Life after 3rd-party appears
-
hi guys and gals
I just survive from an 3rd-party attack on my relationship. I am glad that my gf still choose me over that guy. However I am now suffering the aftermath of this 3rd-party appearance and hope i can get some advice from u guy and quickly get over this whole thing.
Here my story, the whole thing started in mar, this guy start woos my gf openly knowing that we have a relationship of 6 year. She told me about this guy who is interested in her and I ask her to reject him. She promises that she will try not sees him so often, but itÂ’s difficult since they are colleague.
In Jun, she told me she actually has crush for that guy but she still love me. We had a big quarrel. She assured me that they are impossible and she will never fall for him since she think that she will not have a future with him. She promises me that she will not sees him. Since then I start to pay more attention to her, spending more time with her. Asking her out is not easy, my working hour is 9-6 while she on shift-work. RT and exam comes, our timing always crash or her friends have already booked her, but surely we still meeting up every week. I hear no news about that guy since then and thought that we are back to normal. Sadly this is not the case.
Secretly this is what happens. Initially she really tried to stay away from that guy, but the guy is too persistent. He continues his wooing by sms, e-mail, write blob about her, colleague outing, supper after work, send her home with his bike and others. She dare not tell me knowing that I will be angry and will quarrel with her. She decided to keep it a secret. He often went to her house and asks her down for a short chat or when she having a night shift. She has no negative feeling for him and was very happy when they are together. Their secret relationship start to develops. After some time, she feels that they are not just friend, slight more than friend. She feels very guilty about it and has nobody to talk to. She falls deeper. She was afraid that he would tell anybody about her secret date with him since she is stilling having a relationship with me. She knows she was wrong but was lost and helpless then. She can only turn to him only. She falls deeper and their secret relationship moves up a gear. They starts doing what couple would do. Holding hand, hug and kiss follows, she become a 2-timer.
On Oct, she finds it hard to be a 2-timer, she start to lie. One lie led to two lies and two lie to four lie and follow. She lie about outing him to me and vice versa to him. Until one day, I found out about the lie, we had a big quarrel, still hiding about her secret relationship (she dare not say it) and could not find a good excuse for the lie. I break up with her (too angry but unintentionally). I ask her best friend to comfort her, telling her friend that I still love her and will patch with her shortly. She cried and told her best friend about the whole thing. Her best friend then tells me about it. The truth is very hurting to me and I just could not believe what have happen. I came to her and tell her to make a choice between that guy and me and give her some time to think about it. We had a good chat over the whole issue on why this thing happens, and I told her that I still love her. After a few days, she still chooses to be with me. I am happy and glad that she is still mine.
Aftermath of this terrible event is not easy. Although we are back together but things are not the same. Some problem still exists or happening.
1) I lose sleep easily, whenever she talk about him or dream about them.
2) I have lost my trust in her and I know that it will take a long time to rebuild the trust again. How to build trust from here?
3) As a guy, I find it hard to forget about the their intimate moment. Time will heal right, but it difficult to forget.
4) They are still colleagues and I am very worried that they might rekindle their old flame again or will she fall for another guy.
5) How do I know if she really loves me? She still forgets to sms and calls me as promise. -
Congrats...
Sometimes u need to rock the boat to make sure all bolts are fastened proper -
*pat pat..
the feeling is always there.. even when u thought the feelings are gone, it will be back to haunt u..
but since she's back to u, all i can tell u is that if both of u starts to quarrel abt other things ( touch wood ), dun ever mention this incident up again!
-
u probly need to give some time .. maybe 1 month more ? only time will tell
-
is your gf chio?
No.Picture.No.Talk -
wat i feel is tat u 2 are heading towards nowhere, friction is bound to occur. chang tong bu ru duan tong
-
This is not EDMW so fuck off angelo back to your damm retarded HWZ EDMW
-
i oso from edmw de..
-
Hope it makes you realise that when 2 people are together, it doesn't means that it SHOULD be THAT WAY.. Often takes ALOT MORE than that...Originally posted by skiturn:Aftermath of this terrible event is not easy. Although we are back together but things are not the same. Some problem still exists or happening.
1) I lose sleep easily, whenever she talk about him or dream about them.
2) I have lost my trust in her and I know that it will take a long time to rebuild the trust again. How to build trust from here?
3) As a guy, I find it hard to forget about the their intimate moment. Time will heal right, but it difficult to forget.
4) They are still colleagues and I am very worried that they might rekindle their old flame again or will she fall for another guy.
5) How do I know if she really loves me? She still forgets to sms and calls me as promise.
1. Not sure about her, but obviously you've still not gotten over it on your mind? So what ya gonna do about it
Don't leave it to your DREAMS, leave it to YOUR BRAIN while you're awake and can afford to do some PROPER and MEANINGFUL THINKINGs...
2. If you don't trust her, why be with her
3. Understand nowadays that it's common for girls to have experienced at least 1 or 2 relationships before knowing you... And IF you REALLY have to THINK ABOUT the INTIMATE MOMENTS they HAD... It certainly won't be easy on yourself...
4. DO YOU TRUST HER? If you DON'T, are you STILL WILLING to ACCEPT the RELATIONSHIP I see an EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE CREEPING UP ON YOU... BEWARE...
5. Can you FEEL the LOVE she has for you FORGET about 'PROMISES'... How old are the both of ya? Horoscopes pls?[/b] -
Dear Skiturn,
If you dont mind hearing from a female's point of view.
Hmm...Why would your gf cheat? It could be...
1) She is not fully satisfied with you or she feels that something is missing in the relationship?
2) You havent been giving her enough affection or attention?
Since both of you have decided to be together again,
I suggest you tackle the root of the problem before history repeats itself.
It takes both your honesty and openness to resolve this issue.
Though cheating is disrespectful towards the person you've cheated on, but at the very least, it has two beneficial aspects to it.
1) That you'll realize your mistake and appreciate your lover a lot more after the horrible deed.
2) Cheating can help you realize your misery within your current relationship,
and will likely give you that necessary shove to move on and stop wasting both your lover's and your own time.
This again, you'll have to talk to her about it.
To paraphrase from the book of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus",
Men are attracted by visual. Therefore, its natural for men to glance at other women physical features (e.g. body curve, looks, etc..).
Whereas Women are attracted by hearing. Therefore, its natural for women to be attracted to words of love.
To keep your gf, you should start whispering lots of words of love to her.
(I believe the 3rd part has already done so...)
Another pointer is, as my Great Uncle Henry used to say, “If you don’t shag your girlfriend, somebody else will.” This is unfortunately very true.
Its true that a broken vase, even if its mended, will still have scars on it.
After such unfornate event happened, she will have to work harder to earn your trust back. If she is willing to commit again, you should let bygones be bygones and start afresh again.
If this relationship still doesnt work out despite all your efforts, dont be despair because there are plenty of women out there, that will appreciate and want you, and who will remain faithful and honest.
Cheers!
Dunamis -
Please access to the real root problem on why she strayed. Is there something missing in ur relationship with her? Perhaps there are some expectations from both of u tat can be discussed and decided on.Originally posted by skiturn:Aftermath of this terrible event is not easy. Although we are back together but things are not the same. Some problem still exists or happening.
1) I lose sleep easily, whenever she talk about him or dream about them.
2) I have lost my trust in her and I know that it will take a long time to rebuild the trust again. How to build trust from here?
3) As a guy, I find it hard to forget about the their intimate moment. Time will heal right, but it difficult to forget.
4) They are still colleagues and I am very worried that they might rekindle their old flame again or will she fall for another guy.
5) How do I know if she really loves me? She still forgets to sms and calls me as promise.
Usually when someone strays, its most likely due to the present bgr which bears some problems. And sometimes these problems are overlooked at.
I understand very much tat ur trust on her has totally been wrecked. But u must understand tat the most basic in the relationship besides love is trust. If u cant trust her, u can neber lead a normal healthy bgr life.
i know u are hurt. But if u truly love her, then learn to trust her again. Work this out together with her. I know its a risk to take coz u are gambling with ur heart n feelings.
If u truly wanna be with her, then u have to work things out with her. Sit down. Lay down all ur unhappiness and her unhappiness. Find out wats hte real issue between the both of you. Wat she lacks of. Wat u lack of. Remember that the main aim of this talk is to solve problems, not create more quarrels.
Her attitude towards this r/s and you will show u how much she treasures you.
If u still find tat u cant accept her, the only way is to let go. -
Dump this girl. Before she does. A leopard can never change her spots.
It's a vicious cycle. Memories of her shagging that guy will continue to haunt you.
Wake up your idea. Break up with her now! What are you waiting for?
Plenty of girls out there.
Misery. Why make yourself suffer after she two-timed you.
End it!
She's no more romantically interested in you. Never. -
Dear Skiturn,
I really admire you for having the courage to forgive your gf. It was most definitely Not easy on you. If your gf was repentant, perhaps it would've been easier for you to recover from the blow. Right now, the pain is still raw, & I don't blame you for the fact that you're Not having an easy time. Now to answer your questions:
1. She may Not have an easy time letting go, given that she'd developed feelings for him as well. However, she should protect your feelings by Not talking so much about him in front of you. Unless the both of you have an agreement whereby she'll turn to you when she thinks of him, & seeks your help, she should protect your feelings. Let her know how you feel.
2. It's difficult for you, since the pain is still raw, & it IS a fact that your trust was betrayed. However, understand that she's human, & humans make mistakes. If she loves you enough, she'll be trying to make amends to you. You can help by being easy on her whenever you can see her effort in trying to make you happy again. The onus is on her to rebuild YOUR trust. Let her make the effort. But on your part, you'll have to learn to forgive & accept that whilst a mistake happened, as long as she doesn't do it again, let it go.
3. See above.
4. I can honestly tell you from personal experience (Not me lah, some people I know, whose names I hafta protect with due respect for their privacy) that if she's really sincere, she'll Not cheat on you with that guy again, No matter their proximity. Have a friend who cheated on her husband when he was away, & she was very lonely. She confessed to her husband after, & although her husband was shattered, he forgave her. She sits right next to her colleague in the office! And Not once did she have anything to do with that colleague outside from work again. Today, their marriage is intact.
5. I don't know how to answer this question, since your relationship details are between both of you. However, you can let her know about your insecurities since she's Not fulfilling her promises, & you find it difficult to believe that she loves you. If she loves you enough, as I said above, she'll want to make amends.
Remember: You may be hurting, but that doesn't mean you hafta drum it into her day & night that she's betrayed your trust. Let her know that you won't bring it up, but she'll hafta listen if you're feeling insecure & do things to reassure you if she wants the relationship to work as much as you do.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by skiturn:hi guys and gals
I just survive from an 3rd-party attack on my relationship. I am glad that my gf still choose me over that guy. However I am now suffering the aftermath of this 3rd-party appearance and hope i can get some advice from u guy and quickly get over this whole thing.
Here my story, the whole thing started in mar, this guy start woos my gf openly knowing that we have a relationship of 6 year. She told me about this guy who is interested in her and I ask her to reject him. She promises that she will try not sees him so often, but itÂ’s difficult since they are colleague.
In Jun, she told me she actually has crush for that guy but she still love me. We had a big quarrel. She assured me that they are impossible and she will never fall for him since she think that she will not have a future with him. She promises me that she will not sees him. Since then I start to pay more attention to her, spending more time with her. Asking her out is not easy, my working hour is 9-6 while she on shift-work. RT and exam comes, our timing always crash or her friends have already booked her, but surely we still meeting up every week. I hear no news about that guy since then and thought that we are back to normal. Sadly this is not the case.
Secretly this is what happens. Initially she really tried to stay away from that guy, but the guy is too persistent. He continues his wooing by sms, e-mail, write blob about her, colleague outing, supper after work, send her home with his bike and others. She dare not tell me knowing that I will be angry and will quarrel with her. She decided to keep it a secret. He often went to her house and asks her down for a short chat or when she having a night shift. She has no negative feeling for him and was very happy when they are together. Their secret relationship start to develops. After some time, she feels that they are not just friend, slight more than friend. She feels very guilty about it and has nobody to talk to. She falls deeper. She was afraid that he would tell anybody about her secret date with him since she is stilling having a relationship with me. She knows she was wrong but was lost and helpless then. She can only turn to him only. She falls deeper and their secret relationship moves up a gear. They starts doing what couple would do. Holding hand, hug and kiss follows, she become a 2-timer.
On Oct, she finds it hard to be a 2-timer, she start to lie. One lie led to two lies and two lie to four lie and follow. She lie about outing him to me and vice versa to him. Until one day, I found out about the lie, we had a big quarrel, still hiding about her secret relationship (she dare not say it) and could not find a good excuse for the lie. I break up with her (too angry but unintentionally). I ask her best friend to comfort her, telling her friend that I still love her and will patch with her shortly. She cried and told her best friend about the whole thing. Her best friend then tells me about it. The truth is very hurting to me and I just could not believe what have happen. I came to her and tell her to make a choice between that guy and me and give her some time to think about it. We had a good chat over the whole issue on why this thing happens, and I told her that I still love her. After a few days, she still chooses to be with me. I am happy and glad that she is still mine.
Aftermath of this terrible event is not easy. Although we are back together but things are not the same. Some problem still exists or happening.
1) I lose sleep easily, whenever she talk about him or dream about them.
2) I have lost my trust in her and I know that it will take a long time to rebuild the trust again. How to build trust from here?
3) As a guy, I find it hard to forget about the their intimate moment. Time will heal right, but it difficult to forget.
4) They are still colleagues and I am very worried that they might rekindle their old flame again or will she fall for another guy.
5) How do I know if she really loves me? She still forgets to sms and calls me as promise. -
You poor guy. All you can do is try to trust her again no matter how hard it will be. And hopefully she learns her lesson by then
-
you no longer trust her and worry too much. poor guy let her go ... your love is slowly going away and you know it. The worst part is that your gf is not doing anything to ensure that she still loves you. All her action only shows that she is staying for the sake of staying.Originally posted by skiturn:hi guys and gals
I just survive from an 3rd-party attack on my relationship. I am glad that my gf still choose me over that guy. However I am now suffering the aftermath of this 3rd-party appearance and hope i can get some advice from u guy and quickly get over this whole thing.
Here my story, the whole thing started in mar, this guy start woos my gf openly knowing that we have a relationship of 6 year. She told me about this guy who is interested in her and I ask her to reject him. She promises that she will try not sees him so often, but itÂ’s difficult since they are colleague.
In Jun, she told me she actually has crush for that guy but she still love me. We had a big quarrel. She assured me that they are impossible and she will never fall for him since she think that she will not have a future with him. She promises me that she will not sees him. Since then I start to pay more attention to her, spending more time with her. Asking her out is not easy, my working hour is 9-6 while she on shift-work. RT and exam comes, our timing always crash or her friends have already booked her, but surely we still meeting up every week. I hear no news about that guy since then and thought that we are back to normal. Sadly this is not the case.
Secretly this is what happens. Initially she really tried to stay away from that guy, but the guy is too persistent. He continues his wooing by sms, e-mail, write blob about her, colleague outing, supper after work, send her home with his bike and others. She dare not tell me knowing that I will be angry and will quarrel with her. She decided to keep it a secret. He often went to her house and asks her down for a short chat or when she having a night shift. She has no negative feeling for him and was very happy when they are together. Their secret relationship start to develops. After some time, she feels that they are not just friend, slight more than friend. She feels very guilty about it and has nobody to talk to. She falls deeper. She was afraid that he would tell anybody about her secret date with him since she is stilling having a relationship with me. She knows she was wrong but was lost and helpless then. She can only turn to him only. She falls deeper and their secret relationship moves up a gear. They starts doing what couple would do. Holding hand, hug and kiss follows, she become a 2-timer.
On Oct, she finds it hard to be a 2-timer, she start to lie. One lie led to two lies and two lie to four lie and follow. She lie about outing him to me and vice versa to him. Until one day, I found out about the lie, we had a big quarrel, still hiding about her secret relationship (she dare not say it) and could not find a good excuse for the lie. I break up with her (too angry but unintentionally). I ask her best friend to comfort her, telling her friend that I still love her and will patch with her shortly. She cried and told her best friend about the whole thing. Her best friend then tells me about it. The truth is very hurting to me and I just could not believe what have happen. I came to her and tell her to make a choice between that guy and me and give her some time to think about it. We had a good chat over the whole issue on why this thing happens, and I told her that I still love her. After a few days, she still chooses to be with me. I am happy and glad that she is still mine.
Aftermath of this terrible event is not easy. Although we are back together but things are not the same. Some problem still exists or happening.
1) I lose sleep easily, whenever she talk about him or dream about them.
2) I have lost my trust in her and I know that it will take a long time to rebuild the trust again. How to build trust from here?
3) As a guy, I find it hard to forget about the their intimate moment. Time will heal right, but it difficult to forget.
4) They are still colleagues and I am very worried that they might rekindle their old flame again or will she fall for another guy.
5) How do I know if she really loves me? She still forgets to sms and calls me as promise.
I only wish to speak the truth. Bro she does not love you anymore is only the so call duty she feels towards you for the 6 years effort that you put in. If she is so in love with the guy until the stage that she can do it with him why not giving it to you instead? The guy did not force her to do it but in her case she was willing. sadly it only shows how much she think of you.
Is time to let go. no point going after a girl who no longer loves you.
If you want to test her, there is a few ways but I perfer that you let her go by yourself. -
If you want to be happy you have to dump them early on.
I mean like FAST.
If you like a crazy dating pattern more power to you.
But don't hesitate to get rid of a woman like the above.
You are NOT being selfish.
It's your damn life and you will live it the way you, as a man, see fit. Right or wrong it's GOT to be YOUR WAY! Because you will never be happy any way else. -
I forgive my ex-wife and asked her to stop .... she promised but still carry on behind my back ....... in the end ... seperated ...... she took my trust for granted .....
-
When you say "I trust you", you normally have a basis of some sort to substantiate your confidence in a person. "Trust" does not proliferate all on it's own, it is nurtured and earned. In my opinion, "I trust you" is a phrase that bears far heavier weightage than "I love you". There is no love when there is no trust. Trust is the foundation of every friendship, and most importantly, of every relationship.
-
Originally posted by skiturn:hi guys and gals
I just survive from an 3rd-party attack on my relationship. I am glad that my gf still choose me over that guy. However I am now suffering the aftermath of this 3rd-party appearance and hope i can get some advice from u guy and quickly get over this whole thing.
Here my story, the whole thing started in mar, this guy start woos my gf openly knowing that we have a relationship of 6 year. She told me about this guy who is interested in her and I ask her to reject him. She promises that she will try not sees him so often, but itÂ’s difficult since they are colleague.
In Jun, she told me she actually has crush for that guy but she still love me. We had a big quarrel. She assured me that they are impossible and she will never fall for him since she think that she will not have a future with him. She promises me that she will not sees him. Since then I start to pay more attention to her, spending more time with her. Asking her out is not easy, my working hour is 9-6 while she on shift-work. RT and exam comes, our timing always crash or her friends have already booked her, but surely we still meeting up every week. I hear no news about that guy since then and thought that we are back to normal. Sadly this is not the case.
Secretly this is what happens. Initially she really tried to stay away from that guy, but the guy is too persistent. He continues his wooing by sms, e-mail, write blob about her, colleague outing, supper after work, send her home with his bike and others. She dare not tell me knowing that I will be angry and will quarrel with her. She decided to keep it a secret. He often went to her house and asks her down for a short chat or when she having a night shift. She has no negative feeling for him and was very happy when they are together. Their secret relationship start to develops. After some time, she feels that they are not just friend, slight more than friend. She feels very guilty about it and has nobody to talk to. She falls deeper. She was afraid that he would tell anybody about her secret date with him since she is stilling having a relationship with me. She knows she was wrong but was lost and helpless then. She can only turn to him only. She falls deeper and their secret relationship moves up a gear. They starts doing what couple would do. Holding hand, hug and kiss follows, she become a 2-timer.
On Oct, she finds it hard to be a 2-timer, she start to lie. One lie led to two lies and two lie to four lie and follow. She lie about outing him to me and vice versa to him. Until one day, I found out about the lie, we had a big quarrel, still hiding about her secret relationship (she dare not say it) and could not find a good excuse for the lie. I break up with her (too angry but unintentionally). I ask her best friend to comfort her, telling her friend that I still love her and will patch with her shortly. She cried and told her best friend about the whole thing. Her best friend then tells me about it. The truth is very hurting to me and I just could not believe what have happen. I came to her and tell her to make a choice between that guy and me and give her some time to think about it. We had a good chat over the whole issue on why this thing happens, and I told her that I still love her. After a few days, she still chooses to be with me. I am happy and glad that she is still mine.
Aftermath of this terrible event is not easy. Although we are back together but things are not the same. Some problem still exists or happening.
1) I lose sleep easily, whenever she talk about him or dream about them.
2) I have lost my trust in her and I know that it will take a long time to rebuild the trust again. How to build trust from here?
3) As a guy, I find it hard to forget about the their intimate moment. Time will heal right, but it difficult to forget.
4) They are still colleagues and I am very worried that they might rekindle their old flame again or will she fall for another guy.
5) How do I know if she really loves me? She still forgets to sms and calls me as promise.
This 3rd party invasion says a lot about your relationship... causing a huge decimation to the structure of your relationship. It is likely due to years of subconscious... unresolved... uncommunicated concerns, which took enough time to breed and grow insidiously. These invisible damage establish an entrance for the guy to walk causally into her life easily and stole what originally seemed to be yours.
People often think that a relationship of six years spell stability in bold print, but many of such relationship become more brittle with time in BGR cycle. You cannot think that her claim of Love for you is sufficient to ensure truth and loyalty because your position has changed drastically. In fact, her Love for you is now questionable, and so is your relationship... all hanging on unsecured threads.
A sub-rosa relationship grew without your knowledge - Think about this: she actually ACCEPTED the temptation proposal and CONSCIOUSLY wants to be part of this underground relationship, WITH the INTENTION of masking the truth from you.
ACCEPTED... CONSCIOUS... and WITH INTENTION means she UNDERSTANDS the deal she is getting and the consequence of playing with Russian Roulette - someone will definitely be injured.
*** You are completely helpless; as if bounded by the inability to move your chess pieces. Your circumstances are completely against you - this matter has never been resolved at all and this guy still enjoys vast advantages. She has returned to you... but she has mentioned NOTHING about how she is going to play her cards now.
Isn't this one step forward and one back?
I) If you want this relationship to continue, she has to decide what she plans to do about him. MainlyÂ… how to handle her dealings with him. (Is she going on complete ignore mode? Is she avoiding him at all? Does she still speak with him? Go out with him? Worst come to worst, is quitting the Job a possible option at all?) It is very easy to say 'I love you' one moment when guilt overwhelm her and succumb to the Art of Seduction when she returns to her work place. If she has decided her choice is you, she has to act likewise.
II) Choice is choice... but what is the root of this promiscuity? There are sure leaks, unspoken doubts or possible new implementations, which may contribute partially to this sudden third party invasion. Your current relationship isn't what it is now comparative to the past. Although, she may not have change completely, but certainly, unseen issues lurked around.
What are these? Have you found out what it could be?
P.S: These irrevocable damage stays throughout your BGR with her. The security seal that protects your trust has been tampered - there is no way you could restore those confidence to a full 100%. You got to live with that for eternity.
Cheers -
I would like to thank *Thank You*,HolySniper, Elektra, RaTtY81, Devil1976, dunamis, babyreyes, Oyathatsme, FeowFeow, alexkusu, zeny, maxcp, sweetevil, Yunhaier for reply. I really appreciate your concern, advises, experiences and views. I feel better now after writing it on the forum, itÂ’s like putting all my bad memory that refuse to go away from my brain to this forum. I have keep this secret to myself for the past 1 month, not even my best friend know about it because I donÂ’t want any of my friend to have negative image of her. I feel much relieve now.
Thank you very much.
I will reply to all who have question for me later . -
just have a querrel with her. No mood to write. sorry forum.
-
take your time.Originally posted by skiturn:just have a querrel with her. No mood to write. sorry forum.
if you need anything, pm me.
cheers -
u dun have to say sorry to us...Originally posted by skiturn:just have a querrel with her. No mood to write. sorry forum.
hmm in the first place, she told u about that guy because she din want to hide anything from u ba. How intimate were they, I duno.. so can't comment much on whether she is to be forgiven or not and such..
but then if u really love her, why not give her another chance and trust her again? -
It's only human to be troubled emotionally by such...Originally posted by skiturn:just have a querrel with her. No mood to write. sorry forum.
But from time to time, always ask yourself what you want; what you wish to give her and what she wants...
Letting emotions prevent you from thinking straight is often a bad thing... -
I need $... Can PM YOU..??Originally posted by M©+square:take your time.
if you need anything, pm me.
cheers