Is is SOooo HARD to love???! :( please..
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You broke up with her and for two years never contact each other and when you resume contact you two are back together again. I think the easiest way to explian why you felt this way is because you still hold on to the r/s that was two years back before you two broke off.Originally posted by projectlime:and i hope ya understand that im not trying to be proud or arrogant. shes really nice lookin.. just thought tellin the truth might get a lil more accurate good ans and advices.. and no, we are not in fightin or bad terms. we are still cool while im typin this.. its reall hard deep down inside. so pals here, please help another human being in need. thanks in advance.......
Two years isn't long but it isn't short too and you two are still so young. Young people change alot during your age and there's no doubt that you did change throughout those two years.
Ever ask yourself this? When you two started contacting each other, do you think of the days you two were together then? It's a rekindle feeling but never forget that there's a two years laspe between your first r/s with her and the second.
I'm not sure if you'll be able to understand what I'm trying to say. It's like you left an apple on the table two years back and you left, then two years later you happen to return and saw the apple again and take it with you this time but the apple is already rotten. I'm not saying that your gf is rotten but in a rekindled r/s, people tend to go back and pick up what they left behind but never realised that time could have actually changed things.
Another example, as a kid, you have a favourite toy and you play with it everyday. Then one day you lost this toy and can't remember where you place it. You may feel sad then cause it's your favourite toy. Then time goes by and you have many other toys which you like too. Then one day you found what your favourite toy again and is extremely happy about it. But during the period when it's lost, it's in your mind constantly that it's your favourite toy then but never realised that it might not be your favourite toy now cause of exposures to other newer and more exciting toy.
Go think about it. Don't hold on to a memory when it's already just a memory. Think of the future. That's more important. -
Originally posted by projectlime:hey people...
i really got nobody to turn to. im really hoping all the fellow forum pals here can give me some advices..............
too cut the story short, i was wit this girl 2years ago. and of coz we broke up 2yrs ago. 2yrs later, we met and got into a relationship again.. at first, it really seems wow, the best love story every. breakup, without any contact, 2yrs later, contact back and get back together. really fall in love back again. (i noe it have happen before to others, but its just really 'wow' for me)
now, im beginnig to feel lesser feelings for her. no, i shouldnt say that. i mean, i dont really noe wat i feel now. but whenever i go out, i didnt think of her much. but i still check girls out and hopefully wanting to get to know some. i dont know whether its lust, or i really cant relate wit her and take it anymore. sometimes on the phone, we really dont have any idea at all wat to talk about!! maybe one of th reason is, we cant do alot of things together. and its really hard to communicate if ya dont really have anythin in common iwt that person.. yea? and also THE REAL PROBLEM IS, her family DOES NOT noe aabout our relationship and they cant! its the same 2yrs ago.. her parents are divorced n shes leavin wit her mom and sis. i understand especially wit this situation that the mom tend to be more protective. and of coz wit rship.. sayin theres no need to get into 1 at such a young age. shes gonna be 16 on 2006. lets dont talk about 2yrs ago but now. i been puttin it up wit it, acceptin the fact that we gotta be careful while we are out, HAVE to get back by 7pm. have to tell her sis or mom that shes goin out wit her GIRLfren..ALWAYS. ya noe, i really need a girl that can be there for me whenever i really need her. be there to pull me up when im down. and of coz ill be there for her no matter wat. my life aint that sweet and im still figurin shit out.. shes a beautiful beautiful girl, almost evey guys perfect girlfriend choice and i really fall in love wit her. but my feelings are all tangled up now. mixed feelings.. and, why will a normal man/guy like me still look at other chicks (sometimes less prettier) and tryin to know them when i already got a really pretty girlfren at home, who is all mine! i dont understand myself anymore.. sex is not reali importantt to me.. and yes, we did do all the things couples do before. so its really...... i dont know man. what should i do? i dont wana break up.. (im really afraid it gonna hurt us both, alot! rmber 2yrs ago we had some surreal love) but on the other end, im still like lookin out for chicks tryin to know some if possible. am i a physcho, lust for sex maniac or wat? (but i noe im not ah... haiz)
sorry if its too long. but please give me some positive. how long it is, i will read everythin. somethin positve please.. i will really ppreciate all your kind comments and reply here. thanks and have a ncie day. peace....
You are questioning your own agenda on why other woman could still interest you despite you being in a relationship and having a seemingly perfect girlfriend.
My question is 'why not?'
A perfect girlfriend... what is a perfect girlfriend? Is looks the measurement to a perfect girlfriend? Or is it personality? Or is it her contribution to the relationship?
In fact, its none of the above. A perfect girlfriend/boyfriend is a state of perception; you can have a gf that has 101% quality of a good girlfriend in the eyes of many, but because you measure with different yardstick, emotionally, it isn't... despite being yes logically.
Why did you patch back? Are you sure is Love and not because of a certain regret that this relationship ended (2 years ago) due to some reasons and you felt that it could actually last (or generate more fulfilment) longer than expectation? Your attempt to patch effectively means that you are turning your shoulder once again... and looking back usually equips with certain profound truth.
You are coming clean with yourself emotionally: reason to accept this relationship may not be Love and as time passed, we evolved. The same old her back then, may be quite different now... even though she may look the same. And the old factors that you subconsciously detested, (i.e seemingly underground relationship) surface once again.
Let me take a calculated shot: isn't this part of the reason why this relationship failed in the past? Those issues which you have mentioned? I am quite sure none of these thingy improve very much since then.
Having similar constants and variables... albeit it comes in different aesthetic package. But sad to say, the new aesthetic component has very little lasting effect. Subconsciously, you are teleported two years back, but emotionally, you may not have realise, during this two years... you have actually moved quite abit... far enough to realise that looking back could be a mistake afterall.
Time heals... and it actually heals and level you up to such extend that people of the past shouldn't even have any relationship-dealing with you. Your freewill accepted the proposal, so now you face your own confusion.
P.S: There isn't anything wrong in checking other woman out. But it is indeed a problem when it becomes a complication to you, because you know yourself better than I do. Do take some time off to think review your relationship and most importantly, yourself. You don't want to drag on a relationship just because you don't want history repeats without the right reason to remain in them. Simply because if you don't have the right reasons to remain in them, it will end when your emotional balloon burst and reality slaps at your face.
Are you a Leo?
Cheers -
Originally posted by projectlime:
at first, it really seems wow, the best love story every. breakup, without any contact, 2yrs later, contact back and get back together. really fall in love back again. (i noe it have happen before to others, but its just really 'wow' for me) As you said, 2 years without contact. Ever wondered why did both of you get back together? Is it really because of love? Or is it because of a 'love' based on memory? Is it because of regrets? More likely than not, its not because of true love. To put it simply, both of you dont even know how each other has changed. Its like jumping into the water, without even knowing how the water is likesometimes on the phone, we really dont have any idea at all wat to talk about!! maybe one of th reason is, we cant do alot of things together. and its really hard to communicate if ya dont really have anythin in common iwt that person.. yea?
Is it really that you both have nothing to talk about, or you dont even make the effort to talk about something? Talking doesnt have to be on something that both of you have in common. It can be simply what happened today, yesterday; the minor stuff. Small talks like this will help both of you to understand each other more, and it can also link up to other stuff, which perharps both of you have in commonand also THE REAL PROBLEM IS, her family DOES NOT noe aabout our relationship and they cant! been puttin it up wit it, acceptin the fact that we gotta be careful while we are out, HAVE to get back by 7pm. have to tell her sis or mom that shes goin out wit her GIRLfren..ALWAYS. ya noe, i really need a girl that can be there for me whenever i really need her. be there to pull me up when im down. and of coz ill be there for her no matter wat.
So am i right to say that you KNOW that there is such a problem, KNOW that you cant accept it and still entered the relationship? So what if she tells her mum that she's going out with her female friends? IMO, you're more of like finding faults in the relationship. It is not her fault that she has to do this. It would be much more better if both of you can just have a talk over this matter, letting her know what you feel. She doesnt always have to be there physically beside you. Letters, SMS, calls can have the same effect as well. If you need her to be always physically there, its more like lust than love to mei dont wana break up.. (im really afraid it gonna hurt us both, alot! rmber 2yrs ago we had some surreal love) but on the other end, im still like lookin out for chicks tryin to know some if possible. am i a physcho, lust for sex maniac or wat? (but i noe im not ah... haiz
The more you fear, the more likely that it would happen. Instead of simply fearing, work out a solution with your girlfriend. Reflect on the 'mistakes' that caused the breakup 2 years ago and change.
Regarding the chicks, do you wanna know them just to widen your social circle, or wanna know them so that you would have a back up?
As you can see, there are many questions in my reply. This is because i feel that if YOU dont reflect and merely wait for opinions, nothing is gonna change. YOU have to do the thinking -
since you are feeling miserable inside over this whole issue.
I advice you to end this relationship before she dumps you.
My advice
Move on find other girls. She's not what you want.
She's not up to your standards.
Be picky. -
wah...the flower mystiv has bloomed
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huhOriginally posted by alexkusu:wah...the flower mystiv has bloomed
got this kind of flower ah
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sex is not reali importantt to me.. and yes, we did do all the things couples do before. so its really...... i dont know man. what should i do?
shes gonna be 16 on 2006
U know whats the innest news on the papers these days??
Better becareful dude....
Accordingly to your situation.... since your heart's not there anymore.. it's really advisable to let her go.. give her a chance to find a better guy who can commit full heartedly to the r/s....
and of course.. pray that she isn't those revengeful sort... who will bao tor u after u dump her.... if not... u'll be dead meat. -
my girl fren who had 11 boyfrens, she said, if a guy dun look at girls, then he's not straight liao.
I also agree with her, even if a guy is already attached or married, he will also ogle at other girls. It's their nature. But the difference varies with individual. -
It applies to other species also other than the humans...Originally posted by browniebaobao:my girl fren who had 11 boyfrens, she said, if a guy dun look at girls, then he's not straight liao.
I also agree with her, even if a guy is already attached or married, he will also ogle at other girls. It's their nature. But the difference varies with individual.
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Originally posted by Simple_Bear:It applies to other species also other than the humans...
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feng liu de lao shu?Originally posted by RaTtY81: 
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both are u are young lah.. another 10 yrs down the road, when u look back..
trust me~ u wont even feel anything..
anyway shes just a gf.. not a potential wife anyway. .gfs comes and goes~
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Your story sounds very similar to my situation. He left me for two years and we decided to be freinds. I tried to forget and almost put things in the past to remember him as a good friend in uni.
Then he came back. We felt like you two, feeling like lving in honeymoon. Then he left again. For a while, he realised something, then told me to be his freind only. I was so hurt. He is very similar to you when thinking of me when coming back, and also now leaving me behind, carries the thoughts of me like you have with your girlfriend. I understand how you feel. But reality is like what you say. The problem for us is we have distance in age and we live in different countries. I still love him, but he wants to leave me. I accepted to be freind because, as other here said, perhaps he "missed the apple" in the past.
It has been a few months. I am still depressed and feel sad knowing he is leaving although he still cares of me. But what can I do, he thinks the same what you think. I just accpet to be what he wants the situation to be because you cannot force others. Feeling sad in tears everyday when the night falls, I still have to accept he is leaving me, I feel broken hearted.
So if you girlfriend loves you, she will feel like what I am feeling now. It is very hard for me to move on my life with s/o else, and also very hard for him to find another because he also said to me the same as what you said about your girldfriend. But he just doesn want us to be together.
I accepted we all take emotional risk in love. Women are the ones who carry more that risk than man. It is really saddddddddddddddddddddddd ...Originally posted by projectlime:hey people...
i really got nobody to turn to. im really hoping all the fellow forum pals here can give me some advices..............
too cut the story short, i was wit this girl 2years ago. and of coz we broke up 2yrs ago. 2yrs later, we met and got into a relationship again.. at first, it really seems wow, the best love story every. breakup, without any contact, 2yrs later, contact back and get back together. really fall in love back again. (i noe it have happen before to others, but its just really 'wow' for me)
now, im beginnig to feel lesser feelings for her. no, i shouldnt say that. i mean, i dont really noe wat i feel now. but whenever i go out, i didnt think of her much. but i still check girls out and hopefully wanting to get to know some. i dont know whether its lust, or i really cant relate wit her and take it anymore. sometimes on the phone, we really dont have any idea at all wat to talk about!! maybe one of th reason is, we cant do alot of things together. and its really hard to communicate if ya dont really have anythin in common iwt that person.. yea? and also THE REAL PROBLEM IS, her family DOES NOT noe aabout our relationship and they cant! its the same 2yrs ago.. her parents are divorced n shes leavin wit her mom and sis. i understand especially wit this situation that the mom tend to be more protective. and of coz wit rship.. sayin theres no need to get into 1 at such a young age. shes gonna be 16 on 2006. lets dont talk about 2yrs ago but now. i been puttin it up wit it, acceptin the fact that we gotta be careful while we are out, HAVE to get back by 7pm. have to tell her sis or mom that shes goin out wit her GIRLfren..ALWAYS. ya noe, i really need a girl that can be there for me whenever i really need her. be there to pull me up when im down. and of coz ill be there for her no matter wat. my life aint that sweet and im still figurin shit out.. shes a beautiful beautiful girl, almost evey guys perfect girlfriend choice and i really fall in love wit her. but my feelings are all tangled up now. mixed feelings.. and, why will a normal man/guy like me still look at other chicks (sometimes less prettier) and tryin to know them when i already got a really pretty girlfren at home, who is all mine! i dont understand myself anymore.. sex is not reali importantt to me.. and yes, we did do all the things couples do before. so its really...... i dont know man. what should i do? i dont wana break up.. (im really afraid it gonna hurt us both, alot! rmber 2yrs ago we had some surreal love) but on the other end, im still like lookin out for chicks tryin to know some if possible. am i a physcho, lust for sex maniac or wat? (but i noe im not ah... haiz)
sorry if its too long. but please give me some positive. how long it is, i will read everythin. somethin positve please.. i will really ppreciate all your kind comments and reply here. thanks and have a ncie day. peace.... -
Shld be hum sup de lao su...Originally posted by browniebaobao:feng liu de lao shu? -
This happened to me b4. I was with her, when she was in sec2 ? I was sec3 ? Together for 6mths ? She left me. Never really contact for 2yrs over. Until her o levels was ard, mine was over, she needed some revision books and notes. I went to meet her to give them to her. Gave her revisions. The feeling came back, we were like a couple. But, I never asked her . she never asked me. We held hands when we went out. Kissed. Did those couple things. But, she never ever said we were together. When her parents found out abt us. I freaked out. I told them, no. and, stuff. Her parents thought i was trying to push the resposiblity away. But, in the end they approve. But, she refuse to see me anymore.
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aye aye...got two lao su here...Originally posted by Simple_Bear:Shld be hum sup de lao su... -
How old are youOriginally posted by projectlime:hey people...
i really got nobody to turn to. im really hoping all the fellow forum pals here can give me some advices..............
too cut the story short, i was wit this girl 2years ago. and of coz we broke up 2yrs ago. 2yrs later, we met and got into a relationship again.. at first, it really seems wow, the best love story every. breakup, without any contact, 2yrs later, contact back and get back together. really fall in love back again. (i noe it have happen before to others, but its just really 'wow' for me)
now, im beginnig to feel lesser feelings for her. no, i shouldnt say that. i mean, i dont really noe wat i feel now. but whenever i go out, i didnt think of her much. but i still check girls out and hopefully wanting to get to know some. i dont know whether its lust, or i really cant relate wit her and take it anymore. sometimes on the phone, we really dont have any idea at all wat to talk about!! maybe one of th reason is, we cant do alot of things together. and its really hard to communicate if ya dont really have anythin in common iwt that person.. yea? and also THE REAL PROBLEM IS, her family DOES NOT noe aabout our relationship and they cant! its the same 2yrs ago.. her parents are divorced n shes leavin wit her mom and sis. i understand especially wit this situation that the mom tend to be more protective. and of coz wit rship.. sayin theres no need to get into 1 at such a young age. shes gonna be 16 on 2006. lets dont talk about 2yrs ago but now. i been puttin it up wit it, acceptin the fact that we gotta be careful while we are out, HAVE to get back by 7pm. have to tell her sis or mom that shes goin out wit her GIRLfren..ALWAYS. ya noe, i really need a girl that can be there for me whenever i really need her. be there to pull me up when im down. and of coz ill be there for her no matter wat. my life aint that sweet and im still figurin shit out.. shes a beautiful beautiful girl, almost evey guys perfect girlfriend choice and i really fall in love wit her. but my feelings are all tangled up now. mixed feelings.. and, why will a normal man/guy like me still look at other chicks (sometimes less prettier) and tryin to know them when i already got a really pretty girlfren at home, who is all mine! i dont understand myself anymore.. sex is not reali importantt to me.. and yes, we did do all the things couples do before. so its really...... i dont know man. what should i do? i dont wana break up.. (im really afraid it gonna hurt us both, alot! rmber 2yrs ago we had some surreal love) but on the other end, im still like lookin out for chicks tryin to know some if possible. am i a physcho, lust for sex maniac or wat? (but i noe im not ah... haiz)
sorry if its too long. but please give me some positive. how long it is, i will read everythin. somethin positve please.. i will really ppreciate all your kind comments and reply here. thanks and have a ncie day. peace.... -
laosu..
about the toys and 'rotten' apple theory, i definitely understood what you tryin to say. i dont know if im holdin on to a memory but im definitely thinkin bout the future. when i get back will her, or think about rship, i think of a long term 1.. even gettin married. yea, it may sound crazy, but i hope yall get what i mean..
i guess im 1 of the guy who seek for real love. well, who dont? who dont wana wake up everyday thinkin about that you got a partner who will be there for ya, and that "hey, i am in love!!!" feeling... and thats the thing. i think of a future being wit her, but it seems like shes afraid to take that step. firstly i help her, advice her and persuade her to go talk toher mom about gettin her freedom. at least dont have to come back by 7pm. (no, its with girlfrens not boys in particular) she finally did it, and im so happy. thought everythin will be cool now. and den, is her sister. she cant take that step and have a slow talk wit her sister lettin noe i exist. her sister knew about me 2yrs ago. and shes damn cool and supportive. but it changed after 2yrs. prolly because she dated a malay(pls dont start a racial dispute) and her sister been against her ever since. n durin this 2yrs, no i didnt have any rship or even dated any girls.....................
Yunhaier..
"the same old her back den, maybe quite different now.." <- yea i agree wit that. but i believe and hopfully she had matured more. thinkin back, we are pretty childish back den. but, yea shes more matured now and i thought things will actually be great! "You don't want to drag on a relationship just because you don't want history repeats without the right reason to remain in them" <- somehow i guess thats 1 of the reason i didnt say, hey lets break up. its for the best. i think im afraid too be all alone again. as pathetic as it sounds, shes my first ever girlfriend. and when she left 2yrs back, i didnt have any rship. so back again, im still wit my number 1..... nah im a sagitarius
mystiv..
i really cant ans ya.. i dont know whats true love. do you? (no pun intended)
please tell me..
we really dont have anythin to talk about. or like ya say, maybe some part of us dont wana try.. but i think we can, BEFORE. we used to chat about politics,
everything.. even bermuda triangle!! thats how wonderful and happy i was that i got such a wonderful girl that can chat anythin under the sun... i CAN accept it before i entered the rship.. really. its not her fault lyin to her mom, but i really put up with everythin man. im like tryin to do what i can to
salvage this rship while it seems like she dont even wana take a step and try. so wat if she tell her mom n sis she likes a guy?? c'mon man.. 21stcentury and 16 soon. asian as conservative as we are, its really normal man...
i dont have much girlfriends, so i think chicks, as much as theres lust in it (who
dont guys, pants are tighter skirts are shorter) i still think im fresh enuff to think i wana friends den than just sex...
Oyathatsme..
i dont think i can dump just like that. shes wat i want.. shes up to my standards..
but, maybe shes not afterall.. not that shes aint good, but maybe not for me? i dunno. should i be picky?
silv3rgal
wat in newspaper these days? guys have sex wit a girl den she turn around
report to police? yea i noe.. but i aint gonna have sex wit her now... really.
find a better guy whom she can committ full heartedly?? the prob is, she cant
committ at all now ya noe wat im sayin.. thats why it hurts........
ya guys know, it always happen like that. i think that, if i were to break up with her.. one day i will see her along the streets, gettin more beautiful, can hang out till late or even torn. mom sis knows about her boyfriend.. yea i may sound lame and pathetic, but WHY?! why cant i be that guy.. why cant i see her grow into a beautiful woman, havin dinner together wit her mom n sis, and happily ever
after....................................................... hah
im 2yrs older den her. know her wen shes only sec1, 12-13.
help........................
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18 mr moderator...
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true love..ask the more experienced here. but 1 thing for sure is, its definitely very different from love based on memory, or love caused by regretsOriginally posted by projectlime:mystiv..
i really cant ans ya.. i dont know whats true love. do you? (no pun intended)
please tell me..
we really dont have anythin to talk about. or like ya say, maybe some part of us dont wana try.. but i think we can, BEFORE. we used to chat about politics,
everything.. even bermuda triangle!! thats how wonderful and happy i was that i got such a wonderful girl that can chat anythin under the sun... i CAN accept it before i entered the rship.. really. its not her fault lyin to her mom, but i really put up with everythin man. im like tryin to do what i can to
salvage this rship while it seems like she dont even wana take a step and try. so wat if she tell her mom n sis she likes a guy?? c'mon man.. 21stcentury and 16 soon. asian as conservative as we are, its really normal man...
i dont have much girlfriends, so i think chicks, as much as theres lust in it (who
dont guys, pants are tighter skirts are shorter) i still think im fresh enuff to think i wana friends den than just sex...
as you mentioned, both of you could talk about things before, then why not now? if it can be done before but not now, it probably is due to a lack of effort
have you talked to her about it before regarding the problems both of you faced? is she aware of it? regarding her mum, if her mum will definitely object, then its best not to let her know now. or else, it could be another breakup; forced this time
no..im not talking about sex here. are you trying to know more girls, so that you know that if this relationship fails, there would be 'spare tyres' from you to choose from? -
u are a jerk... seems that u are bored of her so no need for the story abt her divorce family thing... even if her family is not divorce i believe no parent will want their daughter to stay out late... u wan her to be there 24/7? y not jsut go to her mum n propose to her for marriage? u only 18 but u make it sound like your life is super stressful... wake up kid n keep your head in school work... as for your relationship, its better that u leave her cos she'll be more happy without u...
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i dont think i can move on that quickly if it fails.. coz its not like i get into this rship just in a state of lust.. wana get her body. read this brutus!!! dont anyhow call some1 a jerk if ya dont know him. ya dont know me.. its not a case of im gettin bored of her, i still love her and i still hoping everyday things can get better.. yea im only 18 so? youre older so youre tryin to lecture me over here? go study go study shiatz? damn i dun even need to explain it to ya. i thought i can seek some help from a forum, but of coz uh there will be some assOs bringin ya down.. maybe i should have just keep it to myself.Originally posted by mystiv:no..im not talking about sex here. are you trying to know more girls, so that you know that if this relationship fails, there would be 'spare tyres' from you to choose from?
anyway, thanks to whoever that gave me some positive comments... appreciate it. guess i can only try to figure it out myself 