ten year waiting
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i have mean carry torch for a girl whom i knew her in my sec 1 camping the first week of school in 1994. let name her SL, she was my clasmate all the way to sec 4. at sec 2 i declared in class to everyone of my classmate i love her. she knew that too but she think too young to think about is. prehap wait until finish sec school study then talk about it as her parent quite strict with her.
but sec 4 a classmate call JX woo her as he manage to concieve her to go steady with her. i don't know that until a classmate call QW told me that, but i bless them at the best. At that time i have a girlfriend from other school call SM but she is not the one i love. so we finish our sec 4 at 1997 and leave the school. she have already break off with JX and QW go after her. QW to me is fuuk people in the world lie here lie there boost himself. i saw QW and SL together at 1999 Sep in our ex sec sch where they having moon light festival. from there i told myself i still love her as i unable to love other girl whom i met before, i am still single today. that night i have a feeling in my heart so painful until i almost cry ask why. few month later i heard my friend who is best friend in school told me i have chance already as she broke of with him.
i every friday not working sure fetch her after work. one sunday at year2000 before CNY i call her to tell her i really wish to hold her hand care about her but she told me she not ready to accept my love as she need time to forget QW. fuuk i told myself, what the hell i doing unable to show her i care her, like her, love her. i got drunk daily almost even at my friend birthday i can finish a 3/4bottle of martell before midnight where the birthday cake not cut and have the gut to drive from east coast park to west coast. i work from monday to sunday in order to numb myself, every weekend is 8am to 11pm. so i getting headaches on and off at 2001, my company doctor refer me to sgh neurology doctor. at 2001 jun i leave the company to ns.
in ns train is hard tough as mono intake in amour, to go throught the train i got pain killer. as post out after bmt. to rp in a camp but mine problem getting worse, my leg slight badly when i sleep and doctor could not find out why, i was ask to go for sleep test and i confirm i suffering from narcolepsy and downgraded to e9l9 at sep2002. doctor told me i sleep ten time ten time are dreaming, no matter taking a nap also dream, condition very bad. if i am tired, sleep should be not a problem. SL do well in her career. after ord i start out my small trading company, thing pick fast. but i still often remind her i still waiting, my best friend told me still not QW she will choose me. i am glad, but often drink until drunk. and slow the habit kick off.
yesterday a class gathering i saw SL with a classmate of ours YH, they both left together in mid of the session at K-box at 8 and 8 plus we leave the k-box together. i think should i confirm call SL to confirm that she and YH are dating , if so what to do, bless same like last time, but i knew SL have a bad image on YH cos he make a remark saying her mom, lor so as he call her home, SL mom answer the phone and start enquire who are you and so and so.
finally i call SL in my car at her house downstair, she told me yes, i bless them, and in my heart the feeling i got the same actually what i got in 6 year ago. i drop the phone i scream and shout in the car and drove to kent ridge to scream and shout my anger out, i drink again, got half drunk. i wait ten year plus for her. i wait for her 5 year to forget her unpleasant past. i got this ending. i miss out so my girl, never get serious in woo and court a girl, yet i got this. stupid right, this call friend -
Sigh...Life is suffering...
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hello friend.. i really feel the agony you're experiencing after reading your story. made me realise that an 'undying love' for somebody still exists... for now all u can do is to give them ur blessings... u've confessed to her so many times liao.. dunno iszit u confess at the wrong time or she isnt interested... no one knows.. only she knows i guess....
but well, good luck. and maybe u might wanna consider the huge forest of trees out there.. ya? *pats yonghao on the back* -
Oh man this is really so sad and torturing. Its really an undying love~ This is so rare. Are you a Taurus? Famous for having a mind set on something and not change it. A round of applause for your determination man!
I hate to spoil your plan but sometimes you have to learn to let go because you are hurting yourself so much. If she is yours, she will be yours long already ever since you first asked her. 10 years is way too long, you cant spent your life just waiting and waiting. How many more years to spare?
Learn to open up your heart to others who may love and treasure you more. You wouldnt know what you have missed just waiting for her so long. Love cant be forced, it happens naturally. For her you can just wish her happiness, be happy that she is happy, and make yourself happy too.
smile~ Dont drown yourself in deppression and unhappiness anymore. You wouldnt want her to be guilty for making you like that too. -
Hello Yonghao
I really feel for you. I am sure at a later point of time, there will be people telling you to be yourself and how the right girl will come later. But I am offering you the last throw of the dice to win her over.
I canÂ’t guarantee you get that SL girl, but itÂ’s worth a try.
But first of all, you must really realize where you failed to impress her so that when you get another shot, you will not screw up.
Reasons for her low interest in you:
1) You are a desperate guy in her eyesÂ…Part I
At the initial stage of a courtship, you must make SL wonder about you. The more time she spends time thinking and wondering about what you might be doing, the higher her interest level will be. Then she will have a desire to know more about you.
But you are always available to her. You fetch her from work, you kept hinting about hitching up with her. And you think by being persistent, she should feel touched and she will suddenly realize you are the one for her? Truth is, you are suffocating her. Imagine a girl doing the same things you didÂ…always available, always hinting about a possible relationship, whatever interest you have in her will evaporate as well.
2) You appeared desperate in her eyesÂ…Part II
You placed SL on a pedestal and regard her as some kind of goddess. You even declared your love publicly to let the whole world know how wonderful and important SL is. The problem is when you start treating someone like she is precious gold, she WILL think that she is precious gold!
And the result? She will start to think, “If I can get this guy to be so interested in me, then I definitely deserve better than him.” That means you are always a back up guy to her. Never give her a reason to believe she is better than you at the initial stage of a courtship. You can hint about your interest but you must show by your actions that you are equally happy without her
3) You appeared desperate in her eyesÂ…Part III
The best way to get a girl interested in you is to show her what you have to offer first.
SL is a young girl when you met herÂ…she is probably still a young lady now. Girls of her age look out for a few personality traits: A fun guy to be with, cocky but humorous, confidence, strength (as in not supplicating to women all the time and have his own opinion about things) and looks obviously.
What you should have done is to display what you can offer to her by showing some attention to her at first. Then, you withdraw and take away some attention from her to confuse her and make her wonder more about you. That will raise her interest level.
Your friend QW is an example of a cocky and “full of himself” type of guy, he can keep SL interested for a while. She is attracted to his confidence.
The other friend YH did not supplicate to her when he is criticizing her mum, he says things as they appeared to him. He doesnÂ’t seek to please her or seek her approval. She could be intrigued by the strength and dominance he displayed.
And you? You showed her sincerity. Then you wondered why she is not touched by it? But hey, my dog is sincere too, so what? If you two are already in a relationship, then sincerity is very important to her. If you are courting her, you have to display some of what you can offer to her that will make her attracted to you, then she will consider whether you are sincere. But you didnÂ’t show her enough. Instead you vomited your emotions all over the place by declaring how you wish to hold her hand?
Recommendation:
1) Cut her off. No more emails/phone calls/sms from you. Cut her off to ensure that she must initiate contact with you. If she doesnÂ’t initiate contact, her interest level is officially zero and she doesnÂ’t even care whether you exist.
2) Be genuinely busy with something in your life. When she do contact you, make sure your excuses are valid for why you have not seen her or met up with her. You should in the meantime be pursuing your own life and your hobbies. Self improvement is very important. There is no point getting her if you donÂ’t have a life except working.
3) Keep maintaining this pattern for a while so that she does more of the initiating than you do. Keep your conversations light and pick up key words she mentioned, then you expand the conversation using those key words to keep her talking (a conversation is like a tree with many branches). The key here is to keep her talking, then be the one to end the call first. Make sure she doesnÂ’t suspect you are lying about being busy.
When you are finally getting a chance to meet her alone, you are going to show her fun and make sure she has a great time. No more expressing your love or any thing like that. DonÂ’t try to advice her if she mentions any relationship problems, concentrate on showing her a good time
4) Keep pushing and pulling and maintain this pattern. Observe carefully whether she is treating you any differently. This time, you are going to be VERY sure that she has interest in you before you HINT about your interest. HINT means you donÂ’t overdo it! Remember what I said about how your desperation puts you out of the game.
5) Be willing to lose her. This is the final throw of the dice really. -
At first i read your thread and i got pissed at the english,but ultimately i was touched by the passion you showed there..Maybe one of these days let her know how you felt about her all these years before moving on..
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yonghao honestly speaking when I read your passage for the first time I really felt sad for you. but I really want to point out a few things that may point to the fact that it was a total waste of effort and love.
1) "declared in class to everyone of my classmate i love her."
I just find this a abit strange if you love someone you should tell her privately why must u declared to the whole class? Will she be embrassed? ever thought of her feelings?
2) . " At that time i have a girlfriend from other school call SM but she is not the one i love. "
So you love SL but you when out and found another gf? Wow nice leh and the best part u do not love her at all. So am i right to say that SM is just a toy to you? Just curious as to why you want to be with someone whom you do not love?
3) "i every friday not working sure fetch her after work. one sunday at year2000 before CNY i call her to tell her i really wish to hold her hand care about her but she told me she not ready to accept my love as she need time to forget QW. fuuk i told myself, what the hell i doing unable to show her i care her, like her, love her. i got drunk daily almost even at my friend birthday i can finish a 3/4bottle of martell before midnight where the birthday cake not cut and have the gut to drive from east coast park to west coast."
You asked her to be your gf, she rejected you nicely as she could not commit to a new relationship so fast. You could have waited for her and give her care and concern waiting for her to change her heart but you went drinking instead. Do you realise that you could kill yourself if you drink and drive?
4) "finally i call SL in my car at her house downstair, she told me yes, i bless them, and in my heart the feeling i got the same actually what i got in 6 year ago. i drop the phone i scream and shout in the car and drove to kent ridge to scream and shout my anger out, i drink again, got half drunk. i wait ten year plus for her."
You bless them? humm... then why the screams and shouts in the car? Wow nice blessing.. If you really want to bless them from your heart, your heart should be at peace cos she had found someone who can take care of her and not screaming, shouting and drinking to numb your senses. This signs shows that you just want her to be your gf not love her truly at all.
5) "i wait ten year plus for her. i wait for her 5 year to forget her unpleasant past. i got this ending. i miss out so my girl, never get serious in woo and court a girl, yet i got this. stupid right, this call friend"
This part I got to ask you properly, : " Did the girl ever say she loved you at all during these so call 10 years of wait?" She never right? When you were down and out was she there for you?
So am I right to say for these 10 years she never say or hint to u that she liked you at all. You turn to drinking, shouting, screaming and nearly got kill for someone who heck cares about you. Is it really worth it ? At this point of time she is the arms of someone whom she loves and does not care for you at all.
My advice for you is this : you have already wasted 10 years of your life on someone who never love you, how many 10 years do you have left? I know is tough to forget her back the very fact is that she never love you at all. YOu tried 10 years liao not tiring meh? -
next jan mine will be a wait of 7 years.. =) im with you
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I'm at the 7th yr, next yr going to be the 8th yr of me waiting for him. haiz... So many ppl on the same boat. But dun give up. Do something!!Originally posted by coffeeortea:next jan mine will be a wait of 7 years.. =) im with you -
may i ask ... it it because we are afraid to show our love to the one we really love or we don't really have an idea ?
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10years is a long time. Did you try to woo her actively during that time?
There is a girl who is waiting for me.. I think this year will be 4th year. Honestly, I dont know what to do. I wish she can find a better person than me. I think its all about fate. If you have fate to be together, you will be together...maybe 10, 20 years later. If no fate, then let it be~ -
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Well, the CHOICE to wait for her for 10years is Yours to make, not hers....
she did not CHOOSE you, what can you do about it?
Try to forget her and move on?
Love her silently from afar?
continue to woo her?
slowly let time heal your wound?
no, no, no.... you did not CHOOSE to do any of that.
instead, you CHOOSE to wallow in SelfPity, to drink your life away, to PUNISH her for not CHOOSING you.
Believe it or not all these things that happen in the past 10 yrs have been all YOUR CHOICES.
well that had been your CHOICES... but your CHOICES are still open
you can still CHOOSE to let go of the past. and move on!!! -
Wahh so many Cs.....
Till I see stars... -
aiyo! waiting for a guy for 7 years?
seldom see girls wait for guys so long.
Must be really handsome leh.... -
mayb both, these things aren't taught in school. You have to experience it to know though some took more tries.Originally posted by reverant_:may i ask ... it it because we are afraid to show our love to the one we really love or we don't really have an idea ?
btw, is it worth waiting for someone who don't even love you for so long ?
Can't remember the saying but it should be like this:
'Sometimes we look so hard at the closed door that we didn't see another is already open waiting for us' -
hi, u shld open ur eyes to other ppl aso loh, there maybe much more better gals around u aso whom will really truely love u one loh...........since already wait for 10 yrs so long liao most prob she is nt the one for u le so no point keep dangling onto it which will nt bear any fruits loh..............
go and notice more ppl around u, who noes maybe ur Miss Right is juz beside u........... -
There is a story about a fly and a closed window. The fly wishes to fly out into the open space, instead of remaining cooped up in a room with no way for it to get out other than a small window located at the top of the room. So every morning, the fly would bang itself on the windowpane, convinced that if it does that enough time, it would one day be able to fly away into the open space, and be free again.
The fly died without ever regaining its freedom
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hehehe really ah... can i see stars with you too?Originally posted by drx:Wahh so many Cs.....
Till I see stars... -
my man, yonghao, curiousOrange has written some very good advice for guys who are chasing girls...Should never come across as desperate, have passion and drive in our own lives, never be a pushover, never let her know that she's got you around her little finger... Some good advice.
But the recommendations for what you should do: wait for SL to initiate contact, push and pull the string in hope that she will develop some attraction for you... this course of action takes time. Her impression of you has been cemented over many years. It will take quite some time to change it.
Well, I feel you should try to let go. To quote starExcaliblur, "Sometimes we look so hard at the closed door that we didn't see another is already open waiting for us"
Cut off contact with SL. Forget abt her. You can live without her. Trust me, the pain is only temporary. It always is. You are an eligible guy, have your own business, you're an entrepreneur. As much as you love and want SL, I can feel there is already alot of bitterness towards her. A relationship cannot be built with that standing in the way.
Be strong. Will yourself to let her go. -
good for you. -
Takes smudgey to sentosa to see stars and eat sushi ...
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Wow ten years
May your next ten yield better results in the love department! -
hmmm... niceOriginally posted by drx:Takes smudgey to sentosa to see stars and eat sushi ...
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nahz he's not.. nerdy type. Very smart though.Originally posted by drx:aiyo! waiting for a guy for 7 years?
seldom see girls wait for guys so long.
Must be really handsome leh....