My wife is not mature
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hi,
I have been married for 2 years, and have a son who is a year old plus. My wife is a PR from HK, 3 years younger than me, consider young and full of hope and pride. And im already 31 this year.
Since married, I have been the only one working to provide financial support. My wife refuse to work in SG, and on the other hands she need to take care of my son. The point is SG living standard is high, I do think that there is an option for her, if she really wants to help this family grow. As a housewife, I do think that its not easy, but she does has plenty of time, I would say no worries, living each day.
She still contact her ex-bf from HK. Both hardly meet face-to-face, but do communicate frequent thru' instant messenging. And she has not tell her ex-bf that she already married, yet still lie that she live as a single mother, living in UK, taking care of our son. I dont understand why she cant tell her ex-bf about me. Honestly, I do peep on her instant message history, i cant help but to look for answer for myself.
Both communicate well, and her ex-bf does want to provide her financial support and hoousing in HK. I trust my wife will not get involved in this kinda third party relationship, I can trust her.
However, the issue is i have been tolerating this, and its not fair to me too, as if im sort of her secret 'husband-roommate'. Im very tired of this hide-n-seek relationship. I did told her about this, and i tell her that im interested to meet her ex-bf, but to no avail. Pls advise, everyday this issue in my mind makes me getting tired, asking myself is my contibution to the family worth doing it. For me the worst senario is, without her ex-bf knows her actual marital status, she still gain a chance to re-unite, as least a back-up in a married life, if our relationship fails....
Pls advise... -
disconnect the internet lah...
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Confront her and talk it out.
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Think maturity have nothing to do with it.
Probably she does not have close friends here in Singapore?
As a housewife, the local aunties & ah sohs not her click?
But in any case, she should not lie to her ex in order to hold onto him.
What's wrong with her telling the truth? Her ex will no longer care for her?
And what makes you then?
Talk to her & make a stand.
dDun end up 'Desperate Housewives' episode. -
my sympathies go out to you mate. you better sit down and talk to your wife about what is bothering you. and re-evaluate why you married each other.
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sympathies too .... makes me glad i'm still a swinging single ......
not playing the devil's advocate here .... but it seems to me that you and your wife married each other for different reasons ....... she doesn't sound like she has the right mindset for marriage yet ..... -
How she break up with her ex?
How did you 2 get together and get married?
In the eyes of the law she had done nothing wrong yet and you cannot do anything for the time being.
Any advice for u to break-up with your wife is still too early cos u still love her too much to do anything.
Got to wait and see.
If you are still worried i suggest u plan a backup plan. -
hun, you're in big trouble
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U are not Troy437 right?
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How did you guys get married in the first place?
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tink she lacks the feeling of being madly loved tats y she might be trying to keep hold of her ex for the excitement... maybe u should try to reignite the fire in your relationship with her... another thing is tat i feel shes not totally settled over here so better to help her get some new fre...
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appreciate everyone to share their advise here, thks to all.
I would very open and like to listen to more advise. -
hey buddy, sad to say but your wife is having an affair, albeit without the sex part. she's lying and confiding in her ex. however, the worse thing here is that she's doing it with your knowledge. i do strongly suggest you sort this out soon. first things first, download whatever you can of her online affair, this may come in useful when seperation is inevitable, particularly if you want to claim custody over the child.
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As far as i know, I dont consider its an affair going on here. Well, im not trying to be too optimistic also. I would like to find out more, if to an extreme case, divorce has become inevitable, what would be the chance wining this case if my 'claim' is my son. He is a Singaporean.
Those who knows Singapore laws very well, or a lawer,,, pls share your experience of such case. Does personel assets helps in this case? -
Do your best to save your marriage. God Bless. Good Luck.
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my bro married a 40+ Taiwanesewho with a mental state of a late teen. She also refused to work and wanted to be serve hand and foot which the family did - she watched TV all the time. Dug away lots of money, will back to Taiwan most of the year, buy herself lots of diamonds jewellery. In the end divorced and wanted to divided up his flat and she wants half of all the money/assets he has. Sue for custody of their kid who she hated very much and she won. And still she is sending lawyer letter reverting her decisions and fabricating lies about her suffering in sg. She had so much complains about singapore, singaporeans, everything. She is absolute negative, nothing good comes out of her mouth. She open her mouth is to complain & complain, critique & critique, whine & whine all the time. She's a realy b!tch who in my opinion, is one of the factors that broken up my family. Its one of the reasons I move out. -
......Originally posted by mistyblue:my bro married a 40+ Taiwanesewho with a mental state of a late teen. She also refused to work and wanted to be serve hand and foot which the family did - she watched TV all the time. Dug away lots of money, will back to Taiwan most of the year, buy herself lots of diamonds jewellery. In the end divorced and wanted to divided up his flat and she wants half of all the money/assets he has. Sue for custody of their kid who she hated very much and she won. And still she is sending lawyer letter reverting her decisions and fabricating lies about her suffering in sg. She had so much complains about singapore, singaporeans, everything. She is absolute negative, nothing good comes out of her mouth. She open her mouth is to complain & complain, critique & critique, whine & whine all the time. She's a realy b!tch who in my opinion, is one of the factors that broken up my family. Its one of the reasons I move out. -
Custody and assets..? Not sure... Probably not gonna help much unless you can convince her to give up the child... Ideally if you can do so on a 'out of court' basis....Originally posted by tiring husband:As far as i know, I dont consider its an affair going on here. Well, im not trying to be too optimistic also. I would like to find out more, if to an extreme case, divorce has become inevitable, what would be the chance wining this case if my 'claim' is my son. He is a Singaporean.
Those who knows Singapore laws very well, or a lawer,,, pls share your experience of such case. Does personel assets helps in this case? -
i think something is really wrong wif ur wife. Confront her for more true info, cos she might be still hiding something from u n u din noe. I'm sure if she really loved u, she'll be proud to say she's ur wife n y is she keeping it from her ex? Or get a private investigator hee ... get evidence n show her wat u've got in hand!
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Wah.. this is extreme case.. sad that it really existOriginally posted by mistyblue:my bro married a 40+ Taiwanesewho with a mental state of a late teen. She also refused to work and wanted to be serve hand and foot which the family did - she watched TV all the time. Dug away lots of money, will back to Taiwan most of the year, buy herself lots of diamonds jewellery. In the end divorced and wanted to divided up his flat and she wants half of all the money/assets he has. Sue for custody of their kid who she hated very much and she won. And still she is sending lawyer letter reverting her decisions and fabricating lies about her suffering in sg. She had so much complains about singapore, singaporeans, everything. She is absolute negative, nothing good comes out of her mouth. She open her mouth is to complain & complain, critique & critique, whine & whine all the time. She's a realy b!tch who in my opinion, is one of the factors that broken up my family. Its one of the reasons I move out.
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Don't always look at the negative side...we always look at the worst scenario, blinded by facts that we are not willing to accept...Your wife is lonely...Its not easy being away from home, with no friends and taking care of the son the whole day...look back at why she chose you in the first place...every one here needs to work and survive...everyone always complain that no time..no time...time is decided by you..
- did you spend enough time listening to her. Key word..i am bored...
- did you brush her aside when she tell you her problems...did you simply tell her off that you have work the whole day and need to rest...talk about it tml?
- look...everyone needs a listening ears...just like you now..you go online to seek advice about your problems..I am sure yur wife is seeking someone to hear from her..her ex-bf listens to her...did you? she probably told her ex that she is single becoz she may be worried that her only source of listening ears may be cut off.
- think back...how you make her happy when you went after her...you brought her out..sent her flowers...go for holidays...give her a hug when you are back..ask about her day..tell her that u know its not ez taking care of the son...give her some TLC...tender loving care....we sporean guys normally don't do all this.
-ask someone to take care of your son over the weekend..spend 2 nights away...Sentosa..Krabi..spend more time with her...
- Or help her to join the HK association in Singapore...she may not know hw to do it..little gesture will make her have confidence in you..
don't give up so easily...remember this..she followed u back to an unfamiliar land..she had made a big sacrifice...take up this challenge and make her feel that she has not made the wrong choice by choosing you...
its never too late..you r lucky her ex is there..if not... you would have lost a wife that you have vowed to take care and love...
if you succeed in that , i dun think she ever need her ex-bf...
PS: this is jus an advice from a single man...I may not be right...but at the end of the day you have to make your own choice.
good luck to you... -
to my opinion, maybe u should talk it out with her very seriously...Originally posted by tiring husband:As far as i know, I dont consider its an affair going on here. Well, im not trying to be too optimistic also. I would like to find out more, if to an extreme case, divorce has become inevitable, what would be the chance wining this case if my 'claim' is my son. He is a Singaporean.
Those who knows Singapore laws very well, or a lawer,,, pls share your experience of such case. Does personel assets helps in this case?
let her know the seriousness of this matter and her attitude too...
ask her if she really loves you..and the family. if so, not contacting her ex-bf is a small case to her, just to prove her love for you..and many other things too
im quite sure the chances are high for you to win the custody of your son, if your wife is really that case... but before you take up this decision....you should consider hard and the consequences. cos to be husband and wife, this is fate that brings you & her together.
to have a divorce, its normally when the other party has flings outside....
thats only an opinion
wish you all the best! -
Gosh this is a serious problem. Seems like she is lying to 2 men at the same time. Well, the only conclusion is boredom and a general disatisfaction with current situation.Originally posted by tiring husband:hi,
I have been married for 2 years, and have a son who is a year old plus. My wife is a PR from HK, 3 years younger than me, consider young and full of hope and pride. And im already 31 this year.
Since married, I have been the only one working to provide financial support. My wife refuse to work in SG, and on the other hands she need to take care of my son. The point is SG living standard is high, I do think that there is an option for her, if she really wants to help this family grow. As a housewife, I do think that its not easy, but she does has plenty of time, I would say no worries, living each day.
She still contact her ex-bf from HK. Both hardly meet face-to-face, but do communicate frequent thru' instant messenging. And she has not tell her ex-bf that she already married, yet still lie that she live as a single mother, living in UK, taking care of our son. I dont understand why she cant tell her ex-bf about me. Honestly, I do peep on her instant message history, i cant help but to look for answer for myself.
Both communicate well, and her ex-bf does want to provide her financial support and hoousing in HK. I trust my wife will not get involved in this kinda third party relationship, I can trust her.
However, the issue is i have been tolerating this, and its not fair to me too, as if im sort of her secret 'husband-roommate'. Im very tired of this hide-n-seek relationship. I did told her about this, and i tell her that im interested to meet her ex-bf, but to no avail. Pls advise, everyday this issue in my mind makes me getting tired, asking myself is my contibution to the family worth doing it. For me the worst senario is, without her ex-bf knows her actual marital status, she still gain a chance to re-unite, as least a back-up in a married life, if our relationship fails....
Pls advise...
I'm a Singaporean now living in HK and having been here for 5 years, I can assure you that HKies living in Singapore and especially those without many friends can find Singapore "stressfully" boring. On top that the child minding can make your life doubly boring and tiring. Trust me, I just did it for 2 weeks and boy, you think you have the whole day and there is bound to be some free time, but it never happens that way. So, in my mind she has made a major contribution to the family though not financially.
No doubt the cost of living in Singapore is high, but have you overworked and neglected her and treated more as a mother than a girlfriend/wife since your kid was born? Is she only doing the messaging just to get more attention from you? My suggestion is to have a heart to heart talk with her, ask her what would make her happy and that in return you would ask her to cut her contact with her ex so that both of you can built your relationship. Some girls just need to be sweet talked to, even though your dillengence at work has already shown your love for the family. To them luv for family and luv for them can be 2 different issues. Forget about trying to talk to or find out about her ex-bf as it may cause jealousy to get the better of you. And he is not the root cause of the problem as he is being lied to as well. Have you thought of moving to another country where both of you are happy to find employment? -
I got my own set of problem on my girlfriend talking over internet to a guys osoÂ…. HeÂ’s in hong kong osoÂ…..
My heart goes out all the way to you mateÂ….
IÂ’m at a lost osoÂ….
HiazzzzzzzÂ…Â…Â… -
ItÂ’s obvious that by refraining you from meeting her ex-bf, indicates that she has something to hide. she is not respecting you as a husband by not disclosing your existence.
Lets put it this way. you bring home the dough but nags about her not contributing. On the other hand, this nice ex-bf offering to support her financially MINUS the naggings PLUS saying sweet things to her during messaging I am sure. So you see, its very tempting. A good sheltered reserved parking lot. Not the open-air kind in HDB.
Just conduct a little test on her, tell her that you are going to discontinue the broadband subscription and donÂ’t allow her to subscribe on her own either. if she blows her top, you get your answer. She is not worthy of you.