anyone having long distances relationships?
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Hmm.. Laosu? Just a thought?
Perhaps you would like to just give her up for now?
Let her know you would like to give her more space and room to settle her things 1st, BUT keep as the CLOSE FRIENDS you both are... LET HER KNOW however that ONCE she's READY, ask her to PLEASE LET YOU KNOW... Cause you'll wanna go DESPERATELY COURTING her AGAIN....
PS. But of course, you should be the one who knows better if she's suitable for this
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does it make any diff?Originally posted by Devil1976:Hmm.. Laosu? Just a thought?
Perhaps you would like to just give her up for now?
Let her know you would like to give her more space and room to settle her things 1st, BUT keep as the CLOSE FRIENDS you both are... LET HER KNOW however that ONCE she's READY, ask her to PLEASE LET YOU KNOW... Cause you'll wanna go DESPERATELY COURTING her AGAIN....
PS. But of course, you should be the one who knows better if she's suitable for this -
yes my lover is in heaven/hell
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It's a break... It's a relationship that both of you are in now...Originally posted by laosu:does it make any diff?
From all that I've gathered so far, there are 3 main traits about the current situation which you're in...
1. You're in BGR with her
I'm not far how long have both of you been in a BGR but somehow I figured that even if you've been in one with her, it won't be quite the 'normal' one... Personal guess would be that the actual period should be quite short if not compiling of LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP STYLE....
The transition between a FRIENDSHIP and this BGR you BOTH have not really been able to cope with yet...
2. Long Distance Relationship
It puts an INDIRECT STRAIN in your relationship with her. Previously as just friends only, many could be established without much compromise. This 'long distance thing' is putting a TEST on your young BGR, further complicated by the 2 other main factors mentioned...
It also put much 'FAITH' on TEST... As both you of move around and STRUGGLE... Realising a 'VOID'... And that 'VOID' shall likely be the FUTURE... How can both of you BE TOGETHER WELL (physically) in the FUTURE? The 'VOID' is also a SUBCONSCIOUS REALISATION that there're actually MORE to THINGS... INDEED... Having to LEARN to be with each other on LONG DISTANCE is BUT just one of the early stepping stones... You might both be BACK TO SQUARE ONE when you have to LEARN to live with each other PHYSICALLY AGAIN...? LOTS of 'DOUBTS' floating around...
3. Direct PRESSURE Circumstance
ON TOP of the above 2 mentioned, she's in some SERIOUS HOT SOUP of her own... Having to TRY and SHUFFLE between her OWN COMMITMENT and this (new?) BGR RELATIONSHIP sort of totally knocks her off guard... It WEARS her DOWN and at the SAME TIME is PULLING ITS EFFECTS ON YOU...
The 'trick' here is to let you watch her 'boil' in the water while there's little you can do about it... ANY ATTEMPT could be an indirect PRESSURE on the relationship when not handled carefully... HER NEEDS.. HER FEELINGS... YOUR FEELINGS... MIXING AROUND....
BACK TO THE POINT...
The DIFFERENCE is that it PROVIDES FOR a SEPARATION of PROBLEMS... WHERE you can HELP HER AS A FRIEND (at the same time learning how to be a FRIEND when you're still in a relationship) without having both of you to WORRY about the BGR which is going on IN BETWEEN both of you... It highly elevates EFFICIENCY and LESSEN 'commitment' as a form of BURDEN... Some might think that it's a way of shaking off from RESPONSIBILITY or even a COWARD's way of facing a relationship when things are not right... But if you TRULY THINK ABOUT IT... Nothing much has been changed except helping her in a DIFFERENT WAY...
And MAY TIME....
1. LET HER SETTLE HER CURRENT PROBLEM 1st.
2. UNTIL THE BGR MATURES BETWEEN THE BOTH OF YOU...
And if BOTH of you TRULY LOVES EACH OTHER, I'm QUITE SURE you shall be AGAIN AFTER the STORM....
But the IMPORTANT THING here is HOW you CONVEY the MESSAGE ACROSS so that she don't feel you're JUST RUNNING from RESPONSIBILITY or GIVING UP ON HER....? And you also have to know if she's one who's mature enough to handle it in a sober way.....
GOOD LUCK~
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Originally posted by Devil1976:
But the IMPORTANT THING here is HOW you CONVEY the MESSAGE ACROSS so that she don't feel you're JUST RUNNING from RESPONSIBILITY or GIVING UP ON HER....? And you also have to know if she's one who's mature enough to handle it in a sober way.....
It's a break... It's a relationship that both of you are in now...
From all that I've gathered so far, there are 3 main traits about the current situation which you're in...
[b]1. You're in BGR with her
I'm not far how long have both of you been in a BGR but somehow I figured that even if you've been in one with her, it won't be quite the 'normal' one... Personal guess would be that the actual period should be quite short if not compiling of LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP STYLE....
The transition between a FRIENDSHIP and this BGR you BOTH have not really been able to cope with yet...
2. Long Distance Relationship
It puts an INDIRECT STRAIN in your relationship with her. Previously as just friends only, many could be established without much compromise. This 'long distance thing' is putting a TEST on your young BGR, further complicated by the 2 other main factors mentioned...
It also put much 'FAITH' on TEST... As both you of move around and STRUGGLE... Realising a 'VOID'... And that 'VOID' shall likely be the FUTURE... How can both of you BE TOGETHER WELL (physically) in the FUTURE? The 'VOID' is also a SUBCONSCIOUS REALISATION that there're actually MORE to THINGS... INDEED... Having to LEARN to be with each other on LONG DISTANCE is BUT just one of the early stepping stones... You might both be BACK TO SQUARE ONE when you have to LEARN to live with each other PHYSICALLY AGAIN...? LOTS of 'DOUBTS' floating around...
3. Direct PRESSURE Circumstance
ON TOP of the above 2 mentioned, she's in some SERIOUS HOT SOUP of her own... Having to TRY and SHUFFLE between her OWN COMMITMENT and this (new?) BGR RELATIONSHIP sort of totally knocks her off guard... It WEARS her DOWN and at the SAME TIME is PULLING ITS EFFECTS ON YOU...
The 'trick' here is to let you watch her 'boil' in the water while there's little you can do about it... ANY ATTEMPT could be an indirect PRESSURE on the relationship when not handled carefully... HER NEEDS.. HER FEELINGS... YOUR FEELINGS... MIXING AROUND....
BACK TO THE POINT...
The DIFFERENCE is that it PROVIDES FOR a SEPARATION of PROBLEMS... WHERE you can HELP HER AS A FRIEND (at the same time learning how to be a FRIEND when you're still in a relationship) without having both of you to WORRY about the BGR which is going on IN BETWEEN both of you... It highly elevates EFFICIENCY and LESSEN 'commitment' as a form of BURDEN... Some might think that it's a way of shaking off from RESPONSIBILITY or even a COWARD's way of facing a relationship when things are not right... But if you TRULY THINK ABOUT IT... Nothing much has been changed except helping her in a DIFFERENT WAY...
And MAY TIME....
1. LET HER SETTLE HER CURRENT PROBLEM 1st.
2. UNTIL THE BGR MATURES BETWEEN THE BOTH OF YOU...
And if BOTH of you TRULY LOVES EACH OTHER, I'm QUITE SURE you shall be AGAIN AFTER the STORM....
But the IMPORTANT THING here is HOW you CONVEY the MESSAGE ACROSS so that she don't feel you're JUST RUNNING from RESPONSIBILITY or GIVING UP ON HER....? And you also have to know if she's one who's mature enough to handle it in a sober way.....
GOOD LUCK~ [/b]
You've hit the point. In fact, I did mention before if this r/s is too taxing on her and she wanna let go, I'm fine with it (although I know it'll hurt me very much) but no matter what it won't change my love for her neither will I leave her side as a friend. But her reply to me is that she's still fine with it (another meaning, she's still can struggle with it) and breaking up is still not her option right now and she's not thinking about it. -
wah..i have no money to fly there..Originally posted by Kuali Baba:I'm in one too...sending lots of cards to him will help.
The voice chat feature on MSN works pretty well so Skype's just an alternative...and there are webcams/headphones which come with integrated microphones.
How about meeting up with him during his vacations?