Envy...How to Control?
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Deep inside, I am someone who feels pretty competitive, therefore I will feel disappointed when I feel like I am not performing up to standard compared to my other friends. So lately, I have been hearing a lot of success stories from my friends who are the same age as me...like how many of them are getting offer to work here, etc...this provokes me a deep sense of envy in me...cos I am not doing as well as them.
I know I am not supposed to be feeling this way, and I might have even become unfriendly to them because of this. Not that they would care, cos who am I to them? Just a good-for-nothing, an acquaintance, nothing more than that.
Somehow, deep inside me, I am convinced that I will do something great one day, but at this point of my life, it seems like I am banging my head against the wall thinking about what that might be. I can't find any proof to support my conviction, but somehow my heart just believe so firmly in it. Even when my mind tells it that that is just a dream and nothing else, it is still there. I do not know why my instinct is stubbornly holding to something I think is false dreams because it will only disappoint me in the end when I do not do something great after all.
I am confused and depressed over this, especially when more and more of my friends are coming up to me to tell me about their interviews and success...I even had to resort to blasting my music so that I do not have to listen to my roomie talking to her bf about how her interview went when they are both in the room...
How to control my feeling of envy before it eats into me further?
Sorry for the long post... -
Before you let that 'depression' eats you up... Understand that 'success' is not neccessarily measured by your career status alone... Your friends are probably having much 'depressions' of their own because of their 'success'....?
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Many people have different talents. I do envy sometimes.. a friend who gets to do her masters degree at 19yr, or a fren who is doing her phd at 21yrs.. the thing is to be satisfied with what you can do or are able to do. Seek pleasure in this and success will come knocking.
As for my friends, they did not seek success.. they enjoyed what they were doing. -
I used to hve such feelings until somewan tell me...
Nobody is the best, one way or another, u r better than others... Dun compete with others abt their strong points. Look further ahead... U will c ur own strength tat surpass others.
Once u try to compete with others, u might nt win anyting, instead others may overtake u on wat u r gd at. So... Juz be relax, be cool. Appreciate ur strength, nt be jealous of others... Coz wat u hve may be wat other lacks.
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This is true, but still...maybe it is my own expectation as well, I feel like I am not fulfilling it...Originally posted by Devil1976:Before you let that 'depression' eats you up... Understand that 'success' is not neccessarily measured by your career status alone... Your friends are probably having much 'depressions' of their own because of their 'success'....? -
That's one of the problems...I can't find what I truly enjoy. I have taken so many classes here, and they only make I detest what I am supposed to be doing more. Therefore, this also contributes to me feeling helpless and lost, because all my other friends seem to love what they are doing.Originally posted by alexkusu:Many people have different talents. I do envy sometimes.. a friend who gets to do her masters degree at 19yr, or a fren who is doing her phd at 21yrs.. the thing is to be satisfied with what you can do or are able to do. Seek pleasure in this and success will come knocking.
As for my friends, they did not seek success.. they enjoyed what they were doing. -
Have you been working hard for it...? Maybe you're just not walking in the right direction..?Originally posted by rainee:This is true, but still...maybe it is my own expectation as well, I feel like I am not fulfilling it... -
Sigh, but when everyone is getting interview and job offer but I am the only one left out, I feel like there is something terribly wrong with me. Maybe my success will come later in life, but I guess I am getting a bit impatient, because I cannot find something now that will lead to that, except for that conviction in my heart telling me that one day I will succeed. Tho it doesn't tell me in whatOriginally posted by BlUe G@rF|eLd:I used to hve such feelings until somewan tell me...
Nobody is the best, one way or another, u r better than others... Dun compete with others abt their strong points. Look further ahead... U will c ur own strength tat surpass others.
Once u try to compete with others, u might nt win anyting, instead others may overtake u on wat u r gd at. So... Juz be relax, be cool. Appreciate ur strength, nt be jealous of others... Coz wat u hve may be wat other lacks. 
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Slowly look through the various areas and develop that of your INTEREST... But of course, it must also be a VALID area in the society yeah...?Originally posted by rainee:That's one of the problems...I can't find what I truly enjoy. I have taken so many classes here, and they only make I detest what I am supposed to be doing more. Therefore, this also contributes to me feeling helpless and lost, because all my other friends seem to love what they are doing. -
Could be, but what is the right direction?Originally posted by Devil1976:Have you been working hard for it...? Maybe you're just not walking in the right direction..? -
I only like bits of it here and there...but all of them...doesnt seem to have connection towards one another...Originally posted by Devil1976:Slowly look through the various areas and develop that of your INTEREST... But of course, it must also be a VALID area in the society yeah...? -
Rainee.. i also feel the same as you sometimes. But i wun not resort to what u did. Even though i envy others doing, i try to learn from them and at the same time picking up mistakes on what actually went wrong. Mixed with them instead of drifting away from them. More Smarter Ppl Around u makes u even more smarter becos u will get influence by them and u definitely think even better.
Other people are successful becos when opportunities comes and they eventually grabbed tightly. Not becos you u smarter than others, u means that u will get successful at the end of the day.. Tats native thinking wun happened in today's society.. -
Originally posted by rainee:Sigh, but when everyone is getting interview and job offer but I am the only one left out, I feel like there is something terribly wrong with me. Maybe my success will come later in life, but I guess I am getting a bit impatient, because I cannot find something now that will lead to that, except for that conviction in my heart telling me that one day I will succeed. Tho it doesn't tell me in what
Tis world always reward hardworking and determined ppl, and punish lazy and day-dreaming ppl.
As long as u remain optimistic... there bound to be a job for u to grab!! Maybe the best is for the last?? Who koes!!
Meanwhile, juz enjoy ur life!! U wun get to do tat once u start work!!
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I dun understand the last sentence in your post...native thinking? Or do you mean naive thinking? Well, I have reasoned with myself, I have told myself countless times that it is naive, it is stupid, I should get rid of that conviction w/o any proof, but it is still there...Originally posted by Rod1984:Rainee.. i also feel the same as you sometimes. But i wun not resort to what u did. Even though i envy others doing, i try to learn from them and at the same time picking up mistakes on what actually went wrong. Mixed with them instead of drifting away from them. More Smarter Ppl Around u makes u even more smarter becos u will get influence by them and u definitely think even better.
Other people are successful becos when opportunities comes and they eventually grabbed tightly. Not becos you u smarter than others, u means that u will get successful at the end of the day.. Tats native thinking wun happened in today's society..
I dunno, being around so many smart people gets to me sometimes, they make me feel stupid
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you are using these external measures to determine your success.
Eg:
What's your rank against your friends, what's the amount of money you earn against your fridnd, what's your status against your friends.
But these are external measures and forever, and ever and ever there will be people who are prettier, morehandsome, richer, more fortunate, slimmer, stronger, sportier, healthier, in a better position etc. There will always be someone out there who is always going to be better than you in one way or another.
Is there no end?
Envy is just an emotion and a feel in everyone.
Everyone feel envious. I feel envious of the Super Models. I feel envious of the rich people in my office. I feel envious of even my relatives/colleagues who are rich and had better PR and have a good life while I slog away for nothing. But, its just a feeling - it does not have to take over your mind and your life.
Cause I know this feeling will eat me away and make me feel useless and depressed.
I realised that using these external measures, I can never be happy with myself and whatever I have. So I made a choice. I no longer measure myself up to these external standards. Who says being slim is the way to go. Who says having a high paying job is going to make me happy? Who says being rich is going to make my life wonderful?
I measure my own self worth with my own internal measures. Such as my health, peace of mind, by abilities to even provide advice like this cause I had a similar insight, and other skills. Life is really not very exciting nor it is fair. Cause we all never start out with the same footing - ie some people are already born rich, some people are born in Lee family, some are born as beggars, and others disabled. But what matters is what you do with yourself and be happy with what you acheive even though it might not seem significant to your eyes. Even taking care of your parents - might not seem much but its really something. cause if you look out there, many old folks are abandoned by their kids.
Take it easy and chill out. Take note of what are you comparing yourself against and if that is being fair to yourself. -
I work hard, but sometimes it is like working on something that is not giving me any reward you know? Plus I dun really like what I am doing, well except for this one area I am learning now, but it is still early to say...Originally posted by BlUe G@rF|eLd:
Tis world always reward hardworking and determined ppl, and punish lazy and day-dreaming ppl.
As long as u remain optimistic... there bound to be a job for u to grab!! Maybe the best is for the last?? Who koes!!
Meanwhile, juz enjoy ur life!! U wun get to do tat once u start work!! -
My friend one day confess to me she envy my ability to draw.
I told her I admire her ability to play the piano -
Thank you for your post. It is enlightening indeedOriginally posted by mistyblue:you are using these external measures to determine your success.
Eg:
What's your rank against your friends, what's the amount of money you earn against your fridnd, what's your status against your friends.
But these are external measures and forever, and ever and ever there will be people who are prettier, morehandsome, richer, more fortunate, slimmer, stronger, sportier, healthier, in a better position etc. There will always be someone out there who is always going to be better than you in one way or another.
Is there no end?
Envy is just an emotion and a feel in everyone.
Everyone feel envious. I feel envious of the Super Models. I feel envious of the rich people in my office. I feel envious of even my relatives/colleagues who are rich and had better PR and have a good life while I slog away for nothing. But, its just a feeling - it does not have to take over your mind and your life.
Cause I know this feeling will eat me away and make me feel useless and depressed.
I realised that using these external measures, I can never be happy with myself and whatever I have. So I made a choice. I no longer measure myself up to these external standards. Who says being slim is the way to go. Who says having a high paying job is going to make me happy? Who says being rich is going to make my life wonderful?
I measure my own self worth with my own internal measures. Such as my health, peace of mind, by abilities to even provide advice like this cause I had a similar insight, and other skills. Life is really not very exciting nor it is fair. Cause we all never start out with the same footing - ie some people are already born rich, some people are born in Lee family, some are born as beggars, and others disabled. But what matters is what you do with yourself and be happy with what you acheive even though it might not seem significant to your eyes. Even taking care of your parents - might not seem much but its really something. cause if you look out there, many old folks are abandoned by their kids.
Take it easy and chill out. Take note of what are you comparing yourself against and if that is being fair to yourself.
Yea, that's why I said I am a competitive person. Even since I was young, I measure myself against others. But I also measure myself against my own expectation. And part of my disappointment now is because I am not performing even up to my own expectation. I feel like I am supposed to do more, but I can't seem to do that. Hence the feeling of helplessness these few days... -
Nobody ever tells me they envy me for anything...Originally posted by mistyblue:My friend one day confess to me she envy my ability to draw.
I told her I admire her ability to play the piano
I feel like I have nothing special, maybe it is deep within me, still undiscovered...but at this point of life, I really can't think of anything that will make me stand out and succeed in life... -
U gt to decide ur own interest fast...Originally posted by rainee:I work hard, but sometimes it is like working on something that is not giving me any reward you know? Plus I dun really like what I am doing, well except for this one area I am learning now, but it is still early to say...
To work happily and be success, u gt to work in ur area of interest. Or else u will get gloomy everyday wan... next ting u koe... ur searching for jobs againz... and grumbling "WHy did I study tat in the past, why NOT the wan i wanted... "
Rewards dun cum instantly. I work 5+ yrs like a slave and dog... till nw then i can get wat i wanted. -
I already know I study wrong thing...but no choice cos now is my final year already and I wasn't allowed to switch my major earlier on...Originally posted by BlUe G@rF|eLd:U gt to decide ur own interest fast...
To work happily and be success, u gt to work in ur area of interest. Or else u will get gloomy everyday wan... next ting u koe... ur searching for jobs againz... and grumbling "WHy did I study tat in the past, why NOT the wan i wanted... "
Rewards dun cum instantly. I work 5+ yrs like a slave and dog... till nw then i can get wat i wanted.
So now I am trying to make the best out of what I am studying...but yea, everyday is a torture...I cringe whenever I see those students who like what they are doing and it seems like doing well comes so naturally to them... -
I envy your culinary skills and the love you share with The Emperor.Originally posted by rainee:Nobody ever tells me they envy me for anything...
I feel like I have nothing special, maybe it is deep within me, still undiscovered...but at this point of life, I really can't think of anything that will make me stand out and succeed in life...
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Dun be so gloomy, cum cum cum, show u my happy face to cheer tings up!!Originally posted by rainee:I already know I study wrong thing...but no choice cos now is my final year already and I wasn't allowed to switch my major earlier on...
So now I am trying to make the best out of what I am studying...but yea, everyday is a torture...I cringe whenever I see those students who like what they are doing and it seems like doing well comes so naturally to them...
Last yr liao, work hard work hard! Get gd results go out kan find some gd jobs lor. Learn ur interest along the way! Got experience liao, then kan get better job of ur choice liaoz!! -
Thank you for reminding me of that...Originally posted by ^spidee^:I envy your culinary skills and the love you share with The Emperor.
Haha my culinary skills are just mediocre...just messing with some recipes when I have some leisure time
And yea, my ai ai is one of the best things that has ever happened to me...but my friends here do not know that...cos I refrain from talking about him to them...since ours is not the "mainstream" kinda r/s and frankly I got so much criticism that I just dun say anything abt my r/s now... -
Haiz, if my result is good do you think I will be complaining here now?Originally posted by BlUe G@rF|eLd:Dun be so gloomy, cum cum cum, show u my happy face to cheer tings up!!
Last yr liao, work hard work hard! Get gd results go out kan find some gd jobs lor. Learn ur interest along the way! Got experience liao, then kan get better job of ur choice liaoz!!
How can I do well in something I dun like in the first place? And I have realized that you need certain talent to do well in what I am doing now...