Can't i ask my Bf out...
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Reali so upset with my bf le..
He jus went into N.S.. Bout a mth le.. Now @ Tekong.. Every sat nite book out n sun evenin book in..
All long.. we did be meetin onli on sat nite.. Reali kinda of pek chek le.. By the time we meet usually around 9pm.. Most of the shoppin centres all also close shop le..
Not much places to go also..
Jus asked him.. Couldn we meet up on Sundaes? Alt.. One wk we go out, another wk u with ur family..
He erm.. erm.. Dunno..
Pressed him for the re..
Coz.. He all along sun = family dae.. Plus he helpin his dad out @ his workplace..
The re he told mi were: Coz onli sun when i go down help my dad.. then he can go out settle his things.. etc.. Can't his dad do it after work?? Then.. He added on.. Mayb my buddy will come down find mi.. Urgh..
I onli ask for alt wks to come out with him in the dae time.. Yet.. He cant give mi the ans.. -
time to change bf
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the funny thing is that when during BMT, u are surrounded by guys.
but majority of the guys will book out to hang out with the guys they are with everyday!
you're not the only one feeling this way. -
Tis is not the end..
We tog about 5mths le.. But yet.. We seldom get the chance to go out tog.. Even b4 he go into ns.. Coz my parents v strict.. I am not allow to go out @ nite.. Lucky now.. coz they found out my chance i got bf.. then.. finally allow mi to go out at nite le.. can say is a blessin bah..
He works every dae.. Even sun and public holi.. Except tat is half dae.. but his half dae = work till 3pm+.. i wun be able to step out of the house le.. N is his family daes.. He either too work committed or he is too family committed..
Got once..
He say meetin mi after my class.. Coz ended late.. So tot we could meet.. End up.. He msg said tat he got dinner so can't meet mi.. I tot his dinner is a weddin dinner.. So mus atttend.. End up is a normal dinner with his parents..
Wan ask him out for dinner also hard!!!
I can in the afternoon.. Dear.. Ltr we meet for dinner can?
He will.. Erm.. My dad not in.. Ltr i ask my dad first okie? SEe he got anythin on not.. End up usually he will have to pei his dad go eat then can meet mi..
Tat time celebratin my birthdae.. A surprise.. coz he willin to tak leave and pei mi out e whole dae.. till bout dinner time.. His dad ask us to join them.. Fine.. I nothin to say.. We onli lik 1mth + tog.. i was reali hopin for time alone..
A few times..
When he sun.. I go down when he about to off work.. Then his dad will say.. Oh.. We also goin to the same place as u.. So ask his wife to come down tog.. Wat suppossed to be us datin end up to be a family outin with his parents..
Another when i reali lose my temper at him is when.. He promised to come out with mi after work.. Coz he goin ns soon le.. Sat.. I rem is a Mon.. a holi i think.. He got tell his dad we goin Bugis..
His dad was askin him wan go causeway pt tog not? He said dun wan as he already promised mi.. But he said.. My dad look so sad.. SO disappointed.. So mao tun.. Ask him go with mum le.. but he jus keep quiet..
End up??
His dad called his mum come down to workplace..
Then went along with us to bugis...
Urgh!!! Had a big fight with him over tis.. Coz he can't keep his promise.. Can't say no to his parents at all??? -
Hmm.. @ least he doesn.. Yet..Originally posted by kopiosatu:the funny thing is that when during BMT, u are surrounded by guys.
but majority of the guys will book out to hang out with the guys they are with everyday!
you're not the only one feeling this way.
Haha.. But soon bah.. I guess.. -
hmmmm mama's boy?
i'm a mama's boy too but not to this extent... its worse for me, hahahhahaaha -
Maybe you should get to know and talk with his parents? Get him to talk to them too, say that both of you need some private time together. Doesn't he have any other siblings that can "pei" their parents for the day both of you promise to go on dates?
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very curious
how did you 2 go steady? -
1st thing. Understand that this is all a passing phase in most guys in Singapore. You can consider yourself 'unlucky' if you want to, that you happens to be with him during this phase and he happens to have other commitments attached to him at the same phase...Originally posted by ahkico:Reali so upset with my bf le..
He jus went into N.S.. Bout a mth le.. Now @ Tekong.. Every sat nite book out n sun evenin book in..
All long.. we did be meetin onli on sat nite.. Reali kinda of pek chek le.. By the time we meet usually around 9pm.. Most of the shoppin centres all also close shop le..
Not much places to go also..
Jus asked him.. Couldn we meet up on Sundaes? Alt.. One wk we go out, another wk u with ur family..
He erm.. erm.. Dunno..
Pressed him for the re..
Coz.. He all along sun = family dae.. Plus he helpin his dad out @ his workplace..
The re he told mi were: Coz onli sun when i go down help my dad.. then he can go out settle his things.. etc.. Can't his dad do it after work?? Then.. He added on.. Mayb my buddy will come down find mi.. Urgh..
I onli ask for alt wks to come out with him in the dae time.. Yet.. He cant give mi the ans..
You have to learn this thing about 'commitments'. Understand that sometimes we have limited time and energy for things. One way or another, we still have to handle it. Though sometimes we just can't 'satisfy it all'... Try to be a little more tolerant with him for now... Understanding...? At least he's not out clubbing and having fun away with other girls behind your back... And treasure this bf of yours who has a good sense of responsibility for commitment which would probably be quite a GOOD POINT for you in your relationship in the future...
The BETTER NEWS... This 'phase' would probably fade in time to come... NS... BMT (the earlier phase of NS service) is often the more 'busy' part with lots of restrictions... Of course, there'll be periods on and off in which he'll be more busy and tied up with his NS issues... But this early point is crucial... Generally speaking, it should be better as he's attached out to units....
Then comes the 'after 2 years' (after NSF)... If both of you survived it that is...? Hehheh... Probably the 'fruit' and a more 'fruitful relationship' if both of you learn how to appreciate and respect each other now... And by giving him more understandings for now, you'll probably command more respect from him as well..? And a higher sense of maturity in handling the relationship in the future...?
So I say you can either learn to overcome and make the better of this relationship at this phase for now, or just 'give up' or be prepared for a losing battle in the future...?
As for the 'attachments' to his family... Personally suggest...
Go down to his workplace on Sundays... Spend time with him (don't care who else is there...) and his family members... When the time is ripe, just politely reject or let his parents know when you'll like to be alone with him by making simple excuses... When you get them to accept and like you, it shouldn't be too difficult for them to see your point...?
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Sounds like your bf's from a pretty tightly knit family. What Kopiosatu says really rings bells! I remember my bf-ns days. They hang out with guys in camp, come out on weekends, hang out with guys and go into NS-chat modeOriginally posted by ahkico:Reali so upset with my bf le..
He jus went into N.S.. Bout a mth le.. Now @ Tekong.. Every sat nite book out n sun evenin book in.. When they're not with their guy pals, they want to be with their family. It's really a great time to get to know their new friends, keep in touch with school friends and get to know your bf's family better. I managed to pick up a third language after a few months too
Give your bf and his family alittle time to adjust to the change? He's going through a different phase in his life now. Quarrelling won't help but supporting him might well bring you guys closer - he's got too little time to do everything he wants to do when he books out, including being with you. You may not be able to spend alone time with him for the time being but you can still be with him, even if it's with his family and his friends, right? In time, you'll probably have him all to yourself again -
From the examples u quote, I can see that ur bf is quite a family man, not to mention filial too. But I also get the feeling that he doesnt understand u and definitely doesnt place u on top priority which is wat u wish for.
Usually couples in love for the 1st month or so are quite sweet. I have a couple fren in love, they were so sweet that most of our frens souldnt stand them at times. So it was kind of strange that he wasnt that sweet to u during the 1st mth and also the subsequent mths until now.
Since hes at least 18 and aready in the army, he shld be able to make certain decisions by himself. I am surprised that he still need to ask his dad if got anything on. I mean its ok for him to help out his dad's business but I also do hope he remembers he got a gf.
My feelings are the same as yours. It seems as if got gf like no gf like that which means I think he treats u more of a companion than a gf. I dun think there is some bf who wont spend the special day of bday with gf alone.
I suggest u have a good chat with him in a calm way. Quarrel doesnt solve things cos I think he doesnt understand what u want from him. Tell him abt ur feelings and if he still uses all those same excuses, u know that hes not willing to make the sacrifice for u. -
hm... sound like a family boy to me....
from your posts, i wonder how on hell he chase you in the first place? This kind of character shld displayed during your courtship which means you at that time already accept wat he is till now rite? -
It all depends on whether you both are willing to accept quality rather than quantity.
NS is something every guy goes through. Not that we expect the girls to understand - c'mon even the guys dun!
But knowing he does need a day to relax or help out his dad shows he needs his own breathing space. Life in NS consists of routine and more routine. It can be vigorous or boring. Either way, it's that close to living behind bars. Girls should at least understand that.
The fact that he feels a responsibility to help his dad shows he will one day accept a responsibility towards you. Neither of you have to face up to real challenges yet since you're in the 19-20 age bracket. So treat this as a start. Giving each other their own space is part of a relationship.
I have seen girls hugging their bfs outside camp just before booking in. Some won't even let go. Crazy as it sounds, letting go is always the hardest thing to do. But the sooner you get used to it, the better you will feel. -
gal, re-assess what you like about him. if you're sure he's the guy for you, you gotta learn to accept that his priority is with this family. i doubt that will ever change.
but as a gf, you are entitled to free time ALONE with him. so talk to him about that. make sure you let him know you want time alone with him. cos my take on this is, he doesn't realise what you are feeling, being caught up with NS and all... good luck gal. -
my ex doesn...Originally posted by setokaiba:From the examples u quote, I can see that ur bf is quite a family man, not to mention filial too. But I also get the feeling that he doesnt understand u and definitely doesnt place u on top priority which is wat u wish for.
Usually couples in love for the 1st month or so are quite sweet. I have a couple fren in love, they were so sweet that most of our frens souldnt stand them at times. So it was kind of strange that he wasnt that sweet to u during the 1st mth and also the subsequent mths until now.
Since hes at least 18 and aready in the army, he shld be able to make certain decisions by himself. I am surprised that he still need to ask his dad if got anything on. I mean its ok for him to help out his dad's business but I also do hope he remembers he got a gf.
My feelings are the same as yours. It seems as if got gf like no gf like that which means I think he treats u more of a companion than a gf. I dun think there is some bf who wont spend the special day of bday with gf alone.
I suggest u have a good chat with him in a calm way. Quarrel doesnt solve things cos I think he doesnt understand what u want from him. Tell him abt ur feelings and if he still uses all those same excuses, u know that hes not willing to make the sacrifice for u. -
i agree with setokaiba.Originally posted by setokaiba:From the examples u quote, I can see that ur bf is quite a family man, not to mention filial too. But I also get the feeling that he doesnt understand u and definitely doesnt place u on top priority which is wat u wish for.
Usually couples in love for the 1st month or so are quite sweet. I have a couple fren in love, they were so sweet that most of our frens souldnt stand them at times. So it was kind of strange that he wasnt that sweet to u during the 1st mth and also the subsequent mths until now.
Since hes at least 18 and aready in the army, he shld be able to make certain decisions by himself. I am surprised that he still need to ask his dad if got anything on. I mean its ok for him to help out his dad's business but I also do hope he remembers he got a gf.
My feelings are the same as yours. It seems as if got gf like no gf like that which means I think he treats u more of a companion than a gf. I dun think there is some bf who wont spend the special day of bday with gf alone.
I suggest u have a good chat with him in a calm way. Quarrel doesnt solve things cos I think he doesnt understand what u want from him. Tell him abt ur feelings and if he still uses all those same excuses, u know that hes not willing to make the sacrifice for u.
this is so crappy, how old already yet still have to ask daddy's permisson "daddy permission to go out with my gf ok?" come on man, this is the 21st generation!
if a bf cannot commit into a relationship, in long term both of you will suffer. Please take note a commited relationship involved both partner to spend quality time with each other perhaps the LEAST once a week. Both might have other important stuff need to do, but this is a relationship. If cannot even make decision and spend time with their partner, there's no pt going into one -
Maybe he is tired from the trainings and stuffs....
Maybe he is tired of you liao
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ahkico
Your boy's still very child-like. Need to follow daddy's instructions. I guess he comes from a strict family, not much individual freedom. At the moment he doesn't seem mature enough to be able to handle his time independently. It's not his fault, it's a problem of age and circumstance.
I don't expect he will be able to change any time soon. My advice is to find another guy who has a lifestyle that is more complementary to yours. It'll make life alot easier for the both of you. -
u both still young in mentality...
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Only one reason. He wans to break off with you but dare not tell u in the face. so he hope u get the idea and do not need him to tell u personally in the face.
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thats why BMT is also called "Breakup Management Term"Originally posted by kopiosatu:the funny thing is that when during BMT, u are surrounded by guys.
but majority of the guys will book out to hang out with the guys they are with everyday!
you're not the only one feeling this way.
the killer of relationships -
Originally posted by jonathan_n80:Only one reason. He wans to break off with you but dare not tell u in the face. so he hope u get the idea and do not need him to tell u personally in the face.
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It all depends on how ya choose to see it?Originally posted by choco B:ahkico
Your boy's still very child-like. Need to follow daddy's instructions. I guess he comes from a strict family, not much individual freedom. At the moment he doesn't seem mature enough to be able to handle his time independently. It's not his fault, it's a problem of age and circumstance.
I don't expect he will be able to change any time soon. My advice is to find another guy who has a lifestyle that is more complementary to yours. It'll make life alot easier for the both of you.
He can also be a responsible guy who understands that his father needs help... Afterall, he's still in NS now and his dad is really the one supporting the family..?
Besides.. Many other facts may not be covered in all these contents...
Don't lay your cards too soon...? -
Hmm.. Well..
He did change after talkin to him bt this matters..
@ least now.. Can ask him out for dinner.. W/o havin to wait for him to ask for permission..
But e fact still lies tat even he says he is goin out with mi ltr.. His parents will say tat they goin to e same place as us.. and come along with us.. haha..
Hmm.. Okie bah.. Seen his parents quite alot of times liao.. we onli 3rd wk tog n he brought mi to meet his parents liao.. Urgh! Developin too fast!
Hehe..
We act from nx door class de.. Tat's how we noe each other.. We onli noe of each other existence.. But we nev talk till.. after we gra n meet at drivin school..
From tat time on.. We jus msg msg each other.. Until.. Suddenly got tog..
Shld admit tat i dunno him well at all.. Jus tat there is chemistry btw us.. Which is quite strong.. Thus.. Our r/s can say develop v fast..
nOe alot bt each others past.. etc.. -
Go down to his workplace on Sundays... Spend time with him (don't care who else is there...) and his family members... When the time is ripe, just politely reject or let his parents know when you'll like to be alone with him by making simple excuses... When you get them to accept and like you, it shouldn't be too difficult for them to see your point...?Originally posted by Devil1976:1st thing. Understand that this is all a passing phase in most guys in Singapore. You can consider yourself 'unlucky' if you want to, that you happens to be with him during this phase and he happens to have other commitments attached to him at the same phase...
You have to learn this thing about 'commitments'. Understand that sometimes we have limited time and energy for things. One way or another, we still have to handle it. Though sometimes we just can't 'satisfy it all'... Try to be a little more tolerant with him for now... Understanding...? At least he's not out clubbing and having fun away with other girls behind your back... And treasure this bf of yours who has a good sense of responsibility for commitment which would probably be quite a GOOD POINT for you in your relationship in the future...
The BETTER NEWS... This 'phase' would probably fade in time to come... NS... BMT (the earlier phase of NS service) is often the more 'busy' part with lots of restrictions... Of course, there'll be periods on and off in which he'll be more busy and tied up with his NS issues... But this early point is crucial... Generally speaking, it should be better as he's attached out to units....
Then comes the 'after 2 years' (after NSF)... If both of you survived it that is...? Hehheh... Probably the 'fruit' and a more 'fruitful relationship' if both of you learn how to appreciate and respect each other now... And by giving him more understandings for now, you'll probably command more respect from him as well..? And a higher sense of maturity in handling the relationship in the future...?
So I say you can either learn to overcome and make the better of this relationship at this phase for now, or just 'give up' or be prepared for a losing battle in the future...?
As for the 'attachments' to his family... Personally suggest...
Go down to his workplace on Sundays... Spend time with him (don't care who else is there...) and his family members... When the time is ripe, just politely reject or let his parents know when you'll like to be alone with him by making simple excuses... When you get them to accept and like you, it shouldn't be too difficult for them to see your point...? [/b][/quote]
Hmm.. Coz.. Goin down his workplace is weird.. Out of place.. His dad is a car mechanic..
And.. Goin there did be jus interferin with my bf job.. plus by the time he ends work bt 3.. he needs to be assemble by bout 7.30pm.. so.. travellin time to n fro.. TAkes up alot of time.. unless.. he don go work..
He jus doesn noe say no..
Hehe.. I was the one who told him to consider his commitments b4 he wants step into a r/s.. If he isn ready, dun step into one in the 1st place... or if u feel ur commitment is work n family.. let's forget it...
He keep sayin give him time.. he'll change... but..
will it ever stop?
He is realli a gd guy.. but being so family orientated... Wat if nx time if we last till marriage.. he is still mummy / daddy boy... EVery wk runnin home to his parents, i could jus died!
Coz.. nOw is askin him.. CAn alt sun we go out? one wk u go work.. one wk we go out.. Coz i noe tat.. It wun be jus tis 3mths of bmt..
Subsequently it be all e same.. as long as if he isn in Ns.. He will be in work..
His dad was e one who kinda encourage him to quit school.. Coz he failed some major module.. n mus retak.. His dad was sayin tat.. Faster finish ns.. come out can help mi liao..
Even b4 ns.. He is forever workin de lor.. onli at nite after his work then he will come out.. and his half dae sun.. Mostly reserved for family outins..
V seldom he can meet out with mi...
He always can't confirm wit mi.. say i will ask on mon.. tis sun u can come out not?? erm erm..
if reali v gd.. sat he can say yes or no.. Or else.. moSt of the time.. I can onli get the ans on e sun itself.. N usually nope.. mY dad goin bring us here or i mus go my ah ma house, etc..