just broke up with my gf...
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hi guys and gals,
i just broke up with my gf, the second time in 2 months,
i guess i've been pestering her with sms everyday and it was too much for her.
but my friends told me i didn't call her and sms only. wat's the big fuss?
then i realised that if you truly love each other couples can't wait to see each other, correct me if i'm wrong..
tat's when i start to feel that the feelings are cooling off liao..
actually in oct she did initial a breakup cos no more feelings liao.. but i asked her to give me a chance..
guess i was asking for double torture this time.. knew she made up her mind the 1st time but still die die wan to try..
but i've prayed to God, and told him that if it's in His will, we'll be together, if not so be it.
Have started to take things easy cos i know forcing things doesn't work...
Some words of encouragement to guys and gals out there..
the end of one relationship is the start of another.
God is good to you and me. not in monetary terms ( or else all christians will be driving mercs and living in condos )
He is good to us in many different ways we can't imagine...
Treasure the family, friends that you all have.. give your extra time and concern and love to the ones you usuallu neglect.. your parents and siblings
It's good to talk to them too.. i talked to my mom and it helped..
Now i'm worried for my ex wondering if she'll talk to anyone cos if not she'll be very depressed ( maybe she already got over it once she made her decision.. dunno )
anyways that's all i have to say
regards,
gust of wind -
well, if she did initial a breakup cos of no more feelings for u in Oct, think u dun have to worry too much for her as she won't be as depressed as u.Originally posted by gustowind:It's good to talk to them too.. i talked to my mom and it helped..
Now i'm worried for my ex wondering if she'll talk to anyone cos if not she'll be very depressed ( maybe she already got over it once she made her decision.. dunno )
anyways that's all i have to say
regards,
gust of wind -
Yoz bro have you look back at why the relationship failed?Originally posted by gustowind:hi guys and gals,
i just broke up with my gf, the second time in 2 months,
i guess i've been pestering her with sms everyday and it was too much for her.
but my friends told me i didn't call her and sms only. wat's the big fuss?
then i realised that if you truly love each other couples can't wait to see each other, correct me if i'm wrong..
tat's when i start to feel that the feelings are cooling off liao..
actually in oct she did initial a breakup cos no more feelings liao.. but i asked her to give me a chance..
guess i was asking for double torture this time.. knew she made up her mind the 1st time but still die die wan to try..
but i've prayed to God, and told him that if it's in His will, we'll be together, if not so be it.
Have started to take things easy cos i know forcing things doesn't work...
Some words of encouragement to guys and gals out there..
the end of one relationship is the start of another.
God is good to you and me. not in monetary terms ( or else all christians will be driving mercs and living in condos )
He is good to us in many different ways we can't imagine...
Treasure the family, friends that you all have.. give your extra time and concern and love to the ones you usuallu neglect.. your parents and siblings
It's good to talk to them too.. i talked to my mom and it helped..
Now i'm worried for my ex wondering if she'll talk to anyone cos if not she'll be very depressed ( maybe she already got over it once she made her decision.. dunno )
anyways that's all i have to say
regards,
gust of wind
Let me show you step by step why you fail. Is only a few suggestions thats all so please do not trash me. I am helping you out here.
1) "i guess i've been pestering her with sms everyday and it was too much for her.but my friends told me i didn't call her and sms only. wat's the big fuss?"
Want to know why sms only is only a big fuss?
a) Imagine everyday sms none stop asking her this and that, I will be darn piss off if someone keep that to me. She have her social life too leh
b) Can I ask you why you did not call her ? Why would she want a bf who only knows how to sms and do not know to pamper her? Girls like pampering and it seems that is a lack of effort on your part.
2) "actually in oct she did initial a breakup cos no more feelings liao.. but i asked her to give me a chance.. guess i was asking for double torture this time.. knew she made up her mind the 1st time but still die die wan to try.."
If she really made her mind the first time she will not be giving you another chance and delay till now. It only shows that you do not understand her feelings well enough to be her bf. Thats why she call for a final break. You have already lost to yourself, how can you win her back?
3) "but i've prayed to God, and told him that if it's in His will, we'll be together, if not so be it. Have started to take things easy cos i know forcing things doesn't work..."
I believe in god and faith too. But that does not mean you can just leave everything up to faith, there are times when we must also fight for what we want in life and not just seat there and wait for it to happen. I agreed that forcing does not work but effort to bring 2 person together does not mean just a one sided effort but both sides.
Really hope that you can realise the few mistakes you have made in this relationship and try to improve on it before the next gf comes along, or else it will be like a whole cycle again. -
If I remember correctly, the threadstarter's mother was hospitalised some time ago for some serious illness.Originally posted by zeny:b) Can I ask you why you did not call her ? Why would she want a bf who only knows how to sms and do not know to pamper her? Girls like pampering and it seems that is a lack of effort on your part.
Instead of showing him support during the bad times, this gf pestered him for a break up and showed him attitude.
Pampering her now would look like he is rewarding her for her bad behaviour. That shows her he is desperate to patch back and is willing to overlook anything simply to get back into his comfort zone. Being desperate will immediately put you into a disadvantageous position.
It's like a little kid who cries and tries to embarass you in public when she doesn't get what she want. If you pamper her for all the crap she throws at you and gives her what she wants, you are programming her to think that everytime she does something wrong, she gets a reward for it.
But I do agree with the rest of your post though.
To Gustowind,
I think you've learn something valuable.
I know how difficult it is to let go and think in a logical manner in a relationship but when the lady wants a breakup when she knows you are going through a rough patch in your life. She no longer cares. Her interest in you is officially zero.
You should have moved on back in October and could have retain some dignity and respect.
Good luck with your future sarges. -
Originally posted by gustowind:
Maybe she has already started a new relationship!! Move on ba. There more important things for in ahead.
hi guys and gals,
i just broke up with my gf, the second time in 2 months,
i guess i've been pestering her with sms everyday and it was too much for her.
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i totally agree on the 2nd last para...when things dun end up as they wanted, they say 'its fated', 'its god's will', 'its not meant to be'.....everything they blame those upstairs...its never individual's fault one...hahaOriginally posted by zeny:Yoz bro have you look back at why the relationship failed?
Let me show you step by step why you fail. Is only a few suggestions thats all so please do not trash me. I am helping you out here.
1) "i guess i've been pestering her with sms everyday and it was too much for her.but my friends told me i didn't call her and sms only. wat's the big fuss?"
Want to know why sms only is only a big fuss?
a) Imagine everyday sms none stop asking her this and that, I will be darn piss off if someone keep that to me. She have her social life too leh
b) Can I ask you why you did not call her ? Why would she want a bf who only knows how to sms and do not know to pamper her? Girls like pampering and it seems that is a lack of effort on your part.
2) "actually in oct she did initial a breakup cos no more feelings liao.. but i asked her to give me a chance.. guess i was asking for double torture this time.. knew she made up her mind the 1st time but still die die wan to try.."
If she really made her mind the first time she will not be giving you another chance and delay till now. It only shows that you do not understand her feelings well enough to be her bf. Thats why she call for a final break. You have already lost to yourself, how can you win her back?
3) "but i've prayed to God, and told him that if it's in His will, we'll be together, if not so be it. Have started to take things easy cos i know forcing things doesn't work..."
I believe in god and faith too. But that does not mean you can just leave everything up to faith, there are times when we must also fight for what we want in life and not just seat there and wait for it to happen. I agreed that forcing does not work but effort to bring 2 person together does not mean just a one sided effort but both sides.
Really hope that you can realise the few mistakes you have made in this relationship and try to improve on it before the next gf comes along, or else it will be like a whole cycle again. -
zeny:Yoz bro have you look back at why the relationship failed?
Let me show you step by step why you fail. Is only a few suggestions thats all so please do not trash me. I am helping you out here.
1) "i guess i've been pestering her with sms everyday and it was too much for her.but my friends told me i didn't call her and sms only. wat's the big fuss?"
Want to know why sms only is only a big fuss?
a) Imagine everyday sms none stop asking her this and that, I will be darn piss off if someone keep that to me. She have her social life too leh
b) Can I ask you why you did not call her ? Why would she want a bf who only knows how to sms and do not know to pamper her? Girls like pampering and it seems that is a lack of effort on your part.
2) "actually in oct she did initial a breakup cos no more feelings liao.. but i asked her to give me a chance.. guess i was asking for double torture this time.. knew she made up her mind the 1st time but still die die wan to try.."
If she really made her mind the first time she will not be giving you another chance and delay till now. It only shows that you do not understand her feelings well enough to be her bf. Thats why she call for a final break. You have already lost to yourself, how can you win her back?
3) "but i've prayed to God, and told him that if it's in His will, we'll be together, if not so be it. Have started to take things easy cos i know forcing things doesn't work..."
I believe in god and faith too. But that does not mean you can just leave everything up to faith, there are times when we must also fight for what we want in life and not just seat there and wait for it to happen. I agreed that forcing does not work but effort to bring 2 person together does not mean just a one sided effort but both sides.
Really hope that you can realise the few mistakes you have made in this relationship and try to improve on it before the next gf comes along, or else it will be like a whole cycle again.
Hi Zeny,
just to clear the air,
why i did not call her is cos
She did not want me to call her as she always seemed to be angry when i call her.. then she tell me not to call, just sms , cos her hp always low batt..
i'm trying to get over things now.. but it seems so hard , somemore next thursday and friday i got exams coming .. really cannot concentrate on my studies now..
regards,
gust of wind -
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hi chun yong,
you're right on this point, i was too late to realise that i did not understand her feelings enough...
guess i'm not fit to be her bf after all.. haiz.. can only say it's all my fault..
now can't seemed to concentrate on anything for a short time.. keep thinking abt her and stuff..
is there anything i can do to get my mind off these things?
anyways Curious Orange,
you're right, my mom is having kidney failure right now and I'm really scared i might upset her cos she might worry i might do something silly ( she's prone to have high anxiety cos she just got diagnosed with the kidney failure in oct.. i guess too much things for her to handle at one go, the dialysis and stress and facing it mentally..)
i did speak to her about this yesterday.. i guess she's worried about me.. but it helped to talk to her..
i would feel worse if i got no one to talk to..
regards,
gust of wind -
Tough luck...my gut is telling me she has already found someone new. Your presence is a stumbling block to her new relationship.Originally posted by gustowind:why i did not call her is cos
She did not want me to call her as she always seemed to be angry when i call her.. then she tell me not to call, just sms , cos her hp always low batt..
When you are tired of studying, go out and do some exercises...jogging or swimming. Exercising will keep your mind occupied and you will be more focused when you hit the books.
You can try redecorating your house...engage yourself in some small household projects besides your studies. Redecorating your house will put yourself into a new environment...
keep/throw away those things that will remind you of her.
Actually, the best way to forget someone is to go out there and get some numbers....hit the pubs and clubs with your mates.
It will do a lot for your confidence which probably has hit rock bottom at the moment. -
Winner
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Hi.. it seems there are certain complications in this relationship here.Originally posted by gustowind:hi guys and gals,
i just broke up with my gf, the second time in 2 months,
i guess i've been pestering her with sms everyday and it was too much for her.
but my friends told me i didn't call her and sms only. wat's the big fuss?
then i realised that if you truly love each other couples can't wait to see each other, correct me if i'm wrong..
tat's when i start to feel that the feelings are cooling off liao..
actually in oct she did initial a breakup cos no more feelings liao.. but i asked her to give me a chance..
guess i was asking for double torture this time.. knew she made up her mind the 1st time but still die die wan to try..
like wat curious orange said, you gave in to her and took a step back, but she didnt back off and instead took advantage of that.
A relationship works both side, it could never be sustained be either one side only. -
sorry freguson.. i was too anxious to post my replies..
thanks curious orange for your replies.. appreciate them very much..
i think this thing abt breaking up has been boiling below the surface for a while..
cant really blame her for breaking up.. has nothing to do with the timing of my mom being sick.. think our feelings for each other must have become less and less .. ( that's what she told me )
anyways I have a deep feeling that she might have someone else she's interested in in her life..
well as what zeny said.. it's all my fault i didn't treasure her to know her feelings well enuff.. problem is i never get to talk to her deep enugh.. my fault for not spending time with her...
perhaps it was the communication gap.. i dunno for sure..
thanks for the advice for getting myself occupied ... i'll go to the gym later...
i dun wan to throw her pictures away.. cos i still love her.. but it hurts even to climb stairs cos when i first talked to her i was climbing the stairs from 1st level to my floor... it hurts to do even that.. remembering it all is not pleasant..
guess i'm just spamming here now.. well.. at least better than thinking abt it all
regards,
gust of wind -
count yourself lucky. not even married yet and the love already cool off. that means there is actually no true love at all.
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perhaps i didnt spend enough effort to keep it going .. love is like a plant.. dun water it and it can wither...
who's here to give advice.. *shrugs*
i'm the one needing comfort.. * sighs*
i guess everyone here's much more experienced than me..
thanks to everyone that shared their views on this..
regards,
gust of wind -
hey, buddy, i jus suffered the same fate too,only diff is tht mine was a 3 yr long relationship, and man does it hurt, jus noe tht ya not alone and tht u hav ur frens n family to b there 4 u, most imptly GOD has a plan for u, get ur vertical relationship rite b4 getting ur horizontal relationship. and rmbr, if it doesnt kill u, it only makes u stronger...and stronger is good, learn frm ur breakup n mke sure u give the best in ur nxt.
take care, n god bless
cheers
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aiyah, give urself a few days then ok liao...u bo dai ji zhor then will think dis think dat one....
gals, got is gd but dun have oso like dat....i single for 24 yrs liao still haven die oso -
damn... just saw TAKA jewllery ad on tv and wanted to get her a XMAS gift...
* must ask my brain to stop thinking abt all these things.. *
think i'm going to go bonkers soon..
hi kevinaldinho,
guess you must have hurt more than me..
anyways i'm really caught in a fix right now..
the breakup
my exams
needing to take care of my mom ( she needs to do the dialysis every night and i have to be at home to take care or look after her )
(worse thing is i'm supposed to bring my tuition student out on sunday for a buffet dinner.. no mood to go also have to go.. then they'll ask me "why you never bring your gf? " dunno how to answer my students..)
regards,
gust of wind -
i understand chun yong... but once you have a gf then u break with her when you still have feelings for her and you plan to get married with her and she said 'yes' then you go and try and see...
*sigh*
i guess we're all a bit lost and confused when we lost control of our lives..
we used to think that everything is under our control.. but when things like this happen.. we are really gripped with fear and know how helpless we're..
regards,
gust of wind -
kevinaldinho,
did u had someone to talk to?
it feels better if you had someone to talk to..
regards,
gust of wind -
Im not saying you should blame her. The blaming game is never my cup of tea.Originally posted by gustowind:cant really blame her for breaking up.. has nothing to do with the timing of my mom being sick.. think our feelings for each other must have become less and less .. ( that's what she told me )
gust of wind
I mentioned what happened to your mum because I want you to observe your gf's ACTIONS during that period and think logically.
When a gal pesters you to break up even when she knows you are going through a whole load of sh!t...you have already lost her. No amount of pampering is going to raise her interest in you (and there is no point in keeping her by your side anyways). Always pay more attention to the gal's actions.
Like what I said in your previous thread, somewhere along the relationship...you probably screwed up...by being complacent, by not giving her enough excitement in the relationship to keep her interested.
Those points are still relevant to you right now. You need to improve on them...FOR THE SAKE OF THE NEXT RELATIONSHIP.
You should be thinking about how to change so that the NEXT relationship will be better. After the exams, invest more time on self-improvement. This new relationship will start even before you meet her.
And when you finally meet her, you will be ready to show her you are the prize to be won.
Change your mindset. Take this as a rehearsal/ learning experience for the perfect lady you WILL meet in future. Plenty of fishes in the sea. -
...thanks for ur advice curious orange...
seems to me my ex was the most perfect one for me right now.. can't blame me for thinking this way.. it's not even 24 hrs .. i'm being delirius i think..
going bonkers soon... no amount of counterstrike or christian songs and refocus my mind.. *sigh*
thanks for the pubbing advice though, but i dun go
maybe i'll drown myself in working hard the next year...
can you dispense somemore advice on how to prepare for the next r'ship?
this was my 1st.. wanted to make it my last.. but guess i was too naive abt things..
regards,
gust of wind -
sorry to hear about your mum. Did not take that into account becos I did not know about your past.Originally posted by gustowind:damn... just saw TAKA jewllery ad on tv and wanted to get her a XMAS gift...
* must ask my brain to stop thinking abt all these things.. *
think i'm going to go bonkers soon..
hi kevinaldinho,
guess you must have hurt more than me..
anyways i'm really caught in a fix right now..
the breakup
my exams
needing to take care of my mom ( she needs to do the dialysis every night and i have to be at home to take care or look after her )
(worse thing is i'm supposed to bring my tuition student out on sunday for a buffet dinner.. no mood to go also have to go.. then they'll ask me "why you never bring your gf? " dunno how to answer my students..)
regards,
gust of wind
I hope to get you back on your feet asap and prepare a few guidelines for you.
First I need to get your mindset straight first
1) you have broken up with your gf is final. Get a good grip of that. She will no longer be there when you are sick to take care of you anymore. She will NOT be there to take care of your mum. She WILL NOT be there to help you in your exam.
2) What should you do first
a) Tell yourself the relatuonship is over there is nothing you can do about it but now you have more time with your family and friends.
b) Take good care of your mum once she see that her son is strong enough to handle a breakup like a man. She will be more happy in her fight against kidney failure.
c) WORK VERY HARD for your exam. You had already work until here and your exams will determine your future why waste your chance to grad earlier becos of a gal who broke up with you ? Stop wasting your time with silly thoughts of chances to be together and wake up your idea! So what when you think of the past ? She will never be there for you again. So wake up and study.
d) For sunday buffet dinner with your tuition student, I suggest that you go and announce that you have offical broke up with your gf. They are not in your relatuonship and they deserve some time off after their exams. Go out and have fun no point mopping at home too right? It takes guts and courage to step out and tell others but trust me is a faster way to recover as your students will rely by your side and help you through the diffcult times.
No matter what take good care of yourself first. Eat right and sleep well.
Girls expect guys to led and can take good care of them. If you are not strong or weak how can you do it ? -
yup frens were there for me, haha, i always thought she was gonna be my wife man, perfect oso.
i suffered the breakup thru my A's too bud.
funny sia, tht time i walk pass SK jewellery wanted to buy this necklace for her too,lol, greatminds think alike i guess
aniwaes, hope ur mums ok
try not to think so much yeah -
thanks zeny for the advice.. i'm off to jurong east.. going to wander there.. get myself a few good books to read...
meeting my mom later for dinner there too...
will update you guys on how i'm getting on later in the evening...
my exams on 8,9 dec..
need to accompany my mom for appointment in NUH on 6,7 dec..
last 2 weeks mom was hospitalised cos of infection and acute stress reaction ( she did not have enough red blood cells in her body, normal signs of kidney failure )
so i guess this weekend is the only time to study...
thanks so much CuriousOrange and Zeny .. sorry if i left out the rest of the guys.. but thanks everyone so much...
if you're new to this post, feel free to add ur comments and views..
appreciate ur advice very much
regards ,
gust of wind
PS: i think i'm a naive , do little-things- to -please-her type of guy ... and she wanted a mature guy to take care of the family... ( not that i can't be one , just did tell her i've been saving $ for our marriage all this while.. what's the point.. will look like a real loser if she sees all this but all done is done.. )