what should i do..
-
It can be 'changed'... In a way?Originally posted by dragg:i never believe that flirts can change. -
Seems like u have been a loyal fan of this BlueBerryJam... Religiously following her threads....
Originally posted by Tuatau: -
This part / phase u mentioned makes sense.... I like it..
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
What makes you think that he has changed overnight and NOT returning back to his usual self? He hasn't changed abit, he's merely being himself, isn't it? Cheers [/b] -
Hi Berryjam... Is this your 1st relationship..?Originally posted by blueberryjam:its been a 8mths relationship.. more downs than ups. he's a sweet guy, very true. he used to be a flirt, but he changed already, i believed. things were going great. but we dont allow each other to be with the oppo sex, we're both easily jealousy kinda people.. very sensitive. as he used to twotime girls, i really dunno what made me fall for him, at times i regret it so, at times i don. we both lack the mutual trust very badly.. and thus, the security level is not met.
we quarrel very oftenly, sweet times were pretty short. we would meet one night, have fun, go back, things were still alright, till next morning, in school.. sure got things to quarrel again. i dunno what happened to him recently. he is a totally changed man. my frens asked me to just break and leave him, i've been thinking about it, its hard.. i know i sure can live without him.. but we have lessons together and things will be so awkward.. each time i see him, im sure memories will be back again..
the problem now is that.. he changed... suddenly i dunno wat came over him, he talks in that irritating tone like.. attitude liddat.. i didnt even do anything wrong.. he jus keeps finding faults with me.. im really tired.. i asked him if he still loves me, he said yes. and that he is finding faults with me deliberately. i asked him why, he replied 'don bother'.. then this morning i sent him an sms, kinda like to sweettalk him, i apologised even though i dunno wat i did.. i told him im really confused (as few days ago we were talkin abt breaking up).. i miss him alot and that he is my one and only. guess what he replied?? just a "whatever.." hais.. i dunno wat to reply him.. we're not smsing anymore...
im really confused... i was thinkin of ending this once and for all.. but... life's gonna be hard without him.. i'll miss him so much.... he's given me more than what i wanted... he's the greatest love of my life... we used to quarrel and then made up the next day.. but this time.. his attitude really pissed me off and it's been a week.. i dunno what to do.. can anyone advise me?? hais...
btw.. i did asked if he had found someone new.. sick and tired of me.. or if my presence annoys him this much.. or maybe he just doesnt love me anymore.. he said no to all.. plus he has no intentions of finding anyone new.. hais.. can anyone tell me what issit that he really wants??
Perhaps not..? 
1st thing I've got to let you understand... People at the age of 16 (especially us guys...) have a tendency to be quite focused with the things we wish to do and often pretty occupied with our own developing minds... (and should be very much so for your bf who's a flirt?) It probably sees a curious characteristic and is very unlikely to die off at such a young age... Moreover to add of the way you've described him to be...? Nope... Even more unlikely...
2nd thing to add... I'm not trying to belittle you because of your age... I believe that people of all ages have the rights to be loved and express their love for others... And 16 can be an age where maturity has developed or is starting to develop... However, it seems from what we've read that you might not have reached that level to soberly maintain your relationship in the right direction yet...? At around your age, you should probably FEEL SO MUCH MORE of LOVE than to know how to effectively run and maintain it (not that adults can certainly do a better job anyway...?? " )... And your bf doesn't seems to be of that maurity in handling it too...? No offence, but provided that his heart is into maintaining it in the 1st place...? And about HOW MUCH LOVE you're feeling.... Brings us to the NEXT point...
3rd thing. About YOU. Memories in life are bound to be there. Good ones, bad ones... Break up in a relationship should probably not be easy.. Especially you're put in and felt SO MUCH LOVE in it.... The 'LOVE' that you're feeling now from the way you've described now might not really be coming from him... Well.. AT least not directly...? It's from MEMORIES... Of you and him together... That DESIRE to be LOVED again.. The WAY IT USED TO BE... I can see your urge sense in looking forward to it... But sadly to tell you, I don't seems to feel much from his point... Of the way you've described the situation...
Last thing... Of the OVERALL SCENERIO.. There could be possible chances that...
1. He's having some problem(s) or sort in his life now.
2. He's growing tired of the relationship and just waiting for it to die off.
3. He's irritated by you and somehow perhaps your acts..?
But.. Don't overreact to ANY of the above... Cause they're just SPECTACULATIONS....
Ask yourself what you want?
Tell yourself if you're getting it...?
Don't say how difficult this and that is IF you do this and that...
But how difficult it could be if you insist on things when it's not even right in the 1st place...?
Good luck.... -
you are too in love with him, no matter what people say you will still be with him.
Haiz, I know is hard for you to give up on him but lets face the fact that you cannot change him. Either you accept him for who he is or forget him.
He is sick and tired of you liao no point sticking to him.
Why look so desperate in front him?
Before you meet him, you were able to be happy too rite?
Remember the times when you were young and you were playing with your friends. Without him you still can live on. Why make your life so miserable?
It proves that in this world you need not need someone to be happy.
If he jumps will you follow him all the way? -
But dont worry..if he;s a bit childish now , he wud be very childish in NS, more irritatingly childish when he's 25 ...good thing is .u wud hav mature by then.Women mature faster than guys, esp in de emotional dept.Originally posted by blueberryjam:we're both 16. we're in different classes, but for some classes we're band together.. hais i dunno.. but.. it jus feels so right, so happy with him.. he's a bit childish i would say.. maybe this is what happens when i hand my heart to an immature guy.. hais..
Can't realli help more..im in de same situation.
Cheers boyz & gerz!
Concentrate on ur studies... -
Originally posted by gypises:
Loyal fan? An over-aged fan of an under-aged teenybopper...
Seems like u have been a loyal fan of this BlueBerryJam... Religiously following her threads....
Let's just say one usually spends some time browsing through old threads before making any replies these days. One has noticed blueberryjam's posts before, so it helps if you understand who you're speaking to.
"Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion
without the discomfort of thought."
-- John F. Kennedy -
she MIA once tuatau post her old threads...
-
im back.. not MIA k.. was really busy with schoolwork.. anyway ive been reading and thinking.. guess what all of you said was pretty right.. sure they all makes sense to me.. esp Yunhaier's.. the part where.. uhh.. like im not the one who he might change for.. i guess its time to wake up.. and screw all those memories..Originally posted by sneezy:she MIA once tuatau post her old threads...
and devil.. really thanks.. ur post made me realised that im actually not in love.. just that.. the memories are holding me back.. wanting to feel "loved" again.. and he may not think that way.. so.. i should start being the past me.. be strong.. and i guess i need a few more days time to cool and think..
but.. argghh.. i dunno what he wants now.. he told me his mom is confiscating his phone away, but this doesnt happened before.. hais. den i asked him if he just wants to split but dare not initiate it.. he said no, he don wish to break.. hais but he's still so hostile to me.. i dunno why.. i told him "only when u lose something, it is then you realise its importance" and that i don wan either of us to feel this way.. he said.. "don pin too high hopes.. im not the perfect guy for you anyway" hais.. this msg really sets me thinking alot..
what does "im not the perfect guy for you" means.. he wanna ditch me?? but even so, why did he say he didnt want a break up when i asked him.. i really wish to know whats going on in his mind.. hais...
anyway i didnt expect so many replies. lol. you guys are a great buncha help, thanks everyone.. for waking me up.. screw that fairy tale feeling.. hais.. once again, a BIG THANK YOU to all of you..
and tuatau.. u're my #1 fan izzit.. keep track of all my old threads.. lol.. so, take care guys.. keep the suggestions goin' if yall hav any. -
Ditch that guy!!!!
One more thing , I think restricting each other from communicating with the same sex is rather redudant. You can't escape the fact that you interact with the opposite sex almost everyday in school. If you were still with him say 8 years down the road and when you enter the real working world. Suppose one day your boss tells you to collaborate with a few of your colleagues to be part of an organising committee for an upcoming company event and so happens a few of your colleagues are guys. Are you gonna tell your boss , "My boyfriend does not allow me to interact with anyone from the opposite sex." I don't think your boss would entertain such a reply right?
I also feel that in relationships involving couples belonging to the same school don't usually work out well (I presume your in sec sch?). Reason being you always see your other half everyday in school unless of course he's absent. There will always be a tendecy to ask your other half , "eh where you wanna go today after school?" or "lets have lunch at the canteen together." There is little or no privacy given to your other half. Although you can say , "I give my bf privacy when he's in school" but I can assure you that the tendency of wanting to be with each other everyday in school is far greater than you can expect. If you're not careful , you might even lose your good buddies because you're always hanging out with your other half thus neglecting your friends. Suppose if you break up with your other half , who's gonna be there for you? Considering the fact that you have already lost your friends. Probably the only person who might wanna help you get through this rough period time would be just another admirer who just wants to get a shot at you upon hearing of your break up. Obviously I'm just stating scenarios here which is possible though.
By the way , I'm only a year older than you which makes us share similar mentalities towards life...
No worries , no need to feel paiseh or anything , I'm sure a lot of us are still learning along the way including me!!!!
-
Originally posted by blueberryjam:
Or he could be neither confident in himself nor in the relationship.
he said.. "don pin too high hopes.. im not the perfect guy for you anyway" hais.. this msg really sets me thinking alot..
what does "im not the perfect guy for you" means.. he wanna ditch me??
Whatever he means, perhaps you should take up some of the suggestions in this thread and stop this recurring cycle from torturing yourself further?
Like you said, be strong and don't repeat the same mistakes. Let's hope we won't be hearing any more similar problems from you (or raspberryjam or blackberryjam or anyberryjam, etc.) again in future threads. Good luck! -
seen you already decide to break off with me then why you still think too much.. you just cant let go... there are no more advise for you. Alot of ppls here already advise you to let go this r/s, but you are the one who keep on holding to a r/s that has no future at all. Young gal, it all up to you, if you insist on holding on, no matter hw many advises we give, it still the same.