba. Sorry if i made u feel u are bad, I din have that intention.
  
  I guess everyone has their own views. I think mayb u shld tell him abt it? To me, as someone's bf, i think i would try my best to comfort gf and also if I have problems , I will share with her most of the times.
  
  there are also times like I said ppl prefer to deal with certain things alone. I think u shld have a talk with him since its affecting u more than it is to him. Let him know ur feelings ba.
• Devil1976

  11 Jul 05, 17:53

  Originally posted by angel_mei:

  he isnt my 1st bf.. n i tried smsin him but he doesnt noe how to comfort me when im sad.. he always tried to change to other subject, thinkin dat it can lift my mind off sad stuff.. he oso doesnt tel me his probs,thinkin dat he will upset me too.. he sae at least when he sad, he c me happy, he oso become happier.. i think its crazy.. guys out dere..r u all liddat too? n y? isnt e feelin horrid when u kip probs to urself?

  Get some friends you can confide in or other methods you can use to 'release' yourself... Not all bfs make a good listener and such...?
• L0cked

  13 Jul 05, 20:19

  I understand how you feel because I've gone through such incident before. My guy just wouldn't take the initiative to do anything, and forget about mushy messages. He's a guy I trust alot, he doesn't flirt around, very loyal to me just that he's a "newbie" in relationship. I didn't want a breakup, I tried to talk to him about it, things aren't making any improvements. So we lasted for about 2 years plus when we finally broke up. Hmm... the number of times we went out together was around 10 times in 2 years. Many people salute me, questions like :" how can you tolerate this kind of person for so long?" is very common for me. Well, my advice to you is that this problem is between you and him, solve it with him, tell him how you feel. He wouldn't know what you are thinking if you don't tell him. Give him another chance, space for improvements. If both of you can't compromise with each other, I suggest you to give up and find another. No point wasting time on someone who doesn't care about your feelings. You are just torturing yourself if you keep it to yourself and bear all these pain in you. Remember, only you can decide what to do next.
• FeowFeow

  14 Jul 05, 09:40

  Hi Angel,
  
  If he's never been in a relationship prior to being with you, then it's understandable that he's still learning. It's only been a year, a person needs years to grow in a relationship. It's true that whilst for some, time isn't a factor, but for many others, it is.
  
  I'm my baby's 3rd (I hope it's 3rd time lucky), & he's my erm, let's say quite a late 1. But both of us are still learning to adapt to each other's needs, & to the preferences of each other. Of course, we can't be perfect all the time, & we understand that (having been with others before).
  
  For your bf, the learning curve is much steeper, since you're his first. There's No prior lessons that he's learnt, he's never had his heart totally broken. So it could be he's Not taking it seriously enough, or he's trying but still hasn't succeeded. Since you know he loves you, it's more likely the latter.
  
  I wouldn't encourage this all the time, but if he doesn't get it, have a fight (i.e. quarrel). Little arguments now & then help to iron things out & deepens understanding. There's a thin line, though, you have to make sure it doesn't blow up into something too major to repair. My baby & I view little disagreements now & then as normal, but we also have a pact Not to go to bed without ironing things out. Anyway, we don't fight for long.
  
  FeowFeow
  
  

  Originally posted by angel_mei:

  he's nv been in a relationship b4.. always luv to be wif frenz.. always jokin n foolin ard.. e playful n active type.. sumtimes he neglects me.. he's nt used to lovey dovey msgs.. huggin in public.. u noe e stuff couples always do. he dunnoes wad to tok abt when he calls.. thus, he hardly calls.. we hav been tog for more than a year.. how to make him tok more to me..? n care more? i trust him.. i luv him alot.. n i noe he luvs me too. but y is he liddat? can i change him? i dun wanna giv up on dis r/s.. wad to do..

• FeowFeow

  14 Jul 05, 09:52

  Hiyah DRX,
  
  I can't speak for everybody, but maybe due to the fact that I'm an old hag at 28, my views are kinda different. 1stly, I don't think of breaking up at the slightest instance/provocation/problem. Unless the problem is serious enough such as infidelity, we've drifted too far apart (which can still be prevented), guy wouldn't stand up for me numerous times, etc, breaking up doesn't cross my mind (also, I know it's hard to find someone as great as my baby).
  
  Anyway, I would think it's Not just about the girls (or me, since it's my individual view). The partners are also equally important in determining whether or Not a girl asks for a breakup. Mine is so wonderful, I wouldn't want to inflict the hurt of threatening a breakup "to wake him up" or "to change him". Both of us are old already, so we talk things over calmly, even though we DO have our little fights now & then
  
  I suppose everybody's different, but this is what I feel towards my own : )
  
  FeowFeow
  
  

  Originally posted by drx:

  Really want to ask girls, what they want their bfs to do in order not to break up.
  
  Everyday pei them?
  
  solve all their problems?
  
  Give them money to spent?
  
  Serve them?
  
  Think of new place to go when on dates?
  
  Do not mind them going out with single dates with other guys?