What he wants?
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When a guy say he want to talk to you about ur relationship problem, but when he sees you, he just keep slient? So what does that mean? He doesnt know how to start or he is just saying to for the sake of it?
My bf n me are going through this now. 1 mth ago, he just suddenly says he doesnt knowwhat he wants, doesnt know if there is a future for us. I told him that we should take time apart and think abt it. Of cos, during this period he still remain in contact with me. But whenever i ask him if he wants to talk abt our problem, he just says to give him more time and do things slowly.
I keep telling him we cant avoid our problem. If there is no future for us, then we should move on. He just says he knows but keep quiet. Even when we met, he didnt look me in the face when i asked him if he wants to talk about our problem. I keep telling him we should talk and even if he cant give any promises, at least he can be honest about it and not just give execuses and hide. Still he just says he knows and understand but didnt talk.
Im really clueless about what he is up to. He is afraid that i'm seeing someone else, yet he doesnt want to make an effort to talk. Just tell me he very very stress with work. Even if want more time, he cant say how long i have to wait for him to talk.
What does he wants? -
Originally posted by Vilue:When a guy say he want to talk to you about ur relationship problem, but when he sees you, he just keep slient? So what does that mean? He doesnt know how to start or he is just saying to for the sake of it?
My bf n me are going through this now. 1 mth ago, he just suddenly says he doesnt knowwhat he wants, doesnt know if there is a future for us. I told him that we should take time apart and think abt it. Of cos, during this period he still remain in contact with me. But whenever i ask him if he wants to talk abt our problem, he just says to give him more time and do things slowly.
I keep telling him we cant avoid our problem. If there is no future for us, then we should move on. He just says he knows but keep quiet. Even when we met, he didnt look me in the face when i asked him if he wants to talk about our problem. I keep telling him we should talk and even if he cant give any promises, at least he can be honest about it and not just give execuses and hide. Still he just says he knows and understand but didnt talk.
Im really clueless about what he is up to. He is afraid that i'm seeing someone else, yet he doesnt want to make an effort to talk. Just tell me he very very stress with work. Even if want more time, he cant say how long i have to wait for him to talk.
What does he wants?
Sometimes, they call this the caveman theory - when your man is unable to relate to you about his feelings and thoughts and you know that something is affecting him/the relationship. He is undergoing a transition where he needs to think about 'something' and this 'something' doesn't have a direct answer, more than it requires a decision (Especially worst if your bf is a Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius).
The reason why he stalls time and not letting you know is because he knows that this matter, whatever it may be, will place the relationship in new position, likely to be for ill. He thinks because he tries to accommodate his conscience, heart and mind... which resulted in serious conflict that render him the inability to say anything.
There is a battle within, struggling to find an answer or to accept a solution which fit the best of both worlds.
But there isn't.
The battle rages on.
*** To handle this, don't ASK him what happen; induce him to come out from his reclusive mental retreat through gradual verbal leading. He doesn't know what is he thinking about... you draw him out by dropping questions. But don't go about trashing things and interrogate him as if he murdered someone - you can begin the ball rolling first by relating and sharing your opinion of the relationship yourself. This will create a mood to talk about things and psychologically lure him into having an emotional talk with you.
Before you can open the hearts of others, you got to open yourself first. Then you can pop a few question of... 'Is it because I always neglect you...', etc. Leave the most critical questions last (E.g. you fell for someone else?).
Always check body language when you speak to him. You could zero in on issue which you think could be the source of his torment.
Cheers -
nice reply, yun...
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He's half-hearted.Originally posted by Vilue:When a guy say he want to talk to you about ur relationship problem, but when he sees you, he just keep slient? So what does that mean? He doesnt know how to start or he is just saying to for the sake of it?
My bf n me are going through this now. 1 mth ago, he just suddenly says he doesnt knowwhat he wants, doesnt know if there is a future for us. I told him that we should take time apart and think abt it. Of cos, during this period he still remain in contact with me. But whenever i ask him if he wants to talk abt our problem, he just says to give him more time and do things slowly.
I keep telling him we cant avoid our problem. If there is no future for us, then we should move on. He just says he knows but keep quiet. Even when we met, he didnt look me in the face when i asked him if he wants to talk about our problem. I keep telling him we should talk and even if he cant give any promises, at least he can be honest about it and not just give execuses and hide. Still he just says he knows and understand but didnt talk.
Im really clueless about what he is up to. He is afraid that i'm seeing someone else, yet he doesnt want to make an effort to talk. Just tell me he very very stress with work. Even if want more time, he cant say how long i have to wait for him to talk.
What does he wants?
It takes 2 hands to clap... -
Not a good sign..
Like wat Yun said, caveman theory.. when a caveman wants to hide in the cave, juz give him time and peace.. let him sort things out then he will be back to u, maybe even more loving. But I'm not that lucky lor.. The Leo I met reacted this way but he drifted away from me, he told me he is different from a caveman.. LOL.
Maybe he duno how to put it across to u.. try to help him open up..starting with closed ended questions and such lor.. try not to get emotional..will stress him more. -
Originally posted by elektra:nice reply, yun...
P.S: Start learning your astrology already?
Cheers -
paiseh.. haha abit stagnant. u?
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he isnt sure of the r/s. he isnt sure of himself. maybe he's experiencing emotional stagnancy. yet i'm sure he still likes you. thats why he is still hanging on. so you hang on too gal. he needs time. he needs space. he needs you.
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Thanks for the advices and support.....
I understand the "caveman theory"...but its just that how long is he going to hide inside? Forever? He gets very jealous when he heard that i go out often and possibly might be seeing someone. Even he fear he will lose me, he didnt do much, except to quarrel over it, then apologise for that later.
He actually told me that his friends didnt know about his r/s problems and yet I told me friends...what is this.....
I'm actually thinking of giving him an ultimate.... -
Originally posted by browniebaobao:Not a good sign..
Like wat Yun said, caveman theory.. when a caveman wants to hide in the cave, juz give him time and peace.. let him sort things out then he will be back to u, maybe even more loving. But I'm not that lucky lor.. The Leo I met reacted this way but he drifted away from me, he told me he is different from a caveman.. LOL.
Maybe he duno how to put it across to u.. try to help him open up..starting with closed ended questions and such lor.. try not to get emotional..will stress him more. That's why Venus Mars book isn't necessary a good book. Although it opens your mind to some school of thought in Love, but it's all too commercialized and written based on western context. For Asian mindset and attitude towards Love, there is a need to remodify.
Leo?
Well, interesting.
Cheers -
Nice...Originally posted by Yunhaier: Sometimes, they call this the caveman theory - when your man is unable to relate to you about his feelings and thoughts and you know that something is affecting him/the relationship. He is undergoing a transition where he needs to think about 'something' and this 'something' doesn't have a direct answer, more than it requires a decision
Ya I agree... probably he needs some time to think and not too sure how to relate to you... but if it drags on too long... then I think it may become a serious problem... that he himself doesnt even know... -
yun.. u write the book la...
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a typical leo guy would require constant coaxing i suppose.. from commenting on him that he's hair looks great today, to many many i-love-u-s.
in the threadstarter's case, she needs to put in more effort this time to make clear her love and loyalty for him. and she'll stand by watever he decides, whether to part or stay together to fight a challenge, and that she'll love him no matter wat... -
As usual lor...Originally posted by elektra:paiseh.. haha abit stagnant. u?
Studying occasionally bah.
Cheers -
Originally posted by elektra:yun.. u write the book la... Write liao... called CloUdiSm.... book of Yunhaier, though not yet complete.
Cheers -
I think Yunhaier gave a pretty good theory on the cavemen theory.
Guys need some time alone to sort out issues and unlike girls, most don't talk to their buddies. Help your guy on this 'transition' period, and maybe your relationship will become stronger than before.
Anyway, it is not healthy to give an ultimum(wrong spelling) on relationship, emotions are not a black-and-white contract or agreement in life. You are giving yourself pressure and if he knows about it, it will further put the r/s into jeopardy. If you really do love him, be patient and be there when he finally needs to open up and talks about it. -
so is there a book that analyze everything abt a man and a woman accurately and in details?Originally posted by Yunhaier: That's why Venus Mars book isn't necessary a good book. Although it opens your mind to some school of thought in Love, but it's all too commercialized and written based on western context. For Asian mindset and attitude towards Love, there is a need to remodify.
Leo?
Well, interesting.
Cheers -
Only books which CLAIMS to be...Originally posted by browniebaobao:so is there a book that analyze everything abt a man and a woman accurately and in details? -
hey vilue, to be really direct and candid, perhaps even offending, by probing him to talk won't make him talk. If he really does, it could be bad news.Originally posted by Vilue:When a guy say he want to talk to you about ur relationship problem, but when he sees you, he just keep slient? So what does that mean? He doesnt know how to start or he is just saying to for the sake of it?
My bf n me are going through this now. 1 mth ago, he just suddenly says he doesnt knowwhat he wants, doesnt know if there is a future for us. I told him that we should take time apart and think abt it. Of cos, during this period he still remain in contact with me. But whenever i ask him if he wants to talk abt our problem, he just says to give him more time and do things slowly.
I keep telling him we cant avoid our problem. If there is no future for us, then we should move on. He just says he knows but keep quiet. Even when we met, he didnt look me in the face when i asked him if he wants to talk about our problem. I keep telling him we should talk and even if he cant give any promises, at least he can be honest about it and not just give execuses and hide. Still he just says he knows and understand but didnt talk.
Im really clueless about what he is up to. He is afraid that i'm seeing someone else, yet he doesnt want to make an effort to talk. Just tell me he very very stress with work. Even if want more time, he cant say how long i have to wait for him to talk.
What does he wants?
Why not try a different approach? If you're sincere and wishes the relationship would go on, allow him to figure things out. Far too often when a problem comes up, we don't even know where it came from. Give your bf his space, give him comfort, love and support. He most probably have a lot of other problems including his studies, family all bundled up together, making him very confused.
Cliche as it sounds, it's a lot of give and take. If you're there for him during his troubled times, even if he says nothing, I can assure you he IS happy that you're there for him. Given enough time, he'll talk.
Maintaining a loving relationship relies a lot on communication. And when i mean communication, i mean talking to each other with a problem solving approach - with a heart to mend the lines; not bitching and bitching and complaining and lamenting. -
Originally posted by browniebaobao:so is there a book that analyze everything abt a man and a woman accurately and in details? Every man and woman out there is uniquely different, even if there is a book that talks about man and woman, it is probably generalising - like what Devil says: claims to be. My advice is to read more and wide. If you are interested in studying relationship, you should read, especially those strange books that may not be so well marketed like Venus book... some corner books maybe and read non relationship context like psychology. Because I feel some of these very well-marketed books often say things that are so similar that it is of no difference. After one or two read, it become commercialized akin to saying things that people are expected to read. And the other things you read helps to complement your knowledge of Love for Love is ONE HUGE TOPIC that has many, many subjects beneath it.
Cheers -
Fwah, I'm amazed ... so many patient people here.
Personally I'd be so irritated if I were in your situation. I hate it when someone just keeps me in suspense without any conclusion.
Something is holding him back from being totally honest with you. But we don't know what's he afraid of . Perhaps you need to reassure him first that you'll be supportive / won't blow your top / will be reasonable, no matter what he tells you. -
yeah he doesnt know what he wants man. People like him doesnt open up to what he is thinking. Its really hard to communicate in this way, thats a asian people speciality, keeping quiet. Thats maybe whats different from the mars venus book. its would be good if theres a book that write about how asian boy and girls think.Originally posted by Vilue:When a guy say he want to talk to you about ur relationship problem, but when he sees you, he just keep slient? So what does that mean? He doesnt know how to start or he is just saying to for the sake of it?
My bf n me are going through this now. 1 mth ago, he just suddenly says he doesnt knowwhat he wants, doesnt know if there is a future for us. I told him that we should take time apart and think abt it. Of cos, during this period he still remain in contact with me. But whenever i ask him if he wants to talk abt our problem, he just says to give him more time and do things slowly.
I keep telling him we cant avoid our problem. If there is no future for us, then we should move on. He just says he knows but keep quiet. Even when we met, he didnt look me in the face when i asked him if he wants to talk about our problem. I keep telling him we should talk and even if he cant give any promises, at least he can be honest about it and not just give execuses and hide. Still he just says he knows and understand but didnt talk.
Im really clueless about what he is up to. He is afraid that i'm seeing someone else, yet he doesnt want to make an effort to talk. Just tell me he very very stress with work. Even if want more time, he cant say how long i have to wait for him to talk.
What does he wants?
it must be really tiring for you to keep guessing what he is thinking man.
He does belong to the cave, just wanna hide from the problem.
From what I guess, he just afraid to make a decision that he will regret after that, and at the same time he didnt know how to improve the situation. I guess he may be feeling kinda confused but doesnt know how to say it out. Maybe you 2 do need time alone and think it through. whether is there any future if he continue to not speak about problems and keep hiding in his cave. quite tiring. -
I guessed as much. I dun think anyone can be so confident that he/she knows the characteristics of every individual or relationship thoroughly.Originally posted by Yunhaier: Every man and woman out there is uniquely different, even if there is a book that talks about man and woman, it is probably generalising - like what Devil says: claims to be. My advice is to read more and wide. If you are interested in studying relationship, you should read, especially those strange books that may not be so well marketed like Venus book... some corner books maybe and read non relationship context like psychology. Because I feel some of these very well-marketed books often say things that are so similar that it is of no difference. After one or two read, it become commercialized akin to saying things that people are expected to read. And the other things you read helps to complement your knowledge of Love for Love is ONE HUGE TOPIC that has many, many subjects beneath it.
Cheers
I do read, not juz mars n venus books.. but I hardly have time for that. Only when I'm on vacation or when I'm in bookstores then I have the time and peace to read them. -
Know characteristic of individual and relationship thoroughly? Maybe you should learn Astrology...Originally posted by browniebaobao:I guessed as much. I dun think anyone can be so confident that he/she knows the characteristics of every individual or relationship thoroughly.
I do read, not juz mars n venus books.. but I hardly have time for that. Only when I'm on vacation or when I'm in bookstores then I have the time and peace to read them.
Cheers -
well, a pisces may find herself not behaving like a pisces, but have characteristics of other horoscopes. Aries might give pple the impression tat she should be pisces and not aries. Haha.. how do u explain that?Originally posted by Yunhaier:Know characteristic of individual and relationship thoroughly? Maybe you should learn Astrology...
Cheers
Is that confusing? How can one be so sure that an aries can/will/shall only have the characteristics of aries and not others? So how can one actually tell the character/thinking/strength and weakness a person really has?