Anti-social personality or jus destined to be loner...
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Originally posted by pete_parker:Hey it's great that u seem to be having lotsa of plans in the makin for the near future... & it's reflective of ur generally upbeat & enthusiatic outlook now... such motivations, i realized, is esp important for ppl like us (sorrie 4 lumping us together)..
Generally, i realized ppl like myself tend to be discouraged easily & have a tendency to be moody, nostalgic abt past relationships & wallow in self-inflcited misery easily..
Hence, it's quite gd when we hav some inspiring plans in the near future...
Like i go to mediacorp studio every weekend lately to watch e recording of superfunkies... allows me to immerse in the pleasure of songs i like, my superstar idols & great experience compared to watchin tv at home...
I used 2 dread weekends cos i feel envious of my peers having exciting plans whilst i'm always alone... I find it so difficult to find company even jus for dinner or movies... Hence i gradually learn to make plans ... that allows me to enjoy myself w/o necessarily depending on others' availabilty...
I also enjoy driving by myself along ECP, the road to Changi Airport... my sat nite is sometimes spent crusing along the roads... jus enjoyin e breeze, the music playin etc... it sounds pathetic if i tell my peers this is my past time but ultimately, i'm learning (thou it's difficult) to be myself...
My exams wld be over in 2 weeks time... ur msg was timely in reminding me e importances of plan & inspiring myself ..... Hopefully i can improve step by step .... it's difficult but i'll try...
You are on the road to self discovery... to learn more about yourself and what interest you.
After you learn more about yourself... the activity and things that make you feel good - you should consider expanding this ONE person activity to TWO or MORE people. It is possible to include more people... even driving aimless at night just to relax. I was in my friend's car with another friend and we literally went all over Singapore just to relax... stopping by Cheers to consume some food and drinks, before continuing our journey.
It was an activity like yours - just that we had more people to share the fun.
There is a plate of char kwey tiao and it taste average. But when you share this plate of char kwey tiao, somehow, it tasted better. It can also be a bowl of prawn noodle that taste good and when you share them, it taste even better. Probably one person, you will only finish one bowl, but when you share it with another person, don't be surprised when you actually order four bowls. (Yunhaier was merely eating MAGGI MEE with two other friends, over talk cork session and stuff and we finished NINE fringing packs of MAGGI MEE together... something that I will probably only eat two packets at most individually).
Sure we can achieve things in life, but when we have like-minded people together, it gives some meaning to our passion. But before that could happen, you got to xun zao ji zi (self discovery)
Cheers -
Do be strong n dun let any1 or anything bring u down. Must retaliate whoever tries to take advantage of u or harm u.
Do be mentally prepared n take precautions against those despicable, insane, controlling scums whenever u go, its a "DOG EAT DOG" world, n a question of how u deal if such pple. Play along wif them.
Even if it will cause a commotion/scene, its nothing embarrassing, righteous pple wil be secretly cheering or supporting ur defence against these irritating bullies of our society. These morons have such low esteem n hunger for power n recognition n they kill time by targeting good-natured n harmless pple like us, so nv let urself accept any form of abuse or slander from them.
its effective cos i did b4..I recall clearly a couple of yrs back in my previous company, 1 of e older male colleague in same dept bullied me cos I was an "new bird" n I always ignored him on purpose, n he was e ONLY colleague I din even speak or bother to take a gd look at him. And I tink he got pissed by my disrepectful (or watever reasons) behaviour that on 1 occasion, he actually shouted loudly at me right in e face infront of e rest of colleagues, with e absence of our supervisor of coz.
I, shocked for a moment, then grabbed a glass of water on a table, n simply splashed on his whole F**king hideous-lookin face! I at e same time, started screaming loudly, n insulted him in every way I could on, right to his education level n appearance. I also got so agitated that at 1 time I even kicked e nearby chair towards his leg, hitting him right at his knees n h enearly lost his balance..
Every1 in e room was watching in shock n amazement at my agitated n crazy temper thrown @ e idiot bully. Unbelievably, he simply stood gronded n looking at me in shock, blankly.
After shouting n humiliating him on watever hurful remarks I could think of, I t, threw my company pass at his chest n left, slamming e door real hard.
To my amazement, he, e office BiG brother actually came to me n apologised profusly for is actions, n I wld always remember e way he repeated "I'M SORRY" many times, hoping I wld forgive him n not be angry at him.
And from then onwards, he took realli good care of me, making sure no one tried to bully me as a new comer n taught me alot of things rgding work, n wen I transferred to anor dept, he even called his buddies in dat dept to look after me, n I was his dearest god sister. See wat I mean wen u fight back without fear, n u gain e respect of even e most fearful "BULLY" ard u.
Dear pal, do not ever give up on urself or underestimate ur power, its all about mustering e courage within urself, n standing bravely on ur own in watever situation / circumstances however unfavorable against u. No one has e right to mistreat u or take u for granted, ONLY IF U ALLOW THEM E CHANCE TO TREAT U SO. Be used to being alone..or being left out or ignored, its their loss to not being worthy of ur friendship n company, dun give a damn abt such pple who makes use of others as they desire.
Cos if they r treatin u like a doormat or onli being wif u when u guys r having fun, and suddenly become completely unavailable wen u most need their company or some good advice (or else u won't be posting ur prob here instead if they cared) to lessen ur unhappiness fromur probs, THEN U CAN JOLLY WELL TELL THEM TO GET E HELL OUT OF UR LIFE 4ever!
All e best in ur pathway to independence and remember, U, URSELF R THE ONE & ONLY BEST FREN U HAV IN UR LIFE. No one can guarantee to be by ur side 4ever, so start doing ur fav. things all alone. AT least we hav truly experienced wat ever we like to do tis lifetime
Cheers. -
wow that's somthk which i'v been wanting to do... jus tat i've no company yet. The longest journey i had was frm my plc (Serangoon) to punggol end & then to Raffles area via ecp... stoppin by 7 eleven to get a drink mid-way. i lov the scenery at raffles/esplande area... esp on weekdays nites when it's not so crowded...Originally posted by Yunhaier: You are on the road to self discovery... to learn more about yourself and what interest you.
After you learn more about yourself... the activity and things that make you feel good - you should consider expanding this ONE person activity to TWO or MORE people. It is possible to include more people... even driving aimless at night just to relax. I was in my friend's car with another friend and we literally went all over Singapore just to relax... stopping by Cheers to consume some food and drinks, before continuing our journey.
It was an activity like yours - just that we had more people to share the fun.
Sure we can achieve things in life, but when we have like-minded people together, it gives some meaning to our passion. But before that could happen, you got to xun zao ji zi (self discovery)
Cheers
And one more thing... the road late at nite jus feels so diff from what it was in the day... -
Sure it does.Originally posted by pete_parker:wow that's somthk which i'v been wanting to do... jus tat i've no company yet. The longest journey i had was frm my plc (Serangoon) to punggol end & then to Raffles area via ecp... stoppin by 7 eleven to get a drink mid-way. i lov the scenery at raffles/esplande area... esp on weekdays nites when it's not so crowded...
And one more thing... the road late at nite jus feels so diff from what it was in the day...
Cheers -
Don't worry, I am exactly like you... I am always left out by people, and I used to hate it, and feel depressed...
but after a while, you know that you should take the intiative instead. Sometimes, people don't ask you because they don't know if you like it and maybe worried that they offend you (or kenna reject) by let say, asking you to go chiong... so do make an effort by joining in the conversations and saying you wanna go with them....
and besides, wat's more impt now is succeed... dun haf to worry abt anything else first... -
Hey Pete-parker,
somehow, ive kind of feel we r not loners, we feel being left out, but in reality, wld u yearn or even enjoy being in e company of those poly or school mates u hav ?
I hav sort of come to a realisation that we ourselves r actualli do not want to b part of their clique from e bottom of our heart, n they, as most normal pple, can sense ur eagerness and ur level of enjoyment wen u r in their company.
During my secondary school, I had a couple of gd frens in sec 1 & 2, and we wld always wait up or look for each other even though different classes, n my school is one of top 10 in sg. And we shared similar interest such as basketball n hanging ard after school n even had similar poor results...keke
Then as we proceed to sec 3, we got streamed to different classes, had continued our outings but I no longer enjoyed their company as I had kinda felt stressed from study n contacted a primary sch fren from other schs, n got to know other gals whom shared much more interest wif me..I drifted from my 2 best frens abv mentioned in sec 1 & 2 mainly due to my choice n behaviour that din fit along wif them anymore..
I wanted to go discos n wanted more company n I wanted more exciting frens who were more mature in terms of dressing n e interesting places they frequent. So that is to say, u hav certain interest , n ur current grp of frens that u had been hanging ard wif din share similar interest in most aspects, including e life events u all been thru n also e way of dressing n fashion style. I guess u r much more street - wise n more matured in terms of e activities u like n enjoy. I guess movies n chitchatting have become boring to u n unconciously ur frens din ask u along cos they can sense n know u wil not enjoy their company n they din wan u to feel bored cos its very hard for pple of different interest, level of maturity and kind of topics for conversation.
I tink u are not a loner, as u found ur interest, u r a car enthusiast so u can try taking part in car enthusiast outings or joining forums specifically formed by pple who own e same type / model of car as urs (eg Damien club for mitsubishi colt, if i got it rite) try joining forums on cars n stuff, n go for e outings the pple there organised. I believe they have lotsa dudes whom enjoyed taking 1-man drive ard SG. N believe me, alot r singles like urself, hoping to befriend some good frens of similar interest n can go driving in pairs or grps during X'mas or for car rallies ard Kallang
Try initiating / start posting in car forums n u r bound to meet frens who r truly ur "clique" n there a good friendship blossom cos there is communication n sharing of car knowlegde n hanging ard often. JUST LIKE A GAL & GUY LOVE RELATIONSHIP, it all about having e same values, similar interest n same maturity level n e things both can do together, take for eg..many couples n best frens know each other thru their fav activities n past-times outing. U must defintely take action n intiative to go n seek for these grp of pple who share e same interest / past-time as u n u will have endless topics n u wil sure enjoy hanging wif them n vice versas.
Very effective im sure..
U NV TRY, U NV KNOW
The worst that can happen is just a "NO", but if u nv try, U might miss a YES n not being able to share ur knowledge n passion wif ur clique that u had not even tried to seek..
Cheerios! n take actions if u r feeling empty n wish for companion of pple u truly enjoy n choose to be wif. -
Take note: CP25 can really type long post.
Cheers
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Originally posted by M©+square:Take note: CP25 can really type long post.
Cheers does he have a AA in the making?
~+Cheers+~
StarPuppy -
I only know that the person who can win me in lengthy post is probably SIS.Originally posted by StarPuppy: does he have a AA in the making?
~+Cheers+~
StarPuppy 
Cheers -
Hi thanx CP25, kindaichi83 & Yunhaier for the replies... sorry 4 the late response, preparing 4 the exams past few days
I was packing my room today, found some old sec & college days photos and seemed to unravel some surprising memoriesÂ… lookin at my Sec 4 graduation class photoÂ… I realized I wasnÂ’t on good terms or particularly to close to any of my sec 4 classmates. Most of them ( traveling bac in time, I realized) has formed their own cliques or developed themselves in certain field of sports or hobbies. I had no particular interest but didnÂ’t felt any loneliness, prob cos 1) I had a best fren outside sch 2) I had a GF 3)Depression wasnÂ’t invented bac thenÂ… basically my personality was still largely positive
I used to have this utopia idea of the pastÂ… pondering why life today seems so bleak compared to the good ole days where I had more frens, was more sociable. Today, I realized that ppl sometimes have this beautiful illusion of the pastÂ… esp when things are not going well in the present. Guess itÂ’s the same feeling when a guy feels particularly nostalgic about a past relationship, especially when he bump into his ex-girlfriend on the street on a lonely night out
Perhaps the scenario back then was similarÂ… itÂ’s jus my personality (after subconsciously changing) & perception about things that made all that difference
jus sharing some of thoughts with whoever may have similar sentiments -
Hey CP25 i guess we share one more simiarity here... there is indeed a dark & angry side to this loneliness prob of mine. From passive depressiveness, i do feel it turning into frustration, & even anger & fury occasionally ... for being left out all the time. If they (current peers) Genuinely treasure me as a fren, i guess it wouldn't kill to ask me join them for outings, BBQ, clubbin, chalet & whatever stuff they considered funOriginally posted by CP25:Do be strong n dun let any1 or anything bring u down. Must retaliate whoever tries to take advantage of u or harm u.
Do be mentally prepared n take precautions against those despicable, insane, controlling scums whenever u go, its a "DOG EAT DOG" world, n a question of how u deal if such pple. Play along wif them.
Dear pal, do not ever give up on urself or underestimate ur power, its all about mustering e courage within urself, n standing bravely on ur own in watever situation / circumstances however unfavorable against u. No one has e right to mistreat u or take u for granted, ONLY IF U ALLOW THEM E CHANCE TO TREAT U SO. Be used to being alone..or being left out or ignored, its their loss to not being worthy of ur friendship n company, dun give a damn abt such pple who makes use of others as they desire.
Cos if they r treatin u like a doormat or onli being wif u when u guys r having fun, and suddenly become completely unavailable wen u most need their company or some good advice (or else u won't be posting ur prob here instead if they cared) to lessen ur unhappiness fromur probs, THEN U CAN JOLLY WELL TELL THEM TO GET E HELL OUT OF UR LIFE 4ever!
All e best in ur pathway to independence and remember, U, URSELF R THE ONE & ONLY BEST FREN U HAV IN UR LIFE. No one can guarantee to be by ur side 4ever, so start doing ur fav. things all alone. AT least we hav truly experienced wat ever we like to do tis lifetime
Cheers.
If they rely felt i was the lonely broodin sort, shouldn't they like reach out a helping hand ...
On my part, i had more than once initate friendship with ppl considered outcast during sec & army ... i had nv discriminate against anybody
& if they felt they didn't know me well, why am i the 1st person they approached when they needed help...
Sometimes, i rely feel the conventional advices such as taking the initiatives, smiling more, being more accomodating etc is not as helpful as it seems. maybe it wld work for most normal, well-adjusted ppl but not someone as idiotic as me.. most often i jus end up being a bigger & better doormat until my need is not required, i return to my status of Mr.invisible... So u may be rite... i CHOOSE to be a LONER to a certain extend -
Why don't you for once make a slight change in your life? I mean instead of you waiting for people to ask you out, you can always ask them out instead. Actually, most importantly is, you engage yourself in doing activities that you like and from there know people who love the acitivities. I'm not exactly a loner neither do I shut myself from others. In fact I'm someone who "have" lots of friends but to think of it, most of my time I spend with these little group who has the same passion for bowling. We meet few times every week for bowling sessions and usually followed by coffee or supper.Originally posted by pete_parker:Hey CP25 i guess we share one more simiarity here... there is indeed a dark & angry side to this loneliness prob of mine. From passive depressiveness, i do feel it turning into frustration, & even anger & fury occasionally ... for being left out all the time. If they (current peers) Genuinely treasure me as a fren, i guess it wouldn't kill to ask me join them for outings, BBQ, clubbin, chalet & whatever stuff they considered fun
If they rely felt i was the lonely broodin sort, shouldn't they like reach out a helping hand ... On my part, i had more than once initate friendship with ppl considered outcast during sec & army ... i had nv discriminate against anybody
& if they felt they didn't know me well, why am i the 1st person they approached when they needed help...
Sometimes, i rely feel the conventional advices such as taking the initiatives, smiling more, being more accomodating etc is not as helpful as it seems. maybe it wld work for most normal, well-adjusted ppl but not someone as idiotic as me.. most often i jus end up being a bigger & better doormat until my need is not required, i return to my status of Mr.invisible... So u may be rite... i CHOOSE to be a LONER to a certain extend
Let me quote you an example. I've got a friend who's a little like you just that she makes an effort to join us in our activities but sometimes you can sense that she doesn't really enjoy the outing but just for the sake of going out in a group with us, she join us. We, as friends, will sometimes feel uncomfortable cause we are worried that she'll be bored and tries to strike up conversations with her. Once or twice is ok, but when she does it all the time, it becomes wet blanket for the outing.
Btw, if you like to play bowling, doesn't matter if you are good in it or bad, you can always join us if you don't mind. You can leave me a msg here if you are interested. We go bowling almost all fridays and sometimes other days as well. Do drop me a line if you are interested. We are a bunch of friendly people -
remind me of myself..
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Dear Pete_Parker,
There's Nothing wrong with you. The fact that people actually study with you shows that you're Not detestable. If you were that hated, people would avoid you, No matter how good in studies you are.
At this age, perhaps having many friends & an active social life appear as proof of your social acceptance. As you grow older, you'll realise that being asked to outings & gatherings is Not the be-all & end-all in life, & does Not truly reflect the nature of friendships you have with people.
As you mature, your friends will get busier with work, pursuit of goals, marriage, etc. You won't get to meet them as often as you wish. However, what's important is that at the end of the day, when you're feeling blue, these friends rally around you. That's the true essence of friendship, Not how many party invitations you receive
FeowFeowOriginally posted by pete_parker:Hi all,
IÂ’ve been immensely troubled by these inexplicable problems with my social life (or rather, the lack of it) and nothing I do can seem to revert the situation. I feel like a big loser as I see most of my peers having extensive network of friends, going to chalets, clubbing or even jus simply hanging out. The least popular of them have at least a good female buddy or are happily attachedÂ… I have nothingÂ… absolutely no one I can rely on for support when IÂ’m down, no one to share my joy when IÂ’m happyÂ… as IÂ’m penning this melancholic post on a Friday nite as the world party away, u can just imagine how much of a social life I haveÂ…
Contrary to what u might expect, IÂ’m not exactly the stereotypical social misfit or shy introvertÂ… in fact I banter quite well with people on a superficial level; hence, I have many acquaintances in sch. HereÂ’s where the problems occur: Beyond this point, people dun seem to include me in their cliques of hang-out buddies. A typical scenario is: often I would stay around in school with my schoolmates/classmates for discussing projects/self-study & itÂ’s quite a bizarre as they make plans for the night or talk about the party they had last nite, but never ever asking me to join them. ItÂ’s rely painful as I continue working whilst forcing a smile as I listened to their chatÂ… am I invisible or that detestable?!
At every stage of my life, I would make a few close frens, e.g. in school or in the army, but once that phase of life is over, like after completing A levels or NS, I would be gradually forgotten & habitually becoming lonely again
IÂ’m so disillusioned (canÂ’t think of a more appropriate word now) with having constantly to make the effort, to initiate meeting frens I would love to keep in touch withÂ… itÂ’s pretty obvious most of my frens dun rely care much for me, rite? Otherwise, I wouldnÂ’t be feeling this isolated, feeling the burden of this largely one-sided friendshipÂ…
Carpe diemÂ… quite ironically, I actually harbour aspirations to make the most of my life, to lead an exciting life. Alas, whilst some ppl are hindered by a lack of money, parental support or a physical disability, I seem to be socially-handicapped.
Sorry for this long whiny postÂ… IÂ’ve tried to make it as short as possible.
I know experiences of loneliness or self-doubt is not unique to meÂ…but
all in all, all these various factors just makes me feels as thou I’m “destined” to be a loner… -
Auntie Yunnie's post sounds very delicious It's making me hungry
FeowFeowOriginally posted by Yunhaier: You are on the road to self discovery... to learn more about yourself and what interest you.
After you learn more about yourself... the activity and things that make you feel good - you should consider expanding this ONE person activity to TWO or MORE people. It is possible to include more people... even driving aimless at night just to relax. I was in my friend's car with another friend and we literally went all over Singapore just to relax... stopping by Cheers to consume some food and drinks, before continuing our journey.
It was an activity like yours - just that we had more people to share the fun.
There is a plate of char kwey tiao and it taste average. But when you share this plate of char kwey tiao, somehow, it tasted better. It can also be a bowl of prawn noodle that taste good and when you share them, it taste even better. Probably one person, you will only finish one bowl, but when you share it with another person, don't be surprised when you actually order four bowls. (Yunhaier was merely eating MAGGI MEE with two other friends, over talk cork session and stuff and we finished NINE fringing packs of MAGGI MEE together... something that I will probably only eat two packets at most individually).
Sure we can achieve things in life, but when we have like-minded people together, it gives some meaning to our passion. But before that could happen, you got to xun zao ji zi (self discovery)
Cheers