how to ask ex bf to patch back.....
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100th reply liao!
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Feow I understand that you have learnt it the hard way for a very pestering guy.
Is time for -ohyeah- to learn hers, we can only guide and support her in her time of need. No matter what happens we will be here to support you.
shakes pom pom... -
Some things are better left unexplained
reply to your 1st sentence.
I understand your view, & I can understand the concept of pain, granted, but thanks for the reminder.
Actually, there was 1 particular relationship which pained me to let go, but my ex & I understood each other's choice & decision, & though there were times I had the urge to ask him to give it another go, I did Not. Willpower? Maybe. Respect for the other? Definitely. Self-respect? Absolutely.
Hence I don't think the comment is fair, it's Not that I didn't understand the pain, I just chose to deal with it on my own. It's Not fair to burden my ex with MY own pain.
Similarly, I'd experienced exes trying to burden me with theirs. Not a good feeling, it almost drove me demented.
Anyway, I don't think you'd want to force me outta this thread, right? If there's a post, then she should be prepared for the Not so nice things?
AND I've already said, I'll TRY to be patient regarding this matter. TRY VERY HARD 
FeowFeowOriginally posted by Devil1976: Your point in BLUE... Tickles me.... 
Sometimes it's just hard to differentiate... From her ex's point might be misery.. From her point might be FULL of REGRETS and DESPERATE MEASURES....?
I'm not saying her ex should accept her just because of that... Like you, I do hope that she can understand the situation... Learn to accept it and make the best out of it instead...? But sometimes when your feet's not sinking in the MUD... It's just easy to see but difficult to feel the despair..?
To the rest of your post.. Do note that AA sometimes is not only about 'solving problems'... There're some out there who just wish to 'let out' of their system and such.... As much as we may think at times that some people are really arseholes in their acts and DESERVES IT... There's no denying that they could be in pain too...
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*nods* As I've mentioned AD NAUSEUM, I'll try to be more patient
Don't make me lose my patience by trying to persuade me to be more patient, because I've already admitted AD NAUSEUM
FeowFeowOriginally posted by drx:Feow I understand that you have learnt it the hard way for a very pestering guy.
Is time for -ohyeah- to learn hers, we can only guide and support her in her time of need. No matter what happens we will be here to support you.
shakes pom pom... -
what is AD NAUSEUM?
shakes pom pom -
in gross excessOriginally posted by drx:what is AD NAUSEUM?
shakes pom pom -
Nay... Not saying that you can't understand the pain... Glad that you have a more 'relative' and understanding point of view, but realise that not all of us can do that at all times? Some people would just still handle things their own ways... Whether we like it or not..?Originally posted by FeowFeow:Some things are better left unexplained reply to your 1st sentence.
I understand your view, & I can understand the concept of pain, granted, but thanks for the reminder.
Actually, there was 1 particular relationship which pained me to let go, but my ex & I understood each other's choice & decision, & though there were times I had the urge to ask him to give it another go, I did Not. Willpower? Maybe. Respect for the other? Definitely. Self-respect? Absolutely.
Hence I don't think the comment is fair, it's Not that I didn't understand the pain, I just chose to deal with it on my own. It's Not fair to burden my ex with MY own pain.
Similarly, I'd experienced exes trying to burden me with theirs. Not a good feeling, it almost drove me demented.
Anyway, I don't think you'd want to force me outta this thread, right? If there's a post, then she should be prepared for the Not so nice things? AND I've already said, I'll TRY to be patient regarding this matter. TRY VERY HARD
FeowFeow
Yeah.. Certainly there'll be good and bad things within a thread itself.. Not trying to push you out of this thread... Your patience...? Try HARDER...??
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To the thread starter
Just in case you missed itÂ…I quote to you what I think is probably the most important advice you can find in this thread:
Quote from the Devil :
“Why should he accept?
”How he know you won't give him 'nonsense' like before...?”
Think from his perspective and you will be closer to making things work.
I believe the relationship can still be salvagedÂ…the fact that he still pays attention to how you look (when you passed some honey to him) and still asks about important events in your life are already an indication that he is still interested. But you have to make sure your approach is correct.
1)Why should he accept?
Giving him a REASON to miss you instead of suffocating him every time you call
The good news is that you have some territorial advantageÂ…he is in the army now, even if you leave him alone for a few months, itÂ’s unlikely he will meet someone new (given the fact that lady officers in the army usually look slightly better than animals).
Instead of calling all the time and asking him to patch backÂ…cut down on the calls AND MAKE SURE EACH CONVERSATION WITH HIM MEANS SOMETHING TO HIM.
Focus on making your telephone conversations with him lighthearted and fun. You can talk about funny things you encountered in your life since you last chatted with him. When he wants to talk about problems in his army life, patiently listen and give him some support.
Instead of suffocating him with your pleas, make sure he ENJOYS every moment he spend with you. Then he will naturally want to hear from you more.
However, my hunch is telling me that you knew perfectly well that you are suffocating him with your calls yet you canÂ’t help but call him anyway.
This is actually quite similar to how you shouted at him sometimes and instantly regret your actions. In other words, you have a problem dealing with your emotions.
2) “How he know you won't give him 'nonsense' like before...?”
You have to make sure that if he decides to give the relationship another shot, you will be ready to let him see a change in you. If you are still going to shout at him all the time if he decides to patch up, you might as well give up now.
In a lot of circumstances, you can control your emotions through your thoughts
In a lot of cases, emotions are not a reaction to reality, but a reaction to what we THINK reality is.
How you can help yourself is by taking some time now to think about all those events that happened in the past when he did something which makes you angry enough to shout at him.
To give you an illustration, letÂ’s say you called him thrice but he did not answer. Your thoughts start running wild, you are thinking of all the negative possibilitiesÂ…
“He must be meeting someone behind my back, he must be turning gay after spending too much time in the army, he finds me annoying now, he doesn’t care about the relationship anymore, …etc.”
And when you finally get to talk to him, you have accumulated enough anger for you to shout at him.
Now step back and think for a moment.
Was it the initial event (him not answering 3 of your calls) that caused so much anger in you or was it actually what you THINK of the event that triggered your anger?
In other words, if you think something that occurs will hurt you in any way, you will feel fear, anger, sadness and frustration. If, of the same event, you think it will not affect you, you will be indifferent. (Think in terms of the TV show “Fear Factor” to understand what I’m trying to say)
Learn to overcome your emotions by analyzing the stimulus (cause of the emotion), then you will realize there is no reason for you to shout at him all the time. -
Dear KieKieOriginally posted by kiekie:There's alot of people around u who cares and loves u. Trust me, it maybe that u haben realised it cuz u r too eager to patch back wif ur ex-bf and cudn't think logically.
Try to contact ur frens more and indulge urself in more activities.
Thinking abt him all the time will not help u feel any better. Cuz he is not giving u the kind of respond that u r expecting..... Maybe u can find a better guy? Who's willing to sacrifice for u? God knows right?? Be optimistic Ohyeah.
You can do it. Be strong and do not degrade urself...take care
You should really "copy" this post of yours and "paste" it inside your own thread (That "Am I right?" thread).
Just when I'm thinking there seems no way to make you understand..In the best possible way, you have already answered your own questions!
I guess you just want to vent your frustrations when you come here. I hope you read what you have written in this thread again and try to apply it in your own case. -
Thks alot. Yeah, cuz i ve no one else to turn to and resort in airing out my troubles here. AT least i dun shame him in front of my buddies. Except 2 of them whom i m very close with but seldom meet up.Originally posted by curiousOrange:Dear KieKie
You should really "copy" this post of yours and "paste" it inside your own thread (That "Am I right?" thread).
Just when I'm thinking there seems no way to make you understand..In the best possible way, you have already answered your own questions!
I guess you just want to vent your frustrations when you come here. I hope you read what you have written in this thread again and try to apply it in your own case.
But at times, its always easier to advise others and when things happened to ourselves, we may not have handle it in the best way...that we tot we should have.
Like now, i can only chose to believe him..watever he wants to tell me anot is up to him already. Juz have to close an eye.
Getting the list of itemized calls for this month and i realised that he really kept his promise not to contact the other gals.
BUT he's still calling his married colleague every alternate days..... and the highest record now is 41min for their talking time. I mean WTF!! He even call her when i go to the toilet!! And pretend he's setting his hp alarm clock. I m angry deep down in my heart and yet i pretended that everythin's ok.
How i wish i can stop my tuition for every Sat morning in the centre. So that he will not feel lonely. After thinking thoroughly, i felt that it's useless. If he ever want to maintain tat kind of affair or watever wif her, he will try all means. It's not up to me to control. But i cannot leave the centre...and NOW i dun want either! I m thinking if i really give up all for him, will that revive our marriage? If i forgo everything and in the return my trust was betrayed again, i will be jobless, friendless and have nothing left.... but i will nv resort to end my life bcuz of this kind of man! Nevetheless, we have once been in love and vowed for our marriage, now i ve to pick up the broken pieces on my own and treat as if nothing ever happened. It's nv easy... to let go lidat as in he tells me to forget abt his wrong doings..
Mayb my obstinate character has push him to his limits and tat's y he felt like a prisoner. -
Kiekie,
I think you hated him more than you are willing to admit.
But you are still going to stay anyway. Not because you love him.
You stayed because you have invested too much time and effort in him and felt that you deserve some form of return for that investment. That mentality will make both you and him miserable.
You noticed how the table has turned? He has already hinted he wants out. You are the one practically begging him to salvage the relationship because you are the one who invested more in the relationship. Again I will urge you not to confuse that investment with love.
My advice is still the same. ItÂ’s better if you move out. Stay away from him for some time.
Think about it this wayÂ…like what you said, you cannot forget what he had done. Staying around will make you less likely to forget. Every little thing he does now that reminds you of the past will trigger some suspicion from you.
I admire stubborn people because of their determination.
But when love has died, it is time for you to use that determination to move on.