What to do with this PARASITE?
-
Here the story goes:
This parasite has not been working regularly for past 3 years. She could not stay long for each temp job, and complains about her boss or colleagues. She has 2 old parents to care for but she prefer for her parents to feed her. At age 31, she is still without a lifelong partner. Despite times of her sister's calls to find job for her, she rejects the jobs and never takes the innitiatives to call. What does she have? She has A levels, brains, hands and legs BUT she GOT NO discipline. She will not work even if the job is a clerk because it is too lowly for her. She would rather her sister fork out monthly sums to her parents and pay everything for the family bills. Her father also have to buy lunch for her before she wakes up. She eats free meals without feeling shy. And one day, she got a cheek to ask for a gold supp card from her sis (just to show off). BUT SHE IS JOBLESS.
Another time, she blew her internet phone bills at $600 and her father yelled at her. And so she managed to settle herself. How did she do it? She must have borrowed! She lost her IC once and took more than half a year to finally go and personally replace it at the immigration. When her mum needs money, the mother will go to her sister instead of her. Now she is looking for jobs BUT only jobs SHE LIKES. She is spending money on cheap sales but one wonder how the hell she got the money. Shoes, bags and clothings are her favorite. How did her friends fare? All have jobs and most of them married.
Her sister has tried to push her to find any job and be less picky because she was then preggo with no.2. She would be very unhappy and argued with her sister. She would challenge her sis that her sister got so work up and threw things at her.
Her Hobbies? Oh she love to meet up drink coffee, go out at night, sleep at 5am, wakes up for lunch to be served, then go back to sleep or so. Phone call rings, then go out again. sometimes she stays at home doing nothing EXCEPT chat online or play games. Laundry? Her mum does it for her when she is back at home (her mum stays with her sis on certain days to take care of 2 babies). The washing machine breaks down and she does nothing to arrange to fix it. Windows rivets need to be changed but she waited this month for her mum to act on it. Oh yeah, she smokes too, despite being jobless, how did she get the money to buy cigarettes?
And she has no responsibility using her computer. Its the 3rd computer her sis gave her and each time it is down with virus and problems.
I am her sister. Tell me, what should I do?? I have a family myself. I have 2 young kids and I have been paying for my parents housing and family bills for past 10 years. But I have stop working since I have my first kid. I have no savings at all!!! Tell me. This parasite still needs my dad and mum to take care of her, instead of the other way round. My mum's health is failing too because of old age. Dad is working parttime in a factory to earn some cash. Why doesn;t she feel shameful??? Why doesn't she feels bad that her father have to work at his age?? I don't know how long she is going to lead this life this way. I have had enough. I feel she should share a load of this burden off me. She doesn't even bother to bring my mum for checkups. Sometimes I wish I am better off dead. So that she will seriously start to work and support herself and family.
She is so impractical and unrealistic. She wanted to go for short trips but could not afford to. I don't know why she still does not realise the urgency of our family to need someone to work to help bring in the income for the expenses. How???? Can someone tell me????????
Sometimes, I feel like going out to work and earn more money. But thats not going to solve the problem. Earn more money, so she will feel its alright, its ok, bills will always be paid for.
And yes, I wonder how she pays for her broadband fee of $58 mthly and handphone bills. -
She's seems to be a pain in the neck eh.
Maybe you should stop helping her.
Your Parents should also stop that.
She's being spoilt silly.
She needs some waking up.
Who are her friends ? -
my honest opinion is to be cruel
Get your folks into HDB rented flat move them there without your sis and let her survive on her own - cut all sources of cash for her .. your dad might be paying for it all form his work or savings. -
bring ur parents over to ur hse and stay, without ur sis.
rent a cheap hdb 1 room flat let ur parents stay, without ur sis.
if you still dun want heartless abit now arhz, in the end ur parents ,ur useless sis and u will all die together...
let her try living by herself for awhile...when she got no money and no help from u all..she will start getting her butt moving and find some wrk...i hate this kinda gal lohz..got leg got hand..still dunnoe how to go wrk..think parents wont die one arhz..forever there..and elder sis also got family already..
trust me..must got determination..dun give in any more already. just care for ur parents and ur own family..as well as urself..she need to learn.. -
if only you could disown someone like that.. omg.. extreme liability.. no potential to become an asset AT ALL
-
how come she got no bf?
-
Kicks F Bunta
F Bunta u hor...
She loves her sis alot lah.
She buys her 3 comps liao leh...
Still wondering why no bf ?
no one wants her? -
The computers are used by me and my husband over the years and gave it to her because she says she needs it to look for job, and print resumes. Recently, she did it again to spoil her 2nd used computer and has been pestering her cousin to help her fix it or buy new one. The 3rd used computer was given to her, her last chance to use it properly. Computers were given to her to save money. Appprarently, many times I visit my mum's place, I will find out that she uses the computer for chatting and onling gaming purposes, contrary to what she should be using for. I have decided to give her an ultimatum that if she does not find a job in a month. I will sell the computer and at least the money can pay for many other family expenses. I am just so stressed out. I was earning a considerable 4 figure pay when I was younger and she thought I will be there to hold the sky if it falls. Because of this problem, I had post natal depression after my 2nd baby. Was very grunchy, scolded anyone for the most trivial matter and very paranoid easily. I almost go hysterical each time when mum explains how we should understand this parasite could not find job and give her some time.
-
I have no idea who exactly she mixes with. Thanks for asking, I will find out soon. Y'know at her age, she is no longer in an age of adolescent. However, my father will be typically careful to know who has been calling her at home.
Thanks all for the advice on the moving out suggestion. I have not mention that my mum intend to sell her flat to "feed themselves" and of course, that also means feeding that parasite. I told her whether she sells her flat or not, someone still has to work. I am worried once she sell the flat, its going to be the end of their retirement. When I asked my mum to move closer to me so that we can take care of each other in close vicinity, the parasite says its too far, taking a cab from orchard road to the area- will cost her bombs. What the f**k, like she is a sole bread winner??? she doens't even contribute the mthly HDB bills, phone bills, household bills, etc. All she does is drink coffee at starbucks in town and had the cheek to complain about being far to reach home.
My mum shield her like no one. When we provide for the cash and stocks for her to rent a small stall to do apprarel business since she could not find a job, she failed to keep the business. I screamed at my mum many times that we have given enough to her. Everyone thinks since my hubby can afford to give me the comfortabe lifestyle, we should have money to keep them going. Isn't that unfair?? I myself is totally financially dependent on my hubby too. My personal savings are gone for you already know. -
Since you KNOW that she's a PARASITE, why are you STILL FEEDING her?Originally posted by mumof2:I have no idea who exactly she mixes with. Thanks for asking, I will find out soon. Y'know at her age, she is no longer in an age of adolescent. However, my father will be typically careful to know who has been calling her at home.
Thanks all for the advice on the moving out suggestion. I have not mention that my mum intend to sell her flat to "feed themselves" and of course, that also means feeding that parasite. I told her whether she sells her flat or not, someone still has to work. I am worried once she sell the flat, its going to be the end of their retirement. When I asked my mum to move closer to me so that we can take care of each other in close vicinity, the parasite says its too far, taking a cab from orchard road to the area- will cost her bombs. What the f**k, like she is a sole bread winner??? she doens't even contribute the mthly HDB bills, phone bills, household bills, etc. All she does is drink coffee at starbucks in town and had the cheek to complain about being far to reach home.
My mum shield her like no one. When we provide for the cash and stocks for her to rent a small stall to do apprarel business since she could not find a job, she failed to keep the business. I screamed at my mum many times that we have given enough to her. Everyone thinks since my hubby can afford to give me the comfortabe lifestyle, we should have money to keep them going. Isn't that unfair?? I myself is totally financially dependent on my hubby too. My personal savings are gone for you already know.
Ultimately it'll just be a DOWN DRAIN CASE and YOU KNOW THAT...
And your mum's SIDING HER...? Ask your parents who's gonna be taking care of them later...? It's OK if your mum wants to KEEP YOUR SIS ALIVE, but NOT ok if she just wants to GIVE IN TOTALLY to her...
LET YOUR MUM UNDERSTAND THIS: They are not helping her a bit. But they're just DESTROYING her. That you won't be there for her if your parents are no longer there (touch wood, but true fact). She'll have to know how to take care of herself. The more your mum wants to 'defend' her, the HARDER she'll FALL NEXT TIME.... -
You are right. We have to give her the ultimatum. I have already spoke to 2 of my close friends to look for jobs. I am looking for other job openings now for her: and ask her to take up one of them. If not, computer will be confiscated and by 1 month no job, get lost.
I can't believe I actually knelt down and begged her to go to work years ago. She was smiling like nobody's business. I really hate her for what she has not done the past years. I am a person who will work hard even from scratch. I thought about how I work and slogged from a small position. She is HAOCHI LANZUO, she thinks she is right all the time, she upholds her own "principles" and has attitude problem. She would argue at the slightest remark and always insist she is right. I even thought about getting a social worker or councilor to talk to her, but where to get help? and who would help such parasite who is physically capable?
Now me and my mum are at loggerheads. She thinks I treat her like a maid as she gets such megre pay. I told her thats all I have. If she wants money go ask that wretch.Originally posted by Devil1976:
Since you KNOW that she's a PARASITE, why are you STILL FEEDING her?
Ultimately it'll just be a DOWN DRAIN CASE and YOU KNOW THAT...
And your mum's SIDING HER...? Ask your parents who's gonna be taking care of them later...? It's OK if your mum wants to KEEP YOUR SIS ALIVE, but NOT ok if she just wants to GIVE IN TOTALLY to her...
LET YOUR MUM [b]UNDERSTAND THIS: They are not helping her a bit. But they're just DESTROYING her. That you won't be there for her if your parents are no longer there (touch wood, but true fact). She'll have to know how to take care of herself. The more your mum wants to 'defend' her, the HARDER she'll FALL NEXT TIME....[/b] -
31 yrs old n still behaving like some one who is still in early teens ?? pls wake her up from the slumber ... y don u start by asking ur parents nt to get her food every lunch .. n slowly let her learn the word RESPONSIBILITY .. teach her through the basic ... no $ = no food .. tats simple .. she doesnt wan to get her own food .. then so be it .. slowly withdraw the strings ur family n u had given her these years .. seriously .. if all of a sudden u take everything away from her .. i dunno hw drastic it might b ... better to take a step at a time ..
as for the moving hse suggestion .. mayb it is a good idea .. let her take care of the bills herself n see hw it works .. as for hw she managed to support some bills herself .. i think free lancing as pro could be possible .. y not check her chat logs ( i koe this is invading one's privacy ) to find out wth she had been doing all these years ..
lastly .. i believed u had done all u could as a elder sis .. it is up to her to realised what is good n bad for her .. -
My dear, in life, people always react to two ways, that is the way THEY WANT, and the way THEY NEED.. Your sister WANTS to spend like a taitai, wants to buy stuffs in sales, want to have a carefree life with no form of responsibities or obligation to herself, her parents, you, let alone society. She wants money, things to be always so easy and readymade, but the reason for her being this way, is cos there is NO NEED on her part. You and all the rest have been spoonfeeding her all these years and fulfilling every single aspect of her needs, regardless of how unnecessary or extravagant those may be. Given a choice between opening her mouth and asking for favours, and working her socks off, of course she would choose the former. You have to understand, that not everybody is born with a sensiblity that its the duty of the children to provide for their parents, as singaporeans to do their part for society and the less fortunate. Your sister is not being realistic. She's living in her own world, where she gets things done her way, and always procrastinating cos there's no goals in her life, no ideals, no direction. Have you ever had a talk with her, and ask her what she exactly wants to do with her life? Does she want a specific career? Talk to your parents, and tell them that she is on her path to ruins if she doesnt change herself for the better, cos they wouldnt be around forever to take care of her. Lastly, i think you're a fantastic sister, and you certainly have done your part as a sibling. We all admire and respect you for your efforts, dedication and responsility, so please do without those guilt. Its certainly no fault of yours that she turn out this way. Most importantly, you have to remember that your PRIORITIES lies with your IMMEDIATE FAMIILY, and please, do some savings on your own, cos when the time comes for your kids to pursue their education, your retirement, medical expenses, you know jolly well that you have only yourself and your husband for support, cos that worthless sister of yours cannot be rely upon. Take care and God Bless !
-
Thanks for your advice. I think we have given her way too much. Taking all away immediately means we are seriously. And I'm shock that there are suggestions she is possibility a freelance pro. But I can't believe and imagine she will stoop to so low!!!! No, I don't think so, I had checked some of her chat logs, she had been borrowing money. Well, she rather borrow to survive than work.Originally posted by Saint`:31 yrs old n still behaving like some one who is still in early teens ?? pls wake her up from the slumber ... y don u start by asking ur parents nt to get her food every lunch .. n slowly let her learn the word RESPONSIBILITY .. teach her through the basic ... no $ = no food .. tats simple .. she doesnt wan to get her own food .. then so be it .. slowly withdraw the strings ur family n u had given her these years .. seriously .. if all of a sudden u take everything away from her .. i dunno hw drastic it might b ... better to take a step at a time ..
as for the moving hse suggestion .. mayb it is a good idea .. let her take care of the bills herself n see hw it works .. as for hw she managed to support some bills herself .. i think free lancing as pro could be possible .. y not check her chat logs ( i koe this is invading one's privacy ) to find out wth she had been doing all these years ..
lastly .. i believed u had done all u could as a elder sis .. it is up to her to realised what is good n bad for her .. -
She was a writer, she only wants to work in media related industry, and never want to work such as a Borders sales assistant. Without jobs for a long time now. She stll refuses to get lower paid jobs, after several unsuccessful interviews with her dream jobs. We could not discuss this problem calmly. Each time I try to talk to her, she will become defensive, and flare up. Her dream? What dream career at age 31?? I am 33. I have already enjoyed my top career days. People who have been working for many years and at my age usually move on to bettter position at this time or quit to do own business or become homemakers. It dosen't look good on her resume too-long absence of employment history takes her chances away from the potential job. Yes, I may sue her for not being responsible and not supporting my parents. I'll have to find out how to do that. Thks for your message.Originally posted by Chief_SittingBull:My dear, in life, people always react to two ways, that is the way THEY WANT, and the way THEY NEED.. Your sister WANTS to spend like a taitai, wants to buy stuffs in sales, want to have a carefree life with no form of responsibities or obligation to herself, her parents, you, let alone society. She wants money, things to be always so easy and readymade, but the reason for her being this way, is cos there is NO NEED on her part. You and all the rest have been spoonfeeding her all these years and fulfilling every single aspect of her needs, regardless of how unnecessary or extravagant those may be. Given a choice between opening her mouth and asking for favours, and working her socks off, of course she would choose the former. You have to understand, that not everybody is born with a sensiblity that its the duty of the children to provide for their parents, as singaporeans to do their part for society and the less fortunate. Your sister is not being realistic. She's living in her own world, where she gets things done her way, and always procrastinating cos there's no goals in her life, no ideals, no direction. Have you ever had a talk with her, and ask her what she exactly wants to do with her life? Does she want a specific career? Talk to your parents, and tell them that she is on her path to ruins if she doesnt change herself for the better, cos they wouldnt be around forever to take care of her. Lastly, i think you're a fantastic sister, and you certainly have done your part as a sibling. We all admire and respect you for your efforts, dedication and responsility, so please do without those guilt. Its certainly no fault of yours that she turn out this way. Most importantly, you have to remember that your PRIORITIES lies with your IMMEDIATE FAMIILY, and please, do some savings on your own, cos when the time comes for your kids to pursue their education, your retirement, medical expenses, you know jolly well that you have only yourself and your husband for support, cos that worthless sister of yours cannot be rely upon. Take care and God Bless !
-
I got a friend who is just like that!!! I tried every thing, understanding, reverse psycho, even treating him like a kid. nothing works. i gave up, maybe you should too.
-
Thanks, this is one of the most analytic advice I am reading. Excellent points and proccesses! Yes, like some of you here said - I have to be heartless.Originally posted by F Bunta:The best person to advise on such matters is a man, because we're such logical creatures
1) Get your facts right
- your sister is a lazy bum
- your parents dote on her
2) Understand the situation
- your sister will not work, and it doesn't matter if you help her look for a job
- the money that you give to your parents will be channeled to her, whether you like it or not
- the only way to make her wake up her fucking idea is to sever all supports
3) Formulate the strategies
- do not support your sister in any way
- cut your contributions to your parents so that they're also unable to support you sister
4) Results
- once the supplies are completely shut off, your sister would have no choice but to start working
5) Aftermath
- resume your financial aid when your sister shows consistency in working -
Cut all ties n connection. Its because you all are still being NICE and UNDERSTANDING. Time to stop. Be prepared for the worst. She has become a liability that you cannot afford too. Publicly denouce her as your sister and as your parents daughter. My friends parents did that to thier no good daughter. Now she has to fend for herself and know the hardships of life.. THE HARD WAY. There can be no sympathy for people like this. Even if its your own flesh and blood. They are like CANCER.. if you dont cut it out.. it will spread. N u will all fall.. thanks to her.,
-
One word: what you deem as your measure of success might not be hers. -
I do not expect much for her to achieve something great. I just want her to stand straight with her dignity, have an honest job just like anyone and bring back the bacon - no matter how much. She can be successful if she has the right attitude and works hard. Some people just want the short cut y'know what i mean?Originally posted by mistyblue:One word: what you deem as your measure of success might not be hers.
-
try first then say
more action less words. -
when family members are concerned, we tend to be more forgiving.
that may be just the deciding factor why your sis refuse to work.
i mean why will anyone work if they can get money just by asking ?
actually it is more often then u thought, esp in developed countries when they are more affluent.
in japan, they actually termed this hikikomori, where one totally withdraw from society, living on parents' wages or savings.
the longer they stay this way, the lesser the possibility of them returning to society. -
Simple.....cut yourself off from the family.......yes.....including your mum n dad....
One knows how to survive..... -
Hi
I am touched to know you are really a very good sister. I believe you have already done all you can to help your little parasite sis..
She is acting very poorly and childish. Who did she go out with? MAybe you can check that out. I am quite surprised she can always find someone to go out with everyday at this age, because I assumed someone that age already busy with family and career.
Do you know why she stopped schooling at A level? That is why she can't find a proper job with that. And having said that, perhaps, in her heart, she feel inferior that her sister you is so much well better than her, with her inferiority complex, she stopped motivating herself, and thus decided to start "parasiting" on her family.
I still agreee with the other people who mentioned to be cruel to her. I think it is the only way to let her learn. But also, make sure she doesn't do anything illegal when you all cut off connections so she find a proper job..that is the only thing I am worried because no one knows what her "outside friends" are..
I think she seriously need some counselling to get her life back properly. I believe there is something hindering her in her heart that she doesn't say.. or else maybe it is because she takes life too much for granted.
What is her interests? What else does she find joys doing beside smoking and shopping? Does she care for others?? Is there any way to help her find a job that she is interested in? so that way she can keep the job long. Or else maybe let your parents stay with you for awhile, sell the flat to overcome the financial turmoil and let your parasite sis know temporily what is going to happen. Let her know she don't have a choice now, and except find a job and work. When you don provide money to her, I guess she got no choice and will work already. Humans act only under forced situation whereby they got simply no choice.
I hope your sis very soon will realise her mistake and start living again! Good Luck !
-
Hi mumof2,
I have a suggestion. Please bring ur sis to a psychiatrist. She might have negative schizophrenia. This is a condition where someone loses motivation, is withdrawn, loses schedules/ structures, etc. I think it's quite possible ur sis might be suffering this illness. Especially all ur descriptions, how she stayed up until 5am, seldom able to hold work, etc.
I disagree with the suggestion to make her move out, cut support, etc like that. Becoz I think it's not productive. If u cut support, she might not be able to stand on her 2 own feet. Just get her checked first. If she's indeed having this illness, cutting support is not gonna work coz she's not like other normal people who can stand on 2 own feet when forced.
As a sister I think u are having a big pressure but ultimately u still love ur sis and please just get her checked first instead of cutting support or anything like that, coz I think it will ruin ur family ties for the future. Ultimately u want to save ur sis and ur family and I think u should think of the best solution and be wise.
Ur sis will never agree to go to hospital on her own accord. You have to think of a creative way, or persuade her somehow. Then, accompany her there, u and ur mum. You and ur mum should talk to the psychiatrist as well.
If neccessary, ask for a test, a written test. That will be more accurate. But the psychiatrist might be able to tell without any tests. And then, ur sis will take medication for at least 1 year. But believe me, ur sis will change. From then on she will really do change.
I think this is one way u can really save her and get her back as ur sis, and save ur family/ parents, urself, without ruining family ties for the future.
Trust me.
Just get her checked first. Ok?