the cops came..
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2 things.Originally posted by papercut87:hey guys.... yesterday the cops came to my house at 2am.. sighz i guess one of the neighbours reported us... expected. what happened was that my dad and brother got into a major and heated argument... they were yelling at each other very loudly (and i guess it woke all the neighbours up)
my brother started everything actually.. he went into the kitchen to take a chopper, scolded alot of vulgarities like "knnbccb, cb" blah blah... and challenged my dad to fight with him... my brother was like "come la, want to fight.... fight till one of us die!" den my dad went berserk n he grabbed a pair of scissors.. and charged at my brother with the scissors only to be stopped by my mom who hugged my brother to protect him... my bro took advantage of that and scolded my dad a new string of vulgarities... but my dad just cant step closer to him cos my mom was there... he was breathing very heavily and i think he almost had a heart attack. very scary... haiz.
digressing a lil, my brother is 2 yrs younger den me (so the generation gap isnt wide at all), he'is 16 this year.... taking his O levels.. while im havin my As... he's an avid gamer and a computer addict since 13... can game until go siaoz wan.. i must he's spoilt to the core by my mom... (so thats basically why she shielded him from my dad) since young, she has been showering him with more love and attention than on me.. she never caned him since he was a kid... (whereas i used to get caned alot for my results) whenever he wanted cash, she'll give it to him without hestitating, he gets to go out whenever he wants... and gets to use the computer almost any time... so its kuite obvious that he'll mix ard with the wrong company yar ? i didnt like it at first but now, after these yrs, i kind of used to it... moreover my dad is aware of that n loves me alot.. thats y i always side my dad and i respect him alot...
what happened b4 this incident was my mom was merely nagging at my brother while he was gaming.... he got damn pissed den he started to point at her and scold her vulgarities like "what kinda f***ing mother r u" in the face.. i scolded him... and said that he shouldnt talk to my mom this way by pointing his finger at her and told him to show some freaking respect.. he said "shut the f*** up u bitch, who the f*** r u? i dont nid u to interfere", went to the study room, slammed and locked the door.
after abt 1 hr, i realised that some of my lecture notes were in the study room (we shared the study room)... so i got the keys to the study room... n opened the door.. he was there. sleeping on his table, leaving all the lights n fans on.. when he saw me.... he jolted awake.. after getting my stuff, i nagged at him to study again.. he said he studied... i said dont lie... his papers and notes were all blank... and he studied ? i'm very positive he didnt... i know him too well.. his prelims is this monday and he hasnt started... we started arguing... he got really mad and crazy... den he locked the door and he started punching me with all his might and shouting vulgarities...
he punched me a total of 8 times, 5 of my left arm, 2 on my right and one in my face. i cried for help.... very painful.. but the door was locked... my dad was outside banging on the door like crazy when he hit me. my dad broke open the door and that was how my father and brother started to fight.
they made a din and so the police came. they took the statements... my mom was relating to them what happened... and she lied to them , she said that they were just shouting at each other... no weapons were used.. they talked to my bro, wrote down my bro's IC and dad's IC... our house add.. asked me whether i needed an ambulance (-_-') , ya... and they told my dad and mom to give my brother more freedom?!
after the incident my mom kept asking my brother whether he was okay. she didnt even asked abt me...
wonder if she even cares man.. anyway after the police left my dad helped me massage my arms.. got a few bruises kinda painful... he said that if he told the police that my bro picked up the knife first and challenged my dad.. my brother wud be in deeper sh*t...
anyway.. the question i wanna know is... whether my brother will have a police record after this incident ? im quite worried la but i dont want to show it to him... im like ignoring him now.. coz when i think of what he did my boil wud boil and erm.. kinda scared he cant find a job next time bcoz of this..
sometimes all the stuff he does and the things he says really hurts me alot, but what to do ?
advice ??
firstly, your brother is an underachiever at this point of time.
2nd, your parents should not confront him head on,
but instead let him feel free to voice his problems and also what plans he intends to pursue in the immediate future.
your parents should resist the temptation to use authority to put him down when they disagree with his plans.
but patiently try to see things from his perspective and understand what are the underlying reasons causing him to want to carry on this way.
i believe he feels so secure that your parents will always put a roof over his head, that he's content to just slack, ignoring his bleak job prospects. you can consult a doctor at any polyclinic tommorow, because many of them are also trained in psychology. you'd be referred to a specialist from NUH at further reduced sudent rates. request from the both of them some self-help books which you can read to understand how to best approach your brother -
wtf u r 18 and u cant control him ? i mean u cant even win him in a fight? and ur brother think he owns the whole world? ask him to grow up
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somehow, physical force of a 16 year old boy would be greater than an 18 year old girl...
especially if she's petite..Originally posted by freestyle:wtf u r 18 and u cant control him ? i mean u cant even win him in a fight? and ur brother think he owns the whole world? ask him to grow up -
actually, if you all tell the truth or want to pursue further , both your dad and brother maybe charged as they engaged each other with weapons.
and you being subjected to grevious hurt.
domestic issues, police officers are trained to make sure it never gets further than outside the house. Even if it does goes to station, it will still be treated like domestic violence where counselling and mediate is alternatives.
same as husband and wife fighting.
unlike outside cases.
i know how you feel, its bad and you cannot really do anything about it and every day have to face this.
suggest you strenghtened your mind and thoughts to best diffused situations in case it happens again. try to avoid brother and also ask your father to avoid him and never apply authoritive control over him. its to avoid any flaring of tempers.
from his attitude, the outside society will teach him how to respect others. -
ur bro is insane liao so better take up some self defence skillls to protect urself or u can just 'Da2 Xing3 Ta' teach him tat he is nothing... after tat show him family love... kids nowadays....
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i have been reading others posts as well and i find that, trying to send him for counselling is going to make the situation worse, it will make him more rebellious and snappy. i'd suggest you let things go as it is for now, and have a talk with your parents as i believe they are more sensible than your brother at this point of time. find a right timing where there can be a talk without any agitated feelings or emotions. i believe that the only way this problem can be solved is if the family is willing to work together to achieve a harmonious one. therefore, if both parties cant work together for now, work on one party first, and try making one party understand and compromising before starting on the other.Originally posted by papercut87:hm.. yeah i guess so... but its somehow hard for one of us to convince him to go for such professional help... plus its kinda ex. thanks for the suggestion tho... haha -
if u dont wanna call in the police.. u can only use what he's doing against him.. get some ppl to beat the hell outta him.. let him know what's the consequences r of his attitude b4 he really get into some serious trouble out there..
my brother's oso quite jialat last time.. i told him i'll b e one to beat him up till very jialat.. rather than to see him get beaten up by others..
luckily he turned out well now.. 
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hi pple, thanks alot for ur advices... will bear them in mind..
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one thing i m puzzled ... r u a gal ?? i mean .. if u were a guy ... most likely ur ego n pride will render u to start a fight with ur bro ... i did actually .. many times ... until i was immuned ...n partly becos my mom always sided my bro ...
haha if u r gal ... it will yet again show hw farked up ur bro is .. beat gal ...
or mayb u r kind n good natured so u don take violence as a tool ...
to think positively ... mayb ur bro might grow up n changed for the better??
my bro actually matured abit at age 17 ... but deep inside .. he is still rather rotten ... -
i cannot stand ah beng wannabes who hit girls especially their own sisters. score well in your studies and earn a good degree or diploma.work hard and earn good money for urself and your father.when u are financially ndependent, live alone and if possible get ur dad to live with u.by that time, the guy would have gotten himself into more trouble like gaming, sex and drugs and like all mothers and gur;s who follow the nana ren bu huai nu ren bu ai mantra and windows programming, she will forever stick with him and care for him.so basically, he will end up like one of those guys walking along the streets acting cool but without a stable job to keep himself afloat.when that day comes, even ur mum will feel depressed and will probably come to u and ask for forgiveness or at least be nicer to u.
the bottomline is to carve out an independent life for urself.no use hanging onto a few rotten apples. -
Sounds like majority of you in the family don't get along well with him? Except your mum who tries to tolerate..? Hmm...Originally posted by papercut87:hey guys.... yesterday the cops came to my house at 2am.. sighz i guess one of the neighbours reported us... expected. what happened was that my dad and brother got into a major and heated argument... they were yelling at each other very loudly (and i guess it woke all the neighbours up)
my brother started everything actually.. he went into the kitchen to take a chopper, scolded alot of vulgarities like "knnbccb, cb" blah blah... and challenged my dad to fight with him... my brother was like "come la, want to fight.... fight till one of us die!" den my dad went berserk n he grabbed a pair of scissors.. and charged at my brother with the scissors only to be stopped by my mom who hugged my brother to protect him... my bro took advantage of that and scolded my dad a new string of vulgarities... but my dad just cant step closer to him cos my mom was there... he was breathing very heavily and i think he almost had a heart attack. very scary... haiz.
digressing a lil, my brother is 2 yrs younger den me (so the generation gap isnt wide at all), he'is 16 this year.... taking his O levels.. while im havin my As... he's an avid gamer and a computer addict since 13... can game until go siaoz wan.. i must he's spoilt to the core by my mom... (so thats basically why she shielded him from my dad) since young, she has been showering him with more love and attention than on me.. she never caned him since he was a kid... (whereas i used to get caned alot for my results) whenever he wanted cash, she'll give it to him without hestitating, he gets to go out whenever he wants... and gets to use the computer almost any time... so its kuite obvious that he'll mix ard with the wrong company yar ? i didnt like it at first but now, after these yrs, i kind of used to it... moreover my dad is aware of that n loves me alot.. thats y i always side my dad and i respect him alot...
what happened b4 this incident was my mom was merely nagging at my brother while he was gaming.... he got damn pissed den he started to point at her and scold her vulgarities like "what kinda f***ing mother r u" in the face.. i scolded him... and said that he shouldnt talk to my mom this way by pointing his finger at her and told him to show some freaking respect.. he said "shut the f*** up u bitch, who the f*** r u? i dont nid u to interfere", went to the study room, slammed and locked the door.
after abt 1 hr, i realised that some of my lecture notes were in the study room (we shared the study room)... so i got the keys to the study room... n opened the door.. he was there. sleeping on his table, leaving all the lights n fans on.. when he saw me.... he jolted awake.. after getting my stuff, i nagged at him to study again.. he said he studied... i said dont lie... his papers and notes were all blank... and he studied ? i'm very positive he didnt... i know him too well.. his prelims is this monday and he hasnt started... we started arguing... he got really mad and crazy... den he locked the door and he started punching me with all his might and shouting vulgarities... he punched me a total of 8 times, 5 of my left arm, 2 on my right and one in my face. i cried for help.... very painful.. but the door was locked... my dad was outside banging on the door like crazy when he hit me. my dad broke open the door and that was how my father and brother started to fight.
they made a din and so the police came. they took the statements... my mom was relating to them what happened... and she lied to them , she said that they were just shouting at each other... no weapons were used.. they talked to my bro, wrote down my bro's IC and dad's IC... our house add.. asked me whether i needed an ambulance (-_-') , ya... and they told my dad and mom to give my brother more freedom?!
after the incident my mom kept asking my brother whether he was okay. she didnt even asked abt me... wonder if she even cares man.. anyway after the police left my dad helped me massage my arms.. got a few bruises kinda painful... he said that if he told the police that my bro picked up the knife first and challenged my dad.. my brother wud be in deeper sh*t...
anyway.. the question i wanna know is... whether my brother will have a police record after this incident ? im quite worried la but i dont want to show it to him... im like ignoring him now.. coz when i think of what he did my boil wud boil and erm.. kinda scared he cant find a job next time bcoz of this..
sometimes all the stuff he does and the things he says really hurts me alot, but what to do ?
advice ??
At the age of 16 and depending on the kinda company he's with, it's quite likely for him to be more 'hot'... Especially since he has been always sided by your mum?
At 18... It might be difficult for you... Especially when your brother's so... But if you really DO wanna CARE about your brother, try to speak nicely to him... Don't push him too much but just 'nag' appropriately would do..? Afterall, if he don't heed advices, he's gonna be the one to ultimately pay for it...? And from experience, it'll be DIFFICULT to CHANGE him just like that unless his age goes much older or SOMETHING SERIOUS HAPPENS... Don't give the latter a chance...
Talk nicely but let him understand that no matter what, no weapon should be used. Ask him... Does he really wanna hurt his dad? How would everyone else feel if he did? How would he feel...? If he don't, why pick up a weapon?
Try to cool your dad down a bit at the same time... Everybody really should keep their COOL at this point... I know it'll be DIFFICULT for you after how he've treated you, but changes often don't just happen so easily... Unless you're wishing for something drastic to happen...?
And I'm also adding this part... If you don't care about what would happen to your brother, then pls just REPORT him for what he've done to the POLICE. You'll probably have him 'under your control', but only so for him to be RUINED and HATE you...? And from the sound of your postings, you certainly DO CARE for him?
GO SLOW... Just try to put some things in the proper places and RIGHT direction 1st.... ALOT would have to depend on himself...? And you guys probably can't be helping him much if you just go on 'force'?
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your brother's hyper-sensitive so he's gonna take everything you say as putting him down. what you say hurts him because it's true. you should not confront him within these few weeks at least, instead find out what makes him tick. like what he's passionate about. surely, whatever they are, he's going nowhere near achieving them if he carries on this way. you can very subtly establish this point within him. the idea is for him to arrive at the solution to his problems by himself. it's a weak and cowardly act for guys to hit girls, let alone their own sis whom they should be protecting instead. it's pointless and shameful to exert physical dominance over any girl anyway. but you shouldn't tell him that, because he obviously doesn't have a clue, and will simply punch you again to vent his frustration and shameOriginally posted by papercut87:hi pple, thanks alot for ur advices... will bear them in mind.. -
hey guys... thanks. i really really appreciate all the responses...
here r some updates for now: for the past two days, my brother hasnt touched the computer and he has been studying in his room all day.. and he doesnt shout at my mom anymore too. i guess he got pretty scared when the police came that day.
whenever he sees me, he'll look down and try not to look at me.. so now, i feel very bad also.. but at the same time, when i recall that he punched me that night... i'll get angry..
my dad is still very very mad with my brother. he refuses to talk to him, doesnt give two hoots. he told me dat he give up totally on my brother already.
this morning, when my mom wasnt at home, my dad bought breakfast for me but none for my brother. i asked my brother whether he wanted my share coz he had tuition class later until very late, but he said he dont want. then he had to go with an empty stomache... sigh. quite poor thing ?
i think my dad will forgive my brother only if he apologises sincerely. but i feel that its hard for my brother to apologise for now becos every guy has his pride and ego to carry, i guess.
well its has only been a mere two days.. so its quite hard to see whether he has changed for the better but anyway i do hope that he has learnt his lesson well this time. -
HiHi.. hope i'm not to late in offering some opinions.
I'm a 16m myself. And at this age, guys are under a tremendous amount of change be it physically or mentally.
Your brother would probably feel very stressed up now, bcos of O's n stuff.
I usually quarrel with my parents, but I would always try to cool things down by avoiding a heated up conflict. Whenever i sense that my parents are gonna explode, I would either go to my room and try to sleep or blast the music..
I would certainly not beat up anyone in my household... And of course not even my sister.. Its So Wrong to hit a gal..
Have you tried to understand him better?
There may be problems troubling him at school or away from home.
BGR, School work, Friendship problems..
Perhaps he has problems outside of the house..
I can understand you because I'm also the elder sibling. Whenever ur younger brother does something wrong, you know that he should be punished but when he gets wad he deserves from our parents, you will always feel heartache..
However, i think that you should leave things as it is now.. Hopefully he learns his lessons in time and he will change to be a better person. -
how's your mom? does she know her own daughter got punched by a guy under the same roof? let her see your bruises and feel heart-broken. your mom should be falling all over herself nursing your bruises, to be called a momOriginally posted by papercut87:hey guys... thanks. i really really appreciate all the responses...
here r some updates for now: for the past two days, my brother hasnt touched the computer and he has been studying in his room all day.. and he doesnt shout at my mom anymore too. i guess he got pretty scared when the police came that day.
whenever he sees me, he'll look down and try not to look at me.. so now, i feel very bad also.. but at the same time, when i recall that he punched me that night... i'll get angry..
my dad is still very very mad with my brother. he refuses to talk to him, doesnt give two hoots. he told me dat he give up totally on my brother already.
this morning, when my mom wasnt at home, my dad bought breakfast for me but none for my brother. i asked my brother whether he wanted my share coz he had tuition class later until very late, but he said he dont want. then he had to go with an empty stomache... sigh. quite poor thing ?
i think my dad will forgive my brother only if he apologises sincerely. but i feel that its hard for my brother to apologise for now becos every guy has his pride and ego to carry, i guess.
well its has only been a mere two days.. so its quite hard to see whether he has changed for the better but anyway i do hope that he has learnt his lesson well this time. -
hi papercut87 just pop in to say hi..
Everything is now in the cool down stage just let it go naturaly. Do not force anyone to say sorry cos it is not from the heart. Since your brother has return to his studies and I believe you should too.
Pats pats u still have us here in the forums..so u r not alone...hehe.,
Offers a nice ice cream to papercut87 to help her relax.. -
gee, thanks! i love ice-cream
well i guess the incident is over and every1 in the family is trying not to bring it up (except for my bro and dad whu are still on bad terms).. haha... btw its great to know that so much people in this forum actually care and there to offer me with valuable opinions n solutions... thanks guys! -
Tell your dad the family might be just a stone's throw away from being a HAPPY one... And the bridge that has broken up between him and your brother is important for now... Nobody can guarantee what would happen in the future, but for the family to be UNITED to OVERCOME whatever should come is an important aspect....Originally posted by papercut87:hey guys... thanks. i really really appreciate all the responses...
here r some updates for now: for the past two days, my brother hasnt touched the computer and he has been studying in his room all day.. and he doesnt shout at my mom anymore too. i guess he got pretty scared when the police came that day.
whenever he sees me, he'll look down and try not to look at me.. so now, i feel very bad also.. but at the same time, when i recall that he punched me that night... i'll get angry..
my dad is still very very mad with my brother. he refuses to talk to him, doesnt give two hoots. he told me dat he give up totally on my brother already.
this morning, when my mom wasnt at home, my dad bought breakfast for me but none for my brother. i asked my brother whether he wanted my share coz he had tuition class later until very late, but he said he dont want. then he had to go with an empty stomache... sigh. quite poor thing ?
i think my dad will forgive my brother only if he apologises sincerely. but i feel that its hard for my brother to apologise for now becos every guy has his pride and ego to carry, i guess.
well its has only been a mere two days.. so its quite hard to see whether he has changed for the better but anyway i do hope that he has learnt his lesson well this time.