How would u feel if ur stead still contacts her/his ex?

• Itachi

  15 Nov 05, 00:14

  How would u feel?
  
  I want some description abt the feeling.. as my ex's bf wasn't happy about me seeing/msging/finding her.. so we cut off the contact/friendship.
  this thread is somehow link to my previous one "Do u contact ur ex" tt one i tink.
  
  To her bf.. the message he sent me was like.. he felt that this was Li Suo Dang Ran(dunno hw to express in english) lidat.. he wasn't even guilty that we broke off this friendship for him so that he wun be unhappy.. wth.
  
  So i just wanna find out how bad does it feels seeing ur stead wif their ex.. coz i nv had such feeling before Is it really that bad?
  
  I know there's no point insisting on keeping this friendship since she chose to give up friendship for him.. sarkz
  
  Thanks in advance for your replies..
• anhydrouscoppersulphate

  15 Nov 05, 00:15

  already say its ex already
• LazerLordz

  15 Nov 05, 00:19

  Originally posted by Itachi:

  How would u feel?
  
  I want some description abt the feeling.. as my ex's bf wasn't happy about me seeing/msging/finding her.. so we cut off the contact/friendship.
  this thread is somehow link to my previous one "Do u contact ur ex" tt one i tink.
  
  To her bf.. the message he sent me was like.. he felt that this was Li Suo Dang Ran(dunno hw to express in english) lidat.. he wasn't even guilty that we broke off this friendship for him so that he wun be unhappy.. wth.
  
  So i just wanna find out how bad does it feels seeing ur stead wif their ex.. coz i nv had such feeling before Is it really that bad?
  
  I know there's no point insisting on keeping this friendship since she chose to give up friendship for him.. sarkz
  
  Thanks in advance for your replies..

  He has no right to dictate who the girl sees, as a friend.
• rain_drop

  15 Nov 05, 00:21

  should be ok with it... but don't ever lie or try to cover up.
• Itachi

  15 Nov 05, 00:22

  He told me he trust the girl and had faith in her.. the person who he dun trust is me
• qooorange

  15 Nov 05, 00:38

  Originally posted by Itachi:

  He told me he trust the girl and had faith in her.. the person who he dun trust is me

  that means he dun have faith in his gf.
• qooorange

  15 Nov 05, 00:38

  Originally posted by Itachi:

  He told me he trust the girl and had faith in her.. the person who he dun trust is me

  that means he dun have faith in his gf. indirectly also reveal his own insecurities..
• babymac13

  15 Nov 05, 00:41

  
  In my own opinion, i believe it's fine to keep in contact with ur exbf/gf so long no mushy or intimate type of messages,shld be open in anything and nothing much to hide.
  Of cos, most impt of all, there must always be a trust between me and my partner.
  
  Trust ur stead, if you think there's nothing much going on between, it is not worth to get hurt for nothing. And if you hav any misunderstanding, double check with him, before you just into conclusion.
• Doubser

  15 Nov 05, 00:47

  mentioning about this, my friend told a group of friends tht contacting their Exs is acceptable but awkward.. girls especially.. the new guy who went into a new relationship with her will feel awkward .. sure have a mindset of "WTF, u're contacting someone u had sex b4" .. loLz. funny but this will haunt ya.
• Itachi

  15 Nov 05, 01:06

  Originally posted by qooorange:

  that means he dun have faith in his gf. indirectly also reveal his own insecurities..

  dunno.. then i asked "what do u tink i will do.. or what do u tink i can do?"
  
  then he replied, "its just the feeling ya? wel anyway theres no point
  in toking anymore. just hope u get the idea ya?"(quoted directly) <--let me think of 933 Kao Ya.
  
  i wonder if he surfs SGF..
• applesweetgirl

  15 Nov 05, 01:17

  if my stead is still in contact with his ex, of course i would be upset. more often than not, this kind of relationship will be kept secret/hidden. so it's very sad to find out de lor. even though there may not really be any 'ai mei guan xi' between them, but because of the need to hide, it makes everything really...unpleasant.
  the stead may give reason like, "if i tell you, won't you be unhappy?" which is true la. but don't tell also unhappy. so best is, once u break off with your stead, please just forget about him/her la. i do not believe in plain guy/girl friendship. esp if they were together before.
• Itachi

  15 Nov 05, 02:08

  Originally posted by applesweetgirl:

  if my stead is still in contact with his ex, of course i would be upset. more often than not, this kind of relationship will be kept secret/hidden. so it's very sad to find out de lor. even though there may not really be any 'ai mei guan xi' between them, but because of the need to hide, it makes everything really...unpleasant.
  the stead may give reason like, "if i tell you, won't you be unhappy?" which is true la. but don't tell also unhappy. so best is, once u break off with your stead, please just forget about him/her la. i do not believe in plain guy/girl friendship. esp if they were together before.

  U don't completely trust ur stead.. do u?
• LazerLordz

  15 Nov 05, 03:09

  Originally posted by applesweetgirl:

  if my stead is still in contact with his ex, of course i would be upset. more often than not, this kind of relationship will be kept secret/hidden. so it's very sad to find out de lor. even though there may not really be any 'ai mei guan xi' between them, but because of the need to hide, it makes everything really...unpleasant.
  the stead may give reason like, "if i tell you, won't you be unhappy?" which is true la. but don't tell also unhappy. so best is, once u break off with your stead, please just forget about him/her la. i do not believe in plain guy/girl friendship. esp if they were together before.

  Then you have a long way to go I think..based on your last statement.
• rainee

  15 Nov 05, 04:27

  I think it is fine, as long as they dun feel awkward towards each other...I have trust in him
• FeowFeow

  15 Nov 05, 11:32

  Dear Itachi,
  
  It varies from person to person, there's No right or wrong, it's all to do with FEELINGS. And where matters of the heart are concerned, there are No absolutes.
  
  Your gf has her heart in the right place. No matter what, you're her ex. He's her present, & perhaps, if she handles it properly, he could be her future. If I had to choose between the 2, I would've made the same choice.
  
  FeowFeow
  
  

  Originally posted by Itachi:

  How would u feel?
  
  I want some description abt the feeling.. as my ex's bf wasn't happy about me seeing/msging/finding her.. so we cut off the contact/friendship.
  this thread is somehow link to my previous one "Do u contact ur ex" tt one i tink.
  
  To her bf.. the message he sent me was like.. he felt that this was Li Suo Dang Ran(dunno hw to express in english) lidat.. he wasn't even guilty that we broke off this friendship for him so that he wun be unhappy.. wth.
  
  So i just wanna find out how bad does it feels seeing ur stead wif their ex.. coz i nv had such feeling before Is it really that bad?
  
  I know there's no point insisting on keeping this friendship since she chose to give up friendship for him.. sarkz
  
  Thanks in advance for your replies..

• applesweetgirl

  15 Nov 05, 14:43

  Originally posted by Itachi:

  U don't completely trust ur stead.. do u?

  i do trust my stead.
  
  i just don't trust the other girls.
• applesweetgirl

  15 Nov 05, 14:44

  Originally posted by LazerLordz:

  Then you have a long way to go I think..based on your last statement.

  is it?
  
  i think ppl who say they are fine with their stead still in contact with their ex are bullshitting. wait till you experience it. ha!
• JuzMy2Cts

  15 Nov 05, 15:08

  Hi all,
  
  i dont feel good and i know this feeling first hand as my gf does go out with her ex currently. i feel the main determining factor is the character of your partner and the character of their ex.
  
  Many talk about trusting your partner. Imo trust has to be earned and not blindly given. At this time my gf has truly done enough to earn mine and this trust will be always on a on-going review basis determined by her behaviour and honesty to me.
  
  Its a true and honest feeling when people say they trust their partner but not the ex... i said that to my gf too... ren xin ge du pi, zhi ren zhi mian bu zhi xin... i will not bad mouth my gf's ex but neither will i trust him or any other guys to behave gentlemanly behind me in front of my gf...its not about self confidence here, its about not being naive as a matter of fact...
  
  take care Itachi, imo if you want to have a friendship with your ex, do a little bit more to earn her bf's trust...
  
• FeowFeow

  15 Nov 05, 15:15

  Hello AppleSweetGirl,
  
  Actually, I think you're right, & I think LazerLordz is right.
  
  As I mentioned in an earlier post, there're No rights or wrongs with regards to feelings. You can perhaps place absolute right or wrong on actions, morals, etc, but Not fee1 lings3.
  
  Some of us feel secure enough to allow our partners to pursue a relationship with their exes. Some don't like it.
  
  FeowFeow
  
  

  Originally posted by applesweetgirl:

  is it?
  
  i think ppl who say they are fine with their stead still in contact with their ex are bullshitting. wait till you experience it. ha!

• shinta

  15 Nov 05, 15:43

  Originally posted by applesweetgirl:

  is it?
  
  i think ppl who say they are fine with their stead still in contact with their ex are bullshitting. wait till you experience it. ha!

  i'm fine with him doing that.
  
  i can't possibly tell him no female frenz hor!
  I believe tat he will never do anything to upset me.. if that trust is not there, i guess, i won't have agreed to walk the rest of life's journey with him
  
  
  
  However, there was once he went out with a female fren and he refused to reveal who she is. (i asked cos i'm curious... i dunno most of his frenz.. maybe tats why....) except that i'd be jealous if i knew..
  
  heck.. the min he goes out with a female i'd be jealous
  
  jealousy is 1 issue, but no trust is a different issue altogether, and a worse issue i believe.
• babymac13

  15 Nov 05, 19:52

  
  Well, I think it's diffcult to avoid ur ex totally like he/she just send a greeting message of how u do u do. What i trying to say is though a broken r/s does not mean each of you cant be frenZ in the future. In a r/s, wat u need is an trusting and understanding partner, be ready give to give ur umost understanding to creat a mutal trusting r/s. If u love him, believe in him and hav confidence in urself as well as in ur r/s.
  
  Cheers!
• ShrodingersCat

  15 Nov 05, 20:31

  is jealousy and distrust the same?
  
  Sounds to me a lot of these people are suffering from jealousy. They just don't want to share the love or time or attention of their partner with someone who used to have it.
  
  Would you equate that with distrust?
• Itachi

  15 Nov 05, 21:19

  b4 tt, he sent me sth like "u wan her back issit?"
  
  i dunno.. i just feel that he is a loser who is always afraid of his girl being snatched away and only thinks about his own interest..
  if his gf would really leave him for another guy, i dun see what worth keeping the girl wif him. maybe that shows how much he trust her? i dunno.. sigh..
  
  
• maxilite

  15 Nov 05, 22:48

  no offence, but the girl should just ditch him...he is selfish and insecure and dosen't trust his gf, at all... selfish not to other ppl but his own gf, imagine he does this not only to you but other guys, this dosen't do gd to her... also selfish in the sense that he dun let the girl see the other "better" opportunities ouit there n keep her for himself.... another thing is the girl is plain stupid...can't see this, maybe u shoul;d show the girl his msgs... see her response, if she sae she ok with it and wanna end ur fren ship, too bad for her, her lose n she is stupid...
  
  a relationship should be filled with love, trust, faithfullness... not a jail...
  
  i have gfs, i do let them mix with their exs, to the extent that 1 returned to her ex, i did feel hurt, but its the good for her coz sees gt some 1 she thinks is better... i will get jealous when my gfs talk abt/with/to their exs or go out with them, she will too if i did the same... btw, i do communicate with my exs also... its all about trusting ur gf, her faithfullness and the best for both parties... true, if either party leaves the relationship, but look on the bright side, u may get a better partner infuture and lucky it isn't aft u r married... also, if u realli love that person, dun limit her/him frm their happiness...
  
  SHE/HE LEAVES BECOZ SHE/HE IS HAPPIER THERE!!!! REMEMBER!!
• Nelstar

  15 Nov 05, 23:34

  Originally posted by shinta:

  i'm fine with him doing that.
  
  i can't possibly tell him no female frenz hor!
  I believe tat he will never do anything to upset me.. if that trust is not there, i guess, i won't have agreed to walk the rest of life's journey with him
  
  
  
  However, there was once he went out with a female fren and he refused to reveal who she is. (i asked cos i'm curious... i dunno most of his frenz.. maybe tats why....) except that i'd be jealous if i knew..
  
  heck.. the min he goes out with a female i'd be jealous
  
  jealousy is 1 issue, but no trust is a different issue altogether, and a worse issue i believe.

  I think shinta can explain how I feel.