Can't i ask my Bf out...
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It would seem to me that he is not capable of spending quality time with u. I do agree with the fact that he is filial and family orientated but that doesnt mean having to neglect gf. Meeting up on alt Sat is the minimal. Which gf wont miss bf or vice versa for a day? Not to mention a week.Originally posted by ahkico:Hmm.. Coz.. Goin down his workplace is weird.. Out of place.. His dad is a car mechanic..
And.. Goin there did be jus interferin with my bf job.. plus by the time he ends work bt 3.. he needs to be assemble by bout 7.30pm.. so.. travellin time to n fro.. TAkes up alot of time.. unless.. he don go work..
He jus doesn noe say no..
Hehe.. I was the one who told him to consider his commitments b4 he wants step into a r/s.. If he isn ready, dun step into one in the 1st place... or if u feel ur commitment is work n family.. let's forget it...
He keep sayin give him time.. he'll change... but..
will it ever stop?
He is realli a gd guy.. but being so family orientated... Wat if nx time if we last till marriage.. he is still mummy / daddy boy... EVery wk runnin home to his parents, i could jus died!
Coz.. nOw is askin him.. CAn alt sun we go out? one wk u go work.. one wk we go out.. Coz i noe tat.. It wun be jus tis 3mths of bmt..
Subsequently it be all e same.. as long as if he isn in Ns.. He will be in work..
His dad was e one who kinda encourage him to quit school.. Coz he failed some major module.. n mus retak.. His dad was sayin tat.. Faster finish ns.. come out can help mi liao..
Even b4 ns.. He is forever workin de lor.. onli at nite after his work then he will come out.. and his half dae sun.. Mostly reserved for family outins..
V seldom he can meet out with mi...
He always can't confirm wit mi.. say i will ask on mon.. tis sun u can come out not?? erm erm..
if reali v gd.. sat he can say yes or no.. Or else.. moSt of the time.. I can onli get the ans on e sun itself.. N usually nope.. mY dad goin bring us here or i mus go my ah ma house, etc..
I think he shld be able to make the decisions himself. He shld realise that he cant keep helping his dad always and neglecting his love. I dun mean being filial is wrong but love is also important too. -
Help him with his dad's stuff loh, great to spend some quality and valuable time together. He'll feel grateful and cherish you more as well.
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at the start of NS boys will usually feel that they miss home badly. but after awhile of chionging and sai he will get sian of it and slack de. then he start looking at the outside world again
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well, it aint tat badla.... u really must understand he is in ns, den not much time wt family n friends, so if can just go out together lo....Originally posted by ahkico:Hmm.. Well..
He did change after talkin to him bt this matters..
@ least now.. Can ask him out for dinner.. W/o havin to wait for him to ask for permission..
But e fact still lies tat even he says he is goin out with mi ltr.. His parents will say tat they goin to e same place as us.. and come along with us.. haha..
Hmm.. Okie bah.. Seen his parents quite alot of times liao.. we onli 3rd wk tog n he brought mi to meet his parents liao.. Urgh! Developin too fast!
Hehe..
We act from nx door class de.. Tat's how we noe each other.. We onli noe of each other existence.. But we nev talk till.. after we gra n meet at drivin school..
From tat time on.. We jus msg msg each other.. Until.. Suddenly got tog..
Shld admit tat i dunno him well at all.. Jus tat there is chemistry btw us.. Which is quite strong.. Thus.. Our r/s can say develop v fast..
nOe alot bt each others past.. etc..
well, i really dun mind following his family 2 go out, or his friend... though my bf is over his ns period 4 damn long time liao....
at least he is a family man or filial man.... rather den he go club club n club rite??? u wont wants it, rite??? well, gif him time la -
Originally posted by ahkico:Reali so upset with my bf le..
He jus went into N.S.. Bout a mth le.. Now @ Tekong.. Every sat nite book out n sun evenin book in..
All long.. we did be meetin onli on sat nite.. Reali kinda of pek chek le.. By the time we meet usually around 9pm.. Most of the shoppin centres all also close shop le..
Not much places to go also..
Jus asked him.. Couldn we meet up on Sundaes? Alt.. One wk we go out, another wk u with ur family..
He erm.. erm.. Dunno..
Pressed him for the re..
Coz.. He all along sun = family dae.. Plus he helpin his dad out @ his workplace..
The re he told mi were: Coz onli sun when i go down help my dad.. then he can go out settle his things.. etc.. Can't his dad do it after work?? Then.. He added on.. Mayb my buddy will come down find mi.. Urgh..
I onli ask for alt wks to come out with him in the dae time.. Yet.. He cant give mi the ans..
It's not exactly a problem of time management - it's more like having to adjust and adapt to a relationship with very little time spend together, UNLIKE the days before NS.
THIS is the difference between a relationship that could survive through NS and one that fails. Let me tell you that this is definitely a difficult phrase for your relationship and the difficult phrase will persist until say he finishes whatsoever training and lands himself into unit life, where he would probably have more free time to play around with.
P.S: During difficult phrase in a relationship, more-understanding-than-usual-understanding is very much needed and essential if you do not wish to see your love sink to the bottom of the lake. You needed the adjustment... he needed his as well. Allow him some time to readjust, while you continue to maintain proper communication to assist him towards the route of adjusting.
Cheers -
I think it might be a good idea for you to consider leaving him, its obvious he doesn't feel that you are very important to him and the habit of him bringing his parents along is very much taboo isn't it?
anyway you might want to tell him how you feel and if nothing happens or changes do not last for long i would suggest breaking off immediately, one thing is to break cleanly and fast no dragging -
Fella ain't asking for much..the lady should be more selfless..his qualities are not easy to come by.
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come have a fling with me...at least you can satisfy your cheebye...don't worry about accompanying that worthless jerk during the weekend...i'm always free to go out on friday & saturday nights...
pm me....
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jus give & take. he is still young, i guess u r 2. part & parcel of life.
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Speaking from experience...Originally posted by Yunhaier: It's not exactly a problem of time management - it's more like having to adjust and adapt to a relationship with very little time spend together, UNLIKE the days before NS.
THIS is the difference between a relationship that could survive through NS and one that fails. Let me tell you that this is definitely a difficult phrase for your relationship and the difficult phrase will persist until say he finishes whatsoever training and lands himself into unit life, where he would probably have more free time to play around with.
P.S: During difficult phrase in a relationship, more-understanding-than-usual-understanding is very much needed and essential if you do not wish to see your love sink to the bottom of the lake. You needed the adjustment... he needed his as well. Allow him some time to readjust, while you continue to maintain proper communication to assist him towards the route of adjusting.
Cheers
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Originally posted by ahkico:
Hmm.. Coz.. Goin down his workplace is weird.. Out of place.. His dad is a car mechanic..
Make small trips down if appropriate...? Just to see him, get him something to bite... etc?
And.. Goin there did be jus interferin with my bf job.. plus by the time he ends work bt 3.. he needs to be assemble by bout 7.30pm.. so.. travellin time to n fro.. TAkes up alot of time.. unless.. he don go work..
I don't get the part on 'he needs to be assemble'...? If it's really not appropriate, then just go down once in a blue moon or not..? Think about it... Would it make him happy just to let him see your face for short? Make it SHORT visits.. Not routine... Maybe it'll make him MISS you even more ya know..?
He jus doesn noe say no..
Hehe.. I was the one who told him to consider his commitments b4 he wants step into a r/s.. If he isn ready, dun step into one in the 1st place... or if u feel ur commitment is work n family.. let's forget it...
You're still having quite a pretty young mentality here...? Commitments don't have to be just work and family...? Can be work, family and you...?
It's just a matter of time management.. And at this point of NS, it should be quite tricky for now... If you force a form of mentality in choosing... "Tell me, 'A' or 'B'?!" type of thingy... You're just installing a form of dilemma within him.. It should in fact quickly result in certain level of instability either within himself or within the relationship.. Moreover to add, your relationship as you've mentioned moved on a 'fast tone'... That itself can be a good or bad thing... Bad in this sense of pushing him into CRITICAL DECISIONS when the relationship itself has not even stabilised and settle down...
I see a willingness in him to commit the relationship into a longer run... Hence his moves are less hasty types... You should be moving along with his pace... Slow down the momentum a bit, but at the same time try to slowly let him understand what you need from him... Let things balance off with his willingess to change... But REMEMBER, not hasty and pushing moves... No point getting all too excited with things now yeah..? Ultimately, I guess you should be expecting a long-term relationship with him? You should expect more 'challenges' ahead... Take the current one as an OPPORTUNITY to STRENGTHEN your relationship... And REMEMBER. In a relationship, it's always about 2 parties... Not one...
He keep sayin give him time.. he'll change... but..
will it ever stop?
Give him time then? Monitor things from there..? Remind him on and off...? Be NICE if you want a GOOD RETURN...?
He is realli a gd guy.. but being so family orientated... Wat if nx time if we last till marriage.. he is still mummy / daddy boy... EVery wk runnin home to his parents, i could jus died!
So you start monitoring the situation now..? Especially after his NS...?
Coz.. nOw is askin him.. CAn alt sun we go out? one wk u go work.. one wk we go out.. Coz i noe tat.. It wun be jus tis 3mths of bmt..
Subsequently it be all e same.. as long as if he isn in Ns.. He will be in work..
His dad was e one who kinda encourage him to quit school.. Coz he failed some major module.. n mus retak.. His dad was sayin tat.. Faster finish ns.. come out can help mi liao..
Even b4 ns.. He is forever workin de lor.. onli at nite after his work then he will come out.. and his half dae sun.. Mostly reserved for family outins..
Like I've said, try to acceptance from his family members 1st... Once it's a certain level of bond and understanding created, it would be much easier to make request...
V seldom he can meet out with mi...
He always can't confirm wit mi.. say i will ask on mon.. tis sun u can come out not?? erm erm..
if reali v gd.. sat he can say yes or no.. Or else.. moSt of the time.. I can onli get the ans on e sun itself.. N usually nope.. mY dad goin bring us here or i mus go my ah ma house, etc..
Create more 'special occasions'...? eg. Find out your friend or relative's birthday or events happening which you're interested in... Ask him to accompany you to attend...? -
He's a filial son; u r a nice girl hoping he'll do wat he shld as a bf...but the fact dat u had so much complains abt him...doesn't it show dat u two r not compatible? if u r not able to accept the way he is, how happy can u be in dis relationship? Experience tells mi dat it's almost an impossible dream to try to change someone...u can try all u wan...but it's juz a matter of time when u'll wake up to reality n give up...being family-oriented is an attribute..but u'll have to accept the fact dat u're not at the top of his priority list...maybe not even the 2nd...he still has his NS buddies...his action oso shows how much he loves u...if he loves u deep enuff...he wun let u be upset with all dis...u relli shld ask urself whether dis guy is worth it anot...if unhappy times r more den happy moments, it's time to move on..
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thats only the transit period try to be more understanding then he will treasure you more.....
somemore he is so weary after army camp so if you ask him to go shopping think he will be more bei chek with you lorr
try to compromise and give and take then the rs can last lor okiee -
you love him too much to leave him
since your love for him is more than his love for you.
I guess is no point for us to say anything cos you will not leave him.
take care
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Hey guys.. thanks so much for e replies! feel alot beta now le... Hehe..
Been toleratin him all tis while.. Hehe.. Coz act rite from the start he already lik tat le.. NOt onli when he go ns.. The onli diff is tat now we get to meet less often.. In e past.. we also meet at nite onli..
His sun.. though half dae.. i din ask him to tak off.. But jus wish he could come out once in a while with mi durin e dae.. where we could go more places.. But.. He will say he got family thingy.. So cannot meet mi..
If we ready promise to meet mi.. out of say.. tis 5mths.. i think we onli went out lik 3 - 5 times bah.. out of say 5, only twice i rem we were alone.. the others we were with his parents..
told him tat i reali could count the no of times u went out wit mi.. even though we have been tog for 5mths le. coz it hasn been lik so countless tat we could lost track.. Haha.. dun wan be reali so mean to go count it out for him.. but reali hurt by tat truth of it.. Hehe..
Hmm.. been down to his workplace few times le.. Usually when his dad is not in.. But when his dad in.. Dun reali go.. Coz fraid his dad unhappy.. Dunno.. Also weird..
They repairs cars de.. ha.. wat CAn i do there!
Now.. All i can do is give him time bah..
the best i noe is the front called bonnet.. the back called booth! ha..
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had quite a hard time understanding wat u were writing.. lol...
... but i do sympathize with u... coz i rem during the time when i was in the army, i wld always look fwd to booking out to meet my gf... strange to me that ur bf doesnt... moreover, therez always the saying that "NS men are despos"... so it makes me wonder even more..
i suppose all u can do now is to be a little more accomodating ba.. being in the army is not exactly very ez for us guys, so i believe ur bf will really appreciate if u could make certain sacrifices for him if u truely luv him... anyway itz gonna be for only these couple of yrs, after that u can see him more often le...
may be u can try asking him to go out juz once a mth, n accompanying him at hm for the other wkends... i believe such things can be sorted out and arranged btwn any couples...
try not to begrudge the fact that he doesnt wanna go out most of the time... understand the kind of family that he has... sometimes he might be tired, or have other reasons in which he finds it difficult to tell u since u guys are only together for 5 mths...
in any case, hope u will show more tolerance to ur bf during this period of time, n that ur bf will grow to appreciate ur efforts to accomodate him... wish u luck.. -
Girl, he's YOUR CHOICE? If you want to keep him, I say might as well keep him well...?Originally posted by ahkico:Hey guys.. thanks so much for e replies! feel alot beta now le... Hehe..
Been toleratin him all tis while.. Hehe.. Coz act rite from the start he already lik tat le.. NOt onli when he go ns.. The onli diff is tat now we get to meet less often.. In e past.. we also meet at nite onli..
His sun.. though half dae.. i din ask him to tak off.. But jus wish he could come out once in a while with mi durin e dae.. where we could go more places.. But.. He will say he got family thingy.. So cannot meet mi..
If we ready promise to meet mi.. out of say.. tis 5mths.. i think we onli went out lik 3 - 5 times bah.. out of say 5, only twice i rem we were alone.. the others we were with his parents..
told him tat i reali could count the no of times u went out wit mi.. even though we have been tog for 5mths le. coz it hasn been lik so countless tat we could lost track.. Haha.. dun wan be reali so mean to go count it out for him.. but reali hurt by tat truth of it.. Hehe..
Hmm.. been down to his workplace few times le.. Usually when his dad is not in.. But when his dad in.. Dun reali go.. Coz fraid his dad unhappy.. Dunno.. Also weird..
They repairs cars de.. ha.. wat CAn i do there!
Now.. All i can do is give him time bah..
the best i noe is the front called bonnet.. the back called booth! ha..
Good luck! -
Hehe.. Tryin..Originally posted by Devil1976:Girl, he's YOUR CHOICE? If you want to keep him, I say might as well keep him well...?
Good luck!
Anywae.. Now tryin our best to accomodate each other..
hE wilLin spare how much time.. JuS gIvE n take le bah..
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Slowly girl... One step at a time... Don't force your way through...Originally posted by ahkico:Hehe.. Tryin..
Anywae.. Now tryin our best to accomodate each other..
hE wilLin spare how much time.. JuS gIvE n take le bah..
And it's not really that noble to just 'forget it'... For when other things happen one day, you might just blow up altogether with this issue drilled back into your head again?
Slowly is good enough.. Most important thing is still to enjoy the relationship yeah?