how to ask ex bf to patch back.....
-
Since already broken up, why still wanna force things back..?Originally posted by -ohyeah-:i have been feeling very miserable past few weeks. i dun know how to ask myself not to think too much. waiting is a very miserable process... and i hate it.. so much... but i dun bear to forgive him up. how long must i wait?? i turning crazy soon...one day if i cant bear it, i will go and die.. recently i have been going die.... i feel that it is just a matter of time
Take a few important numbers from here.. You might need it one day...? http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=75218 -
show sincere care for him... attract him back but making urself more beautiful(internal n external)... make nice food for him, then pay him a visit when hes free(provide u actually free)... try to remember wat he likes abt u or jz gals... smile... im sure he will feel ur love for him...good luck!Originally posted by -ohyeah-:and i hope he will appreaciate my effort of changing for his sake....
guys... the gal has hurt u and wan to amend... wat can a gal do to melt ur heart? -
just read your case.
a few things for u to note:
1. Your guy is in the army. He has very little time, coz he probably only can book out over the weekend. Thus his social life is limited, aside from his campmates. So, that makes him finding another gal very minimal. Given the circumstances, your possibility of winning him back is there.
2. Be concerned about him becoz you ARE concerned about him, NOT becoz you want to win him back. There is a big difference btw the two. One has the true sincerity of concern, which ur guy will feel it, and gradually understands u HAVE changed, and not coz u wan to win him back. The other will just cause him to think that you are just trying to win him back, and will increase the pressure.
3. Fishing is an art. To bring in the fish, u must learn how to release the line, then bring it nearer, release the line again, then bring it nearer. Just keeping pulling the line will cause it to break.
Good luck. Do your best. Let things go on naturally. If you two get back, good for you, but if not, let the chapter end and move on. -
Smudgey, you're a good friend, so please don't take what I'm going to say negatively, ok?
Some battles are just Not worth fighting. If both of you are always arguing, or Not feeling happy with each other, sooner or later 1 party will give up on the relationship. If you think about it, why don't you let some trivial things slide? Don't need to "we need to talk" ever so often. Don't need to scream or shout either (Not saying that you do so).
Some things Hamster does may bug me at certain times, but if it's Not too serious, then usually I'll just keep quiet about it. ESPECIALLY when I'm in a bad mood, when I know it's likely I won't listen to his defence. However, on a certain day when both of us are in a good mood, I'll drop it as a joke. Then we'll just talk about it, & it's over. We share a bear hug & both parties are happy.
A relationship is Not about having someone's way all the time, or even those times when we're blatantly in the right. It's about knowing which battles to choose to fight, & which ones we can simply let go & step back. Doesn't mean you hafta keep quiet forever, you can wait till a day when both are cheerful & just drop it jokingly. You'll never know how pleasant things can be when it's cleared up.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by smudgey:I think if you ever ever want this relationship to work, you'll have to change the way you talk to him during a quarrel... I know it's hard. I myself is still trying to control my emotions, what I say, and how I say it... not easy but do you think the relationship is worth it???
You have made it known that you want a patch back. so now what you can do is tell him You are willing to try to change... ask him to meet you 1 or 2 weeks later (set a date) and you'll wait for his answer. then let him think about it. during this 2 weeks try not to bug him or pressure him. let him have time to seriously think about his options.
Be prepared for the worst. meet him two weeks later and hear his answer. but bear in mind that he have been very patient with you in the past. so if his answer is yes, you better really seriously work on changing that attitude (try counting slowly to ten, when you find yourself worked up, taking deep breaths).
That's all I can think of right now. -
*nods in agreement*
Sometimes what guys need is Not what I call the "peripheral things" -- gifts, or even cakes or cards. Many girls make the mistake of thinking these "peripheral things" are the core of a relationship, & represent their love.
The core of a relationship is loving, caring, understanding, forgiving, trusting. After you get these right, THEN you think about the peripherals.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by drx:want to ask u something.
Can u stop pushing your guy over the edge?
Everytime u meet, u asked can we be lovers, can we patch back and does he love you at all or not. I can even feel the heat from here. He got to work especially in the army where life is tough and just one wrong move can kill a person.
Cool down.. you likes to be pester everyday? True love need not be said out in words but felt through the actions of the other party.
If you say you love him then be patient a bit. What is the point of him saying that he still loves you when in his heart he does not mean it at all?
Your ex is giving you another chance so treasure it well.. if he does not why would he even borther to talk to you?
My advice for you is
1) Stop asking whether he loves you or not.
2) Do something nice for him like bake him a cake or make a nice necklace with his name on it.
3) Learn to control your temper. -
DRX, based on your list, FeowFeow fail already lah
1. Cook for Hamster: He cooks FAR better than me. I poison his tastebuds when I cook!
2. Let the guy choose what he wants to do: PASS.
3. Play comp games with him: FAIL. Does watching & laughing with him count?
4. Accept his friends: PASS. Afterall, they're great people
5. No nagging: Oops, once in awhile I do. Thank goodness he's very "auto"
6. Remember all his important days: PASS.
However, I would like to add others which I feel have contributed to our happiness together.
7. Be flexible & willing to compromise.
8. Allow him his space whenever he needs it. And if you understand him, you won't need to ask him whether he needs the space, you'll just know.
9. If he's Not willing to talk today, don't push it. Try tomorrow. Or next week.
10. Massages are always welcome.
11. Kisses & hugs are even more welcome.
12. Be around when he needs you. But don't bug him when he's thinking of a problem. If he needs your help, he'll let you know in time.
13. Let him have his way just because you love him. He'll spoil you rotten because of that.
Oh well : ) When I think of more that's helped us be so happy, I'll list them down
FeowFeowOriginally posted by drx:"wat can a gal do to melt ur heart"
1) cook for guy
2) let the guy choose what he wants to do.
like going to the see movies that he likes.
3) play comp games with him..
4) accept his friends, no nasty remarks about his friends.
5) no nagging, say once can liao, anymore is nag.
6) remember all his impt days like bd.
Actually to help u anymore,
I need to know more about him.
Can give me some data? -
Sargent only so stressed!! try to be in My postion..man..i tell u...but i still make time for my loved ones lar..lil things like flowers, gifts..a listeing ears..but haiz..
anyway, my .02cts worth for u Miss Ohyeah, is step back a lil, thnk by now things wub b better..all de best...Originally posted by -ohyeah-:to: kiekie
u r rite.. he did said "Kana tekan in army and go home kana yelled by u" after few days after we broke up.. i dun know his pressure in the army and i have nv imgaine how pressurized army life can be.... all i know is physcially and mentally tired.. He always say he is busy.. then he said nothing else.
maybe he cant run away from army.. that;s y the relationship ended. when he busy, i just feel neglected... esp he just appointed as segeant.. so i quarrelled wif him
when he was a trainee.... i dun feel neglected at all. we had our happy times at that time. of coz occasionally, i will quarrel wif him but he wil humour me....
but now as a segeant.. he is busy... and neglected my feelings.. i dun bother to ask.. .. just quarrel wif him... I also have stress from my studies and personal stuff....... if he just say out his real feelings.. i believe things would nt be that bad... -
Him him him again.
So it's all your ex's fault? If HE didn't get promoted in the army, then HE wouldn't have neglected YOUR feelings, blah blah blah
Leave the poor guy alone, man. I'm a woman, & I'm being driven demented by your kinda reasoning + how you're bugging him.
He can't help it, alright? Army is a pretty tough place, & who can blame him if he feels stressed? When he goes out into the working world, it's gonna be real tiring too. Responsibilities increase with each promotion. Then what? Are you gonna expect him to put food on the table, AND take time out to pander to your whims & fancies? Chances are, he'll be too exhausted & stressed out!
Girl, loosen up. If I do what you do, my poor guy will go bonkers after awhile. This isn't a way to handle a relationship. Grow up.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by -ohyeah-:to: kiekie
u r rite.. he did said "Kana tekan in army and go home kana yelled by u" after few days after we broke up.. i dun know his pressure in the army and i have nv imgaine how pressurized army life can be.... all i know is physcially and mentally tired.. He always say he is busy.. then he said nothing else.
maybe he cant run away from army.. that;s y the relationship ended. when he busy, i just feel neglected... esp he just appointed as segeant.. so i quarrelled wif him
when he was a trainee.... i dun feel neglected at all. we had our happy times at that time. of coz occasionally, i will quarrel wif him but he wil humour me....
but now as a segeant.. he is busy... and neglected my feelings.. i dun bother to ask.. .. just quarrel wif him... I also have stress from my studies and personal stuff....... if he just say out his real feelings.. i believe things would nt be that bad... -
Army,army ,army again!! Sowht if army is tuff..try getting into my job,then u know wat "FUN " is! anyhow..wheter he;s in army , fire service or secret agent, doest mean he get carried away by stress at work n come homen kick e family dog. But yes..I agree wz FF..give him sum space..but pls let him know u care..by sms..or watever..FF oredi list out except tehsexpart..(i dun noe why she din list out)..
btw, im confiused..who is in trble..Jean, oh yeah..or..?
Take care N remember, be sincere & considerate. there is no i in sex.
btw, FF is soooo right,,army only cannot take pressure, get into the real sick world of office politics I dun noe how..when m stressed, i told myself my partner also stressed..so I listen to her n give her a rub down instead..then I dun feel stress liow..weird..but ..tat;s me!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Originally posted by FeowFeow:Him him him again.
So it's all your ex's fault? If HE didn't get promoted in the army, then HE wouldn't have neglected YOUR feelings, blah blah blah Leave the poor guy alone, man. I'm a woman, & I'm being driven demented by your kinda reasoning + how you're bugging him.
He can't help it, alright? Army is a pretty tough place, & who can blame him if he feels stressed? When he goes out into the working world, it's gonna be real tiring too. Responsibilities increase with each promotion. Then what? Are you gonna expect him to put food on the table, AND take time out to pander to your whims & fancies? Chances are, he'll be too exhausted & stressed out!
Girl, loosen up. If I do what you do, my poor guy will go bonkers after awhile. This isn't a way to handle a relationship. Grow up.
FeowFeow -
well.. after 3 weeks of break up, i still cant give him up.. my feelings for him are still the same.... all these while, i have been initiated to make call/ sms to him. i have been tried v hard to patch back wif him. but i dun seem it works. all these while, he is in camp not coming out. everytime we chatted, the conversation did not last for more than 15 mins. i could not do that. short conversation did sometimes make my whole day bright esp he concerned abt me whether i have my meal.
he always ask me not to think too much and focus on other impt things. i just couldnt do it. i keep thinking of him.
the whole matter does hurt me too much. i believe he is also hurt by me too..... if he still love me, y cant he give me a chance to start whole things again? -
Y keep looking at the closed door ?
try walk further and take a look maybe you will be able to find peace and answer.
u sound like me..
"shi Xin Yan"
give up if the going get really tough and miserable.
coz you wouldn't find happiness thru enforced-relationship
-
subarugal, what is shi xin yan??
-
My ex oso regretted asking for a breakup... but i was much happier without such a girl...Originally posted by -ohyeah-:i regretted to mention break up to my ex....
So maybe u wana reflect whether you are actually good enough for him or not... else just move on... no use regretting, really. -
march 10.
i would like to know if he is really happy without me. do you think i should ask this qns? if his reply is yes, then i will give him up. coz i wan him to be happy -
OhYeah,
May I ask you a question? Just WHEN will you stop bugging your poor bf?
Don't you get it? If he's asking you to concentrate on other things instead, he may be willing to be a friend for now, & perhaps later, he MAY consider (or he may Not). However, if you continue bugging him like this, you'll only push him further from you.
I'm Not ur bf, but I'd been pestered like this by an ex, & I know how irritating it is when my ex kept pestering me for a chance, blah blah blah. Fan2 si3 le4! I'd kept giving in & patching up just to shut his damn mouth, but his nature couldn't be changed, he was too fan2. I kept breaking up with him. In the end, I just distanced myself from him till we ended up Not talking at all.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by -ohyeah-:well.. after 3 weeks of break up, i still cant give him up.. my feelings for him are still the same.... all these while, i have been initiated to make call/ sms to him. i have been tried v hard to patch back wif him. but i dun seem it works. all these while, he is in camp not coming out. everytime we chatted, the conversation did not last for more than 15 mins. i could not do that. short conversation did sometimes make my whole day bright esp he concerned abt me whether i have my meal.
he always ask me not to think too much and focus on other impt things. i just couldnt do it. i keep thinking of him.
the whole matter does hurt me too much. i believe he is also hurt by me too..... if he still love me, y cant he give me a chance to start whole things again? -
Calm down Feow she got to learn things slowly
no point forcing her to your point of view cos she will not be able to accept it becos of her character...
Sometimes learning it the hard way is better..
we can only advice but cannot force a person to listern.
Is up to her to chose her path.... -
Narrow-minded and never gives up.Originally posted by -ohyeah-:subarugal, what is shi xin yan?? -
HI Subarugal, ya u are right..cannot look at closed door..there are other avenues..
so can I look at ur HUD n defi now?
[
quote]Originally posted by subarugal:
Y keep looking at the closed door ?
try walk further and take a look maybe you will be able to find peace and answer.
u sound like me..
"shi Xin Yan"
give up if the going get really tough and miserable.
coz you wouldn't find happiness thru enforced-relationship [/quote] -
*Sigh* You're right, DRX. I just couldn't control myself when I saw how she was pestering her poor bf. I don't feel sorry for her, I feel sorry for HIM! I'd been on the receiving end of this non-stop pestering, & I can sympathise with her bf; I was once myself almost driven demented by this whiney guy.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by drx:Calm down Feow she got to learn things slowly
no point forcing her to your point of view cos she will not be able to accept it becos of her character...
Sometimes learning it the hard way is better..
we can only advice but cannot force a person to listern.
Is up to her to chose her path.... -
let by gones be by gones.. let the past flow...
Feow Feow, too caring and kind ?
Take it easy Ms Moderator...
Oh to -ohyeah- :
Forget it, once the bond is broken its hard to repair.
You made the bond worst though.
In any case, the grass is greener on the other side. ^^, -
Thanks Sekundes. I tend to fly off the handle, or commiserate when it comes to issues very close to my heart. I've tried being patient & nice, but obviously this poster won't listen to our advice, she goes ahead & bugs her ex, then comes back to whine about how sad she is, & what she should do.
Really makes me blow my top.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by Sekundes:let by gones be by gones.. let the past flow...
Feow Feow, too caring and kind ?
Take it easy Ms Moderator...
Oh to -ohyeah- :
Forget it, once the bond is broken its hard to repair.
You made the bond worst though.
In any case, the grass is greener on the other side. ^^, -
You can't expect to change everything in life?Originally posted by FeowFeow:Thanks Sekundes. I tend to fly off the handle, or commiserate when it comes to issues very close to my heart. I've tried being patient & nice, but obviously this poster won't listen to our advice, she goes ahead & bugs her ex, then comes back to whine about how sad she is, & what she should do.
Really makes me blow my top.
FeowFeow
And not many things end with a 'they live happily ever after....'...?
-
Quit creating misery for both parties... Nobody can help you if you don't wanna let go....Originally posted by -ohyeah-:march 10.
i would like to know if he is really happy without me. do you think i should ask this qns? if his reply is yes, then i will give him up. coz i wan him to be happy -
Dev,
It's Not about changing everything in life. It's about opening your eyes, & Not being narrow-minded, as 1 poster has said. Loving someone doesn't equate to bugging the person till he/she goes crazy. Besides, is there any point in asking for advice if it's Not what you wish to hear? Then, going ahead to do things your own way, ignoring the advice you'd asked for in the 1st place, then feeling miserable & bleating that you're so sad, blah blah blah?
As I said, perhaps getting worked up was Not a good thing, & I acknowledge that. Still, I can't help feeling sorry for her ex, who's at the receiving end. I think this point, you might understand it better than many others? : )
Notwithstanding the above, I'll TRY to keep calm when I read the posts But hafta say she's really TRYING my patience
FeowFeowOriginally posted by Devil1976:You can't expect to change everything in life?
And not many things end with a 'they live happily ever after....'...? -
Originally posted by FeowFeow:Dev,
It's Not about changing everything in life. It's about opening your eyes, & Not being narrow-minded, as 1 poster has said. Loving someone doesn't equate to bugging the person till he/she goes crazy. Besides, is there any point in asking for advice if it's Not what you wish to hear? Then, going ahead to do things your own way, ignoring the advice you'd asked for in the 1st place, then feeling miserable & bleating that you're so sad, blah blah blah?
As I said, perhaps getting worked up was Not a good thing, & I acknowledge that. Still, I can't help feeling sorry for her ex, who's at the receiving end. I think this point, you might understand it better than many others? : )
Notwithstanding the above, I'll TRY to keep calm when I read the posts But hafta say she's really TRYING my patience
FeowFeow Your point in BLUE... Tickles me.... Sometimes it's just hard to differentiate... From her ex's point might be misery.. From her point might be FULL of REGRETS and DESPERATE MEASURES....?
I'm not saying her ex should accept her just because of that... Like you, I do hope that she can understand the situation... Learn to accept it and make the best out of it instead...? But sometimes when your feet's not sinking in the MUD... It's just easy to see but difficult to feel the despair..?
To the rest of your post.. Do note that AA sometimes is not only about 'solving problems'... There're some out there who just wish to 'let out' of their system and such.... As much as we may think at times that some people are really arseholes in their acts and DESERVES IT... There's no denying that they could be in pain too...