well..its not so bad being by urself..dun make it seem as though its e end of e world.Originally posted by pete_parker:Hi all,
IÂ’ve been immensely troubled by these inexplicable problems with my social life (or rather, the lack of it) and nothing I do can seem to revert the situation. I feel like a big loser as I see most of my peers having extensive network of friends, going to chalets, clubbing or even jus simply hanging out. The least popular of them have at least a good female buddy or are happily attachedÂ… I have nothingÂ… absolutely no one I can rely on for support when IÂ’m down, no one to share my joy when IÂ’m happyÂ… as IÂ’m penning this melancholic post on a Friday nite as the world party away, u can just imagine how much of a social life I haveÂ…
Contrary to what u might expect, IÂ’m not exactly the stereotypical social misfit or shy introvertÂ… in fact I banter quite well with people on a superficial level; hence, I have many acquaintances in sch. HereÂ’s where the problems occur: Beyond this point, people dun seem to include me in their cliques of hang-out buddies. A typical scenario is: often I would stay around in school with my schoolmates/classmates for discussing projects/self-study & itÂ’s quite a bizarre as they make plans for the night or talk about the party they had last nite, but never ever asking me to join them. ItÂ’s rely painful as I continue working whilst forcing a smile as I listened to their chatÂ… am I invisible or that detestable?!
At every stage of my life, I would make a few close frens, e.g. in school or in the army, but once that phase of life is over, like after completing A levels or NS, I would be gradually forgotten & habitually becoming lonely again
IÂ’m so disillusioned (canÂ’t think of a more appropriate word now) with having constantly to make the effort, to initiate meeting frens I would love to keep in touch withÂ… itÂ’s pretty obvious most of my frens dun rely care much for me, rite? Otherwise, I wouldnÂ’t be feeling this isolated, feeling the burden of this largely one-sided friendshipÂ…
Carpe diemÂ… quite ironically, I actually harbour aspirations to make the most of my life, to lead an exciting life. Alas, whilst some ppl are hindered by a lack of money, parental support or a physical disability, I seem to be socially-handicapped.
Sorry for this long whiny postÂ… IÂ’ve tried to make it as short as possible.
I know experiences of loneliness or self-doubt is not unique to meÂ…but
all in all, all these various factors just makes me feels as thou I’m “destined” to be a loner…
haha...dats e pointOriginally posted by stellazio:loneliness is not an option,its a way of life...![]()
ur peers? i dun think so...Originally posted by pete_parker:Hi all,
IÂ’ve been immensely troubled by these inexplicable problems with my social life (or rather, the lack of it) and nothing I do can seem to revert the situation. I feel like a big loser as I see most of my peers having extensive network of friends, going to chalets, clubbing or even jus simply hanging out. The least popular of them have at least a good female buddy or are happily attachedÂ… I have nothingÂ… absolutely no one I can rely on for support when IÂ’m down, no one to share my joy when IÂ’m happyÂ… as IÂ’m penning this melancholic post on a Friday nite as the world party away, u can just imagine how much of a social life I haveÂ…
hey CP25 thanx for the helpful reply... hav u been thu similar phase... u seem 2 undertstd quite well certain aspects of my probsOriginally posted by CP25:well..its not so bad being by urself..dun make it seem as though its e end of e world.
Im not having any close or best frens either, n y give a damn for pple who r not willin to include u for their outings? Unless u really enjoy their company or u cant live alone with urself...
How old r u btw? Schoolin stil, i guess. Well then u shd know how to set ur priorities from now..Studies comes top of ur list cos if u cant excel in ur social life, then show others n urself that at least ur grades r top or better than ur peers who r not ur "click".
If u can devote most of ur current free time to your school work n exams, and excel in your studies, u wil definitely be able to get urself a stable + well-paid job upon graduation. And if u project an image of success and positivity during working life, many pple (including gals :-p) will naturally be drawn by ur successful image n confidence.
So always divert your attention to e more important tasks infront of u n focus on wat u want, not wat u DONT want. Stay Happy n positive, even if u r on ur own. Cos u r gona face urself longer than u face any1 else, so u must learn to enjoy ur own company first & foremost. (n not depend on ur peers for company n joy) Happiness must come from within urself 1st b4 u can project happiness to others.
In short, juz want u to know many pple r feelin e same way as you, cos u must accept e cruel fact that there r different types of pple in this world, and Type A grp of pple may be always b surrounded by frens & social settings, but they may b so distracted by their colourful, varied lifestyle that their success in career/other aspects of their life will not be as smooth-sailing..
Heaven is always fair..wat u lack/do not possess might be a blessing in disguise, and this way u can focus on the pathway to success in other aspects of ur life. Develop a unique skill that will reveal ur maximum potential in your working life.
Stay happy and dun try too hard to fit into groups of frens who arent giving you sufficient support or companionship. A True Fren is 1 who will be there for u in times of trouble, n y bother be part of a group that takes u for granted n who doesnt reciprocate ur friendship.
Rather be ur own best fren..cos u r e only person u can fully count on or depend on in future.
Just work towards your goals in life n live ur life as u want, Free N Independant.Stay happy cos no matter how..life still has to go on.
Herein lies the solution to your predicament.Originally posted by pete_parker:Hi all,
........................................
Carpe diemÂ… quite ironically, I actually harbour aspirations to make the most of my life, to lead an exciting life. Alas, whilst some ppl are hindered by a lack of money, parental support or a physical disability, I seem to be socially-handicapped.
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Hi my fren, i too find myself pretty much an anti-social as well...but its a choice of mine to spend e bulk of time available to myself.Originally posted by pete_parker:hey CP25 thanx for the helpful reply... hav u been thu similar phase... u seem 2 undertstd quite well certain aspects of my probs
in fact i'm doin alreadi doin some of the things u mentioned... like concentrating on my studies; i'm 23, curently studying a degree in SIM...
Thou i'm mildy depressed & live like a recluse now.. unfortunately i do not possess any extraordinary talent or the "genius" that comes with some mentally tortured (like john nash, winston churchill for example..)
i've had slightly above average results now... but that's due to me spending so much more time studyin. And i'm studying more cos i simply hav nothin else more constructive to do... like on most weekends, whilst most of my classmates make plans to meet up or go dating, i'm kinda "forced" stay at home cos i hav no "social connections"... other than watchin tv, i tod it'll be good to study..
the other reason, i conclude, for me feeling so empty & lonely is i hav no particular hobbies/interest... i read, write & lov watchin tv.. but i've no special sports or musical talent...
hey that sounds so much like what went thru... glad that i'm not the only one experiencing thisOriginally posted by CP25:I felt a big shift in my personality thru out tis yr (1m 25 tis yr), and i dislike crowds or festivals or even family gatherings. I do not feel comfortable ard strangers i wld say..n hated takin public transport. Avoided crowds n social gatherings. I chose to be so as I find it quite unnatural of myself to socialise, and makin small talk ungenuinely..
Therefore, I kinda stopped forcing myself to mingle n make frens, and started to enjoy quiet moments by myself, deciding wat kind of life I wanna lead..my career, type of soulmate i wan etc..
N I told myself dat i am e most important person in tis world, n wont ever try to live up to any1's expectation except my own. I wil take responsibilty for all my own actions, be it rite or wrong as long as by doing so n so, i wil benefit from n im not harming any1 or takin advantage of any1.
"Wat ever happens, I can take it"
So dun despair..its good u r facing these growing pains earlier than ur peers..cos believe me, ur so-called frens who r e social butterflies wil go thru tis same phase too, n wat u see normal from e outside may not b normal after all. I had frens who r e life of any party, havin very wide network of frens, whom actualli broke down eventualli n even wanted to commit sucide.
They had lost their own identity while constantly pleasing ohers n mingling with too many pple.
Hope u r feelin better after realising every1 r Xperiencing similar events like urself. All of us hav our fair share of ups & downs, its jus a matter of how we each react to our downs n overcome them 2 move on to e next phase of lifeOriginally posted by pete_parker:hey that sounds so much like what went thru... glad that i'm not the only one experiencing thisi used to think ppl undergo such deep changes at a later stage in life..
like i mentioned, i wasn't exactly a introvert...i was a happy-go-lucky teenager with a decent social life thru out my secondary sch yrs. in fact i had 4 best frens, each with quite distinct personality & kinda represent the pillars of social life... i wasn't never the star of any group but was contended as long as i hav a few close frens i cld connect to...
But then, aft army & perhaps onset of depression, break-up with gf, some bad luck & whatever... i jus kinda ~ Lost it
In the past 3 yrs, i cld not seem to develop anymore meaningful relationships with frends or the gals i like... my current batch of frens in uni are quite superficial & distant...maybe it's not their fault... like u point out, i cld hav undergone a personality change....
I feel quietly uncomfortable in large crowds now, & also at my large family gathering... the year-end festive seasons like xmas & new yr also gives me the creep... on one hand, it's with envy & sadness as i watch the on-going crowd of frens, lovers holding hand during xmas as i reflect my own lacklustre social life... on the other hand, i'm also weary of the large crowd, preferin to spend time quiet & alone....
Actually the process of consolidating my thoughts/problems & penning this post is quite a therapeutic treatmentÂ… I realized. Then comes along ur lengthy sharing of insights & advices which was definitely helpfulÂ… more than helpful, I now see my problems frm one additional perspectiveÂ… Thanx a lot!Originally posted by CP25:haha..finally u get e point..n enlightened
All of us here r trying to tell u wat u r goin thru is exactly a replay of our own Xperiences, n dats e reason y we r able to relate to u so well..every human nature works on e same philosophy n logic .
Its kinda of like a natural growing up process, similar xperiences n shifts in life (esp e phase of being 20 going to our 30s), its a natural transition...all part of e great universal force working its influence. However, no 1 cn hav exactly identical life xperiences, not even Siamese twins, but how well we react accordingly to these traumatic, disturbing events will result in either Good or eithr Bad consequences n aftermath emotions
That's y its good to share Xperiences n learn from lotsa of freindly n Xperienced "Veterens" of Life here ..keke
I was feeling isolated b4, wen i started all this shifting n major changes in life, I went thru worse times than u did, I can tell u but I am able to overcome them alone n IM SUPER PROUD OF IT!
I m quite surprised dat ur xperiences is e most similar to mine compared to e other forumites here..haha
Cos i too dislike Xmas or CNY (except for e hongbao collection..hehe), but I will not avoid such festival anymore...wil initiate n plan gatherings with 1 of my gal fren for a crazy nite out (also to see handsome dudes all out on e streets for sure on Xmas tis yr). If u want, we can mitup for sports like badminton or tabletennis on days im not workin or studying..keke
Im working 2 jobs n studying in a pte school for my degree. I wana relocate to either UK, AUS, US or even MALAYSIA n am saving for e purchase of a simple n cheap apt of my own. N lots more goals like waiting patiently for my soul-mate to appear (luv cant b rushed..wen cupid hits u, no matter wer u go, u wil meet dat fated 1. so while waiting, go do stuff u always wanted to do or switch jobs if u hate ur job, go travel on urself..u might hav some nice encounters)
My destination for 2006 is UK, london n Manchester. If u keen to join mi, feel free to let me noe..although im goin there for a 6mths course.
My guide to PEACE n serenity n joy in life is: TO Appreciate e Things u have Now, e world is already perfect on its own now..u cant change anything or anyone ard u, e ONLY thing u can change is ur thoughts n perception...work on it , a positive thought a day keeps e negativity away!
Trust me..u will xperience a wonderful carefree feeling like wat i hav now. This feeling came onto me recently n I no longer take pills on a regular routine for my migraine, anxiety prob, Bipolar disorder (incurable, but can b controlled) and insomnia. (worse off rite? so many psychological probs..but who gives a damn ..as long as Im takin steps to make myself a better person n enjoying my life in everyway I can.)
I can go without them even for months, but for some days, its realli bad esp e extreme downs in moods which is out of my control n e mania periods realli make me more productive n euphoric though..haha
So not so bad after all to be diagnosed with BD
Hey it's great that u seem to be having lotsa of plans in the makin for the near future... & it's reflective of ur generally upbeat & enthusiatic outlook now... such motivations, i realized, is esp important for ppl like us (sorrie 4 lumping us together)..Originally posted by CP25:Im working 2 jobs n studying in a pte school for my degree. I wana relocate to either UK, AUS, US or even MALAYSIA n am saving for e purchase of a simple n cheap apt of my own. N lots more goals like waiting patiently for my soul-mate to appear (luv cant b rushed..wen cupid hits u, no matter wer u go, u wil meet dat fated 1. so while waiting, go do stuff u always wanted to do or switch jobs if u hate ur job, go travel on urself..u might hav some nice encounters)
My destination for 2006 is UK, london n Manchester. If u keen to join mi, feel free to let me noe..although im goin there for a 6mths course.
My guide to PEACE n serenity n joy in life is: TO Appreciate e Things u have Now, e world is already perfect on its own now..u cant change anything or anyone ard u, e ONLY thing u can change is ur thoughts n perception...work on it , a positive thought a day keeps e negativity away!
Trust me..u will xperience a wonderful carefree feeling like wat i hav now. This feeling came onto me recently n I no longer take pills on a regular routine for my migraine, anxiety prob, Bipolar disorder (incurable, but can b controlled) and insomnia. (worse off rite? so many psychological probs..but who gives a damn ..as long as Im takin steps to make myself a better person n enjoying my life in everyway I can.)
I can go without them even for months, but for some days, its realli bad esp e extreme downs in moods which is out of my control n e mania periods realli make me more productive n euphoric though..haha
So not so bad after all to be diagnosed with BD
My fren, now dat u get e gist of life..hope u b e best u can b, but always be soft n kindest to urself. If u dun feel rite or extremely uncomfortable abt doing certain stuff, then diss it away. Find other means to attain ur objective, hav a goal in life n work towards it from e nearest route. A small step a day wil lead to bigger steps n bingo! u reached e peak..jus like climbing a mountain..climb it at ur own pace, dun get swayed / envious of pple.
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