Is a guy who used verbal abuse on his gf, worth holding on?
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Is a guy who uses verbal abuse on his gf, worth holding on? Many times, i have been verbally abused whenever we argued with each other even over the slightest things. We quarrel almost anything under the sun and moon. I am sick and tired of the way he treats me when he loses his temper not because its my fault, you know it takes 2 hands to clap, but sometimes he gets really over sensitive and just simply never learned to close one eye on puny matters. He always thinks he is in the right even though he is really in the wrong. I am really sick and tired to have to keep forgiving him and is it true that promises are meant to be broken? Just because I can everytime stomach every mean things he said to me, that he can take it for granted? We've been together for almost 5years and I'm his first girlfriend.
After the argument, often he would apologized and always giving me 'broken' promises that he will not use vulgarities on me anymore. Time and time again, I would just forgive him since because I still love him. People tend to change over the years, either for the better or for the worse. His attitude changed for the worse, definitely and if you asked me if I am still happy with this relationship, I'll say a Yes and a No. He still does shower me with love and care and i do feel pampered. He often talked to me about our future and what he wants the best for us. He impressed me with his matured and future insights. Now, looking back I am so worried and a little afraid to spend my life with him because I do not want my husband to talk to me that way. It is really hard to change a leopard's spot, right? If he can treat me like this now, what would be the future? His temper and attitude is getting out of hand, but I can say that I am numbed already because I used to cry so much and even resort to using pen knife to inflict the pain on body.. but not anymore now.. coz i know It's not worth it.
My friends used to tell me he is not good enough for me in terms of looks. But why should I care? I love him for who he is and not what he is. He does has his own good points like always putting himself into other's shoes, sensitive(but too much can really kill me), and he is filial to his parents(family orientated, husband type of material) and etc, which i see most young guys nowadays lack in these qualities. If a guy really loves his gf, he shouldn't even be using vulgarities in the first place right? When my guy friends tell me that I should let go of this relationship and wait for someone better, someone who treasures me more. Because if he treats me this way, that means he is not afraid to lose me right? But on the other hand, he is so protective yet loving, he doesnt likes guys to stare at me. Whenever other guys are looking at me, he will give stare back at them and give the "DONT-FCUKING-STARE-AT-MY-GF" attitude, which can be quite undesirable especially in the public and we will end up quarrelling because of 'they staring at me and because I wear too revealing clothes which I don't think it is all that revealing
I will be so embarrased and sad He's serving the nation now and next year would be his last year. My friends told me that if he is still in the army he should even treasure me more? I think any other normal girlfriends will not stand his boyfriend mistreating her right? Moreover, he is doing national service now. I do have guy friends who like me, but I know my limits. He is not romantic i dont mind but I prefer my boyfriend to be romantic. I dont know what I want 
Perhaps, I should be contented with what I have
Can you guys tell me what is true love? To me, true love is also about accepting your partner's flaws, but he sees it otherwise. He thinks that if you love him/her, you should try to change yourself for the better. Well, thats true. I did try my best to change for the better. I hate it so much when he keep asking me to change my attitude when we quarrel. I mean who doesnt gets furious and sarcastic with his remarks when one is angry? I admit when i get really angry, I would be really sarcastic but more often that not I will try not to argue with him and stomach his temper towards me
Please give me some advice on what I should do or should not do. It will be greatly appreciated. -
dun try to run lion on this one..... with ur description...he looks e sort who will go AWOL if u leave him....i do agreee that he is over possessive but just give him a while...maybe not mature yet ..... everyone has good traits lah..... so if u start looking at other guys also will find pple who are as good or better
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Holy crap, I'm not gonna read that Shit.
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You're so insensitve. Do not give unconstructive comments If you think this is bull Shit. Now.. shoo!Originally posted by the.raven:Holy crap, I'm not gonna read that Shit. -
all things considered..
maybe u should drop him.. tho 5 years worth of r/s can be hard to let go.. but it might be for the better in the long term
or u can take the good and be his emotional sandbag for the rest of ur life..
p/s: u need to check ur frens too... seem like a shallow bunch to me -
Erm.. They are not my good friends but just friends. Well.. what they said was 3 years ago. People do grow up. Looks are superficial.Originally posted by nOrmalbOi:all things considered..
maybe u should drop him.. tho 5 years worth of r/s can be hard to let go.. but it might be for the better in the long term
or u can take the good and be his emotional sandbag for the rest of ur life..
p/s: u need to check ur frens too... seem like a shallow bunch to me -
Agree on the part about accepting one for who they r.... i will not expect my gal fren (althou now dun have) to change for me but i wiill make myself change for e better for her...to me ,i thinking giving is more meaningful than taking but than again e other party have to be appreciative at least...not like my last one...do so much for her...in e end she onli demand more n more.Originally posted by sweetevil:Can you guys tell me what is true love? To me, true love is also about accepting your partner's flaws, but he sees it otherwise. He thinks that if you love him/her, you should try to change yourself for the better. Well, thats true. I did try my best to change for the better. I hate it so much when he keep asking me to change my attitude when we quarrel. I mean who doesnt gets furious and sarcastic with his remarks when one is angry? I admit when i get really angry, I would be really sarcastic but more often that not I will try not to argue with him and stomach his temper towards me
Please give me some advice on what I should do or should not do. It will be greatly appreciated.
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ok sorry...Originally posted by sweetevil:You're so insensitve. Do not give unconstructive comments If you think this is bull Shit. Now.. shoo!
*hugs* -
if u r not gonna read than dun post such negativity here...e gal needs advice not ur negative comments.Originally posted by the.raven:Holy crap, I'm not gonna read that Shit. -
Would you even resort to verbal abuse when you get angry with ur gf? No right? Thats what most of my guy friends said. They would use vulgarities but never to their gf.Originally posted by waliao:Agree on the part about accepting one for who they r.... i will not expect my gal fren (althou now dun have) to change for me but i wiill make myself change for e better for her...to me ,i thinking giving is more meaningful than taking but than again e other party have to be appreciative at least...not like my last one...do so much for her...in e end she onli demand more n more. -
5 years is a long time.... she will take some time to get over him...if she does decide to go seperate ways...dun jump into a new relationship so early...take time off n enjoy being single for awhile ...cos jumping into a new relationship is not fair for anyone.u might have unrelaitic expectations of e new boy fren....cos u will always be making comparisons.Originally posted by nOrmalbOi:all things considered..
maybe u should drop him.. tho 5 years worth of r/s can be hard to let go.. but it might be for the better in the long term
or u can take the good and be his emotional sandbag for the rest of ur life..
p/s: u need to check ur frens too... seem like a shallow bunch to me -
thats refreshing to hear.. hehOriginally posted by sweetevil:Erm.. They are not my good friends but just friends. Well.. what they said was 3 years ago. People do grow up. Looks are superficial.
to me at least.. not worth holding on... u seem young still.. so maybe take ur time on this -
i noe..Originally posted by waliao:5 years is a long time.... she will take some time to get over him...if she does decide to go seperate ways...dun jump into a new relationship so early...take time off n enjoy being single for awhile ...cos jumping into a new relationship is not fair for anyone.u might have unrelaitic expectations of e new boy fren....cos u will always be making comparisons.
what u said comes after.. if she dumps the guy... the thing is... she has to dump him first.. -
agreed.... sometimes if u look at a guy's behaviour,he could be dropping hints that he wanna end a relationship...this might be one of them..... no one wants to be e bad person n end e relationship so might resort to making e other person end it instead. Have a good talk with him.... no matter what remain calm n dun lose ur temper or cry ...just ask him what is happening ,might be stress in army or something..... dun second guess his itentions.... just let him talk...at e end of e day,u will know him better n e relationship might move to a next level....if otherwise.than u can consider moving on.Originally posted by sweetevil:Would you even resort to verbal abuse when you get angry with ur gf? No right? Thats what most of my guy friends said. They would use vulgarities but never to their gf. -
then again if NS "stress" can do this to him... i dunno what would happen when he gets out to the working world
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just making sure she knows wat happens if she decides to..... i see alot of such relationships break down around me.... normally my guy frens do things to irritate e gal into make e breakup..... they might have found someone new or is just tired n wants out but either way alot of these gal fren they had all jumped into a new relstionship too soon n regreted later.Originally posted by nOrmalbOi:i noe..
what u said comes after.. if she dumps the guy... the thing is... she has to dump him first.. -
sometimes its time to let go. I have a jap fren who have a chinanese bf...he got short temper..always get angry n shout at her in public..also drag her by the neck. She cant bear to leave him...even one day he took a chinese chopper knife n hit her with the blunt end..anyway, she dump him wen she found another guy.
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that is too extreme lah...who will treat gal fren like that one....Originally posted by alexkusu:sometimes its time to let go. I have a jap fren who have a chinanese bf...he got short temper..always get angry n shout at her in public..also drag her by the neck. She cant bear to leave him...even one day he took a chinese chopper knife n hit her with the blunt end..anyway, she dump him wen she found another guy.
if me ,dun like than break up lor...no need to abuse e gal n all that....no one wants to be e bustard n be e one who asked for break up...but better than waste her time rite?u know it is not gonna work out n still cling on...this is quite evil cos a gal have how many 5 years to spare? -
erm..actually i ddnt read the threadstarter story...paisehOriginally posted by waliao:that is too extreme lah...who will treat gal fren like that one....
if me ,dun like than break up lor...no need to abuse e gal n all that....no one wants to be e bustard n be e one who asked for break up...but better than waste her time rite?u know it is not gonna work out n still cling on...this is quite evil cos a gal have how many 5 years to spare?
point is sometime need to let go. Dont be so blind. -
ha ha...we always hold on...decieve ourselves...... even when we know deep inside us that it is time....we deny it....Originally posted by alexkusu:erm..actually i ddnt read the threadstarter story...paiseh
point is sometime need to let go. Dont be so blind. -
i feel like e guy has already found someone new.
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Well said!!Originally posted by nOrmalbOi:then again if NS "stress" can do this to him... i dunno what would happen when he gets out to the working world -
yeah, it is hard to change the leopard's spot. u hv to decide whether u r ok with his behaviour in the long run.
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you know what's the keyword in your narrative, sweetevil ? it's "five years " ...... we humans have a tendency to cling on to the unplesant present because we fear the unknown outside .... sorry if this comes off harsh, but the only reason you're still holding onto such an abusive jerk is because he is a "known" quality, which is preferable to the great unknown of singlehood eh ? .... i'm sure you've heard the german anecdote of the frog who was put into a pot of water and was slowly boiled to death eh ? ... just let go girl ... it's not about you loving him here ... it's about you being afraid to let go ! .... deep down inside, you probably do want to get out of this too, don't you ? ....
Just take the leap ... singapore doesn't suffer from such a paucity of nice, decent guys that you won't be able to find your true soul mate .... Best wishes ... -
the word "abuse" should never turn up in any relationship..