Do you believe in having pure platonic friendship with the o
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I agree hence, I stress that both parties of the friendship must have a common understanding of the type of friendship they have... or "Boundaries"
well if my husband really has such a close platonic friend then I won't mind if he still chats with her on the phone... but of course, as time past, ppl's priorities change (that's life)... hence when he get married his proirities must change... it's not unacceptable to chat with a close friend till wee hours but can he do this without neglecting his wife? will he want to neglect his wife, as his friend would you wanna him to just chat with you and neglect his wife?Originally posted by Tuatau:"Do you see wives or husbands still chatting with their opposite-sex-best-friends after marriage through the wee hours of the night like they used to do when they were young?"
Would you still want to chat with your opposite-sex-best-friends after marriage through the wee hours of the night, assuming you used to do it when you were young? (Incidentally, why would your opposite-sex-best-friend be someone else other than the person sleeping next to you?)
You may have many guy friends who make great husbands, but why would a great husband put his wife ill at ease by meeting another lady friend alone just to listen to her b itch? When you get married in future, would you feel really comfortable letting your husband meet another lady friend alone just to listen to her b itch?
as for letting my husband meet close gal friends up alone to hang out.... This is the trust issue... if u have no trust in your husband, having him returning to you every night promptly after work will still be no assurance to you. you'll start wondering about his colleagues...whether he's faking is OT... besides in this society... you not only have to worry about the gals snatching your husband away... what if some gay sweeps him off his feet too??? Does this means that he also cannot meet up with his buddies without you present?when will the worrying, suspicion end?
All these relationships must be juggled carefully... he can have a wide variety of friends... but when he neglect his wife, eg. work OT all the time, only time he free, he wants to hangout with his friends instead of his wife, he is just willing his wife to kick a fuss isn't it? -
Originally posted by smudgey:
You know, he could still do it... while you are sleeping. So that he wouldn't disturb you and your sweet dreams. Now that wouldn't be neglecting you, right?
well if my husband really has such a close platonic friend then I won't mind if he still chats with her on the phone... but of course, as time past, ppl's priorities change (that's life)... hence when he get married his proirities must change... it's not unacceptable to chat with a close friend till wee hours but can he do this without neglecting his wife? will he want to neglect his wife, as his friend would you wanna him to just chat with you and neglect his wife?
Yes, it is good you said you could trust your husband enough to let him hang out with his friends in your absence. However, trusting him to let him hang out with his male buddies for a football game night is one thing. Trusting him enough to let him hang out alone with a woman he claimed to be his close platonic girl friend is another. And how do you know if you could trust the woman?
I agree that trust is essential in any healthy relationship, but it has to be within reasonable limits. You may be an exception, but the "rule" is most women would not feel comfortable knowing their husbands are out alone with another woman, even if they had earlier known that woman to be his close platonic friend. The wife would probably question why the husband had to hang out with the girl friend instead of her? She would probably question why he had to do it with the girl alone? And then she would probably think that he was neglecting her as his wife and was not really that great a husband after all. Finally when these questions become too heavy for whatever bridges of trust she had built with the husband to bear, everything would probably fall crumbling apart and all hell breaks loose.
As mentioned before, in most cases, platonic friendships could exist, but only up till marriage with another party, after which it simply fades away or is reduced to mere "Hi! How are you? Take care. Bye!" acquaintanceship. Why? Because as you've said, priorities must change. Oh yes, indeed. Friendship is now low priority. Even way down lower if the friend is of the opposite sex. You could have been very close with a platonic guy friend, chatting with him to the wee hours when you were both single. But once one or both of you are married, well... "Hi! You know what? I've gotta go. Bye!" *click*
One could continue believing in platonic friendships, but that would probably be the kind of platonic "friendship" one could expect to have by that time. -
I donÂ’t believe there is platonic relationship either. For two persons of different genders to be so comfortable with each other, its quite unbelievable. Either one of them or both of them are lying to themselves. What makes one wants to spend so much time with the other? Definitely becos you care about the other party but is unwilling to admit that that show of concern is affection cos the environment/situation doesnÂ’t allow. Thus deceiving themselves that they are platonic friends.
Take drx for eg (no offence), if your so-called platonic fren suddenly give you a pack on the cheek one fine day. WhatÂ’s your reaction? Shock? Disbelief? Or is it hey, she likes me too? and you have insomnia that night cos thinking about her. HmmmÂ….maybe you should recount this para to her and reads her body language and you'll know the answer
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Originally posted by fluffycloudlady:I donÂ’t believe there is platonic relationship either. For two persons of different genders to be so comfortable with each other, its quite unbelievable. Either one of them or both of them are lying to themselves. What makes one wants to spend so much time with the other? Definitely becos you care about the other party but is unwilling to admit that that show of concern is affection cos the environment/situation doesnÂ’t allow. Thus deceiving themselves that they are platonic friends.
Take drx for eg (no offence), if your so-called platonic fren suddenly give you a pack on the cheek one fine day. WhatÂ’s your reaction? Shock? Disbelief? Or is it hey, she likes me too? and you have insomnia that night cos thinking about her. HmmmÂ….maybe you should recount this para to her and reads her body language and you'll know the answer -
Originally posted by fluffycloudlady:
Ho ho, your post reminded me of this conversation posted some time ago:
I donÂ’t believe there is platonic relationship either. For two persons of different genders to be so comfortable with each other, its quite unbelievable. Either one of them or both of them are lying to themselves. What makes one wants to spend so much time with the other? Definitely becos you care about the other party but is unwilling to admit that that show of concern is affection cos the environment/situation doesnÂ’t allow. Thus deceiving themselves that they are platonic friends.
Take drx for eg (no offence), if your so-called platonic fren suddenly give you a pack on the cheek one fine day. WhatÂ’s your reaction? Shock? Disbelief? Or is it hey, she likes me too? and you have insomnia that night cos thinking about her. HmmmÂ….maybe you should recount this para to her and reads her body language and you'll know the answer
Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry: I guess not.
Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York. -
BTW..... one of drx "platonic frenz" is now officially his gf .....Originally posted by fluffycloudlady:I donÂ’t believe there is platonic relationship either. For two persons of different genders to be so comfortable with each other, its quite unbelievable. Either one of them or both of them are lying to themselves. What makes one wants to spend so much time with the other? Definitely becos you care about the other party but is unwilling to admit that that show of concern is affection cos the environment/situation doesnÂ’t allow. Thus deceiving themselves that they are platonic friends.
Take drx for eg (no offence), if your so-called platonic fren suddenly give you a pack on the cheek one fine day. WhatÂ’s your reaction? Shock? Disbelief? Or is it hey, she likes me too? and you have insomnia that night cos thinking about her. HmmmÂ….maybe you should recount this para to her and reads her body language and you'll know the answer
CONGRATS to sugar...... cheers to giving up 2 years of singlehood
for couplehood!!! -
Sigh... it is true that these things you mention always tend to happen... but I believe that friendship is not governed by the amount of time they spend together or the time they spend on the phne... I have close friends I hardly speak to on normal days, but we'll get together on and off and the feeling is the same... the friendship is just as strong... when I'm in trouble i know i can still call them and they'll be there too...
but i do agree most platonic friendship don't survive marriages... but it's the matter if the couple wanna put in the effort to maintain the friendship...
there are things that the couple can do to maintain the friendship... they can go out all together... do things together, that way the platonic friendship is maintained and neither the husband nor the wife is neglected...
but once again such friendship take a lot of work to juggle together with a marriage... hence why most platonic friendship wont survive... I mean when it comes down to it, if you had to choose, which will it be?
tough? yes... impossible? absolutely not.
that's just my opinion...
Originally posted by Tuatau:You know, he could still do it... while you are sleeping. So that he wouldn't disturb you and your sweet dreams. Now that wouldn't be neglecting you, right?
Yes, it is good you said you could trust your husband enough to let him hang out with his friends in your absence. However, trusting him to let him hang out with his male buddies for a football game night is one thing. Trusting him enough to let him hang out alone with a woman he claimed to be his close platonic girl friend is another. And how do you know if you could trust the woman?
I agree that trust is essential in any healthy relationship, but it has to be within reasonable limits. You may be an exception, but the "rule" is most women would not feel comfortable knowing their husbands are out alone with another woman, even if they had earlier known that woman to be his close platonic friend. The wife would probably question why the husband had to hang out with the girl friend instead of her? She would probably question why he had to do it with the girl alone? And then she would probably think that he was neglecting her as his wife and was not really that great a husband after all. Finally when these questions become too heavy for whatever bridges of trust she had built with the husband to bear, everything would probably fall crumbling apart and all hell breaks loose.
As mentioned before, in most cases, platonic friendships could exist, but only up till marriage with another party, after which it simply fades away or is reduced to mere "Hi! How are you? Take care. Bye!" acquaintanceship. Why? Because as you've said, priorities must change. Oh yes, indeed. Friendship is now low priority. Even way down lower if the friend is of the opposite sex. You could have been very close with a platonic guy friend, chatting with him to the wee hours when you were both single. But once one or both of you are married, well... "Hi! You know what? I've gotta go. Bye!" *click*
One could continue believing in platonic friendships, but that would probably be the kind of platonic "friendship" one could expect to have by that time. -
Congrats to DRX...Originally posted by pinkygal76:BTW..... one of drx "platonic frenz" is now officially his gf .....
CONGRATS to sugar...... cheers to giving up 2 years of singlehood
for couplehood!!! 
making it my habit to congratulate any forumer who find his/her better half...
Cheers!