I need abvice....
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After reading all the post, You onli left 2 choicesOriginally posted by tequila:Thanks Yunhaier, U r really someone i admired of. I apologise if i had offended you with my pervious post.
In the begining i always blame myself and my work that lead to this situation right now but after some thinking and also reading what u said, i think it is only part of the cause...
I don't think change a new job will helps..
Today i actually ask my boss for half day leave so that i can find her and talk about it. She blamed me for treating her so cold for the past few days and refused to talk to me.. Said she will talk to me if she wants to. Am i wrong to treat her coldly when she had done all this thing? Does she expect me to joke with her, love her as much as before? I think this is really the full stop to this relationship but i really can't get over it...
1. Sort out all the problems with her. Give her some time and see if there any changes. Just remember to talk nicely and the best get the In-Law involve.
2. Divorce. (Think carefully before you choose this option) -
Thanks No_problemo,Originally posted by No_Problemo:After reading all the post, You onli left 2 choices
1. Sort out all the problems with her. Give her some time and see if there any changes. Just remember to talk nicely and the best get the In-Law involve.
2. Divorce. (Think carefully before you choose this option)
Last nite she went out till this morning 8 plus as she need to work at 10. She came back and pretend nothing happened. Telling me she spent a lot this month, ask me want to share a cab with her but i declined. I told her its better for us to separate for awhile, move back to her mum's place to cool down for awhile but she dun seems want to do so. Its not that she dun want but i think she's tooo lazy as she had a lot of stuff in the house or she's afraid her parents will scold her.
My mum is very worry abt us. She told me to let do what she wants for awhile if things still dun work well then think of divorce. I feel so guilty to make my mum worried. My sis-in- law passed away after married for 2 months hence i can understand how she feels.
I dun think her parents can help in anyway as they r the one who really spoilt her. They are simply the slave of their 4 siblings. And my wife is very rebellious hence dun think she will listen to them.. -
Double posting
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:
I think what u said is very true, she's just escaping from the problem which i find that she always do that. I dun think i have the chance to talk to her as i need to go for reservist for the next 3 weeks on Monday... Really dun know when can we solve this problem... Haiz...
IMHO, have one final talk first before you make any decision - at least you allow the ultimatum to take place and say your piece. Better to die a Socrate dissatisfied than a fool satisfied.
The cracks of the marriage is rapidly surfacing and her refusal to communicate simply allow her to buy time just to avoid pondering over this failing marriage. She rather spend her time outside partying like wild chick (another sign of avoidance) and what is 'will talk to you if she wants to?'
Complete madness.
This communication shut down has be restore at all cost. This has nothing to do with 'I feel like... or don't feel like' - [b]it has became 'We need to talk' and she has to stop practicing Escapism.
Cheers[/b] -
e core of this problem, it seems, is she felt lonely,needs company n u cant provide dat to her.
then when she decides to look for happiness by herself, she rediscover dat e outside world is so much better!
its jus like a teenager nowaday jus got to know a group of friends who taught him how to smoke, go clubbing n ...... when u tell this teenager not to join this "friends" and dat they r bad guys. how do u tink this teenager feels n react? u do believe he will say," u r rite,i'm sorry. i will leave them from now on" o u tink he will jus tell u to f*** off!
remmeber wat bill clinton did a few yrs ago, to save his marriage. he took his wife on a holiday. n he suceeded. after their holiday, their marriage r almost back to normal. n u can try this as well.
i always wonder wy last time ppl,b4 they got married some didnt even know how each other look like. but in e end they r able to b together till e end. but now, many couples r together 4 yrs b4 they got married. know each other inside n out. but in e end! still decide to go their own ways. divorce is not a way to solve e problem. but u r jus sweeping e problem under e carpet atm. in future, when u met another love, probably e same problem will come out to hunt u again.
on ur part, e problem is with ur job. do u tink this job is more impt then ur wife? as it has already been proven dat this 2 cannot go together. u have to make a choice? do u have any other lobangs other then this current job?
lastly, all e above is jus my general view on ur problem. i tink e best person who can help u is a marriage counseller. go n get their advice!!!
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My heart goes to you tequila.
The pain you are going through must be horrendous. The uncertainty of the future between you and your spouse. Sigh. Life is never easy. Well it talking doesn't work maybe giving her some space might help. To short things out on her own end.
I am not sure about you paying alimony even when she earns more than you. Its really up to the court to decide. Maintenance of her lifestyle which I think is a toal cowdung. Lame excuses for an archaic law. They seriously need to revise the Woman's Charter. Better to see a lawyer over this.
Some time off from work and life in the army might do you some good too. Clear the mind.
Hope all goes well.
Great one -
Ya, what u said is very true. Its partly due to my job but the other side of her is even more scaring if u had read her mail. This job had great potential for me and the reason why i work so hard is also to provide a better future for us. I can't accept the way she behaves, treat our house like hotel. go out till the next day morning. Before all this thng happened i did think of travelling with her but now i find that since she's so heartless then i shouldn't put in so much more.Originally posted by ysatul:e core of this problem, it seems, is she felt lonely,needs company n u cant provide dat to her.
then when she decides to look for happiness by herself, she rediscover dat e outside world is so much better!
its jus like a teenager nowaday jus got to know a group of friends who taught him how to smoke, go clubbing n ...... when u tell this teenager not to join this "friends" and dat they r bad guys. how do u tink this teenager feels n react? u do believe he will say," u r rite,i'm sorry. i will leave them from now on" o u tink he will jus tell u to f*** off!
remmeber wat bill clinton did a few yrs ago, to save his marriage. he took his wife on a holiday. n he suceeded. after their holiday, their marriage r almost back to normal. n u can try this as well.
i always wonder wy last time ppl,b4 they got married some didnt even know how each other look like. but in e end they r able to b together till e end. but now, many couples r together 4 yrs b4 they got married. know each other inside n out. but in e end! still decide to go their own ways. divorce is not a way to solve e problem. but u r jus sweeping e problem under e carpet atm. in future, when u met another love, probably e same problem will come out to hunt u again.
on ur part, e problem is with ur job. do u tink this job is more impt then ur wife? as it has already been proven dat this 2 cannot go together. u have to make a choice? do u have any other lobangs other then this current job?
lastly, all e above is jus my general view on ur problem. i tink e best person who can help u is a marriage counseller. go n get their advice!!!
marriage counsellor? I did suggest but she dun want to. She's very stubborn.. -
Hi Tequila,
Can I give some suggestions?
Since u are both married already, I think u have to think long term.
For this initial period of marriage, she seems to have adjustment problems.
If u both decided to divorce now due to this problem, so soon after marriage, I think it would be giving it up very very easily.
Please think about this. -
Ya, its good that i will be away for awhile. She came home today, trying to talk to me nicely which she usually does after she came home late. I told her if this is the life style she wants then i still can't accept her as my wife. i told her to go back to her parents house to stay so that we can cool things out..Originally posted by Great_One:My heart goes to you tequila.
The pain you are going through must be horrendous. The uncertainty of the future between you and your spouse. Sigh. Life is never easy. Well it talking doesn't work maybe giving her some space might help. To short things out on her own end.
I am not sure about you paying alimony even when she earns more than you. Its really up to the court to decide. Maintenance of her lifestyle which I think is a toal cowdung. Lame excuses for an archaic law. They seriously need to revise the Woman's Charter. Better to see a lawyer over this.
Some time off from work and life in the army might do you some good too. Clear the mind.
Hope all goes well.
Great one -
Hmm... You really should be talking about the marriage counsellor rather than to 'let things cool'...?Originally posted by tequila:Ya, its good that i will be away for awhile. She came home today, trying to talk to me nicely which she usually does after she came home late. I told her if this is the life style she wants then i still can't accept her as my wife. i told her to go back to her parents house to stay so that we can cool things out..
Tell her you care enough and really kinda worries you... And if she really care enough about the relationship, then really shouldn't be taking any chances and to see if the sky would be falling...? -
Hi Mr Li,Originally posted by Li Ka Shing:Hi Tequila,
Can I give some suggestions?
Since u are both married already, I think u have to think long term.
For this initial period of marriage, she seems to have adjustment problems.
If u both decided to divorce now due to this problem, so soon after marriage, I think it would be giving it up very very easily.
Please think about this.
I want it to be long term too.
I really trying very hard to maintain this relationship but it takes 2 hands to clap if she's not a willing party i can't do much too.. -
She will only persume that i'm trying to control her and checking on her..Originally posted by Devil1976:Hmm... You really should be talking about the marriage counsellor rather than to 'let things cool'...?
Tell her you care enough and really kinda worries you... And if she really care enough about the relationship, then really shouldn't be taking any chances and to see if the sky would be falling...?
Yes, i did suggest to her to see a counsellor but she dun really want to do tat.. -
Merry Meet Yunhaier,Originally posted by Yunhaier:Got a question to ask you leh... why am I a crystal child?
Cheers
Well its because you are reborn into this Realm with gifts & task. The Energy you have is more to that of a Crystal Child.
Blessed Be,
Oceanos -
If my husband is half of ur character, how well things MAY have turn out.. Sighz... tequila, this is ur marriage and its up to u to decide whether u wana maintain it or break off from it. Bystanders's advices cannot be the main controller of ur decision making process.Originally posted by tequila:think if we carry on, will only make our lives more miserable.
i don't think i am fit to be a wife, quite true of what u say, i can't contribute at all.
my mind set still a child, play until die. can't commit myself to marriage life.
i detest people nagging and controlling me.
i can't handle responsibilities at all.
i am weak in love, cos i dun know what is it.
i am hard-hearted
I had suggest for counselling but this is what she reply me.. think divorce is the only road now..
I can feel that u r really pissed off by ur wife's behaviour, attitudes, character, habits and her doings behind ur back. All these and those are her flaws that u have either tried to accept or ve overlooked before marriage.
And I think another problem that arises is the way she treated ur mother... Vice versa, dun tell us that u nv take ur mum for granted... for all the things she has done for u? So do u feel angry wif urself? Naturally u will not, u will only feel bad and guilty. But when it's ur wife who throw the tantrums, u cudn't tolerate it cuz the other woman is ur mother.
Now, all in ur mind is anger and hatred....
If u can really let go of ur marriage, u will not be behaving in this way. Cuz u loves her too much and provides too much... and it's hard for u to let go.
Now u are harsher to her, partly is because u buay tahan her anymore... and oso because u wana let her know that u can and u r willing to let her go all she wants... but not because u dun love her. Well, this is what i feel after readling thru all ur posts.
Pls forgive me if i offended u or anyone else... -
In what sense? Seeing a counsellor has nothing to do with control and checking on her... Like you've also mentioned, you simply can't tolerate her form of life-style... Have you been too harsh when trying to patch things through..? You simply can't just expect her to be only agreeing with you and not understanding that she needs her own life at the same time...? Certainly that would be even hard to carry out the 1st step in a negotiation....?Originally posted by tequila:She will only persume that i'm trying to control her and checking on her..
Yes, i did suggest to her to see a counsellor but she dun really want to do tat..
Instead of just making demands from each other, how about seeing things from another angle..? About how things might just fit in from another way so that things can be through and better...?
Make a PROPER 1st step approach and your counsellor might just be doing the right things for you... Making of WRONG MOVES (especially emotional ones) just set the sailing even further... -
u can just go talk to a counseller yourself. tell them ur problem n c wat they can help. afterall, they r trAain, and have more experience in this type of problem.
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u ever tried changing your own job to working hours at least u knock off at latest 8p.m? seriously like that u are not spending enough time at nite with her which is a very bad thing especially when u know girls always crave for attention. for me i never like clubbing girls or girls who club frequent...a leopard never changes its spots....i prefer those with healthier life style.Originally posted by tequila:Please abvice me, i really need some abvice for my marriage....
Ok, i have been married for 10 months, my work require me to work on weekend and 6 day a week. My working hour is like from 11am to 10pm so it seems to be no life for me. My wife who works 5 day week, 8-5 job is always left alone hence i brought her a dog which she's been longing for it. Things goes on well until last month when she knew some guys in disco. She started to change. She stopped wearing her wedding band, took off her "married" status in friendster. The worse thing is she will meet up with them and came back at 5am or even in later hour. she will not answer my call when she's out or didn't even tell me where she's going when she went out. Last nite she went out and came back the next day at 11am. What is this?? She said i dun give her freedom and control her too much. Is there any guys will give such a freedom when your wife is telling ppl she's still single? We quarrelled a lot of times because of this. I'm really very devasted by the change she make.. I was actually thinking of divorce or separate for awhile and let her think what she wants as she told me she's not used to married life. What should i do?
i believe this can be solved....if everyone divorce so easy the why get married in the first place? if u really at the wits end then just kill that philanderer
this will teach monkies that a wise monkey will nevern monkey with another monkey's monkey -
Originally posted by OCEANOS:
[b]Merry Meet Yunhaier,
Well its because you are reborn into this Realm with gifts & task. The Energy you have is more to that of a Crystal Child.
Blessed Be,
Oceanos[/b] Then what is the characteristic of a Crystal Child?
Cheers